


I Can't Eat Love

by Screaming_at_an_Empty_Room



Category: Original Work
Genre: Complete, Fantasy, Female Protagonist, Intrigue, Second Chance, second life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-08-20 03:49:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 39
Words: 126,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20221309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Screaming_at_an_Empty_Room/pseuds/Screaming_at_an_Empty_Room
Summary: Lenora did not have a wonderful life. After her engagement to Prince Ronan is broken, she loses everything... her reputation, her home, and her family. Starving on the streets, she dies angry and bitter at how her life unfolded...Only to wake up in her old bed, fifteen again, five years before she died.Now she must struggle to change her fate, and the fate of those around her. This time she won't trust in something as flimsy or changeable as love. No, this time she'll have the power and the money to protect herself.Lenora has already lost everything once. She's not going to lose again.No matter what the cost.





	1. Chapter 1

“Our engagement is cancelled, Lenora.” 

Prince Ronan’s voice was flat and dispassionate as he faced me.

I had to admit, he definitely had a flair for the dramatic. To meet me here, under this awning, surrounded by the downpour of rain, made this event seem all the more sad. His face was serious, his stance slightly defensive. From head to toe he was the perfect image of the tragic hero. I felt a strange desire to applaud.

Unfortunately, the outfit he was wearing was much less impressive. _Who had made his clothing?_ It was expensive-looking, but to the discerning eye, one could easily tell that the fabric was cheap, thinly woven, and that the stitching was uneven. Knowing how much the royal palace spent on clothing, I felt a headache coming on. _What an inferior product. So insulting._

The prince was still talking. Why? I felt his first sentence was more than enough. 

“I know this is a terrible shock.”

“Is it?” I kept my expression blank, suppressing the urge to laugh. Fortunately he didn’t seem to notice my peculiar reaction, seeming intent on proceeding as dramatically as possible.

“I have fallen in love with another woman. My heart is completely swayed, I cannot have another.” He sighed tragically, staring off into the rain. “So, unfortunately, I must break off our engagement. I trust you understand.” 

I nodded quietly, wondering if people were enjoying the food inside. My family had come here for the Prince’s birthday, but I hadn’t wanted to be here. Unfortunately as his fiancé, I didn’t really have a choice. The only thing that I had looked forward to was the food, which had looked delicious, but there wasn’t a chance to try that before he had pulled me away for an “important chat.”

“I know you’re heartbroken, but try not to cry.” _Seriously, he was still talking? _I shook my head. _Did engagement breakups really have to take this long?_

_______________________________

**I stood on a balcony in the rain, facing the man who refused to marry me, crying as my heart broke. **

**“What will I do without you?! My entire life has been spent preparing to be your bride.”**

**The prince’s face was stony. “That’s not my concern.”**

**“BUT I LOVE YOU!”**

_______________________________

I pushed away the memory of my previous lifetime with a sigh. _This is much easier the second time around._

Ronan misinterpreted my expression and sigh. “Do you need to be alone?” 

“No.” 

I held out my hand. 

“…” With a confused pause, he pulled out a handkerchief and placed it gently on my outstretched palm. _Did he think I wanted something to dry my eyes?_ I wasn’t even crying! I dropped it on the ground, grinding it into the dirt with my shoe, and held my hand out again. 

“…What do you want?”

“Compensation.” 

He looked shocked. “Pardon?” 

I smiled at him. “It’s simple. I am the daughter of a duke. My time is valuable. This marriage was an arrangement meant to mutually benefit my house and the royal family. By breaking this agreement, you have essentially wasted my time and good intentions.” I pulled out a piece of paper from my pocket and started making calculations.

“But…” 

“Shush, I’m thinking.” I kept writing on the paper. “Let’s see. I have been forced to visit the palace twice a week for several hours at a time to ‘further our relationship.’ Add in the eight hours a week that I spent with your mother and your staff in ‘future queen training’ which is now essentially useless to me…” I started adding up the figures, nodding to myself.

His face was turning red with anger. “You dare…”

“Not to mention…” I interrupted, tapping my chin thoughtfully. “I had to purchase for you presents on each of the major holidays and your birthdays, which I would not have done otherwise as it wouldn’t have been proper if I was not your fiancé. Adding onto that the formal attire I’ve had to purchase for royal functions, and let’s not forget to add 15% for pain and suffering…” I looked at the final number with a happy whistle of appreciation. “Here’s what you owe me.” I handed him the paper.

Ronan crumpled it in his hand. “This is preposterous! Who ever heard of compensating someone for a broken engagement?”

“Let me remind you, your highness, that I am essentially ruined in the eyes of the nobility.” I shrugged, “Who will offer marriage to me, now that I am the cast-off of the prince? You are destroying MY life for YOUR selfishness, and you want to quibble about several hundred…” 

“This says THREE THOUSAND!”

“…Several thousand crowns?” I chuckled. “Or we could bring the matter before your father the king? I’m sure he would love to hear about how you’re cutting ties with the influential Duke of Armeny’s daughter.” 

With a groan, he searched his pockets, pulling out 3 gold tinted notes. “I only have 1500.” 

“I saw the envelopes you received for your birthday, your highness. They’re in your pocket now. Check them.” 

Reluctantly he did, finding increasing the total to 2800 crowns. I took it from his hand, double counting it to be sure.

“You can’t be serious.” He blustered, his face now turning pale.

I smiled gently. “You’re right, I should learn to be more lenient.” Enjoying how he relaxed at my words, I sighed, holding up two fingers.

“I’ll forgive the extra 200 crowns you owe me, for old times sake.” 

With that, I turned and walked away. 

“Lenora!” He called out my name. I paused, not amused. 

“We are no longer acquainted, Your Highness. Do not call my name so familiarly.” The air between us almost seemed to freeze with the coldness of my tone. 

Ronan was obviously shocked. “I thought you were in love with me?” 

_This from the man who is dumping me?_ I laughed.

“Love? What is that? Can I eat it? Will it keep a roof over my head?” I rolled my eyes. 

“No, your highness. Compared to such flimsy emotions and feelings, I greatly prefer the solidity and dependability of money.” I shook the pouch in my hand with a grin and turned to walk away again.

This time, he didn’t stop me.

_It was finally done._ I felt relieved. After all, if he hadn’t broken it off, I would have had to do something about it. I was never going to marry him.

**Especially since this was the second time he had broken off this engagement. He just didn’t remember the first. **

“Now the real work begins.” I muttered, walking back into the party with my head held high. 

______________________________________

**3 years earlier…**

I woke up in a familiar bedroom, staring up at a silk canopy, absolutely confused.

_Didn’t I die?_

I distinctly remembered starving to death out on the streets in the capital city.

I had not lived a happy life.

The majority of my childhood and adolescence had been spent preparing for one goal, and one goal only: to marry the crown prince Ronan and become the future queen. At the time I had seen this as my duty, and had been happy to work hard for my family’s sake. 

It wasn’t until the rainy day that the prince broke our engagement that I realized how naïve I was. 

My father, despite being a duke, had never been talented at managing money. As nobility, most of our income came from taxation of those who lived and worked in our lands. My father was overly trusting of our tax collectors and never double checked their numbers. They took too much from the people and none of it went into taking care of the estate. As a result of their thievery, we destroyed our relationships with those living on the lands, and barely saw half of the money collected.

This by itself might not have been too much, but my father had no concept of the word “restraint” when it came to spending money. He drove up large bills, buying expensive objects, gifts for my mother and myself, etc.

Poor income, high debt, it was a miracle we lasted as long as we did. That was of course through no merit of our own, but through my connection with the royal family. When we were well connected, merchants hesitated to be aggressive about calling in debts. Worst came to worst, they probably assumed that when I became queen I could pay all of my father’s outstanding accounts.

But then the rainy day came. The prince broke my heart and married another girl, and all of a sudden, we were no longer under the crown’s protection. With no money coming in, and everything we had being sold to pay off what was owed, our family lasted a little over a year. 

My father and mother had never lived outside of the protected walls of their families. They could not survive the shock of being forced out into the streets into a struggle to survive. Unable to adapt, they gave into despair, not considering the daughter they left behind.

I was alone.

I tried. I did my best. I made trinkets to sell, worked as a maid, as a cook, as a store clerk. All of these positions were temporary, and none paid nearly enough to keep me well fed. I grew thinner, sicker and more desperate.

I begged for money, some days were better than other. I only ate food every few days. I drank water where I could find it, worried each time that I would only make my health worse. 

I had only been out on the streets a year when I died, hungry, alone and very, very angry. 

_Why had I trusted others to protect me? What was love that I had my life ruined because of it?_

No.

**If I could do it again, I would do it differently.**

Those were my last thoughts, as my eyes closed for the very last time. 

_Or so I thought._

I woke up in my old bed, in my old room, very much alive and completely confused. 

_How am I here? _

This house was sold shortly after our broken engagement to pay our debts. It had been torn down and a new cottage had been built in its place as an engagement present to the prince’s new fiancé. 

All this flashed through my head, but there was no denying that I was in my old room. This was my bed, my house, my clothes…. I looked down at myself, even more startled. my body was definitely a bit smaller than I remembered. 

I ran over to the mirror by my wardrobe and looked at my appearance. 

“Young…” The word slipped out unconsciously from my lips. I looked about fifteen years old. I touched the mirror with an outstretched hand; the glass was cool against my palm. It was not a dream or a mirage. It was real. 

“I’ve gone back.” I had been twenty when I died. If I was right, I had woken up five years in the past. 

Three years before the prince broke our engagement, ruining me and leaving my family to self-destruct. 

_Which meant…_

I started to laugh, a startling sound in the otherwise silent and empty bedroom. I couldn’t help myself though.

**I had a chance to change my future.**

I sat back down on my bed, deep in thought. Obviously I needed to prevent the downfall of the Duchy of Armeny. The catalyst had been my broken engagement with Prince Ronan. 

_Should I try to prevent it? Make the Prince fall in love with me?_

I only gave that idea a brief moment of consideration before discarding it. 

Marriage, children? Would they guarantee that I wouldn’t die out on the streets? 

Obviously a man’s devotion could waver. Children needed to be fed and clothed for years before they could contribute financially to a household. 

No, I would pass on the love and marriage. Let Prince Ronan cast me aside again. _Who needed the support of that fickle idiot?_

This time I would be ready. 

I was going to make the duchy not only financially stable, but a moneymaking powerhouse. 

I had no time to waste. I stood up, eager to get dressed and get started on my day. I had a lot to do in a short amount of time. As I got ready, my stomach rumbled, signaling that I was hungry. 

___________________________________

** _I was curled up in a ball on a street corner, an empty bowl in front of me. _ **

** _Pain. _ **

** _My stomach ached, the emptiness too terrible to bear. How long had it been since I had last been full? I clutched my empty belly, frustrated tears clouding my eyes. _ **

** _Footsteps. Someone was walking by. Desperate, I tried to lift my head, only able to project a weak, tired voice. _ **

** _“Please, spare a coin so I can eat?” _ **

** _The person paused, conflicted, before walking quickly away in the opposite direction. _ **

** _“Please.” _ **

** _My hunger worsened. _ **

** _ _____________________________________ **

I pressed a hand against my stomach, swaying with the force of the terrible memory. I looked back into the mirror in my room. My eyes looked coldly back at me. It was a determined face, with a tinge of anger. 

I would not fail to protect my family and myself this time around. I definitely could not fail.

Starving to death was painful, so my aim was to never to trust in love again.


	2. Chapter 2

First things first. I needed to get the expenses of the house under control.

I wanted to be thoughtful about how I dressed, trying to project an air of maturity and competence. It was important that I convince my father that I was capable of taking care of the duchy’s finances.

Looking through my wardrobe, however, it was difficult to find anything worth wearing. I sighed loudly as I flipped through different gowns. Not only were many of them far too fancy for simple daily use, I knew the customization of the gowns must have been horrendously expensive. The construction of most of the them weren’t even very well done…

_____________________________________

**“Is that really your best?” the older seamstress who had taken me in shook her head disapprovingly. **

**I held up my work, examining it. “It looks fine!” My heart sank as she took it in her hands, inverting it to look at the seams. **

**“You were careless. Here, and here, your stitches are too far apart, as well as crooked. The gown will wear out and tear much faster.”**

**“I’ll redo it.” I took it back, holding back tears. **

**“I can only give you so many chances, girl.”**

_____________________________________

“Miss?” Angela, my personal maid stepped in, obviously surprised to see me awake. 

I had my own small moment of shock. The last time I had seen Angela, she had gone to work for Ronan’s new fiancé. I had felt betrayed at the time. Of course, that was before I learned the harsh realities of unemployment. I silently decided to not hold her defection to my replacement against her. 

“Good morning, Angela.” I smiled at her, trying desperately to remember how we used to speak together. “I was just choosing a dress for this morning.”

“I have an outfit already chosen.” Returning my smile, she gestured to the gown in her arms. I stepped back, unable to completely hide my discomfort at her expression.

_Her smile was forced._

Had it always been like this? The last time I had been fifteen; I had taken people’s words and expressions at face value, never suspecting deceit. But now, it was all too obvious that she wasn’t happy to be here. 

_Relax. It’s just her job. She doesn’t have to be overjoyed to be up this early dressing the daughter of a duke. Don’t take it personally._ Reminding myself silently, I tried to keep my smile natural looking and in place.

… At least until I saw the gown she was holding.

“What is that?” My voice cracked as I stared in horror at the pink-laced monstrosity. A voluminous ballgown, with light delicate pink lace mixed in with bright yellow and green frills, the dress seemed designed to distress and terrify.

“Your new dress, miss.” Angela’s smile was even more forced now. “It’s the latest fashion!” She held out the dress towards me, and unconsciously I stepped further away.

“Umm… I think I’ll just go with the plain grey satin.” I picked up the dress I had found in my earlier search. It was a serviceable gown, well constructed. It was not elaborate or beautiful, but at least it didn’t make me want to gouge my own eyes out like the other.

“But, that’s so… simple! What if his Highness stops by?” Angela looked horrified at the concept.

_Of course her concern is Prince Ronan. I guess he is my fiancé…. at least for now. _I shook my head. 

“I’d wear that pink monstrosity if it would scare him off.” Muttering under my breath, I continued to hold the grey dress. 

“I think he would appreciate me not being overly extravagant in my daily life.”

I barely managed to get the words out with a straight face. _As if that pompous piece of waste would even notice what dress I wear!_

Multiple different expressions flashed across Angela’s face. She seemed… angry. _Did it really matter that much to her what I wore?_ She had to realize that the dress she wanted me to wear would not be flattering…

“Then I’ll help you get changed, Miss.” She seemed to shake herself slightly, offering to assist me with a bright smile. As if that brief flash of rage I saw had never happened. 

_Stop being so suspicious. Not everyone’s out to harm you._ Trying to convince myself, I let her help me dress. The movements were foreign to me after years on the street, but I made it through without too many errors.

“Will you be seeing Lady Edith today?” Angela asked, breaking the long silence between us.

I paused, unable to hide my momentary shock at the name.

_____________________________________

**“I’m sorry Lenora, but I love him.” Edith cried, wiping her eyes prettily as I stared silently in shock. “I couldn’t say no!”**

**“… He was engaged to me.” I could barely get the words out. “How could you agree to marry him, have him cast me aside?!”**

**“But, you forgive me, right?” Her eyes were dry, she smiled at me, the expression making me feel a moment of unease. “After all, we’re best friends!”**

_____________________________________

“No, I have other things to do today.” _Like convince my father to hand over control of the duchy’s finances._

“But you spend every day with her! Miss, are you and the young lady fighting?” Angela’s panicked question only made me smile.

“Believe me, there is nothing that she wants that I wouldn’t give her cheerfully.” I laughed, the sound more bitter than I expected. “We have nothing left to fight over. “ 

And with that, I left the room, leaving Angela behind.

Edith could have the prince. I wouldn’t stand in her way this time around.

I had more important things to worry about this time. My father, my mother, the duchy… everything I loved would have a different ending this time. 

I would change my life.

**No matter what.**


	3. Chapter 3

As I walked towards my father’s study, I rehearsed what I needed to say in my head. 

Everything had to be perfect.

My father, the Duke of Armeny, was not a complicated man. He took what was given to him, and assumed if he did the same as his father and grandfather before him did, that the world would stay the same. Trusting, naive, he thought everyone had their place… and that mine was on the throne next to Prince Ronan. I often wondered if he had ever considered me anything more than a commodity to the family. We had not been very friendly in my first life.

Given what I was about to do, I doubted we would be very friendly in this one either. 

I arrived, standing outside the door to his study, taking a few deep breaths to steady myself. 

“You can do this, you can do this.” I muttered under my breath, trying to bolter my confidence. 

“Shall I announce you, Miss?” A calm voice spoke out behind me.

Shocked, I let out a very quiet shriek and turned around to see Hallers, our family’s head butler. He was a cold, capable man. I had never seen him fumble, stutter or even hesitate to complete any task given to him. He was actually the exact opposite of my cheerful, friendly but incompetent father. In my former lifetime, when the family fell to ruin, he was quickly hired by the royal palace, and worked for the king as a head butler. He seemed at the time almost… relieved … to be free of us.

I needed to keep him in the family this time. His talents would be useful. 

I nodded to him. “Please do. Also I would appreciate if you would stick around, it may be useful to have your input.”

Hallers raised an eyebrow at my words, but otherwise did not comment. He knocked on the door, entered and announced me.

As I walked in, my father stood up to welcome me with a bright smile on his face. “What brings you here today, dear?”

I was about to answer, but stopped dead in my tracks, looking around in horror. The room, no matter how you looked at it, was a disaster. Piles of papers were stacked everywhere, haphazardly placed on every available surface. I recognized the account ledgers, thick green books, at the bottom of a pile, covered in dust. Several bills worth thousands of crowns were partially crumpled up and thrown in a corner.

I thought I had understood the depths of my father’s incompetence.

I had been much too optimistic. I glanced around the room, wanting to curl up in a ball, sobbing. Put the family back on track for financial stability? I would be lucky to simply figure out how much money we had and how much we owed! 

“Dear?” My father was concerned; I had been silent too long. I took several deep breaths, rubbing my forehead as a headache started to form.

“Father, I have concerns about the financial status of our family.” 

“…” He was shocked, definitely. He had probably thought I was here to ask for a new dress or accessory. A bright grin broke out on his face as he chuckled. “You don’t need to worry about that, sweetheart. We’re doing just fine.”

__________________________________

**My father, depressed and defeated, knelt in on the street in front of our home… the house we had been evicted from, tears running down his face. He never spoke another word to either my mother or me. He was…broken.**

__________________________________

I shook my head, trying to forget the empty look in my father’s eyes on that day. 

“No, we’re not.” I sighed. “You are not collecting even close to the appropriate amount in taxes. This would be fine if the people were keeping the money, but more than likely our tax collectors and local government officials are just pocketing the extra. The people still pay the price and only the corrupt see the benefit. We have no private income, other the land we lease to farmers, and even that is lost before we see it due to corruption within the staff.”

“My men would never…!” My father sputtered, “They’re good and honest men!”

I picked up one of the crumpled bill papers off the ground, smoothed it out and held it out in front of him. “We have too much debt with too many merchants and stores. What would you do if they called in what we owe them now? It would ruin our family.”

“…” Again there was surprised silence. I noticed Hallers had a slight smile of approval on his face, which was reassuring. Father cleared his throat uncomfortably. 

“Even if we have… a few debts… you are the future queen of this country. I’m sure…”

I interrupted him. “We cannot hang our family’s survival on an engagement with a temperamental child…”

“Lenora! You cannot speak that way about His Royal Highness!”

I ignored his interjected complaint. “What will we do if the royal family changes their mind? What will we tell those we owe money to then? No. We need to sort out our financial problems now.”

“But…” He was shaking his head, his hands gripping the edges of his desk so tightly his knuckles had turned white. I needed another tactic.

“Father, don’t you want me to be prepared in my role as future queen?” Confused by my apparent change in topic, he relaxed, letting go of the desk. 

“Of course dear, but I don’t see what that has to do with…”

“You know that the Queen keeps watch over the Royal Families personal accounts. She has been teaching me to do the same.” Only a partial lie, she did look over household expenses to ensure the staff was doing their job. It was a lot less work intensive than actually managing accounts. 

“I need to improve and the only way I can is by practicing. So please hand over the bills and ledgers.”

The Duke of Armeny did not look convinced. “I really don’t think this is appropriate for a young girl…” 

“Don’t you want me to be a good wife to Prince Ronan?” The wheedling tone I used, as well as the words I said, unsettled my stomach, but I pushed forward, silently convincing myself it was for the greater good. “I have to work as hard as I can if I’m to be the best fiancé and future Queen that I can.”

“…” It was working, I could tell by the look on his face. His opposition to change was being overcome by his desire to see me fulfill his plan to marry our family to the throne. He just needed a little more convincing…

“Are you quite sure?” 

“Hand over the account ledgers!” I kept my voice stern. He jumped, and automatically reached out towards the green, tattered books, handing them to me.

“Dearest…” Father started to object, but by then it was too late, I had taken the ledgers. I clutched them tightly, sneezing as a cloud of dust enveloped me.

“Don’t worry so much! I will look over all our accounts and help our family get back on the right path.” I turned towards Hallers. “Could you set me up a desk in a nearby room? Please move all the related financial records that are here as well.” Glancing around at the crumpled papers piled on the floor and wincing, I added. “Take what time you need.” 

Hallers was smiling widely. “My pleasure, Miss. It will be done within the hour.”

“Wait… I …” Father tried one more time, but before he could object fully, with a cheerful wave and a “Thanks!” I left the room.

Only to run into the last person I wanted to see.

Prince Ronan, my fiancé.


	4. Chapter 4

“Your Highness.”

I plastered a polite smile on my face, performing a perfect curtsy, but all the while my mind was racing, desperately trying to figure out how long he had been there, how much he had heard.

Even if I was planning to let the engagement be broken up like last time, I needed the three years to get my family back on track financially before that happened. If we broke up too soon… the debtors would come calling and my life would end very much like the first.

Fortunately, Ronan didn’t seem upset or angry, he looked more bored than anything.

I let out a silent sigh of relief. He must not have heard the “temperamental child” comment I had made to my father. I wasn’t too concerned If he had heard my blatant lies about the Queen managing accounts. He didn’t know enough about how things worked in the palace to know if that was true or false.

“… We’ve come down to check out the horses.” Ronan had been talking while I wasn’t listening. 

I blinked, realizing for the first time he wasn’t alone. I was slightly shocked that I hadn’t noticed the young man next to him, he stood a head taller than both myself and Ronan, with dark hair and eyes that contrasted with the prince’s lighter coloring. Odder still, I came to the conclusion that I had never met him before, in this or the past lifetime. 

Chastising myself, I was unsure if Ronan had introduced us properly while I wasn’t listening, and if so, how I had responded. I could have performed a formal court greeting by sheer muscle memory, it wasn’t outside the realm of possibility that I had done something odd.

Ronan’s companion studied me with a curious expression, he stood neither too close or too far from the prince. Hopefully judging by his lack of confusion or disapproval, I had yet to humiliate myself.

_Only 3 more years of keeping up this charade, and I’m already slipping. I must stay focused!_

I forced myself to listen to Prince Ronan. 

“The stupid stable master insists he is too wild to ride, but I think he is just too unskilled. If I were to ride him, he would be tamed in moments.”

That at least provided me with the mental image of Ronan falling off his horse and injuring himself. My smile came much more naturally. “I’m sure your highness could manage even the wildest of horses. “

Ronan nodded distractedly, already losing interest now that he had finished his horse story. “Is Lady Edith here?”

_ Three. More. Years._

“No, Your Highness, I believe she is home today.”

His gaze sharpened. “Is she ill?”

“Not that I know of.” Years of royal court training kept my smile perfectly in place.

Ronan coughed, seeming to realize even with his denseness how out of place his question was. “I was just thinking, since you two are such close friends, if she was ill, you would be visiting her.”

“Would I?” I could barely hear my voice.

_______________________________

**“Go to sleep.” Angela tried to tuck me into bed, but I stubbornly refused, sweating profusely from the fever.**

**“No, with me being sick, surely someone will be by to visit?”**

**Her face was blank. “No one has come, miss.”**

**“Prince Ronan? Edith? … Mother?”**

**“No one.”**

_______________________________

**“**… give her my best when you do see her.” Ronan was still talking. Lucky me. _How had I ever not realized where his heart truly leaned? Had I really been so blind?_

Even as I felt disdain for my former self, a part of me wanted to forgive her. _Not blind. Young. Naïve. A little girl who thought the world would go her way just because she asked nicely. A girl who thought love was the most important thing in life, the only purpose of life._

… I was not that girl anymore.

I curtsied once again as the gentlemen took their leave. My smile perfect, polite, concealing the darkness I felt within. 

_______________________________

Hallers set up the office within an hour, surely using some sort of supernatural ability, given the absolute chaos he had to work with.

I sat down at the desk, looking through the stacks and stacks of papers and slowly did the numbers. It was not a simple task. After hours of poring over tax documents, expense sheets and overdue lendings, I had only a few pieces of the overall picture. 

But even from that I could tell it didn’t look good. 

It was clearly evident that my father should never be allowed near money. The personal spending habits of our family were appalling. Thousands of crowns wasted on the most frivolous of items. 

_ This had to stop._

I estimated our projected income, wincing when I realized just how much money was being diverted from the proper channels. If we could cut down on the stealing from the collection services, we should have just enough to cover the duchy’s expenses. But that would leave us almost nothing for personal spending. 

Could I convince my family to stop spending? As I looked around at the luxury that surrounded me, I felt a sense of futility take over. No. even though I was sure of the cuts I would make in my own expenses, I would have to find a way to support our family through other means. 

I spent the next few days working my way through all the paperwork, working from morning until night, stopping only to sleep and eat.

I was so focused on my task that I was startled by the soft knock on the door. It was Hallers.

“Excuse me miss. I have taken the liberty of contacting of few of the smaller vendors and consolidating some of the debt with a smaller interest rate.” He handed me a stack of smoothed out bills. I glanced over them, whistling with appreciation when I saw the improved numbers. 

“This is perfect Hallers, thank you!” I leaned back in my chair, rubbing my eyes with a sigh. “We will need to set up a meeting with all the men involved with taxation collection. If we don’t put a stop to this corruption, nothing I do will save this duchy.” 

“Very good, Miss.” A delighted grin crossed his face, passing so quickly I almost missed it.

“Let’s aim for next week, I need to come up with a plan for terrifying a group of men into doing exactly what I want.”

“I’m sure you will be quite successful,” Hallers answered with a perfectly straight face. I couldn’t help but let out an amused chuckle. 

“If that’s all, I’ll return to my work… “ I paused as he didn’t move an inch. “Was there anything else?”

Hallers hesitated. “Your etiquette lesson with the Queen is scheduled for tomorrow, yes?”

“Y-yes.” I blinked, confused by the direction of the conversation. “I will head out to the palace in the morning, why?”

It was actually something I was dreading. How many hours had I spent in those rooms, sweating, crying, trying over and over to perfect the lessons the queen had to give me? _All to impress a man who had no interest in me._ It seemed so ridiculous, now.

“Well, there is a man who works in the Royal treasury…” He paused, looking slightly embarrassed. “My brother, in fact… I have expressed to him your recent efforts over the last few days to organize the Duchy’s finances and enact change and he was eager to lend his assistance.” He bowed. “I apologize if I overstepped my bounds.”

“No need,” I waved a hand, dismissing his apology. “How exactly does your brother wish to help us?”

“He would like to share some of his experience and knowledge regarding taxes, land ownership and financial reform.” Hallers again looked slightly embarrassed. “He’s somewhat of a progressive man, Miss, not exactly a monarchist, but he is very skilled…”

“HE’S PERFECT!” I stood up, smiling. _An experienced person who could give me advice on reforming the Duchy AND didn’t like the monarchy?_ I couldn’t have asked for better! “Can you arrange for us to meet after my etiquette lesson with the Queen?

Obviously shocked by my enthusiasm, Hallers nodded. “Very good, Miss. I’ll arrange it. He’ll be very pleased.”

“As am I.” I sat back down, settling in to continue organizing the accounts. “We’ll save this Duchy, Hallers.”

“Miss?” 

I chuckled, the sound a little more sinister than I intended. “Whether they like it or not.”


	5. Chapter 5

Despite my wishes, the morning of etiquette training with the Queen arrived all too quickly. I departed in a carriage just shortly after sunrise, arriving at the palace without too much delay. As I followed a footman deeper into the building I had once known so well, I felt a cold wave of a memory swell over me.

_______________________________________

**“Just lift your feet, miss!” The dancing instructor clapped his hands, looking frustrated. “You act as if your shoes are weighted down!”**

**I stumbled, tripping on my shoes, wincing as I felt the skin tear on my elbow as it hit the floor.**

**The instructor chuckled, the Queen looked concerned, but my mother… she simply stared at me with a look of weary contempt.**

**A look I knew all too well. **

_______________________________________

I gripped my elbow, almost feeling the sting of the scrape that had not happened yet in this lifetime. That fall had occurred six months before Ronan broke off the engagement, as I had been taught a newer dance, with a more intricate and delicate step, to celebrate his birthday. 

I had mastered it, after many brutal hours of training, and countless more falls. I was so determined to live up to the Queen’s expectations, to impress my future husband… to earn my mother’s love. But I had never gotten to dance the steps. The Prince hadn’t even waited for the first dance to be start before he broke off the engagement.

But that had been the theme of my previous lifetime. Working so hard, striving with all my might, all for someone else’s sake… only to be thrown away in the end.

I couldn’t help but feel bitter and angry for a few moments, over the suffering I had been forced to bear.

_It will not happen in this life… not this time._ I promised myself, smiling grimly. Never again would I be used for another’s sake. 

No matter what. 

“Lenora?!” A voice called out, breaking me from my increasingly dark thoughts. I looked up, smiling as I caught sight of Queen Amerande, running towards me while waving her arms. 

“Your Majesty.” I started to curtsy, only to be picked up and squeezed tightly, barely able to breathe as she swung me around with a laugh.

“I’ve told you: No ‘Your Majesties’ until we’re in class!” She admonished me, setting me down and tucking my hair behind an ear with a bright grin. “I’ll be your mother one day, so why can’t you just call me that?!”

I tried to catch my breath. It had been so long since I had seen her last, I had forgotten what it was like to be caught up in her presence. Everything about her carried an energy, from her curly untamed hair to her bright green eyes that always seemed to be planning something, usually a surprise for someone else. Even her steps were graceful and light, almost as if she danced instead of simply walked. Being by her side, the time was always filled with smiles and laughter. She was so bright, so caring, everything I had always imagined a real mother to be like.

_But was that really the case?_

In my last lifetime… once her son had broken our engagement, I had never heard of her protesting, not once, even though she had known better than anyone else that it would ruin me. Despite the years we had spent together, she had never reached out a hand to help me while I was struggling on the streets. _Not even the day I had tried to break into the palace… right before…_

A hand touched my face, startling me. “Dearest, you went to a very dark place just then.” Queen Amerande leaned forward, concerned. “Do you need to talk? We can skip lessons today.”

I forced a smile. “I’m fine. Just tired.” Which was the truth. I hadn’t had a full night’s rest since I was reborn, I was too scared to sleep deeply.

I was terrified I would wake up on the streets again, starving to death. And this second chance, this new life… _all of it would be the dream._

The Queen did not look convinced at my answer. “Well… we’ll give it a shot, but don’t overdo it! These lessons are important to your future, but not nearly as important as you are. You know I love you as my own, I don’t want you working yourself to death!”

She hugged me again, and after a brief hesitation, I returned the gesture. She seemed so sincere, as if she really loved me. _But how could that be true with what I knew from the previous life? _I couldn’t trust in her.

I followed after her towards the etiquette room, making sure my steps were measured and graceful, and my smile perfect.

I may not have love, but I didn’t have that in my last lifetime either. This time I wouldn’t expect it. This time, I would have the resources I needed to protect myself, and my family. I wouldn’t have to depend on such a flimsy connection ever again. 

_______________________________________

I was worried that the two years I had spent away from the palace would make all my skills rusty. The night before I had spent part of the night devising excuses for the sudden drop in my skill levels, dreading the work I knew it might take to bring them up to an acceptable level.

Turns out, I was worried about the wrong thing.

“Miss, you’re like a completely different person!” Mrs. Rendler, the Etiquette teacher, applauded, obviously very impressed. “How have you managed to improve so much since your last lesson?”

I was stunned. I had nearly forgotten, as it had ended up being useless, how hard I had worked. Even if I was slightly rusty, there were still 3 years of practice I had gained. 3 years of working late into the night, practicing each movement and gesture until it was committed to muscle memory. Every greeting, every dance, every slight change in custom depending on rank… it was all still in my head, learned through my blood, sweat and tears. 

But to them… it was as if I had gained all this experience in the space of the week between lessons. An almost miraculous improvement.

“I- I…” Lost for words, I could only stutter. _I had been prepared for the exact opposite scenario! How could I explain how I already knew everything they had planned to teach me?_ Fortunately before I could flounder too long, I was rescued by the Queen, who swooped in, grinning from ear to ear. 

“Lenora’s so amazing!” She crowed, throwing an arm around my shoulders and puffing out her chest with pride. “She’s been working so hard and it’s definitely showing.”

“Why are you so proud?” Mrs. Rendler looked amused. “It was HER hard work.”

Queen Amerande was undeterred. “Yes, but she’s MY daughter!”

“Future daughter-in-law, Your Majesty.” The teacher corrected.

“Small difference.”

“This is ETTIQUETTE class, Your Majesty.” Her smile was slightly forced. “These differences mean everything here.”

The Queen pouted. “Fine. Have it your way. But even you have to admit, that my _future daughter-in-law_ was amazing today!”

“Yes. Given your progress, we’ll definitely be able to move much faster through the lesson plan.” Mrs. Rendler laughed, a slightly ominous sound. “I’ll make a perfect lady of you, yet, Miss.”

I looked back and forth between the two of them, only now realizing the fate I had brought upon myself. “You mean the lessons are going to be…harder?”

“Oh yes!” She rubbed her hands together. “Much, much harder.”

“Don’t scare her!” Queen Amerande scolded.

“She can take it. The girl is a prodigy!”

I wanted to cry. I wasn’t a prodigy… I just had three extra years to practice in the week since they last saw “me.” _Why didn’t I pretend to not know anything?!_

But before I could think of any more excuses, the lessons were over, and I was escorted to the Royal Treasury, to meet Hallers’ brother.

_______________________________________

“Ah, you must be the young girl with wild dreams of performing miracles!” 

When I entered the treasury, I was immediately greeted by a large, muscular man with a broad smile. His clothing was slightly askew, a small stain along one sleeve. His hair was starting to grey at the temples, but was disheveled, as if he ran his finger through it frequently. He was the opposite of Hallers, who was always very proper and put together, if a little thin and reedy.

“Pardon?” I was taken aback at his words. _Performing miracles? _“Are you Mr. Hallers?” 

“Jim is fine.” He shook my hand heartily, shaking it back and forth, fortunately with a light grip. “I’m Tommy’s brother.”

“T-tommy?” It was too much, to try to imagine poor Hallers, who seemed to be born in a perfectly ironed suit, as being called anything as casual as ‘Tommy.”

Jim laughed at my confusion. “He hated me calling him that even then. Insisting that we came from a ‘proper butler family’ and should behave as such.” He rolled his eyes. “Such a waste of time and energy.”

“I assume you have more important things to worry about?” I grinned, liking the casual atmosphere. “That’s why you work in the Royal Treasury?”

“Not really. But I’m a genius with numbers and it’s easy to tuck me away from sight here so I don’t embarrass anyone.” He shrugged good naturedly. “And I don’t have to worry about using the wrong title on the wrong lord and getting hung.”

“A win-win situation.”

“Exactly.” He paused, looking me over with a critical eye. “No offense, young miss, but you seem… easier to talk to than I imagined you would be.”

I thought briefly of the life I had led for the last two years. “I’m… adaptable.”

THAT caught his attention. “Adaptable? That’s… unusual for someone in the nobility.” Frowning, he stepped slightly closer, towering above me. The atmosphere grew tense. “Don’t bluff, dear. I’d rather you just be honest.”

_______________________________________

**“I’m Lenora, the daughter of the Duke of Armeny.” I curtseyed as I introduced myself.**

**The shopkeeper glared. “If you’re nobility than why are you here, begging for work? Acting like you’re still high and mighty when you’ve got nothing. What nerve you lot have! ”**

**My shoulders slumped, my perfect posture breaking under the strain. “Please, we’re out on the street, and we’re starving.”**

**“Plenty of people used those same with tax collectors. Didn’t save them.”**

**“Please!” My nails broke as I tried to hold onto the doorframe, only to be pushed out.**

**The door slammed in my face. “And it won’t save you.”**

_______________________________________

I looked him in the eye, refusing to back down, to give even an inch. I wasn’t a sheltered young girl. I had changed. I had learned the hard way how. 

“Sometimes, I wish I WAS bluffing. I’ve learned to be whatever I have to be, to get the job done.”

I don’t know what he saw in my gaze. Whatever it was caused a look of deep sadness to pass over his features, a moment of shared anguish between us to terrible for words. He sat down at a desk, waving me to sit across from him.

“Tommy told me you are attempting to get the Duchy of Armeny to a place of financial stability?”

I sat down. “That’s correct.”

“And that you’ve been looking over the numbers for the past few days.”

“I have.”

He grinned humorlessly. “Then you know what kind of impossible task you have set for yourself.”

The statement hung in the air between us for a few moments, before I laughed, a bitter sound.

“_Impossible? _No. _Extremely difficult, and I might have to play dirty before it’s done?_Yes.” 

I leaned forward keeping my eyes on his own, refusing to show any weakness.

“I will do whatever it takes to get my family, and the people who depend on us, where we need to be. I WILL save us.” Sighing softly, I forced myself to relax and sit back in my chair. “What I need to know is if YOU can help me learn what I need to know to get that done.”

There was silence.

**Clap. Clap. Clap.** He slowly applauded, seeming to truly lose the tension he had held since the moment I walked in. 

“Very good. At least I know I won’t be wasting my time.” He stood up, rummaging through a bookshelf on the corner. “You want to know how to save your Duchy? Well, you’re going to have to understand how its SUPPOSED to be run. 

**BAM! BAM!**

Piles of thick books landed on the desk, a small coating of dust flying in the air at the impact. I gingerly picked one up, it was heavier than it looked.

“What are these?”

He grinned. “What you need. History. Government. Economics. Tax law.” He paused. “You know mathematics already right?”

“Yes.” I nodded, glad that I had learned years ago that to be able to oversee household expenses.

“Well that’s something.” He wrote furiously on a piece of paper, handing it to me. “Read the chapters I’ve written here, and come back in a week, we’ll discuss concepts and real world applications.”

I looked at the sheer amount of reading I had been assigned, _would it even be possible?!_

Likely reading the doubt on my face, Jim shrugged, “You don’t have to. But if you want to do it right, and be able to do it in the future without my help. This is what you need.” He held out his hand. “You work hard, and I promise you I’ll give you the knowledge you need to save your family. Deal?”

I reached out, shaking his hand. “Deal.”

He chuckled. “I have a bad feeling I might regret this.”

I shook my head. “That makes two of us.”

We arranged for the books to be taken to my carriage and set up the next week’s appointment to follow my etiquette lesson. 

As I prepared to leave, Jim hesitated, holding me back.

“Just so you know, I’m also teaching someone else. A young man from Tilendra.”

_The neighboring country to our North?_ “Why is he here.”

Jim shrugged. “No idea, didn’t ask. He’s learning about taxation reform, so there might be some crossover between your lessons. Just warning you. But don’t worry, he doesn’t seem like a terrible fellow.” 

I rolled my eyes. “Ah yes, what a glowing recommendation from such a trustworthy source.”

He laughed at that. “It’s not like I’m saying you have to marry him. Just sit in the same room as him while I talk about taxes.”

“Fine then.” 

Waving goodbye, I left for home, already overwhelmed by the sheer amount of work I had to do.


	6. Chapter 6

The next week was brutal. 

Each day I would get up before dawn, moving to my office to get started as soon as possible. Reading, studying, I was trying to learn a lifetime of knowledge at a breakneck pace. I still was piecing together bills and tax documents, working with Hallers to consolidate all the debt I could. Fortunately, as I was still in good standing with the Royal family, the interest and repayment plans were very generous.

I stayed locked in that tiny room, only to pause whenever Hallers brought up a meal, an increasingly worried expression on his face with each passing day.

“Miss, you _must sleep!”_ He broke his professional silence on the fourth day, as he walked in late into the night, finding me reading a chapter on historical government forms while taking notes by candlelight. I glanced up, surprised to see him still dressed up in a proper butler uniform despite the late hour.

“Hallers, I’m sorry, did I wake you? I just have a few more pages… and then there’s still the letters from the Eastern section of Duchy….” I leaned back, rubbing my eyes with a yawn. “You might as well go to bed. I’ll make sure to blow the candle out when I finish.”

He stood his ground, looking determined. “No, Miss.” He picked up the candle, ignoring my squawk of protest. “I cannot let you run yourself into the ground. You cannot save this Duchy in the space of a week.”

“But… I …”

“The work will be waiting for you in the morning. But for now, please, I’m begging you… go to sleep?” He looked so miserable, I found myself nodding without realizing it.

“Fine. I’ll do this in the morning.”

I went off to bed, hiding a smile. _When was the last time someone worried about whether or not I slept?_

Beyond the work I had to do between lessons and the financial organization, there was still the matter of the corruption within the Duchy to deal with.

“Hallers?” Early in the week, I called him into the office. 

He stood at attention, waiting. “Yes, Miss?”

I handed him a paper. “I need you, or someone you would trust with your life, to go into the city. In the Northwest square you will find a man who sits under a blue awning named “Rig.” Hand him this note, and tell him that you will purchase the information requested within for 50 crowns.”

Despite the oddity of the request, Hallers was a professional, his only reaction a single raised eyebrow “Is that all?”

“No.” I sighed. “He will demand at least twice the amount offered. You are to refuse this and tell him that ‘Angel’ sent you.”

“Who is this ‘Angel’, miss?”

“No one.” I laughed. “It’s a code, which only his inner circle know. If you say this, it will allow you to purchase the information I need for that price. He will tell you when you can retrieve it.”

_Who would have thought that the knowledge I had earned being one of Rig’s info runners while living on the street would be helpful so quickly? I had hated the man at the time, but even I had to admit that he was the best when it came down to tracking down things others wanted to hide._

“It will be done.” With a short bow, he turned to leave. I called after him. 

“Oh, and Hallers?” When he paused, I added, “Postpone any meeting with our men involved in tax collection/counting until after you have what I requested.”

“It will be helpful to you?”

I grinned evilly. “Let’s just say I don’t believe in going into battle without a weapon.”

____________________________

Despite the drastic change in my schedule, my parents remained completely unaware. My Father, relieved that he didn’t have to pretend to care about the paperwork anymore, went riding and hunting, enjoying himself thoroughly. As long as he wasn’t spending money, I was content to let him be. As for my mother… fortunately she had been visiting her family in the South since my reawakening, and was not scheduled to return for another month. I was curious to see my mother, since my last words to her were on her deathbed. Our relationship was strained at best, however, and I need to figure out how to approach her.

The Duke and Duchess may not have been concerned with the abrupt changes I had made in my life, but it had not gone unnoticed by others. 

“What’s come over you, Miss?” my maid Angela shook her head, frustrated as she assisted me undressing one evening. “You dress so simply these days. You never go to the Royal palace gardens or visit Lady Edith anymore! Is there something wrong?”

I smiled at her grumbling. In my previous life, whenever I hadn’t been trying to perfect my etiquette lessons, I had wandered the Royal Gardens with Edith, hoping to catch a glimpse of the Prince. It seemed so silly, so empty now. 

I shook my head. “Everything is fine. Mrs. Rendler simply increased the difficulty of my etiquette lessons, and I have a lot of work to do to catch up.”

“You don’t have to work so hard, though!” She muttered, putting away my gown. “It’s not as if…” She trailed off, as if realizing what she was about to say.

_It’s not as if I’ll ever get to be Queen. Of course, I know that… but how does she?_ I smiled, the expression cold. “Angela. Are you saying I shouldn’t do my best at preparing to be Queen?”

She panicked slightly, backing away. “No, of course not! I – I just want you to be happy.”

I kept my eyes on her own, appreciating the fear I saw there. “I appreciate the concern.” 

I placed the confrontation to the back of my mind, refusing to think it through to its conclusion, but things were stirred up once more by a an unexpected encounter towards the end of the week, the day before my next trip tot the palace. She showed up unannounced, barging into my office, with Hallers trailing behind, a disapproving expression on his face at her intrusion.

“Lenora! What’s going on?!” She was a beautiful girl. Golden hair, light colored eyes, long lashes… she looked as if she had stepped out of a storybook, exactly what I thought a princess should look like.

“Edith.” The name felt wrong to say out loud after so long. 

____________________________

**“EDITH!” I sobbed, falling to my knees in front of her. “You have to help me!”**

**She stared at me silently with glassy eyes, a polite smile hiding any deeper emotion. **

**Exhausted, starving, I reached out a hand towards her. **

**“Please, mother, father… they’re both gone… I lost my job with the seamstress… someone told them I had stolen something… I don’t know what to do!”**

**My hand grasped empty air instead of her skirt. She had stepped back out of my reach.**

**“What do you expect me to do?” Her words were lifeless, she stared at me as if I were an insect, rather than her childhood friend.**

**I held my grumbling stomach, hating that I looked so pathetic and weak.“Can you talk to the Queen…?”**

**“She refuses to hear your name.” Edith interrupted, a small gleam in her eye. “She heard the kind of dirty crimes you committed on the street, and says that you are dead to her.”**

**Dead? Dead. Dead… the word repeated itself in my mind over and over, like a chant. Was that the woman who had called me her daughter, who said she loved me?**

**“That can’t be true! I’ve not committed any crimes. Why would she… say that? I can’t believe it!”**

**“Well it’s true.” Edith sighed, looking around as if searching for an excuse to leave. “Was there anything else?”**

**I looked back at her, lost, confused. _I was so hungry. _Can you help me find work? Or at least give me something to eat?”**

**“Sorry,” She didn’t look sorry. “My father has forbidden that I be around you anymore. He’s worried it will effect my reputation as the future Queen.” **

**“What are you saying?” I stared at my only friend in the world, feeling the shattered remnants of my heart break even further.**

**“Goodbye, Lenora.” Refusing to look at me anymore, she walked away.**

**“EDITH!” **

____________________________

“I haven’t seen you in days!” Edith smiled brightly, the expression turning my stomach. “I missed you!”

Her act wasn’t extremely convincing this time, to a more experienced eye. Her smile was a little too stiff, her eyes cold and calculating as they looked around the room, trying to determine what I had been up to. Even as she told me she missed me her voice seemed more irritated then sad, as if she were frustrated that I had made her do the work instead of going to her as I usually did. 

I returned her smile. “I’ve missed you too!” Standing up from my desk, I reached out, giving her a hug.

I was a much better actress.

“What are you doing? I’ve heard you’ve been locked away in this room for days!” She grabbed my hands, a true look of concern crossing her face.

“Really? Who did you hear it from?”

She balked at that question. “Oh you know… just around.”

“I see.” I looked over at Hallers with a frown, who looked furious. He nodded to me briefly and left, likely to interrogate the staff regarding who had been gossiping about my activities. I let him go, although I already had my own suspicions. 

I brought Edith away from my desk and papers, not wishing for her to see any of the Duchy’s financial numbers, and sat us down on some chairs near the fireplace. I didn’t bother ringing for tea, I knew Hallers would have already arranged it.

“What brings you here?” I asked, keeping my voice casual and polite.

Edith laughed. “What nonsense! As if I needed a reason to see my friend. I was hoping we could spend some time together, perhaps walk through the gardens?”

“I see.” I nodded, thinking it over. _She wanted to see the prince, I suppose._

“So can we go?”

“Well, not today because I have to finish some work here, or tomorrow because I have to attend my lessons with the Queen.” I noted the angry flash in her eyes at the mention of my royal etiquette lessons, but continued without comment. “Perhaps next week we can walk through the gardens.”

She looked disappointed. “Next week?”

“And perhaps I can arrange for us to have tea with the prince.” I laughed as her demeanor brightened. “Wouldn’t that be fun?!” 

“Well, if I wouldn’t be in the way…” She trailed off, watching me slyly.

_“Of course not.” _

_How many times had these conversations happened before? How many times did I unknowingly bring her to see my fiancé, allowing them to grow closer, sealing my own fate. Well, go with my blessing this time, Edith. I don’t want him._

Edith, unaware of my inner thoughts, seemed relieved. “Alright then, that would be fun! I just worry about you, Lenora! Don’t work too hard in this dreary little room! If you don’t go spend as much time with the Prince as possible he might lose interest!” Her hand rested on my arm. I struggled to not fling her off. “Trust me.”

I hid all my feelings deep inside, smiling brightly for her to see. “Of course I trust you.”


	7. Chapter 7

The next day’s etiquette lessons were harsher, just as Mrs. Rendler promised. I was able to keep up, using my previous knowledge and skills, but this time I did my best to make it look difficult, hoping that she would relax the pace a little. Instead my efforts rewarded me with her satisfied expression, and a gleam in her eye that promised only more pain and suffering.

“You will be the greatest young lady I have ever trained.” She pronounced, looking me over from head to toe critically. “But must you dress so… plainly? I will say it’s a great improvement over those frilly monstrosities you used to wear to lessons, but the last two outfits have been simply dull.”

I smiled at her words, glancing down at my plain grey gown. Over the last week I had sold the majority of my more ridiculous gowns, leaving me with surprisingly few choices. Angela had pouted, saying that I was going to be out of style, but I overruled her, as well as ignored her suggestion that she be allowed to choose my new gowns. I very much enjoyed my simpler gowns, but knew that I would need something nicer… at least for public venues.

_Fortunately I had an idea about that. _

“I’m changing over my wardrobe. I think it’s time I take on a more mature style, so as to not embarrass my parents or the Royal family.”

“You’re so grown up!” Queen Amerande sat down next to me, briefly hugging me as she settled in. “First you impress everyone with your improvements on your etiquette and now this?” She wiped her eyes. “I couldn’t be prouder as your mother.”

“_Future Mother in Law!” _Mrs. Rendler insisted.

“Don’t step on my dreams!” She hugged me again, smiling even as she argued. I couldn’t help but chuckle at her antics, but found it increasingly difficult to understand the Queen’s behavior. I thought I had gotten more discerning from my past life, able to see people’s true intentions. It had served me well with the others who seemed to be scheming around me. But with her… all I could see was a loving, cheerful person. There were no cracks in her disguise, she seemed completely at ease as she showered me with compliments and acted like a mother.

_But it had to be a lie._

I felt a burning rage take root in my stomach, but I hid it as best I could, wondering how I could make it through three more years of training with her without breaking.

Finally we were done. With a sigh of relief, I headed to the Royal Treasury, looking forward to my lessons with Jim. I had completed the reading assignment he had given me, but now I had pages of questions I wanted to discuss with him. Entering the room, I clutched my books and notes in my arms, already saying a greeting…

Only to come to a screeching halt as I realized there was a stranger in the room. 

Jim looked up at my arrival, waving. “Ah, Lenora! Good, you’re here so we can get started.” Glancing between myself and the stranger, he paused. “Oh I should introduce you two…”

“No need.” The young man interrupted Jim with a grin. “We’ve sort of met before.” I recognized him from the previous week at my home, he had been together with Prince Rolan. 

_Hardly a point in his favor._

“Nathaniel. But you can call me Nate, Miss…”

I had forgotten how tall he was, I had to look up at him as I reached out my hand to shake his own. Standing between Nathaniel and Jim who also towered over me, I felt very small… an irritating feeling. “Lenora.”

“Of course, I’ve heard a lot about you…” He kept speaking, but my attention had turned sharply. Not to him, or his words, but to his arm.

“What is this?!” I interrupted, grabbing his hand between both of my own. His face turning slightly red, Nate stuttered. “my hand ?”

“No, no the shirt!” I looked at the sleeve once more with a sigh before glancing excitedly at Nate. “Can you take it off?” 

“…”

“…”

Both Nate and Jim stared at me in absolute confusion, but I was already looking closer, ignoring them. 

“I may not understand your country’s customs well, but are young ladies usually this… forward?”

Jim cleared his throat. “Not usually, maybe she’s just a little excited.” He tapped me on the shoulder, startling me. “Umm… Lenora. Usually you get to know young fellows a little better before asking to see them undressed.” 

“See HIM undressed?” I laughed. “You can if you want to, Jim. I just want the shirt.” 

“…”

“…”

They were stunned into silence once more, allowing me to happily look closer at the arm I was still clutching. 

“The shirt?” Nate asked finally, his skin a bright red, contrasting with his dark hair.

“Yes!” I pinched the sleeve between two fingers. “I’ve never seen such a beautiful weave before, this cloth is so well constructed!” I checked the seams, whistling in appreciation “And whoever sewed your clothes together was very talented, the stitching is quite extraordinary!”

“Yes, um… can you let go?” He was covering his face with his free hand. I then came to the realization that I was clutching his arm in my hands. Partially freed from my fascination with his shirt, I let go with a small shriek, apologizing.

“I’m so sorry! That was very rude.”

“It’s okay.” He shot me a wry grin. “It was an definitely a novel experience.” 

Jim was roaring with laughter, holding his sides. “You should apologize to the poor young man’s pride! A pretty young lady demands he strip, but is more interested in his clothes than him!” He continued laughing after that, almost in tears.

Nate shot him a dirty look. “You are not a nice person.”

I genuinely felt bad. I had experienced a brief moment of utter excitement when I had seen the cloth, my plans for the future crowding my brain and leaving no room for common sense. I had probably scared him out of his mind. “Again, I apologize…” 

“Don’t.” He waved a hand. “I am the one who must apologize for making assumptions…”

I raised an eyebrow, “Not without reason…”

“But given your engagement to the prince, those assumptions were not kind to you.” He stepped back, sketching a formal bow very gracefully. I felt like applauding, knowing the amount of work that went in to perfecting that. “How can I make it up to you?”

I knew I shouldn’t let him apologize, but I couldn’t pass off the opportunity. “Can you tell me where I could purchase the cloth used to make your shirt?” I clasped my hands together, to keep them from shaking with excitement.

Nate looked confused. “The cloth?” glancing down at the shirt, he shook his head. “It’s made in Tilendra, my home country. It’s a special technique handed down there.”

“Oh. Of course.” I felt my shoulders slump. _My poor plans!_

“But I can introduce you to one of the largest weaving groups in the capital. The woman who runs it is a little rough, but if you offer a decent price, she may be willing to work with you. “

“Really?”

“But why would you need cloth?” Jim broke in. “I would think you could have all the dresses you want made in the capital.

I smiled. “You think too small, Jim. This is much more important than a couple ball-gowns. I told you I was going to save the Duchy. And to do that, I have a plan.” 

We started the lesson, going over the reading assignments from the past week. To my surprise Nate had been reading the same chapters, and participated fully in the discussion. He seemed to have a milder disposition, often breaking up arguments when Jim and I disagreed. The time passed faster than I realized, and when he put an end to the lesson, I found I was disappointed the three of us couldn’t talk longer.

It was fun.

“Alright, here are the assignments for next week.” He handed me another piece of paper. I glanced at it, again holding back tears at the sheer volume he was expecting me to cover within the space of a week. Silently grumbling to myself, I was surprised when he patted me on the shoulder.

“You did well. You grasped these concepts even better than I did years ago back when I was learning it.”

I sighed. “Now if only I could have the benefit of experience like you.”

“It will come.” He grinned, “One way or the other. And in the meantime, if you need advice with one of your projects… just ask.”

I was pleasantly surprised at the offer. “Thank you.”

Nate cleared his throat. “Could I have the reading assignment as well?”

“Sure.” Jim shrugged, writing down the chapters assigned on a second piece of paper “But I thought you were leaving soon?”

“I’m here to gain knowledge and make allies. Jim. However long that takes.” He grinned, taking the paper. “And this is the kind of knowledge we need in Tilendra if we are to be a thriving nation.”

“That’s fine with me, Nate. But like I said before, there will be no special treatment here! Do the work, or don’t waste my time by showing up. ”

Jim’s harsh words didn’t seem to bother Nate at all. “Deal.” Turning to me, he shook my hand once more. “Nice to meet you, Lenora. I’ll talk to you next week regarding the cloth.”

“Thanks, I look forward to it.” I walked away, feeling relieved. Not only had I gained a lot from the classes, and felt ready to put some of the principles I had gathered to practice, but the first step in my plan for true financial independence had just been taken.

This life was different.

I was changing things.

___________________________

“Miss.” Hallers stepped into my office, a truly conflicted expression on his face. “There is a visitor here, but I am unsure if it’s… appropriate.” 

I smiled, trying to relieve the butler’s tension. “Who is it?”

He cleared his throat uncomfortably. “The man you wanted to purchase information from. ‘Mr. Rig.’” He paused. “Should I turn him away, Miss?” 

“Rig’s here?” _Took him long enough._ “Let him in.”

“Are you sure?” It seemed Hallers couldn’t hold back his protest. “He’s hardly a suitable guest!”

“It’s alright, the Duchy needs him.” I thought for a moment. “If possible, would you be willing to stay in the room? There’s safety in numbers.”

“Very good, Miss.” I he was disapproving or not, it was difficult to tell. Hallers’ expression had retreated into a proper polite mask, hiding his thoughts. He left, leaving me unexpectedly nervous. I had known Rig in a different lifetime. What if he wasn’t the same person? Checking the object strapped to the underside of my desk, I settled into my chair, my back straight and my face uncaring. I couldn’t let Rig sniff out that I was desperate, he’d be impossible to bargain down after that.

Hallers reappeared. “Mr. Rig, Miss.”

Behind him stepped a man, and I felt my breath catch in my chest at the familiar sight.

___________________________

**_“Poor thing, you starving?”_ An older man with a gentle smile reached out and helped me to my feet. **

**“You can work for me, get back on your feet.” **

**I took his hand warily, having learned to not trust appealing offers. “Why would you help me?”**

**He shrugged. “Who knows? Maybe in another lifetime you can pay me back.”**

___________________________

Rig looked the same as he did as when I first met him. He would never stand out in a crowd unless he wanted to. His nose was slightly crooked, as if it had been broken and never healed correctly. His hair was just starting to grey at the temples, his exact age difficult to determine. He was short, barely taller than me, but he projected an air of confidence as if all the secrets in the world hid behind his eyes. 

“Just Rig is fine.” He stepped closer, leaving some space and my desk between us. “I’m nowhere near fancy enough to warrant a ‘Mister.’”

I grinned. “Of course, Rig. How can I help you.” 

“I got… your request.” He shrugged. “The info is simple enough.”

I raised an eyebrow. “But?”

“But… that’s not the tricky part.” He slouched against the wall facing me, sticking his hands in his pockets. “The tricky part is how a little noble lady like you got the password that’s known only to my inner circle?”

“That?” I leaned back in my chair, my hands in my lap. “Let’s just say you and I were friends in another lifetime. This will not be my only commission. I will have plenty of work for your and all your group. “ I smiled, thinking of the time I had spent under his employ. “Consider it returning a favor.”

Rig didn’t smile back. “No deal. I don’t do business with the nobility. You’re all soft… weak. And I don’t like it when there’s a weak link that’s got something on me.” He looked me over with a disdainful scoff. “You look like the type that would talk under pressure.”

**THUNK!**

The knife I had retrieved under my desk flew through the air, burying itself in the wall just beside his face. I vaulted over the desk, grateful for the looser, simpler skirt I had chosen for that day, and grabbed Rig. My right hand pinned his shoulder against the wall, the other grabbing the hilt of my knife.

It was ironic that I was using my knife throwing skills to threaten Rig of all people.

_After all, he had been the one to teach me to throw one in the first place._

I kept my voice low and calm. “I’m not soft. I’m a determined woman. One who will do anything to accomplish my goals. Don’t. hinder. me. “ 

At these words he started to push me away, only to stiffen up in fear as I leaned forward to whisper a single name into his ear.

“Raewynn.”

I stepped back, walking calmly to my desk and sitting down. “You’ll find that being my friend will be to you and your group’s benefit. You won’t regret it.” I left it unsaid of what would happen if he was against me.

His shoulder slumped, he looked up at me with terror in his eyes. “H-how? How could you possibly know…?”

I smiled. “I told you, we were friends in another life. You and I are the only ones alive who know right now. But if I were you, I wouldn’t trust anyone else with that matter. It’s a good way to end up dead.”

I wasn’t threatening him this time. I truly was trying to warn him. He seemed to sense it, nodding carefully and stepping closer, this time with much more caution and respect.

“Here’s the information you purchased. “ He took some documents from the inside of his coat, placing it on my desk. “The stuff they hide from the world, from their wives… heck even the stuff they hide from their lovers… all of it in there.” 

I didn’t look through it, I knew it would be good. “Perfect. Thank you.”

Rig relaxed slightly. “Well, I AM the best at this.”

“Which is why I paid double your going rate.” I grinned at his shocked reaction. “You thought I didn’t know?”

“I hoped.” He muttered.

“Don’t worry. I’ll always pay double. Your work is worth it.” I slid a piece of paper across the desk. “Your next assignment.” 

“This…” He read it, his eyes widening. “Are you sure…?”

“I know the answer to the question already, Rig.” I answered calmly. “I just need the proof.”

“Alright then.” He nodded, reaching out his hand to shake my own. I took it, the gesture hauntingly familiar.

___________________________

**“Lee, we’ve got to go!” The older woman looked around frantically, as if expecting an attack at any moment. “They’ll be coming after us next!” **

**“All he did was trust the wrong person.” I whispered. “Love truly is a weakness, isn’t it?**

**“Lee, Come on!”**

**I wiped the tears from my eyes, reaching out to slowly close the eyes of the bloody corpse in front of me.**

**“Goodbye, Rig.”**

**“LEE!” **

___________________________

“I must say, I’m glad I’m not your enemy.” His words startled me briefly, and I laughed at my own inattention. Rig was alive in this lifetime. Standing in front of me happy and whole. There were still five years before he would be murdered in the streets. 

I let go of his hand, a chill running down my spine at the thought. “Likewise.”

Rig walked out, leaving an awkward silence between Hallers and myself.

“…”

“You can ask, Hallers.”

“There’s too many questions.” He shook his head. “What did you whisper to him that scared him so deeply?”

I stared at the empty doorway, still caught by memories. “It was a name. Someone he cares about… someone he thought no one knew about.”

“How do you know about her then?” The question burst out of him, and he seemed to catch himself. “I apologize…”

“Don’t.” I smiled at him. “I’ve already said how I know.”

“But…”

“Just because you don’t believe me, doesn’t make it true.” The last few words came out as a sigh. Finished, I turned my attention to the to folder Rig had left.

“If you say so.” He turned to leave, but I held up a hand, calling him back.

“Hallers, you can schedule the meeting with the tax officials for three days from now.”

It would give me enough time to prepare, without putting it off too much further. 

“Yes, Miss.”

“Oh, and could you ask your brother to be present?”

That caught his attention. “My brother?”

“I need someone big and intimidating-looking to stand in the back of the room. Jim would be perfect. I’m happy to pay him.”

“Do we have to?” Hallers wasn’t one to whine, but this came pretty close. “He’s so… undignified.” 

“Could _you_ make yourself intimidating, then?” I asked seriously.

He looked up and down his thin, reedy frame. “I’ll talk to him.” He muttered, leaving.

I chuckled, returning to the information I had paid for. I needed to have everything in place perfectly for the meeting.

The whole Duchy was counting on it.


	8. Chapter 8

The day of the meeting had arrived. I paced back and forth within my office, taking deep breaths, trying to force myself into the right mindset. This would be a delicate balance of a meeting. If it didn’t go the way I planned… it could be disastrous to everyone.

It _had_ to go according to plan. 

“Hallers,” I called out, waiting for the butler to arrive before asking my nervous question. “Where is Jim? I thought he agreed to come?” 

Hallers was frowning. “He did, Miss. He was never one to be tardy, despite his unprofessional attitude in many other areas. He should be here very shortly.”

“I can’t be here alone. I need them to take me seriously, and for that I need scary looking support!” I resumed pacing. “The meeting is scheduled to start in a few minutes, we may have to delay it.” 

He watched me walked back and forth for few moments before nodding. “I’ll do my best, Miss.” 

“No need to delay, I’m here.” Led in by one of the servants, a tall, intimidating gentleman, just what I had been waiting for, walked into the room.

… There was just one problem:

It wasn’t the one I was expecting. 

“You’re not Jim!” I blurted out, glaring at Nathanial who spread his hands helplessly.

“I know I’m not.”

“Why isn’t Jim here?” I paused in my pacing, feeling slightly panicked. 

Seeming to sense my mood, Nate held his hands out speaking slowly and calmly, as if speaking to a nervous horse. I would have found it insulting if I hadn’t been too busy going over my plan in my head, trying to make revisions.

“Jim was called away on unexpected business, and he sends his apologies.”

“He will be sorry.” I muttered, but Nate continued on as if he hadn’t heard.

“He knew you needed someone tall and scary looking, and I was the first person he could find to replace him.”

I looked him up and down. He wasn’t quite as muscular or intimidating looking as Jim was… but as long as he kept his mouth shut…

“This might work.” I nodded. “Fine. I’ll use you.”

“Good.” He smiled. “What do I do?”

I grabbed his arm, steering him towards the back wall with a gentle push. “Stand behind me and glare.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s ALL. Do NOTHING else. Just stand, glare, and look like you’re ready to destroy anyone who glances at me the wrong way.”

Nate seemed surprised for a few moments, but then laughed. “Sure, I can do that.” 

“Okay.” I took a deep breath, steadying myself, and sat down at the desk. “Hallers, you may bring in the first group.”

“Yes, Miss.” With a disapproving glance in Nate’s direction, he left.

“Your butler doesn’t like me?”

I grinned. “Hallers has good taste.”

“Ouch.”

Hearing approaching footsteps, I quickly shushed him. “Remember, not a word.”

I arranged my features into a calm, pleasant expression. Everything was falling into place. 

My first step towards truly changing my fate. It had to work. I couldn’t fail.

It was time to save my home. 

____________________________

“Gentleman.” I gave the smallest smile in greeting when the officials walked in. Six men, all larger than me, older than me, and more experienced. They clearly were insulted by being called in by a young girl, and didn’t bother to hide it on their faces. 

Throughout my greeting I remained calm and still, not getting up from my chair. 

It was a carefully calculated gesture. 

Not standing to shake their hands could be considered an insult, but standing indicated a more subordinate relationship. Fifteen-year-old me from my previous life would have jumped up to greet them in an instant., afraid to offend anyone. But I held my position, despite their increasingly disgruntled expressions. I had to establish who I was right from the start. I was in charge. 

They just didn’t realize it yet.

“Miss Lenora.” Gerrin, one of the older officials, spoke first, shooting me a condescending smile as he stepped over my right to start the meeting. “As much as we _appreciate_ a chance to see such a _pretty little girl_ like you… we’re very busy men. Any business that needs to be discussed we can always take up with your father at a later date.”

His tone grew more insolent as he continued to speak, he posture as he sat down in one of the chairs provided slouched and relaxed. He had stomped all over every single respectful gesture expected of him, even the bare minimum he owed me as the daughter of the Duke. He was being deliberately pompous and rude, showing that he could overstep his bounds, expecting I would be too timid to correct him.

I could hear Nate shuffling uncomfortably behind me, likely wishing to intervene, but fortunately staying quiet as instructed. Hallers of course, was silent. But his entire being radiated a disapproval towards those men with such fervor that the two closest to the butler scooted their chairs a short distance away, feeling uncomfortable.

I however, kept my expression locked down tight, allowing only a small, pleasant smile to show. I neither acknowledged his rudeness, or backed down from my own stance as the superior of the meeting.

“My father has declared me in charge of all financial matters in the Duchy.” I answered quietly. “So you will need to discuss all such business with me in the future instead.” 

“Impossible!” Braler, one of the youngest, shot to his feet. “Our lord would NEVER do such an irresponsible and foolish thing!”

My smile widened. “And yet I have it here, written in his own hand.” I held up the paper in question. “Are you saying that my father, the Duke of Armeny, is irresponsible and foolish?”

“…” An awkward silence fell over the group as they realized the implications of his words. Braler paled. 

“O-of course not…”

“SIT. DOWN.” Gerrin hissed, pulling him down into his chair. He then turned to me with a slightly more polite smile.

“Young miss.”

I interrupted. “_Lady _Lenora.”

His expression grew forced. “Lady Lenora, I don’t know what _rumors _you might have heard… but I can assure you that we four are some of the most _honest_ and trustworthy of your father’s officials. Anything you might have heard to the contrary are simply lies, trying to discredit us.”

The other three nodded along, becoming more and more confident the longer he spoke. “Those people will try to make you look foolish and rash, pushing you into some ill-advised disciplinary action. “ He chuckled, the sound somehow ominous in the otherwise quiet room. “They are taking advantage of your youth and inexperience.”

“Yes, he’s quite right!” One spoke up.

“They know that women can be so easily confused.” Braler spoke again, only to be shushed by Gerrin once more.

“So you see, I don’t really think there is anything for us to discuss. After all, we’ve done nothing wrong.” 

He leaned back in his chair with a triumphant grin, waiting for me to respond. It was clear he felt he had me backed into a corner, that I would cave under the pressure of their confidence. It was true that they had doctored all their paperwork, it would be difficult to prove their wrongdoing if I were to try to prosecute them. Especially with me being a young girl with little experience, any attempt at legal retribution would likely end up making me a laughingstock. 

_Which is why that wasn’t my plan._

My smile widened, and all the officials looked just a little less confident. 

“My dear sirs, you seem to be under some sort of grave misunderstanding. I’m so terribly sorry!” I gave a girlish higher pitched laugh. “I can’t imagine WHAT would give you the idea that you four are in some sort of _trouble!_”

The men relaxed in their chairs, but if anything looked confused. “But why…?” Gerrin started to speak up again, only to be interrupted by me. 

“After all, you four are my father’s most _trusted_ advisors. You’ve help run this Duchy for years, working yourself to the bone!” I shook my head, feigning a sad expression. “I can’t imagine all the sacrifices you’ve had to make for the good of the people.”

“We’ve made many sacrifices,” Braler grinned, “But we were happy to do it, for the good of the people, young miss.”

“Lady Lenora.” Gerrin corrected him, now with a cheerful smile. The atmosphere in the room was calm now, and the men looked slightly excited at what else I might have to say.

“I brought you four here to _commend_ you for your years of service.” I waved a hand, and Hallers stepped forward, giving each of them a packet of papers. “And in honor of your exemplary work and in recognition of the many sacrifices you’ve had to make, I am bestowing upon each of you… _an early retirement_.”

“…” The room fell into deathly silence.

“My Lady.” Gerrin’s words were forced through gritted teeth. “You are dismissing us?”

I laughed again. “Oh no, not at all. ‘dismiss’ has such a negative connotation, some suggestion of wrongdoing.” I gestured around. “Like you all said, you have committed no wrongs, instead have worked hard and made many sacrifices. This is a REWARD, gentleman.”

Braler’s face was growing red as the meaning of my words slowly dawned on him. “You can’t…”

I held up my hand, cutting him off, still smiling gently. “You should really look through your retirement paperwork before commenting further, sir.” Pointing at the papers in question, I continued. “You will find my offer _most_ _generous._”

Now looking uncertain, each of them read through the papers they had been handed.

“…” The room had been silent before, now even breathing was hard to hear. The color drained out of each man’s face, until they looked near death.

“This…” Gerrin whispered, shocked. “How…?”

My smile slowly faded. “I run this Duchy, men. _Nothing _escapes my notice. _Nothing._”

The silence continued. “The amount each of you will be given in more than fair, and can be found on the last page you were handed.”

I had thought they couldn’t look worse…. Turns out I was wrong.

I watched with fascination as Braler’s face turned almost purple, his eyes bulging with equal parts anger and fear. Holding back the desire to laugh, I get myself sitting quietly in place, waiting for the reaction I knew would come.

The younger man jumped to his feet, practically spitting with rage. “You can’t do this to me!”

I stayed in my seat, watching him calmly. “I can. And I have. 

“I – I’ll…” His fist clenched, his jaw tightened, he could hardly speak through his anger.

_He just needed one more push._

“Is something the matter?” I kept my gaze locked with his own. “Something wrong with your paperwork, perhaps. Is there anything _I left out?_”

“You’re a witch!” Braler pointed a shaking finger towards me, his voice a panicked shout. “That’s the only way… how else could you know…?” He trailed off, glaring at me.

“Braler!” Gerrin tried once last time to get him under control, but it was too late.

“I’m not a witch, Mr. Braler.” I smiled. “Just an intelligent woman. I don’t expect you to understand the difference.”

With a cry of rage, Braler finally broke. He leapt towards me, fist clenched, swinging it towards my face.

____________________________

**“Please spare a coin?” I held up a bowl, not having to try to look miserable or hungry.   
**

**An older man walked by, shooting me a disgusted glance. **

**“FILTHY RAT!”  
**

**His fist connected with my cheek, knocking me to the ground. I saw stars for a few moments, my vision fading to black in and out. **

**Slowly, painfully, i sat back up, rubbing my face. **

**“Watch out for that one.” The woman sitting next to me sighed. “At least he didn’t kick you. Can crack a rib that way.”**

____________________________

Brauer’s fist moved quickly towards my face.

And through it all I sat there, watching, waiting….

But the blow never landed. A hand gripped Braler’s arm tightly, stopping his fist the tiniest distance before my face. Nate, his face set in a grim determined expression, squeezed down on the man’s arm. I could hear the bones creaking under his large hand.

I gently touched Nate’s arm with a smile. “That’s enough.” 

With a quiet grunt, Nate let him go, resuming his post at the back wall. Braler scrambled backwards, more scared than hurt, cradling his arm with an injured expression. 

“Your man assaulted me…”

“You tried to strike the daughter of a Duke.” I interrupted him, my voice very quiet. But with those few words the room became quieter than a grave.

“…”

There was no color left in Braler’s face. “I- I didn’t mean…”

“I can’t think there is any doubt as to what you _meant _to do.” I looked around. “And as his companions, you would share the responsibility… and his punishment.”

“…” All four men stared at me, terrified. 

“My retirement offer stands as written.” My smile had an edge, they shuddered at the sight. “I suggest you take it quietly and go.”

Gerrin stood, giving me an elegant bow. “Milady.” His arrogant demeanor had completely disappeared. In its place was a grudging respect, and what seemed to be no small amount of regret. “You offer is more than generous and we appreciate this reward for our services.” He paused. “I only wish I had been given the chance to work well under such a competent leader.”

“Of course.” My tone gave no indication that I believed him.

“Then with your leave…” The men bowed as I waved them off, and quietly left the room.

____________________________

“…” There was only a few moments of precious silence.

“ARE YOU INSANE?!!” Nate shouted, stepping over to lean against my desk. “You were playing with fire, Lenora! What would you have done if I hadn’t gotten there in time? You could have seriously been hurt.”

I sighed. “You were supposed to just stand there and not move. “

“And let him strike you? Not likely.” He shook his head, sitting into one of the recently vacated chairs with a groan. “What was in those papers, anyways?” 

I briefly considered lying, and then disregarded the notion. “Every single dirty secret they’ve ever held in their lives. Written down in a list.”

He was shocked. “Blackmail?”

“Yes.”

He leaned forward with a groan, holding his head in his hands. “I -I assisted you in blackmailing four men?”

“You assisted me in removing four corrupt men from power so they could stop abusing the people of this duchy.” I corrected.

“And the last page? How much did you give them for their ‘retirement’?”

I smiled at that question. “On the last page from written the exact amount each of them has embezzled from my family.”

“So… they get nothing.”

“They get to keep the money they stole.” My voice was flat. “That’s more than generous. I don’t owe them anything more than that.” 

Nate looked at me, obviously conflicted. “But… it’s wrong! Isn’t there a better way? A more legal way?”

I leaned forward, smiling coldly. “Of course! I could have spent years gathering evidence, trying to prove their corruption. I could have taken my time, as they continued to steal more and more money from the people, bleeding them dry and destroying us all.”

“But…” 

“And then, when yet another family is cast out into the street because they couldn’t pay, and these men instead took their houses, I can continue to carefully observe and gather evidence, doing this the right way.”

“Lenora…” 

“And yes, more men, women and children will _die._” I lost my calm, raising my voice as I stood up. “Starving to death on the streets because they couldn’t afford to eat, and the duchy was too depleted of funds to help them. But at least I could look into the eyes of their _lifeless corpses _and know that my hands are clean! That I did this the RIGHT WAY.”

“…” Nate was silent, shocked at my anger. I took a moment, closing my eyes briefly, trying to calm myself. 

But it was difficult. 

____________________________

**I was starving. ** **Everything hurt.**

** I curled up in a ball, hopelessness overwhelming me. **

**Tired of staring up at the night sky, i rolled to my side. **

**Only to meet the now glassy eyes of the woman who had been begging at my side earlier that day. **

**She was dead. **

**I was alone again.**

____________________________

“Thank you, for your help.” I tried to shake off the terrible memories that hung around me, speaking up with a sigh. “Although I do wish you hadn’t stopped that blow. Especially after all the trouble I went through of goading that fool into it.”

“WHAT?” Both Nate and Haller spoke out at that. Hallers quickly collected himself, looking embarrassed at the breach of etiquette, but Nate pursued it further. “What do you mean? You wanted him to hit you?”

I shrugged. “Of course. Striking the daughter of a Lord? You can easily be executed for that. The stuff I have on them is embarrassing, sure, but if he had hit me?” I leaned back. “I would have had their lives in my hands. Nothing would be left to chance.”

“And if he used a knife instead of his fists?” At first, looking at Nate’s red face and shaking hands, I thought he was angry. But as i studied him closer I realized that he had tears standing unshed in his eyes. _Why did this matter so much to him?_

Either way, I refused to back down. “Then I would have died. But it was worth the risk.”

“What a STUPID thing to risk your life over!” He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and stood up, shaking. “I have to go.” 

He turned towards the door, hesitating, and then walked back, putting a paper on my desk. “Here. I sent a message to Katherine, the head weaver that I mentioned. She is willing to do business with you. Here is her contact information.”

I took the paper, feeling slightly conflicted. “Thank you…” 

“If you want to thank me… just… please value your own safety more in the future.” he bowed politely, his face unreadable, before turning and leaving the room. 

I looked to Hallers, who stood silently off to the side. “You understand, don’t you?”

The butler hesitated. “I’m afraid I have to agree with young man, as distasteful as that is.” His tone became pleading. “Don’t put yourself in danger, Miss…. Please, it isn’t worth it.”

“…fine.” I rubbed my temples. “I will give more consideration to my safety in the future.”

Hallers smiled. “That’s all I ask, Miss.”

“Should I apologize to Nate?”

“I wouldn’t go that far…” He made a face, and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Alright then, send in the second group.”

Hallers paused. “Will we be alright without… security?”

“We’ll be fine.” I grinned. “This will be a much more pleasant meeting.”

____________________________

Hallers brought in two older gentlemen, who entered quietly, respectfully waiting for me to permit them to sit. I sat forward, looking at them happily. 

“Thank you.”

The older of the two, Terrence, seemed confused. “What are we being thanked for?” 

“You two are the only officials in the duchy of Armeny who have not actively stolen from the people, or engaged in any corruption within the government.”

At my statement neither man looked very surprised. The younger, Nile, spoke up. “That’s not something to thank us for, Milady, that’s just doing your job.”

I laughed at that. “That may be true, but when everyone around you is engaging in corruption, it can be very difficult not to join in.”

“Are you seeking evidence against them? Terrence asked.

“No. I have spoken with the four of them, and all four have agreed to retire early, without taking any pay.” 

THAT shocked them. “That… must have taken quite a bit of convincing on your part.” Terrence finally commented.

“It was nothing. I was just ‘doing my job’ as you well put it.” I sighed, leaning back in my chair. “But even as I got rid of one problem, we are left with an equally difficult one.”

“…” They looked at each other, confused. 

“I assume the two of you cannot mange the entire duchy?”

The two men shook their head vehemently. 

“Then here is what I propose: Find me four honest men.”

“Milady?”

“Trained or no. They just need to be intelligent enough to do the job well, and honest enough to carry it out fairly. Family, friends, neighbors I don’t care where you find them. Pick someone that you would trust to manage your own money. Because they will be managing our people’s.” 

“But… if they aren’t trained…” Nile was obviously worried.

“I’ll give you whatever resources you need to train them. We’ll pay them more than fairly, and treat them well. All I ask is that they do their best for this duchy… for all of us.” I smiled. “I’ll also be doubling both of your salaries.”

They both straightened up in their chairs. “You don’t have to…”

I waved a hand, dismissing their concern. “No. You’ll be doing your work AND helping to train others. With the amount of embezzlement I’ve just put a stop to, I’ve stopped the hemorrhage, but our duchy is still in danger. If we don’t get things turned around within the next three years it will collapse from within.”

Again they didn’t look shocked. 

“We’ll all be working very hard over the next few years. I’m simply paying you with that consideration in mind.” I stood up, holding out a hand to shake. “Do we have a deal?”

Nile jumped to his feet, excited. Terrence stood more slowly, his face cautiously optimistic. “Yes, Milady. I believe we do.”

I shook their hands. “Well then, gentlemen. Let’s save our Duchy.”


	9. Chapter 9

When I arrived at the next lesson with Jim in the Royal Treasury, he held up his hands in apology. “I know, I know, I’m sorry! I really couldn’t get away!”

I sat down in front of him, placing my finished books in front of him with unnecessary force and glaring silently.

“I sent you Nate, didn’t I?” He clasped his hands in front of him, getting on his knees and pretending to beg “Oh great future queen spare me!” 

I couldn’t help it. I laughed at that. “Fine. You are forgiven.” 

“Whew!” He mimed wiping a nervous sweat from his forehead and got back to his desk. “Did you really fire every single corrupt official in the duchy?”

“First of all, I didn’t ‘fire’ anyone. They excepted an ‘early retirement’ as a reward for their hard work.” I shook my head as Jim rolled with laughter. “And no, I didn’t get rid of all of them, just the four with the most power. Without their support, and newer, more honest management in place, the whole corrupt system will collapse on itself.”

“And hopefully not take the Duchy down with it?”

I shrugged. “Never said my work was over. All I’ve done so far was the easy part.” Looking around the room, trying to appear casual, I asked. “Is Nate not coming today?” 

Jim smiled. “Ah, she notices at last. Actually, that’s on purpose. I gave him a later time to show up.” Leaning forward, he looked surprisingly serious. “Tommy told me about the argument you two had after he saved you from getting punched in the face.”

“Hallers…” I sighed, unsurprised. 

“He worries about you to much, which is shocking really.” He chuckled. “I didn’t think Tommy knew how to care about anything besides perfection at work. He really isn’t one to make friends.”

I felt a worrying pain in my chest at those words. “We’re not friends. I provide an constantly improving and complex work environment. He supports that. That’s all. There’s nothing personal about it.”

Jim sighed. “Sure, just keep telling yourself that, kid.” 

Running a hand through his hair, he continued. “I know you had your plans, and they involved you putting yourself at risk… but I’m not going to lecture you about that.”

“Really?”

“You DO have an impossible task, and honestly there are going to be risks in any path you take if you genuinely want to save your home. I don’t know the best way to accomplish that, or if it even CAN be done. So how can I tell you not to go all out?”

I felt relieved, “Thank you.”

“That’s not what I wanted to talk about with you about.” He hesitated once more. “Nate… he cares deeply about the people around him. And he’s lost so much already… too much for someone who is the same age as you.”

I frowned. “So I should feel sorry for him? Let him boss me around?”

“You know that’s not what I’m saying.” He rolled his eyes. “Just know that you’re not the only messed up person out there, and try to understand. The world is a lot more complicated then you think. You putting yourself in danger may seem reasonable and simple to you, but to him… it reminds him of regrets and things he wishes he could forget.”

“…” I knew better than anyone the secrets people held. I shouldn’t be surprised that Nate carried some of his own. “I’ll think about it.”

“Thanks.” Jim looked relieved. “He’s a good kid, a little too quiet sometimes, but I don’t want you two falling out over something silly.”

“What’s silly?” Walking through the door, Nate entered, smiling. 

Jim waved a hand. “Nothing. Let’s get started with the lesson.”

_____________________________

We began our discussion in earnest. I kept an eye on Nate, but he didn’t seem to give any indication that he was still upset after our last encounter. He met my gaze back openly, smiling with a wry expression while pushing me to defend my own viewpoints on tax rates.

It was a lively discussion, and as usual, Jim handed us both a hefty reading assignment after the end of it.

“I think you get some sort of sick enjoyment out of making us suffer.” I groaned, mentally trying to figure out how to schedule enough time free to manage the workload. 

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Jim laughed mischievously “I simply enjoy the chance to enrich young minds.”

Neither Nate or I looked convinced.

“Sure.”

“Right.”

He laughed again. “Making you suffer is really just a side benefit.”

Shaking my head, I started to leave, only to be stopped by Nate.

“Do you have a moment to talk before you go?”

I thought it over briefly. He seemed sincere, and not as if he wanted to start another argument. “I can spare a few minutes.” 

We left together, an awkward silence hanging in the air between us. 

_____________________________

“I just wanted to apologize.” Nate started off right away, startling me. “ I only have a vague idea of your circumstances, and tried to judge you for not doing things the way I might have done them.” He headed over to one of the palace gardens, sitting on a bench. “You are honestly trying to protect your people, and I truly respect that.” 

I didn’t sit, standing in front of him, considering his words. “I forgive you.” After a brief hesitation, I added. “I apologize as well for involving you in a situation that made you uncomfortable, before you understood what you were getting into. I should have taken the time to explain what my plan was before starting the meeting, and gave you a choice as to whether or not you still wanted to be a part of it.”

Nate nodded. “If it makes you feel better, I probably would have still stayed and helped… but I would have still stopped the attack.”

“Yeah, I expect you would have.” I chuckled. Relaxing slightly with the air cleared, I sat down on the bench next to him, although I left plenty of space between us. 

“… You remind me of my brother, you know.” He was smiling, but the expression was somehow deeply, incredibly sad.

“Your brother?” 

“George. He was only older than me by a couple of years, but we were nothing alike.” He chuckled. “He was so passionate about everything. Our country, our people, how to make everyone’s lives better; He would find a project that would help someone and then he’d be off, not stopping for anything or anyone until he had finished it. He just cared… so much.”

The comparison made me slightly uncomfortable. “I don’t care about others.” Everything I had done was done with the singular purpose of saving myself. Even improving the duchy was just to prevent us from losing our home for when Ronan finally broke off the engagement.

Nate raised an eyebrow. “Really? Then why was your first concern when you talked about going a more official route to stopping corruption in the duchy about the families who would starve? And it mattered to you so much you were willing to put yourself in harms way? Is that really how someone who doesn’t care acts?”

“…” I shook my head silently. I couldn’t see myself as anyone’s savior.

“Anyways, I think that’s why I reacted so strongly that day.” He was trying to force a smile, but it crumbled as he continued talking. “George always said that the Cause he was working for justified the risks he was taking. He was my older brother… I believed him.”

He trailed off, staring off into the distance, and I couldn’t help but ask: “What happened?”

“ He died. “ Nate whispered the words, his eyes filled with pain. “And I couldn’t save him.”

Clearing his throat uncomfortably, he stood up, forcing a slightly crooked smile. “Sorry, maybe one day we’ll talk more about that… but I don’t think I can today.”

I followed his lead, standing up and pretending not to notice as he discretely wiped a few tears from his eyes. “Well, I better go home…”

“Just one last thing!” Nate took a deep breath, seeming to steady himself. “Even with our disagreements on silly things like tax rates and extortion and blackmail as a governing technique, I really would like to put that behind us and help each other out in the future.” He stuck out his hand. “How about it? Can we be friends?” 

I started to reach out to shake his hand, but hesitated. 

_____________________________

**I was being led out of the ballroom, someone’s arm was around my shoulder. My father? He was muttering about how terrible this all was, but I couldn’t understand him. My mind was filled with shock over Ronan’s betrayal.**

** _How could he break things off the engagement now? Who was the woman he truly loved?_ **

**I had always thought he loved me, and now felt very foolish for the assumption.**

**Just before we went through the exit however, my tear clouded eyes caught sight of someone familiar… and in that moment I felt the my entire body freeze with shock.**

**Edith, standing next to Prince Ronan, her hand on his arm.**

**“Isn’t that Edith, your friend?” I heard my father ask.**

**“Yes.” the words I spoke were barely audible over the ringing in my ears as the world closed in around me and I faded into darkness. “She’s my friend.”**

**_____________________________**

I pulled back my hand.

“No. Not friends. Not again. “ I muttered, more to myself than Nate. “How about ‘pleasant acquaintances’ instead?”

He paused at that, his hand lowering for a moment. At first he seemed taken aback, even wounded by my words. But as he studied me, the hurt in his eyes slowly faded away and he started to nod his head. A type of understanding sadness took its place in his expression and he stuck out his hand once more, smiling. 

“If that’s what you need. Pleasant acquaintances it is.”

_____________________________

As he walked me back to the carriage, our conversation turned to less rocky subjects.

“Have you contacted the weaver in Tilendra?” He asked, matching his much longer gait to my own as we walked.

“Yes!” I grinned at him. “Thanks to you I just have one last step before I can move on to the second phase of my plan.”

He looked worried at that. “I saw the first phase of your plan. It was terrifying. I shudder to think what the second phase will be.” 

“Nothing so dramatic.” I waved a hand. “Just ensuring that I become completely financially independent. “ 

“Just that, huh?” He laughed. “Why do I feel that you might take on the whole world next, and probably own it by the time you’re through?”

“Not the _whole world.”_ I shrugged. “Just most of it.”

We arrived at my carriage. Nate waved my footman aside, reaching out to open the door for me himself. 

“I’m not sure whether to be excited for you, or scared for everyone else.”

I stepped inside, smiling at him through the window of the carriage as he closed the door behind me.

“Why not both?”

_____________________________

I sat at my desk several days later, waiting for a meeting with nervous anticipation. 

_What if she’s completely different then what I remember? I mean, Rig was the same but I doubt even a different lifetime could change that man! What if this doesn’t work?! What if Hallers can’t find her?_

_…_

That last thought made me chuckle to myself. _No, Hallers would never be so unprofessional as to not complete a task, even an impossible one. I wouldn’t put it past him if she didn’t exist in this lifetime to simply pull her out of another, just so the job would be done properly._

With a quiet knock, Hallers entered, introducing the woman who followed him with just the slightest hint of a satisfied smile. “Mrs. Maline has arrived.”

I nodded approval, and as she walked though the door, I grabbed the armrests of my chair tightly to hold myself back from jumping up to greet her.

_She looked the same as when I met her._

_____________________________

**I stood nervously in front of the older woman, my hands clenched tightly in front of me. She seemed a gentle person, with grey hair and few wrinkles that were outshined by her kind eyes and smile, but it did little to put me at ease. **

**This was the last interview I had gotten, my last hope. I had learned from past experiences to keep my head down, speak only when spoke to, and NEVER mention my past as a nobleman’s daughter.**

**“You’re the duke’s daughter, huh?” She asked, startling me.**

**“How did you…” I trailed off, terrified of the implications. _Would she kick me out?_ I needed this job desperately. **

**“I once made a dress for you when you were seventeen.” She nodded with a smile. “I remember, you designed the thing yourself, very impressive.”**

**“…” I didn’t answer, barely able to breathe as nervousness overcame me.**

**“Can you sew?”**

**“Yes, but it was mostly embroidery work.” I answered honestly. “But I’m willing to work as hard as it takes to do this job perfectly.”**

**She smiled at that. “I think you will. Even back then I thought you were a dedicated person. I’m willing to give you a chance.”**

**“…”**

**“So stop standing there as if you’ve seen a ghost and grab a needle. “She laughed at my shocked expression. “We have work to do.” **

_____________________________

I gently stood up, shaking her hand politely before motioning her to sit. “Mrs. Maline, I’m so glad to meet you, please, make yourself comfortable.”

She stared at me curiously as she sat, curiosity in her eyes, without a shred of recognition. I felt a stab of disappointment, and chided myself silently. 

_Don’t be silly, it’s not like she’s forgotten you! She just hasn’t met you yet in this lifetime!_

“I assume you are wondering why I asked you here.” I started things off generally, trying to put her at ease.

Maline shrugged. “Begging your pardon, but I assumed you wanted a dress made? Why else would you ask a simple seamstress like me up here.” She grinned. “I doubt it’s simply for the pleasure of my company.” 

I waved at Hallers, who poured tea. “You are both right and wrong. I did not ask you here to simply make me a dress, but I also did not ask you here just for tea, as much as I would enjoy just sitting and talking for once.”

“Then why…?” She stopped, confused as I stood to take a formal dress out of the trunk in the corner and brought it over to her.

“What do you think of this?”

Taken aback, she quickly put on an expression I recognized as her professional face. I had Hallers bring a dress form for her to drape it over, allowing her to study it closely. She walked around it, getting a general feel for the design, stepping closer to check the seams and construction, nodding occasionally. It took quite a while but I watched her happily, thinking of the few happier memories I had from my previous life while working in a dress shop with her. 

“The design is unique,” She finally spoke up. “The cloth… it’s from Tilendra, correct?”

At my nod she whistled with appreciation “Well made, difficult to get on this side of the border. Simple, but elegant, some of the lines could be cleaned up a bit. The sewing was well done, the seams are all passable although not perfect.”

She stopped walking around the dress, stopping at the front with a final sigh. “I’d say it’s a wonderful dress, Milady. Well designed, well made.”

“Thank you.” I answered modestly.

“…” She stared at me in shock. I also felt the prickling gaze of Hallers at my back as well before he quickly controlled his expression. “You designed this?” She finally asked.

“Designed and sewn.” I spread my hands, grinning.

Maline’s eyes widened as she looked over the dress carefully again. “I have to admit then… You are very talented, Milady!”

“I can’t take credit for that, I’m afraid. I simply learned from the best.”

Maline laughed. “I hate to disagree with nobility, but that’s impossible.”

“And why is that?”

She pointed to herself. “Because _I_ am the best.” 

We both laughed at that, although for different reasons.

“So why show me this?” She finally asked.

“You could make this design, yes? Perhaps even improve upon this?”

Maline nodded. “Yes, but I thought you didn’t want a dress?”

“I don’t want one dress.” I sat back down at my desk. “I want to open up a business, a clothing shop, and hire you as the head seamstress.”

“…” She sat down silently in her own chair, staring at me as if I had grown a second head. “I don’t want to be rude Milady…”

“You can call me Lenora.” I interrupted, ignoring Hallers disapproving sigh. “We’re going to be business partners after all.”

“That’s yet to be determined. You may have talent, but I doubt you understand the ruthlessness, the determination it would take for us to make it in the clothing industry.”

_____________________________

**Maline, usually so calm and collected, sobbed in the corner of the sewing room.**

**I patted her shoulder, unsure of how to comfort someone who was normally so confident. “I’m sure it was a mistake.”**

**“It’s no mistake.” She snapped bitterly, wiping her tears. “Mr Haggot stole my designs, my contacts, and gave them to another seamstress. I trusted him, thought he valued me as a business partner, but instead he cut me out!”**

**“Isn’t there anything you can do…?” I drifted into silence as she shook her head sadly.**

**“Nothing. He took everything. I have nothing.” She sniffed. “This is the world of business, girl. Backstabbing, betrayal…. If you ever want to go into it, although I don’t recommend it… find someone you can trust.”**

**“Maline…”**

**“So you don’t end up like me.” She sighed, looking around the shop. “I guess, this is goodbye.”**

_____________________________

I looked Maline in the eye, not hiding my determination. “I know exactly what the business world is like. That’s why I need someone who can help me. Someone just as talented as I am so we can make a good product, but mean enough so between the two of us we can beat out everyone else.”

“…” After a few beats of silence she burst into laughter. “Well, you got two things right.” She admitted. “I’m talented and I’m mean.”

“And you won’t stab me in the back.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement.

“How do you know I won’t?”

“…” For a moment, I didn’t answer. 

She had never betrayed me in my last life, but if I had learned anything, it was that the ones you never suspect, the ones closest to you who could tear you down the fastest. 

It wasn’t… couldn’t be friendship. There was no true friends in this life, I learned that the hard way. But perhaps there was something else, a certain professional integrity. I trusted Maline for the same reason I trusted Rig to gather information, or for Hallers to do… anything. They built their lives around being the best in their work, and if I couldn’t trust that, what could I trust?

That was it… that was the reason. I let out a silent sigh of relief. _Not emotions, not weakness, not friendship. _

N_ever again._

“You are a professional.” I finally answered. 

She looked at me with renewed respect. “I most definitely am. “ Taking a sip of her tea, she continued. “But even if your designs and my sewing can make the best dresses around, what advantage will we have to sell them?” 

“That’s the easy part.” I pointed at myself. 

“You’re going to sell them?” Her question was skeptical. 

“Without even trying. You see, what do you think happens when the daughter of a duke, the fiancé to the crown prince, shows up to a party wearing a completely different design of dress?” I leaned back in my own chair, sipping my tea with a smile. 

Maline’s eyes lit up. “They’ll copy you?” 

“They will. And if I tell them that I got the dress from an exclusive shop?”

She nodded slowly. “I- That… that just might work.”

“Not might.” I grinned. “It will definitely work.” 

I could speak with absolute confidence. After all, it had happened before. In my previous life, in the years leading up to my downfall, I had been desperate to impress my inattentive fiancé. I started personally designing my dresses and having them made. It had cost a fortune, and in the end ultimately failed to even win me an extra glance from my betrothed, but each new design _had sparked _multiple new trends across the nobility. The young women would flock around me, asking where I got my dress, my jewelry. They showered me with compliments and called me their friend.

Of course, once the engagement was broken, each and every one of the women who had called themselves my friend were nowhere to be found. They had used me for their own gain, and I had been too naïve to realize it until it was too late. But that was fine. 

_In this lifetime, it would be me using them instead._

“I’ve struck a deal with a weaver in Tilendra, we’ll have good access to high quality cloth. With that, your skills and my influence to sell them, we’ll soon be busier than we can handle.” I set down my tea, leaning forward. There are of course much more details and paperwork to it then that, but that’s the offer.” 

I held out my hand.

“Partners?”

Maline groaned. “I hope I don’t regret this.” She shook my hand. “Partners.”

We began drafting the framework of a business. I named it “Prosperity” after everything I hoped to have, everything that this shop would bring me. The beautiful plan to escape my terrible fate. 

And so, in my small office in the heart of the Duchy of Armeny, began the start of the newest, most exclusive dress shop, rumored to sell the finest gowns in the country.


	10. Chapter 10

Ten months passed, faster than I could have imagined.

The store “Prosperity” took off. True to her word, Milane had improved upon my own designs, and after showcasing the dresses at a few parties, (I had reluctantly resumed my social responsibilities, reminding myself it was for the business), and the orders came in, faster than we could fill them. Expanding production, Milane hired a few more seamstresses, and even then we were stretched thin. We continued making and selling new designs, however, with plans to open up another store before the next season.

The Duchy thrived alongside my business. The officials I “retired” left without further complaint, and their replacements worked hard to gain experience and independence. Until they were completely trained however, the bulk of the work was left to Nile, Terrence and Me. We met weekly, going over accounts and day to day issues in great detail. Fortunately we worked well together and rather than resenting the hands-on approach I took, they seemed relieved.

“The Duke just always told us to do what we thought best in difficult matters.” Nile confided one day. “But with no idea of the overall financial state of the Duchy, it’s hard to make these sorts of decisions. With you in charge, things are running much smoother.” 

Seeming to realize the improperness of what he had said, he panicked, waving his hands. “Not saying that the Duke is incompetent! He’s a very kind man! And as a leader… of course he…” he paused as if trying to think of something else good to say about my father.

I chuckled, trying to relieve the poor man’s misery. “It’s fine. Father’s gifts lie… in other directions. “ I had no idea as to what direction that was, but as long as he stayed out of my way, I was content.

No longer hemorrhaging money, I was able to work on improving the infrastructure of the area, improving the safety and stability of the roads, increasing the schools and preparing some previously unused land for farming. 

Marile, looking ahead to our second store, convinced me to use some of our profits to open up a vocational school for seamstresses, taught by people she trusted. We charged a minimal fee, funding those who couldn’t afford it, and waited excitedly as they gained skill. I planned to hire some of the top students upon graduation, and as the number of skilled workers increased, the duchy of Armeny began gaining a reputation as the place to buy well-made clothes. 

The success spread, and I was already being approached by other trades to expand the school to cover their professions as well.

__________________________________

I continued my lessons with Jim and Nate, although the assigned reading was decreased as more and more of my time was taken up with the business and the duchy. Instead, Jim had me bring practical issues and questions to the class regarding economics or governmental structure, and we worked though it together. I was often able to implement some of the answers we came up with, continuing to benefit my home. 

Nate and I settled into a comfortable pace. He was the calm one in class, frequently mediating between Jim and me when we began to get too loud about a certain subject. He listened well, and when he did speak up it was with purpose, often coming up with ideas that caught me by surprise.

“You should build a place that provides food for people who are starving.” After class one day, he was escorting me back to the carriage in thoughtful silence before suddenly bursting out with that suggestion.

I stopped in my tracks. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, it’s something that you obviously care deeply about, and since you’ll manage to free up some extra funds with the changes we came up with today, I thought it might work! ” He continued as he stopped as well, gesturing excitedly with his hands. “Think about it, a place where people who are starving can come by and have a meal. You can ask for donations and volunteers to offset some of the costs, it should be doable…”

He trailed off, staring at me with an uncertain expression. “Sorry, I got excited on my own, maybe it isn’t the best idea.”

__________________________________

**“Do you have any food?” A young boy pulled on my leg, the bones too prominent on his already small for his size face.**

**I looked down at him, already feeling lightheaded and weak. I hadn’t been able to find work. I hadn’t had a full meal since Rig’s gang had been split up most of them lost, dead or imprisoned. I had begged on the street, only managing to earn enough for some bread, hardly enough to fill my stomach. I wanted to cry, but held my tears, they wouldn’t solve anything.**

**The boy saw my distress and slumped, sitting down beside me, as I hung my head, feeling hopeless. **

**“It’s okay.” He mumbled, using a dirty hand to gently pat my head, trying to comfort me. “I’ll help you.” A small hard object was pressed into my hand. I looked down at it, surprised. It was a regular stone, a little shiny but otherwise there was nothing special about it. **

**“It’s my lucky stone.” He tried to smile, tried to appear brave for me. “You can have it. It will protect you.”**

**I thought about the bread in my pocket, it wasn’t enough to fill me, but for a child…**

**“Here.”**

**I handed him the bread, leaning back with my head against a wall, closing my eyes to keep tears from falling. I wasn’t going to last much longer. I had long given up hope for myself. But that boy… maybe he would survive.**

**And that was something.**

__________________________________

“Lenora?” Nate called out, concerned. I shook my head, I had been silent too long, thinking of a different life, a different fate.

One I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

I smiled at him; ignoring his visible shock at I did so. “Tell me more about this idea of yours.”

__________________________________

Between running the Duchy and the business, as well as continuing lessons and socializing with the nobility to advertise our new dresses, I was busier than I had ever been before in either of my lives. But despite the long hours and the hard work, I was surprised to find I was happy.

There was still just one thing keeping me from being fully content: 

The royal etiquette classes continued, despite the mastery I had displayed. Mrs. Rendler had greatly increased the speed at which we moved through topics as well as the difficulty in each lesson. The advantage I had gained over the extra three years of training in my previous life dwindled, and I reluctantly began scheduling in time to study those topics as well. 

I grew more and more frustrated each week. With all the other demands on my time, why was I bothering to waste any on learning something I would never use? If I were planning on trying to continue my engagement to the prince this would be worth it, but not even the chance to tackle management on a national scale could tempt me to stand by that worthless prince’s side.

I hid it, as best I could. Mrs. Rendler tried to keep the lessons fun and varied, likely sensing my lack of enthusiasm. We learned new dances, tried exotic foods and studied different cultures. It was interesting and I appreciated the effort the older woman placed on keeping me focused, but there was still one, unavoidable problem with the lessons:

Queen Amerande.

She was present every single week, as she had been in my previous life. Smiling, cheering me on, saying silly jokes to try to make me laugh, and picking arguments with Mrs. Rendler to distract her whenever the lessons were getting too difficult for me … she was every inch the mother I wish I had.

But it was a lie, and every minute I spent next to her was pure torture. 

It all came to a head around ten months after I woke up in this second life. The etiquette lesson had completed early. I was packing up my books, planning to take a walk in the gardens to waste the time before my lesson with Jim and Nate in the treasury. Before I could leave, however, Queen Amerande held out her hand, gently stopping me.

“Can we talk, Lenora?”

I nodded stiffly, disliking the thought of spending any time alone with her.

Her smile slightly sad, she gestured for me to sit down, and after I was settled continued. 

“Has your mother returned home yet?” The discomfort on her face made it clear she knew this was not going to be my favorite topic.

I sighed, leaning back and shaking my head. “No, she’s still with her family staying in the southern province.”

_Or so she tells us._ I thought of the contents of the file Rig had brought me, the second assignment I had given him after the blackmail for the duchy officials. It had only confirmed what I already knew from my previous life, but it had hurt more than I wanted to admit to see it in writing.

“She’s been gone almost a year!” Queen Amerande muttered, looking furious for a few moments before poorly hiding her anger behind a smile, trying not to upset me. After being surrounded by expert liars like Angela and Edith, it was almost amusing to see someone who _couldn’t_ lie well.

_That’s not true though is it? She lies all the time when she says she cares about me._My brain whispered to me, but I shrugged it off, not wanting to be distracted by the topic at hand. She was already asking another question.

“Will she be back soon?”

_I wish she wouldn’t. _In my last life, her trip had only lasted a few months, but that had been due to limited funds and our large amount of debt. Once I had most of our debts cleared, I had sent her some money, and thankfully she had continued to extend her trip as much as possible. The servants seemed grateful for the break from her critical presence and my father… he was happier than he’d been in years. But as relieving as this time away was, it couldn’t last forever.

“She’ll be back in a few weeks, before my sixteenth birthday.” I answered, watching her eyes light up at the topic.

“So yes, about that…” Queen Amerande hesitated, “I knew your mother hadn’t been… around, and your father…”

“Forgot.”

“I’m sure he… remembers… deep down.” She looked angry again, but not at me. “But the point is, I didn’t want you to have to plan your own party, so I’ve been making some arrangements.”

“…” 

“Nothing that can’t be canceled if you don’t feel up to it, but I’d really like for you to have a chance to really have fun and celebrate with friends. You’ve been working so incredibly hard lately.” She smiled. “I know I don’t say this enough but… I’m so proud of you. I heard about the work with the duchy and the vocational school and even that charity to help feed those in need, it’s so amazing. YOU are amazing.”

She turned to the side to get something from her bag. I sat there, trembling, filled with anger, barely able to contain it. My fists were clenched, so tightly that the fingernails dug into my palms, starting to tear through the skin.

“I know it’s a little early, but I want you to have this:” She pulled out a necklace. It was beautiful, thin golden chains delicately interwoven, with a small sapphire amulet hanging from the longest strand. She placed it into my hand. “My mother gave this to me when I was a girl, and although I’m not your biological mother, I think of you as my own.”

My ears were ringing, the jewelry in my hand was cold, but felt like it was burning my skin

“I love you dear, and I always will.”

I could barely breathe, it felt like knives were stabbing me in the heart, I sat there frozen, staring at the gift I had once thought meant everything, but meant nothing.

“No matter what.”

__________________________________

**“I love you, and I always will.” Queen Amerande hugged me, patting my back comfortingly with one hand. **

**I returned the hug, unable to hold back my tears of frustration and embarrassment. After being publicly humiliated at my own birthday party, I had come into the backroom to hide, She had been planning to give me her present, but instead found me a sobbing in a corner, and immediately dropped on the floor, ignoring the creases and dust that gathered on her expensive formal gown, comforting me. Once I had calmed down, she handed me a beautiful necklace, one I had always admired as a child, and reached out, wiping a tear from my face.**

**“No matter what.”**

__________________________________

_Thud._

The necklace slipped from my hands, falling to the floor between us.

“Liar.” My voice was quiet, but in the otherwise silent room she could clearly hear me. Her face paled and she tried to reach out for my hand, only to have me pull back, avoiding it.

“Lenora, what…?

“Stop lying. Please.” I forced the words out through gritted teeth, tears gathering in my eyes. “You won’t love me like your own child, and you won’t love me _NO MATTER WHAT_ so please. Don’t lie to me. Don’t fool me into trusting you when you don’t mean it.” 

I stood up, planning to leave, but she ran after me, standing in the doorway, blocking my only exit.

“Let me out.” I ordered, throwing etiquette and caution to the wind.

She shook her head furiously, her carefully styled hair coming slightly undone with the force of the motion. “No! Not until you tell me what this is about!” She was shaking, but her hands gripped the doorframe tightly, refusing to move. “I’m not lying when I say I love you like my own daughter. I’m not!”

“Easy words to say.” I was sneering, hating that my voice broke with tears instead of sounding stronger. “But when your precious son drops me in a few years, and I’m disgraced, then you’ll forget all about this ‘daughter’ you love so much!”

“…” She stared at me, horrified. “You think he… that I… “ She was stuttering, trying to work through what I had said. “Ronan wouldn’t cast you aside. And even if he did I…”

“I’m not an idiot, _Your Majesty_. So don’t treat me like one.” I interrupted her, laughing, but it was an unpleasant sound. “I’m not so foolish as to believe that a boy who has absolutely no interest in me will keep this engagement the moment he finds someone he likes better.”

“…” Queen Amerande was silent for a few moments. I noticed she looked upset, saddened at my words, but she didn’t look shocked, not at all. She had seen her son’s lack of interest in me as well. She knew exactly what kind of person Ronan was, and that he was capable of doing exactly what I said. I continued onwards, not wanting to hear any excuses or explanations.

“And WHEN he casts me aside. You’ll move forward just like everyone else will, without a thought spared for me.” I clenched my fists, wanting to run. “You’ll forget all about me. So please, keep that necklace. Give it to the woman your son actually WILL marry. Or a grandchild whenever they have one. Someone you truly care about. Not a placeholder. Not me.”

Having said what I wanted to say, I pushed past the Queen, running out of the palace. I skipped my lesson with Jim, getting into the carriage. And it wasn’t until I was there, protected by the window covers and safe from prying gazes, that I finally relaxed, put my head into my hands, and cried.


	11. Chapter 11

“Of course the earl of Beral is enthralled by his younger fiancé Lady Erica, but she’s in love with the captain of the Eastern guard. They’ve already started making arrangements, and will elope before the end of the year.” 

Rig finished his report with a satisfied smirk, having pried out some of the country’s biggest secrets and scandals. The nobility would be horrified to know of what all was passed over so easily to me each week by Rig.

“That’s… interesting.” I answered slowly. I trusted Rig’s information, but in my memories Lady Erica married the earl right when I was eighteen, right before my downfall. “Keep your ears out for any plans regarding the Eastern guard.”

Rig raised an eyebrow. “You think someone might try to take him out?” 

_They likely did in another life._ “Plenty of powerful people with reason to. Just a gut feeling.”

“Well, I trust your gut, girl, it’s steered us right quite a few times these past months.” 

Grinning, we both ignored the harrumph of disapproval that Hallers let out from the corner at his casual speech. After a few weeks of getting to know each other, Rig had happily dispensed with all formalities, calling me “girl” or “kid” instead of by title. I encouraged it, as it reminded me of the times we shared in my first life, one of my few happy memories. But it did tend to ruffle Hallers feathers. He didn’t like the idea of anyone showing me disrespect.

“That’s all I have for now.” Rig packed up his papers. “Any specific things you want me to look into besides the Eastern guard? Or should I just keep a general eye on things?”

“Actually I have a question. Have there been any rival businesses who might make an attempt at copying Prosperity gowns?” I sipped my tea as Rig thought it over, frowning.

“Well there’s a few stores who you stole business from, they have made small efforts, buying prosperity gowns and trying to deconstruct them. From what I heard they were unable to get a line on any Tilendrian cloth, and so their dresses were immediately deemed ‘cheap knockoffs’ by customers.” He shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t know how YOU managed to get the Tilendria weavers to work with you, they’re pretty closed about selling over borders. 

I grinned. “It’s all about who you know.”

“That Nate kid, right? I’ve got his whole backstory if you’re interested…”

“But that information does make me question, why did the gown I’m meant to wear for the party celebrating my birthday disappear for two days?” I interrupted, tapping my chin thoughtfully. “I thought it might have been stolen and given to a rival company to copy, but it sounds like that’s less likely now.”

“Miss, are you saying something went missing from your bedroom?” Hallers spoke up, his face pale with shock and anger. “How could they ever…?”

“Actually, since you’re here, Rig, do you mind taking a look at it?” I pulled it out of the trunk in my office, where I had kept it since I noticed its return after disappearing. It was a baby blue gown, cut simply, decorated with a small amount of intricate lace and a slightly darker blue sash. I had designed it specifically for my birthday, which made me even more suspicious regarding its brief absence.

Rig took the dress carefully, confused. “I’m not a seamstress, girl. Talk to your business partner if you want an opinion on fashion.”

“I don’t need your opinion on my style choices.” I rolled my eyes. “I’m supposed to wear this to a large party, I worry that something might have been done to it, meant to target me. I’ve looked it over and didn’t find anything, but you might be better at spotting a trap than me.”

With a grim expression, Rig carefully studied the dress, turning it inside out and feeling over the seams. He leaned forward, smelling the fabric and frowned. “Maybe…” He licked his finger and ran it along a few places on the inside of the dress.

“Really, Mr. Rig!” Hallers protested, “That’s hardly appropriate…”

He paused as Rig pulled his hand back sharply, hissing in pain. He smiled, holding out his finger which was already turning red.

“Fire powder. Pretty nasty stuff.” He wiped his finger with a handkerchief, wincing. “It’s activated by moisture, which is why you didn’t notice it when you looked the dress over.”

“So if I wore this to the party…?”

“By the time you started sweating at all, you would be itching and burning like crazy.“ He looked closer, “Looks like they mostly targeted under the arms and in the bodice. Would have been a very uncomfortable night.”

“Yes, it would have been.” I leaned back in my chair, thinking. My feelings were split, caught between triumph and fear.

_This hadn’t happened in my first lifetime_. I had been embarrassed at the party, yes, but that had been due to others actions and words, not a powder in my dress. 

_The world was changing. I was changing the future. _

But that also meant my advantage was slipping. My knowledge of what happened was becoming less and less accurate. If I hadn’t noticed the dress going missing… 

_I needed to be careful._

“But how did they get this dress out of your room?” Rig looked worried. “Do you need some guards? I know a few women who could stay by your side, rip a man’s head off with their bare hands!”

“I’ll be okay for now. I know how they got the dress.” I met Hallers’ eyes, who quickly came to a realization as I spoke.

“Angela!” He spat the name out like poison. “Oh, this will be taken care of.” He rubbed his hands together, as if planning something terrible. I knew that because it was Hallers, it was likely something tame, such as firing her without a reference, but I still held my hand up, halting his schemes.

“Oh no, leave her in place for now.” 

“Begging your pardon?” 

“Are you crazy, girl?”

The two men spoke up at the same time.

“Right now, I know who she is, and who she works for.” I explained patiently. “I can use her if I need to, but if I get rid of her, they might just find someone else, and that could be dangerous.” 

“Who does she work for?” Rig looked indignant that there was a secret that he wasn’t privy to.

“You’re the spymaster, you tell me.” 

“Would you like me to dispose of this dress, then?” Hallers asked, ignoring Rig’s offended sputtering. 

I smiled. “No need. I have plans for this dress.”

____________________________

We finished the meeting, and I returned to my paperwork, only to be interrupted a few hours later by an excited Hallers.

“Her Majesty, the Queen.” He introduced her with a formal bow, letting the Queen in and standing to attention off to the side. 

My stomach dropped. I had been berating myself over the last couple of days over losing my composure at the last lesson. How could I explain what I had said? Fortunately she didn’t look angry, only determined. 

“I’m sorry I dropped in uninvited, but I worried if I sent any notice you might avoid me.” She sat down in the chair in front of my desk, waving me to sit back down as I tried to stand and curtsy. 

“…” I nodded silently. I couldn’t argue. I likely _would_ have avoided her if I had known she was coming.

Queen Amerande looked over uncertainly at Hallers. “Would it be okay if we spoke alone?”

Hallers paused, ignoring the Queen’s implicit order and looking to me instead. I had a feeling that if I wanted him to stay he would, even if it meant disobeying royalty.

But I wouldn’t ask that of him. “Why don’t you go ask the kitchen to make us a fresh pot of tea?”

The butler nodded, shooting a surprisingly sharp glance at the queen, as if warning her not to upset me, before turning and leaving the room quietly.

The door closed behind him, and with the click, she burst into laughter. “He’s very loyal.”

“Yes, sorry, please don’t hold that against him.”

She shook her head. “No, I’m actually very glad. You should have people like him around you, who would stand up to anyone to protect you, even royalty.”

Taking a deep breath, as if steeling her nerves, the queen continued. “I’m going to say something, and please humor me by hearing me out to the end of this:”

She held up a hand as if stopping the argument she knew I wanted to make. “I love you, dear. I couldn’t love you more even if I had given birth to you myself. I know you don’t trust me. But believe it or not, I won’t stop loving you, and if I have to spend the rest of my life proving it to you, I’m willing to do that.”

She spoke passionately, her hands clasped tightly in her laugh. _I wanted to believe her, wished I could believe her_.

_But I couldn’t._ I knew how the story ended, and it wasn’t with her and I being family. It ended with her with a different daughter-in-law, forgetting about me, and me dying on the streets, long after she already considered me dead to her.

“I know that you have many reasons not to trust people… especially with your mother…” She trailed off, sighing. “I won’t force you to consider me your family, but I wanted to tell you it won’t change how much I care.”

“Thank you.” My tone was polite, nothing more. The queen’s shoulders slumped a little as I spoke, but even as I watched she straightened up again, looking more determined than ever.

“As for my son, I agree with your concerns that he doesn’t seem… invested in the relationship. I would suggest simply breaking it off, but you WERE right about one thing:” She rubbed her forehead. “It would ruin your reputation. People would assume it was your fault, no matter what I said publically. I don’t want to destroy your chances of happiness.”

I smiled, trying to reassure her. “It’s fine.”

“But let’s not give up hope yet. You two really haven’t spent much time together since you were children. After your birthday, I’ll set up some time for you to see each other each week, so you can get to know one another again.” Her smile was slightly lopsided. “If he can understand even _half_ the wonderful person you are, he would be thrilled to marry you.”

I couldn’t help it, I laughed.

____________________________

**“He doesn’t like me.” I sobbed into Queen Amerande’s shoulder, feeling worthless.**

**“He just doesn’t know you! We’ll set up some time for you two to spend together, and if he doesn’t care for you then, well… he’s blind!” She stroked my hair, smiling reassuringly. **

**I sat up slightly, feeling hopeful. “Really? You mean it?”**

**“Of course I do.”**

____________________________

“You never change.” I looked up at the ceiling, sighing. Her plan to allow us to grow closer, just like in my past life. A little early, this hadn’t been set up until after my seventeenth birthday the first time, but the same plan all the same. She was always trying to help, cheering for my hopeless love from the sidelines. 

_But I didn’t love him anymore._

“You don’t need to go through that trouble.” I assured her, feeling tired.

The Queen shook her head solemnly. “Please, give this a chance. ****If it works, great. If after all this you don’t want to marry him? Then you and I will face the nobility, together.”

“Fine. We can have tea on lesson days, then. I can’t spare any other time from my schedule.” My answer was begrudging, but she smiled brightly all the same. 

“Thank you.”

Hallers entered once more with tea, glancing over at me quickly as if to reassure himself that I was okay. I nodded silently and with a relieved expression he poured the tea, resuming his post by the wall.

“So about your birthday.” She studied me carefully, as if judging my reaction. “I can understand if, given the recent discussion we’ve had, you don’t want me planning your party. I can hand over the reigns to someone else, or even cancel it if you don’t feel up to it.”

I was skeptical, and let it show. “Really? Cancel a huge party right before the date? What would the nobility say?”

She chuckled. “What are they going to do, complain to the King about his wife not throwing a party? What use is there to being Queen if I can’t step on a few toes now and then for the sake of people I care about?”

I smiled at that. “Well you won’t have to. I’m happy to have you plan the party.” 

And I was. Despite my mistrust of her, she was a much better choice than anyone else. _Like my mother._ I shuddered at the thought.

“Really?” She sat up in her chair, visibly excited. “I’m so glad! It’s going to be a wonderful party!”

I grinned, thinking of the dress locked in the trunk behind me. “Yes, it certainly is.”

____________________________

A few days passed. Plans for the party moved forward, and with only three days left my office became an even busier place than normal, as I prepared to take a full two days off. 

Maline came by multiple times as we worked over sketches and plans, trying to get everything necessary done in time. I knew how busy she was, given how many orders Prosperity had still to fill, but she waved off my concerns with a grin.

“Consider it part of my birthday present to you, dear.”

Everything was coming together, but as I worked through stacks of paperwork, I came across a letter I had almost missed.

Opening it up, I read through the contents, feeling the blood drain from my face. 

____________________________

**“You’re worthless.” The words weren’t angry, they were simply filled with disappointment,**

**I couldn’t see her clearly, my vision blurred with tears. “I’m sorry.”**

**“I’m sorry as well.” She sighed, the sound cutting into my heart easier than any knife ever could. “Sorry that you’re my daughter.”**

____________________________

“Miss?” Hallers had come in with a tray of food, he paused in the doorway, looking concerned. I wasn’t sure what expression I had on, but I knew it probably wasn’t good.

“It’s fine, Hallers.” I gestured for him to set down the tray. “My mother has written, she’ll be here tomorrow. Please make sure her rooms are ready.”

His face was stone-like, nothing showing through to give away his reaction to my words. “Yes, Miss.”

He left, with one last concerned glance at me when he thought I wouldn’t notice. Finally alone, I groaned, looking the food, my appetite now long gone.

“Well, it had to happen sometime.” I muttered to myself, thinking of the folder locked beneath a fake drawer bottom in my desk. 

“Welcome home, Mother.” 


	12. Chapter 12

I thought I had mentally prepared for my mother’s arrival. It had been almost two years since I had last seen her face in my past life. I couldn’t help but wonder if she would be any different in this one. So many things had already changed here and there, perhaps she had as well. 

Sitting at my desk, pretending to work but unable to even read one page, I stopped to laugh at myself. At these types of pathetic hopes. _I knew better than anyone that she wouldn’t change._

I heard the sounds of a carriage outside, dropping the unread book in my hand with a loud thud. My heart rate increased, pounding in my chest as I stood up, moving towards the entrance.

I could already hear her screaming. 

“HOW DARE YOU DROP MY BAG YOU STUPID COW!” Mother stood there, her face red with rage, screaming at one the young women who worked as a maid at our home. She was a newer higher, I had only seen her a few times around the main hall, but I felt a pang of sympathy as she shied away from my mother’s anger, mumbling apologies as she clutched the bag in question.

“I’LL TEACH YOU TO DISRESPECT ME!” the terrified words and tears of the maid fell on deaf ears, as my mother raised her hand, preparing to strike the girl. Even in her anger, a slight grin tugged on the corner of her mouth. She thrived off of moments like this, making others afraid. 

______________________________

**“What happened?!” As she got in the carriage after the disastrous party, mother glared at my father and me, confused. **

**“Prince Ronan… he… he broke of the engagement.” I could barely force the words out through my tears. My father sat at my side, trying to hand me a handkerchief to dry my eyes, looking overwhelmed.**

**“…” The carriage was deathly silent. My mother looked at me with a tired, disdainful gaze.**

**“So you’ve finally done it?” Her gaze was sharp, feeling as though it was flaying me open. “I’ve told you over and over to ensure he fell in love with you, and in the end you couldn’t even keep him interested enough to tie the knot?!”**

**“Dear, maybe this isn’t the time or place…?” My father interrupted with a sympathetic glance towards me, but was ignored. **

**“Did he leave you for another woman?” Her question was cold, sucking all the warmth out of the carriage. I shivered, trying to hold back further tears and nodded silently.**

**“THEN WHY DID I WASTE ALL MY TIME ON SUCH A WORTHLESS GIRL?!!” Her hand raised up in the air. I closed my eyes as it came down towards me, wishing I was someone else. **

______________________________

The lawn was silent. Mother’s hand was stopped, paused mid-swing as I reached out and grabbed it. The contact stung my palm, but I smiled gently, refusing to show any pain in front of her. Behind me, the maid still crouched, staring up at us both with wide eyes, only releasing the bag she still held as a grim-faced Hallers reached out and took it from her.

“Welcome back, Mother. Why don’t we have some tea inside?” 

My first words to my mother since I woke up in my second life. It felt oddly surreal. Our eyes met, and despite my complex feelings she didn’t appear to realize anything was amiss. Shrugging, she dropped her hand and stepped away from the maid, a bored expression back in place. 

“No, no tea just yet.” She was looking at the family home with disgust. “I must have a bath first, I’m positively filthy from the road dust.” Without a further glance at anyone, she strolled inside, heading upstairs. Shooting a quick glance to me to confirm I had no disagreement, Hallers went into action, giving out instructions to the servants to arrange the bath and unpacking. 

With a small sigh of relief, I turned to return inside, only to pause as I felt a small tug on my sleeve.

Surprised, I looked back to see the maid I had rescued from being struck.

“Thank you, Miss!” Her eyes were filled with gratitude, making me unsure as to how to answer. I wasn’t someone who should be thanked. _I was the one who brought that woman back in the first place._

I forced a smile, “Don’t worry about it. She thinks everyone is useless…” I paused, briefly looking back at the home which now contained my mother. “Especially me.”

“That’s impossible!” She stuttered slightly on her reply, obviously nervous at the conversation, “No one could think YOU are useless, after everything you’ve done! Everyone looks up to you, Miss!”

“I wouldn’t say that…” I met Hallers gaze, expecting him to chastise the girl for not returning to work but found him nodding in agreement instead. I wondered briefly if complimenting me was the way to get on his good side, and then brushed the idea aside as ridiculous. Hallers was an eternal professional. He would never give leeway in the rules for such a silly reason!

Focusing back on the young maid, I asked. “What’s your name?”

“Lia, Miss.” She curtseyed as she spoke, a well-practiced gesture. Despite her youth and inexperience, she had obviously been working hard. I made a mental note to commend her to Hallers later, along with a warning to keep her away from my mother.

_It was the least I could do._

“Well Lia, I’m happy you’re fine.” I turned away and walked back inside, thinking of the confrontation that was awaiting me shortly. 

“One of us should be.”

______________________________ 

My mother took her time with the bath, only coming down after several hours had passed. I had given up waiting and was going through some of the weekly expense reports in the office, feeling tense. Every nerve was on edge. If anything, it seemed as though Mother’s long absence from the family had worsened her self-indulgent and abusive personality. My hopes of being able to reason with her were disappearing fast. 

_This was not going to go well._

A quiet knock on the door sounded, and Hallers, his face once again expressionless, let my mother in. I stood up to greet her, smiling despite my sudden nervousness, and looked over at the butler, feeling a pain in my chest at the concern in his eyes.

“We’ll need a few minutes alone. I’ll ring for tea once we’re done.”

He looked back at my mother for a moment, worry slipping through his otherwise perfect mask. “Are you sure?” He whispered. It must have cost him a lot to ask this, and for the briefest of moments I wished more than anything I could say yes. That I could hide behind him and beg him to stay. To protect me from what I had to do next. 

_ But that wouldn’t help me in the end. I had to change my fate, and to do that… I needed my mother on board_.

“I’m sure.” And I was. Despite how much I wanted to avoid this, I knew with absolute certainty that I didn’t want him to witness what I was about to do. “I… have to do this. “ 

His face resumed its mask, but his eyes stayed on mine. “Good luck, Miss.”

The door closed behind him, and I was alone with my mother. 

______________________________

She was beautiful, it was impossible to deny it. Coppery hair, held up in an intricate design, large dark eyes framed by full lashes, her features were delicate, hardly touched by time. She moved with a grace of a much younger woman, each motion stunning to watch.

She sat down in one of the chairs, looking me over with a critical eye. “How are things going with the Prince?” The first question she always asked when she saw me.

_How many times had I dreamed of giving her a positive answer, of finally making her proud of me?_

But it was never meant to be, in this life or the last.

“We barely see each other.” 

In response, She glared at me, annoyed by my answer. “PERHAPS if you put more attention to your appearance?” She glanced at my dress again. “No man would want to court a plain girl who dresses like a servant!”

I couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at that. I did wear simpler designs at home, no longer comfortable in the complex lace ridden monstrosities that Angela constantly wanted me to wear, but it was still well made, elegant clothing. This design was one of our best sellers at Prosperity, in fact. 

“No, this just won’t do.” She shook her head, smiling condescendingly at me. “I’ve heard of this new shop, “Prosperity.” Apparently it’s all the rage among the nobility. I’ll take you there before your birthday and we’ll try to make you look presentable.”

I kept my face straight, sitting down behind my desk. “That’s alright, I own quite a few dresses from there already.”

How I managed to say that without laughing, I was unsure. Fortunately, Mother didn’t notice, it was unclear if she had even heard my response at all. She was already making her own plans.

“Of course, I’ll go shopping tomorrow, I need an entirely new wardrobe. I’ve had this for an entire season, and I hate to have them think I’m out of fashion. Then once we’re done at the dress shop we’ll move on to accessories…” She continued speaking, but I had already stopped listening, internally wincing as I mentally added up the amount of money she was already planning on spending within her first day of arriving.

_I couldn’t let this happen._

“Mother,” I interrupted her, ignoring her annoyed stare, “As far as shopping goes, we’ll have to be careful. We still have debt to pay, and we can’t afford…”

“Of course we can afford it!” She waved a hand, dismissing my concerns. “Your father is a lord! We run the duchy!”

I shook my head. “The money from the duchy is all going back into the land for now, to help it get back on its feet. Right now we are solely getting money from my business…”

“WHAT?” She jumped to her feet, her face pale. “Are you working for money, you stupid girl? Who do you think you are, a merchant’s daughter?!” She laughed, an angry, bitter sound. “If anyone caught wind of this, if the palace heard of this… you’d be finished socially.”

“We’d be finished anyways, given the amount of debt we had.”

“None of that will matter when you are Queen!” Her voice was raising, her face turning red. “No one will dare collect from us then!”

“We can’t count on that.” My voice turned pleading. “Please be reasonable, we must live within our means…”

“WE COULD COUNT ON IT IF YOU WERE DOING YOUR JOB PROPERLY!” Leaning over my desk, her face was close to my own, I could see my face reflected in her furious gaze. “If you were prettier, smarter… better… He would love you and never look away. Don’t you DARE ruin my life because you are too boring to keep your own fiancé from straying!”

Mother sat down, catching her breath as she finished her tirade. I watched her with a tired gaze, wishing I was anywhere else. That I was anyone else.

My hand trembled as it inched towards the drawer in my desk.

“Please, Mother. For once in your life consider your family before yourself. I’m only asking for a little restraint, nothing life-changing. Can’t we just…” My voice broke. “Be a family? Work together?”

She laughed, her eyes mocking me as she answered with a smile. “You do not tell me what to do. You should never have had any involvement with the Duchy’s finances or a business in the first place. We’ll put a stop to it immediately. Your father will take over, as is proper, and you will focus all your attention on catching and keeping the prince’s attention. As for me?” She chuckled. “I am going shopping tomorrow.”

I felt a chill, as my heart froze within my chest. My gaze turned cold and my hand no longer trembled as I unlocked the drawer, slowly removing the folder from underneath the false bottom. 

The file I had Rig prepare as his second assignment. The one I hoped would never have to be used.

**Thud.**

I tossed the papers on the desk in front of her. I was smiling, but the expression didn’t meet my eyes, which grew colder as she reached for the papers, confused 

“What is this?”

“See for yourself.” Every word lacked emotion. I couldn’t allow myself any chance to feel pity for her, to feel regret over what had to be done.

She opened the file, reading each page, the blood quickly draining from her face. Tossing the papers to the floor, she glared at me, spitting with rage. 

“LIES!” 

I sighed. “No, Mother. That’s the truth.” I pointed at the folder. “You are having an affair with the Earl of Beral. You have been visiting him at his private house regularly during the time you pretended you were staying with family. The affair has been going on for two years now, although he is by no means the first.” I explained the contents of the papers with a dispassionate tone, as if describing the weather. “Every detail of your affairs is written down in that file. Every. Sordid. Detail. ” 

Her eyes widened. “No matter what some piece of paper says, that doesn’t make it true.”

“But it is true, Mother.”

_And it was. _

______________________________

**“Mother!” I slammed the door to the small room we were renting, furious. “Did you steal from the dress shop I work for?!”**

**She sat at the table, her usually well-styled hair disheveled. I noticed she was wearing a beautiful new gown, now stained with dirt. In one hand clutched a piece of paper, the other covered her eyes as she sobbed.**

**“That bastard!” She pounded the table with the fist holding the paper, crumpling it further. “THAT DIRTY, LYING BASTARD!”**

**I was confused, but still pushed forward, determined to hear the answer. “Mother… did you steal from the shop I work for? They fired me today, thinking that we were working together! That was the only source of income we had! What are we going to do?!”**

**She dropped the hand covering her eyes, glaring at me. “None of that matters, you stupid girl! I needed the money so I took it!” She sniffed disdainfully. “I’m the wife of their Duke, they owe it to me!”**

**I winced. We hadn’t seen father in weeks. Severely depressed after we had lost our home, he had taken to gambling in gentleman’s halls. I hid what money I could, but he somehow always found some to take with him, only to come back with nothing, smelling of alcohol and regret. I had heard rumors that he owed the wrong kind of people money now, and with him not returning day after day, I assumed the worst.**

**“We’re not owed anything now, Mother.” I sat down at the table as well, feeling defeated. “What’s wrong?”**

**“I took the time to get dressed up, and go see him! He should be GRATEFUL! How dare he turn me away, as if he’s somehow BETTER than me!” She was barely coherent in her rants, throwing the piece of paper on the table.**

**I looked at the letter, and felt pain at the words. “You were having an affair with the Earl of Beral?” **

**“Six years we’ve known each other! But now that he has a young whore for a wife he suddenly doesn’t need me anymore!” She pounded the table again with her fist. “I thought he simply wasn’t getting my letters, that’s why he hasn’t come to get me… but this…”**

**I wanted to cry, but held back my tears, trying to reach out to comfort her. “Mother…”**

**She slapped my hand away. “STAY away from me!” She spat, standing up and pointing at me. “This is all YOUR fault! All you had to do was marry the Queen’s brat and we would have been happy!”**

**“Mo…”**

**“You killed your father, you know?” She grinned viciously “He died in a ditch, alone, without a single crown to his name and it’s all YOUR fault!”**

**“…” I couldn’t speak, it hurt too much to breathe.**

**“Well I’m not staying here a moment longer.” Mother walked to the door, pausing and looking back at me. “I’m going to find the earl, and I’m going to remind him of who I am. And all the dirt I have on him.” She laughed. “Goodbye.”**

**The door slammed behind her, leaving me alone, staring at the door. **

______________________________

“Even if you have this… paper.” Mother pointed at the file on the floor. “It doesn’t prove anything.”

I shrugged. “I don’t have to prove anything, Mother. All I have to do is release this information to the nobility.” 

Her mouth gaped open for a few stunned moments. “You wouldn’t!”

“I would. You would be cast out from all proper society. A social pariah.”

“But… You would ruin your own reputation at the same time!”

“It may be slightly detrimental, yes.” I spread my hands helplessly. “But after father divorces you and we’re separated legally, many will remember how little you and I see each other. They think of the Queen as raising me more than you already. In the end, I’ll survive the scandal.” I stood, keeping her gaze. “But you won’t.”

In the silence that followed I gathered the papers on the floor, stacking them neatly on the desk and sitting back down. 

“You will be given a monthly allowance. Use the money how you will. Be here for birthdays and anniversaries, otherwise I don’t care where you are or how you spend your life. I think both Father and I would be happier if you spent as little time as possible here.”

I handed her some money, which she held limply in her hand. She stared up with me, her eyes filled with a hopeless rage. 

“I will make you pay for this, you ungrateful brat! You’ll regret crossing me!”

Tapping the folder in front of me, I smiled. “Try me.”

“You’re a monster!” She whispered the words, staring down at the papers that held her dark secrets.

“Naturally.” I stood up leaning closer, whispering the last words in her ear. “One gave birth to me.”

She left silently, and I sat back in my chair in silence. 

______________________________

_It was done._

I should feel relieved, or angry or sad… but instead, I felt empty. 

I had wished for a different ending in this life.

______________________________

**I stood on the street, staring at the woman’s body on the street. Rig put a hand on my arm, worried. “I didn’t want you to see this, but Hale said she looked like you…”**

**“It’s my mother.” I whispered, taking in the all too familiar features, now still and silent. “How…?”**

**“Made to look like a robbery, but there’s some whispers that an Earl might have paid someone to keep her quiet.” He studied my face for a few moments. “Is there anything I can do to help?”**

**“No.” I turned away, shaking my head slowly. “You can’t help the dead.”**

______________________________

She was still alive in this life, and even if she never loved me… I still hoped she had a different end in this one.

I stared down at the folder on my desk, replacing it in its hidden compartment. It felt unnaturally heavy in my hands.

_This was what I was now._

“A monster.” I whispered, feeling the room starting the fade around me. I was having trouble catching my breath. I reaching out a hand for the bell to call Hallers, but it seemed to move further away.

“Miss?” I heard the door open, but the sound was wrong, as if I were underwater. “I saw her Ladyship exit, are you…”

“A monster.” As I fell through the darkness I felt someone grab me.

“LENORA!” 

______________________________

Unsure of how much time had passed, I started to fight my way to consciousness, but paused as I heard familiar voices.

“Thank you for checking on her. The doctor says she’ll be fine, she just needs rest.”

_Hallers? Who is he talking to?_ I wanted to sit up but every muscle in my body felt weak as if I had run for miles without rest.

“She works too hard!” A woman spoke out, upset. _Maline?_ “She needs to learn to take it easy, she’s not even sixteen yet and everyone depends on her.”

“She’s tough.” Another voice answered, the accent reminded me of Rig. “She’ll take on the world and win.”

“I know she’s tough, but I worry!”

“I worry too.”

The voice that sounded like Hallers sighed. “All we can do is support her. But if anyone hurts her…”

Rig’s voice laughed. “Oh they won’t live to regret it, will they?”

I wanted to speak out, ask them who they were talking to, but even as I prepared to open my eyes, a wave of exhaustion hit me, and I returned to the peace of unconsciousness.


	13. Chapter 13

It was the morning of my birthday, only hours before the party. I should have already been home getting ready, but instead I stood in a beautiful sitting room, holding a large box and wearing a friendly smile.

Edith stared at me, unable to hide her suspicion. “Why are you here?”

“Darling!” Edith’s mother, the Countess of Erand, frowned at her daughter. “Don’t be rude!” Turning to me, she continued with an ingratiating smile. “We’re honored to have you here, Lady Lenora. We’ve always been so happy to see you two be such good friends; you are such a good role model for her, quite the perfect lady!”

Edith looked put out at her mother’s flattery. “Not such good friends lately.” She muttered.

“Edith…” the countess began to scold, but I stepped forward, interrupting her.

“It’s perfectly alright, Countess. I have been so busy with my lessons preparing to be Queen that I’ve neglected my best friend. Of course she would be upset!” I enjoyed the anger in Edith’s eyes that always appeared when I spoke about becoming queen. “But today, I’ve come with a peace offering!” I held up the box in my hands.

“Oh, that’s simply wonderful! You are too gracious to our daughter!” She looked closer, her eyes widening in surprise at the sight of the blue and white ribbon and red wax seal on the box. “Is this a dress from ‘Prosperity’?” 

“It is!” I turned to Edith, handing her the box with a grin. “I heard that you hadn’t been able to be seen there, and felt terrible.”

Edith looked down at the box, shaking her head. “They’re supposed to be very exclusive… how did you…?”

“Well, it really depends. They tend to waive the requirement for a recommendation for people of higher rank. ” I pretended not to notice the rage that crossed her face as I casually mentioned her lower status. “But now that I know, I’ve made the recommendation, and you can shop there anytime.”

The countess clapped her hands, not noticing her daughter’s frustration. “That’s wonderful, isn’t it Edith?!”

“Yes. Wonderful.” Edith was forcing a smile, it looked painful. She had always hated the fact that I outranked her when we were children. She told me it made me stuck up, and made me be beneath her in all our games and activities. I had constantly worried about offending her, not wanting to be abandoned by my only close friend. Thus, even in public social situations I deferred to her, which only increased rumors that I didn’t understand proper etiquette.

This lifetime I held no such fear. I had very little use for rank and the nobility, preferring to spend my time with the people I worked with instead of my so called “peers”, but if reminding her of the difference in our status made Edith a little uncomfortable… I was willing to use what I had.

“Open it!” I pointed at the box, watching her face pale as she did and saw the baby blue gown. 

“I CAN’T WEAR THIS!” She shouted, dropping the box. 

“…” I watched silently, smiling. I had suspected she was the one to arrange the fire powder trap of my gown, but having it confirmed gave me a sense of relief.

“EDITH!” Her mother shrieked, picking up the box with an apologetic glance at me. “Lady Lenora came all this way on her birthday to bring YOU a gift, from an exclusive shop! How dare you embarrass me this way?!”

I shook my head, pretending to look sad. “If she doesn’t like it, I’m happy to take it back…”

The countess panicked. “No, don’t you worry, my daughter is very grateful for your present! She’s just… shocked! I’ll ensure she wears it tonight! Thank you so much!” She shoved the box in her daughter’s arms, hissing under her breath. “_thank her!”_

Edith looked at me, and slowly, a cold calculating expression came over her face. “I’ll gladly wear _your present_ tonight, Lenora. Thank you so much.”

My smile never wavered. “You are very welcome.”

__________________________________

I got into the carriage, and Maline greeted me, looking confused. “I don’t know why you gave her the dress.”

I shrugged, “After she tried to embarrass me, it was the least I could do.”

“But you could have just worn it yourself, you already washed off the fire powder!”

“Yes, I did… but she doesn’t know that.”

Maline thought it over, grinning. “Do you think she’ll still wear it?”

“Oh yes, I could see it on her face. She’s planning to wear it, and when the fire powder does its work, blame me for playing a cruel trick on her.”

“But there isn’t any fire powder.”

“Exactly. Nothing to blame on me, and all the mental anguish she’ll suffer waiting for it to take effect is entirely her own fault. “ I laughed at the thought 

“It’s a devious plan, girl.” Maline patted me on the arm, grinning. “I’m glad I’m on your side.” 

We fell into silence, moving towards the shop. “Why does she hate you so much, anyways?”

“I never knew… I guess she wants what I have, but it’s not enough to simply take it… she wants me to regret ever having it in the first place.” I stared out the carriage window, my thoughts on another life.

“What a terrible girl.”

“That’s what friends are though, right?” I glanced back at her. “Just people who pretend to care, all the while waiting for you to make a mistake so they can take everything from you.” 

“…” A complicated expression on her face, Maline reached out, pulling me into her arms.

“Hey!” I struggled briefly but she simply hugged tighter until I gave up.

“They’ve tried their best to break you, child, haven’t they?”

“What are you…?”

“But you’re not lost yet. You’ll learn to trust again.” She patted my head, and finally let me go. “Now let’s get to the shop quickly girl, we only have a few hours and I still have to finish the hem on your replacement dress!”

“I can help.” I offered, trying to put my hair back into place from where she’d ruffled it.

Maline smiled. ”Oh I was counting on that! Birthday or not, I’m putting you to work!”

We laughed at that, and headed to the store to get me ready for the party. 

__________________________________

I stepped into the ballroom, accompanied by my parents, breathing a sigh of relief. It had been an uncomfortable carriage ride over, as my mother had glared at me the entire trip, my father staring uncomfortably out the window. I had done my best to pretend that neither of them was there, thinking through my plans for the party ahead, instead.

__________________________________

**“Thank you for coming to my party, Your Highness!” I curtsied, stumbling slightly with the motion, too excited to feel overly embarrassed about the mistake.**

**“Yes, Mother insisted I come.” Ronan looked around, searching for someone, not bothering to wish me a happy birthday. I felt a shard of anxiety pierce through my happy mood, the smile slipping from my face.**

**_It’s okay._ I told myself, straightening my shoulders which had slumped with disappointment. _He’s here to celebrate your birthday! He must care. _**

** _And at the very least we would get to dance together!_ **

**I trailed behind him, trusting, naïve. It was my sixteenth birthday. **

_ **What could go wrong?** _

__________________________________

A grim smile crossed my face as we excited the carriage. I had been naïve then. I thought others would care about me, want me to be happy.

_I knew better now_

We were announced as we entered the ballroom at the palace and a stir came across the crowd that had already arrived. The Queen walked over to greet me, a large smile on her face. 

“Happy Birthday, Dear!” She hugged me tightly, pulling back only slightly to look at my dress. “You look amazing!”

Maline had outdone herself for my replacement gown. A pale silver, almost white, with a full skirt trimmed with golden lace, it glittered in the lights of the ballroom. The bodice had been delicately embroidered, with complex beading along the waist. I had been shocked when I first saw it, having only asked for a simple gown as a replacement as it was such short notice. When I protested the amount of work Maline had put into it, however, she simply smiled.

“Consider it a birthday gift, dear.” She had been so pleased with herself, I couldn’t help but share her excitement. 

“Thank you, Your Majesty.” I curtsied, grinning a little at her point at my polite language. She turned next to my mother, her smile completely gone.

“Thank you for coming, Seline.”

My mother forced a pleasant expression. “No, thank you for going to all this trouble just for my daughter, Your Majesty.” She glanced over at me, “You shouldn’t have.” Her tone was disparaging. 

“Nonsense!” The Queen reached out and pulled me close to her, and further away from my mother. “Lenora is like a daughter to me, and I would never let anything happen to her!” Her voice seemed to contain a warning, but I realized I must have imagined it. 

After all, there was no reason for the Queen to care if my mother and I didn’t get along.

__________________________________

She led me away without giving my mother a chance to answer, whispering in my ear. “Ronan should be here soon, dear, I’m so sorry he’s late to the party. I’ll talk to him.” 

“It’s fine, I don’t mind.” I meant my words whole-heartedly. The only good thing about Ronan’s existence was that our engagement provided me with the opportunity to finish paying my family’s debt and advertise my gowns to grow my business. As for anything else… I preferred if he was elsewhere.

I looked around the room, catching sight of Edith in the corner. She was shifting back and forth, as if trying to move enough to sweat. Her expression was slightly confused, as she kept adjusting the dress as if to sit it better against her skin. A couple of people were already staring, curious about her antics. I thanked the queen once more and headed over, putting on my most innocent expression.

“Edith!” I threw my arms around the girl, hugging her. “I’m so glad you’re here! And you wore my present!” I clapped my hands, pretending to be delighted. “Please tell me, it’s not uncomfortable is it?! I was very careful in giving them your sizes back from the last time we went shopping… do you like it?” 

She did look very pretty in the dress, but the overall effect was ruined by her constant shifting. People around us were whispering, likely wondering why the daughter of a count was being rude to someone above her station, especially a favorite of the queen. Edith noticed this and forced herself to stand still, her smile stiff and unnatural.

“The dress is beautiful.” She was obviously unsure as to whether I knew about the fire dust, and kept studying me closely, hoping to read my intentions.

_Amateur, trying to read someone who worked as a spy on the streets. _I kept my stance casual and my smile calm. Finally she gave up, seeming to believe I knew nothing.

“Are you looking forward to dancing with the prince?” She asked, her eyes flashing with satisfaction. 

_I wonder if she knows what he is planning?_ “Of course!” I answered loudly for the benefit of her and those listening in around us. “He is my fiancé after all. I miss him terribly whenever we are apart.”

Edith’s face briefly spasmed with jealousy at the word “fiancé” but she quickly regained her composure. “Well just do your best! I would be so nervous if I were you, all those people watching? What if you stumbled?!” She pretended to be anxious for me. “It would be so embarrassing!”

_Was she always so obvious? _I wondered, watching her antics. _Was I really so naïve that I thought this vicious girl wanted me to be happy?_

Before I could answer, however, new arrivals to the party were announced. 

__________________________________

“His Royal Highness, Prince Ronan!” The footman called out, hesitating for a moment. “And… guest.”

Surprised, I turned towards the door, only to see Nate trail in behind Ronan with a grin and a wave.

_That’s strange, he didn’t come to my party in my first life. _Shrugging mentally, I moved up towards Ronan and Nate, dropping into a perfectly performed curtsy. 

“Thank you for coming to my party, Your Highness.” My tone was polite, without expressing any enthusiasm.

“Yes, Mother…” He began to say the same words he said the last time, but I interrupted him, pointing.

“The Queen? She’s right over there. She was looking for you earlier, so you may want to go greet her.” 

Confused, Ronan moved towards his mother, searching the crowd as he walked. I idly wondered what he would make of Edith’s pacing and shifting as she tried to activate the powder, before turning to Nate with a grin.

“What brings you here?” I paused. “And why did they introduce you as just ‘guest?”

He spread his hands helplessly. “Must not be important enough.” His gaze shifted as he spoke, a clear tell that he was lying, but I let it pass. We had both been careful not to discuss his background in all the time we had spent together. He felt uncomfortable for some reason and I… well I thought it was better not to know more about him. It was safer.

“Happy Birthday.” He reached out his hand to shake mine, reminding me of when he first asked to be friends. I took it briefly, surprised when he handed me a folded up paper with the gesture.

“What is…”

“Shh. I’ll tell you later.” He looked mischievous, which only increased my curiosity, but I simply tucked the paper in a hidden pocket, nodding.

“I hope you’ll do me the honor of saving me a dance tonight?”

At his invitation, my first thought to refuse, but after a brief consideration of the events that were to happen shortly, a plan formed in my mind. Feeling impulsive, I grinned. “Only if you do me a favor…”

As I told him what I wanted, he laughed out loud. “Really, you always surprise me! It’s so new in Tilendria, and I wouldn’t have thought it would have made it over here yet.”

“Do you doubt me?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

He lifted his hands in defeat. “I would never dare to. I’ll talk to the musicians and see what I can do. Perhaps after your first dance with your fiancé.” A strange look crossed his face at the last word, but it passed so quickly I thought I imagined it.

“Don’t remind me.” I waved goodbye, and walked away, moving towards where the Queen and Ronan were speaking. 

__________________________________

**The party had gone on for over an hour, but no one was dancing yet. Traditionally I had to open the first dance, and since I was engaged, it had to be with Prince Ronan. I stood off to the side, watching him hopefully, but he ignored me, drinking. People started whispering, their gazes in my direction ranging from pitying to annoyed. I felt my face turn red, but didn’t know what else to do.**

**Finally, the Queen, furious, scolded Ronan and he reluctantly walked towards me, holding out his hand to take mine. I forced a smile, trying not to cry, and took his hand.**

** _At least we would get to dance together._ **

__________________________________

I wasted no time, walking straight for Ronan, a polite smile glued into place. 

“Ready to dance?” I asked him, enjoying his shock at my forwardness.

Technically I should wait for him to ask me. If I wanted to be perfectly polite, I should stand in the corner, waiting for him to deign to ask me to dance, despite it being required of both of us. Being impatient, being aggressive, neither were considered very ladylike.

I couldn’t be bothered. I had spent a lifetime of waiting for things to happen to me.

_This time, I would make things happen myself._

“I wanted to get a drink first…” Ronan was trying to weasel out of it, obviously uncomfortable that I had ruined his plan to embarrass me by delaying the first dance.

The Queen frowned at his words. “That would be very rude to the other guests, you two have to open up the dancing or no one else can. Get your drink after.”

She and I smiled at each other and before he could protest I grabbed his hand, pulling him to the center of the ballroom. He jerked his hand from mine, but we were already in place, the music starting. Without a choice, he grabbed my hand and my waist, preparing to lead the dance. My skin crawled at the contact. 

__________________________________

**Prince Ronan refused to talk the entire dance. Stiff, nervous, I stumbled a few times, but the prince was worse, stepping on my feet, throwing me off balance. At the very end of the dance his weight suddenly shifted completely to the right side, his foot slipping beneath mine.**

**I fell to the floor, bringing the prince down with me.**

**“YOU CLUMSY COW!” He shouted, jumping to his feet with a red face. “How is a man supposed to dance with you?!”**

**“I-I’m so sorry!” The words could barely be forced out through the tears. _How could I have been so worthless at dancing?! I had practiced for hours and hours, trying to perfect it, terrified of disappointing the prince, the queen… my mother._**

**I looked over to the side of the room, only to see her deathly glare, and I felt like crying once more.**

**I moved to the side of the room, and no one dared speak to me. The Queen came over, trying to comfort me, but seeing the Prince dance with other girls, the movements smooth and perfect, I couldn’t help but make my excuses and run to a back room.**

**_It was all my fault._ _If only I had worked harder, been better…_**

**Then he would love me, right?**

__________________________________

The memories of my previous sixteenth birthday crowded my head, making me feel slightly ill. How could I have thought that I could do anything to make these wretched people care for me? 

_No. _

I wouldn’t give them the opportunity to hurt me this time.

As the dance progressed Ronan tried to step on my toes, but I always shifted away, keeping the dance flowing, to his increasing frustration.

“So how are your horses, Your Highness?” I asked, trying to distract him.

“They’re fine.” He grumbled, still focusing on trying to trip me.

I sighed. _How determined is this boy to embarrass me?_ It wasn’t as if I was the one forcing us to be engaged. I eventually got him to talk about his hunting exploits, giving me a short break from avoiding having my feet stepped on. 

As the end of the dance approached, I felt him tense up again. I fought the urge to roll my eyes.

_Here it is._

At the last step, I let go of him, stepping back to curtsy. Surprised, the foot he had put out to trip me moved unimpeded, throwing off his balance and causing him to fall to the floor.

“YOU CLUMSY…!” He started to shout, likely embarrassed that he had fallen and I hadn’t. But he didn’t get the chance to finish his words.

“OH NO!” I interrupted him, pretending to look upset. “Did you trip, Your Highness?” I put on an embarrassed expression, “I had already stepped away to curtsey, so I wasn’t able to hold you up.” I curtsied once more. “My apologies.”

Prince Ronan stared at me, his face red. He couldn’t claim I tripped him, I was clearly nowhere near him by the time he fell. And if he yelled at me now that I had already apologized needlessly, he would look petty. Unsure of what to do, he muttered some unintelligible words of acceptance and stalked off to find a drink.

I moved back to stand beside the Queen, who was shaking her head. “I think I’ll need to send him back to the dance instructor.” She mumbled, rubbing her head. “He looked like a drunken fool wobbling around out there next to you.” She patted my shoulder. “Your dancing was beautiful, dear, don’t blame yourself.” 

“He doesn’t think so.” I pointed in the prince’s direction. He was already complaining loudly about how clumsy and poor of a dancer I was. So unimaginative.

The Queen was furious. “That little…! I’m so sorry, Lenora, let me go straighten him out.” 

Although I was curious to see what the determined appearing woman would do to him, I held out a hand, stopping her. “It’s fine. I’ve made arrangements.”

“What?” Even as she asked the question, Nate stepped up, practically dancing with excitement. 

“There’s a few Tilendrian musicians here tonight, and they can play what we need!”

I smiled. “Perfect.”

The Queen looked between us, a small frown on her face. “Lenora, how do you know…?”

“Nate?” I interrupted. “We take lessons from Jim… from Mr. Hallers in the royal treasury together.”

Before she could say anything else. Nate bowed deeply. “May I have this dance? 

I took his hand. “Let’s go.”

__________________________________

We moved out to the dance floor and took positions across from each other. Immediately, a much faster song than normal started up from the band, causing a commotion among the crowd. I wanted to laugh feeling excited. 

_The Literin._

The dance I had learned in my previous life for Prince Ronan’s 18th birthday. The one I had spent weeks learning, striving to perfect, but never got to try as he had broken the engagement at the start of the party. It was a Tilendrian dance, newly invented, and wouldn’t come over to our country another year or two. No one else here would know it yet, but since Nate was from Tilendria, I thought it would be worth asking. I had always wondered what it would be like to dance it, and now I no longer had to guess.

We moved around each other to the beats of the song, performing the intricate steps and motions, gracefully stepping closer and closer until our hands were almost touching, only to move apart again and again. The dance moved faster and faster, until the moment our hands clasped together, and then slowed into a soft, beautiful melody. We now moved together, and would stay hand and hand until the end of the dance.

It was supposed to symbolize the trials and eventual rewards of true love, but in truth it was no more than pretty steps and music. There was nothing deeper than that to it. I knew that better than anyone. 

As we neared I finally asked him: “So what was on the paper you gave me?”

He grinned, slightly out of breath from the previous faster pace. “The contact information for a jeweler in Tilendria. He makes the most beautiful pieces and has been looking to expand his markets over the borders. He asked if I knew of any reliable stores that might be willing to sell his wares for a cut of the profits and I immediately thought of you.”

I was shocked into silence for a few moments as we continued to move gracefully across the floor. It would be the perfect addition to my business, as many of my customers had asked for pieces to compliment to dresses we sold them.

I looked at his happy smile, feeling suspicious. “Why would you do this for me?”

He laughed. “First of all, it’s your birthday. Second… it’s really more of a favor to him, isn’t it? Your business is going to keep expanding, and getting in with you early will make him a rich man. “ 

“…Thank you.” I felt cheerful. The song came to a close and I ended the dance in a deep curtsey looking up at Nate who again was looking at me with the same strange expression he had given earlier. As if he were happy and sad at the same time.

I couldn’t put a name on it, but suddenly I felt a pain in my chest and was afraid. Panicking, I stood up, thanked him again quickly and left, ignoring his confusion at my sudden change in mood. As I put more distance between us, I felt slightly better and let out a sigh of relief. 

_I couldn’t let myself be distracted_.

__________________________________

I stood off to the side, looking for something to drink, only to have Hallers step out immediately to offer me a glass on a tray.

“You don’t have to serve drinks, Hallers. You’re a butler, not a footman.” I was slightly confused. He had come along to ensure we had everything needed, but typically the personal servants stayed in the backroom until it was time to prepare for departure. 

He grunted at my unspoken question. “I don’t trust them to do things right, Miss. And it’s your birthday, so things must be done right.” Hallers didn’t seem to mind that he had just insulted the world-class staff of the Royal palace, and so I didn’t comment further other than to thank him.

Smiling, he simply stated. “Your dancing was beautiful, Miss.” And stepped back towards the wall, moving silently and blending in the background.

__________________________________

“Excuse me,”

Only a few moments later, a young man stepped up, a shy expression on his face. I recognized him as the son of the Duke, from the neighboring duchy and cutseyed as I greeted him.

“I was hoping to ask you for a dance… but I had a quick question first if you don’t mind.” He looked very embarrassed, and interested, I motioned for him to keep speaking. 

“The Duchy of Armeny has just been improving so rapidly, I was wondering if your father had hired someone to help out, and if they had time to talk to anyone else.” He spoke his question out in a rush. “I know I should ask your father but he ignored me and I wasn’t sure who else to…” 

I held up my hand, smiling reasuringly. “We didn’t hire anyone.”

“Oh.” He looked disappointed. “Then how…?”

“I’ve taken over the day to day management of the Duchy, which is why you’ve noticed a change.”

“…” There was a brief silence between us as he considered my words.

I expected him to laugh, or to call me a liar and walk away.

“THAT’S SPLENDID!” He shouted with excitement, smiling and turning to call over his friends. “RICHARD, NICHOLAS, COME HERE, IT’S LENORA WHO WE WERE LOOKING TO TALK TO! SHE’S THE ONE WHO FIXED THE DUCHY!”

I winced at his loud voice but couldn’t help but chuckle as the entire group of young men descended, filled with questions about improving taxation and infrastructure their respective territories.

As we talked I noticed multiple people whispering while watching us, but they did not seem to be speaking maliciously. Nate and the Queen both smiled at me from opposite ends of the room, and Hallers stood in the corner at attention, the slightest hint of a proud grin on his face. 

Only three people seemed unhappy. My mother, who drank consistently throughout the party, faked a smile and watched me with a furious gaze. Edith continued to walk back and forth, obviously confused as to why the fire powder had not activated yet. Finally there was Prince Ronan, who looked very upset that he was no longer the center of attention. 

He watched our group moodily, drinking from his glass and after he drained it, threw it downwards. The fragile object flew, smashing loudly into pieces against the floor.

Our group, and the rest of the party fell silent at the sound, turning to stare at him. He had obviously done it as an impulse, a display of temper, but recovered in time for a sneer to start forming on his face.

“I want to dance…” He began to say, but I interrupted him once more with a smile. 

“Forgive me, Your Highness, but this is a very important conversation and I can’t dance right now.” 

He looked shocked. “I wasn’t…!” _He wasn’t asking me, _he wanted to say, but it was too late. I was already looking around the room.

“Is there any girl here who would be willing to dance with the prince in my place?”

There were a few moments of silence as the young women looked at the smashed glass on the floor, seeing his anger and not wanting to step forward. I saw Edith making her way quickly, a smile on her face, but before she could speak a word, someone else did.

“I would like to dance!” The Queen smiled graciously, grabbing her son and pulling him along. Edith stopped in her tracks, glaring at the her and stepping back.

I could see the Queen lecturing the prince rapidly, enjoying his crestfallen expression for few moments before returning to discuss economics with the group. A few of the women had joined now, curious, and I happily advised them as well.

__________________________________

Once we had taken a break, I begged off dancing for the moment, stepping back to find Hallers. I noticed that he had cleaned up the broken glass, faster than anyone else could react, and wanted to thank him for it.

“No need to thank me.” He smiled and bowed. “Just making sure things are up to standard.”

I looked around the room, giving out a small sigh of satisfaction. To my surprise, the night had been fun, getting the chance to dance and talk and celebrate. I felt a pang of sadness for the young girl I had once been. Who had run away, embarrassed and defeated.

“I’ll change it this time.” I promised myself quietly.

“What was that, Miss?”

“Nothing.”

“Are you having a good birthday?” He asked, surprising me.

I couldn’t help it, I grinned. “It’s been almost perfect.”

“Almost?”

**Splash.**

Likely desperate to activate the powder so that she could complain about my “gift”, Edith spilled water on her gown. She stood there, her expression changing rapidly from triumphant to angry as nothing happened, and I turned away laughing 

“Well, now it’s perfect.”

I was sixteen. 

Two years left until my engagement was broken.

_I would be ready._


	14. Chapter 14

“The general rumors are currently in your favor, girl.” Rig lounged in the chair across from me, cutting into an apple while he spoke. “The idiot prince tried to tell too many people you were clumsy and blaming you for his faults at dancing, only to have you show him up. They feel that you’ve become very accomplished, and perhaps aren’t appreciated enough.” 

I grinned, taking a slice of apple from it and eating it, ignoring the conflicted stare from Hallers at my breaking protocol. “Good. While we’re still building the business and getting the Duchy in a stronger position, I’ll have to maintain a fairly good reputation.”

_Of course, in a couple of years, I’ll be considered worthless in the eyes of the nobility. I’ll have to make sure to distance myself from the public face of both the business and the duchy before then._

I didn’t voice the second part. I didn’t really have any explanation for why I needed to plan for a future only I knew about.

“Is that all, Rig?” I asked, watching as he tossed the apple core up in the air, obviously distracted.

“…No, it’s not.” He sighed, putting the fruit core down and rubbing his face. It had barely touched the surface of the desk before Hallers had snatched it up and disposed of it properly, making sure to shoot a disapproving at Rig for daring to try to cause a mess in his presence. 

“I need a favor…” He looked around, and then continued slightly quieter. “I need to check on someone… but it’s complicated.”

_I had wondered when he would ask._ I looked over to Hallers. “Can you give us a few minutes of privacy?”

“I’ll be right outside if you need me, Miss.” He obeyed my request without hesitation, but paused to look at Rig on his way out. I couldn’t see the butler’s face, but judging by Rig, a man who made selling information on the street, whose face turned pale, it was quite the warning glare. As we were left alone, Rig ran a hand through his hair, obviously unsure as to how to proceed.

“I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. You are the only person to know about… her, and it’s not the sort of place you can just walk into. I want to see her myself, you know, make sure she’s okay.” He looked back at the door Hallers had just left, looking guilty. “I know you’ve been overworked, girl, and I don’t want to add to your troubles…” 

“Rig.” My voice was firm as I turned to rummage through the chest next to my desk. Finding what I was looking for, I pulled it out, tossing one to Rig. “Catch.”

He caught it with a quizzical expression, his face changing to shock as he looked closer. It was a servant’s uniform, one with a very specific crest embroidered across sleeve of the coat.

“How did you…?”

“Made them myself months ago.” I chuckled. “I figured you would want to check on Raewynn sooner or later. If we go in the evening we can watch her in the garden. Their staff has a fairly high turnover rate, most of the servants won’t bat an eye at a few new faces as long as we’re wearing the right clothes.”

“…” Still seeming too stunned to speak, his gaze slowly drifted to the similar embroidered maid uniform in my hands. “You’re coming too?”

“Like you said, it’s not the sort of place you can just walk into. You need someone watching your back,” I smiled. “Also to make sure you don’t do something stupid.”

Rig nodded. “I can’t argue with that.”

“Good.” I wrote an address and time on a paper, handing it to him. “Then, I’ll see you tonight.” 

__________________________________

I went to my room “to rest” early for the night, right after dinner. Although I assured Hallers that it was simply because I was tired, I felt his suspicious gaze follow me until I hid in my room. 

“I’ll help you prepare for bed, Miss.” Angela, a bitter expression on her face, stepped forward. She had been looking glum ever since my birthday. I assume because Edith blamed her for the mix up with the dresses. Feeling mischievous, I decided to twist the knife a little.

“By the way, Angela, I wanted to thank you.”

“Thank me?”

“Yes, you’ve been so frequently reminding me how much I’ve been ignoring my good friend Edith lately, and so I gave her a dress to where to my birthday. I wouldn’t have thought of it without you.” I smiled as her face turned pale. “She seemed to love it.”

“Did she?” Angela had turned away, her hands shaking as she tried to fold a gown. 

“I very much want to patch things up with her, so I’m planning a new surprise as well.”

“What is it, Miss?”

I smiled, seeing the desperate look in her eyes. She was definitely hoping to pass on the information to help win back her mistress’s favor. Which worked for me 

I needed the both of them nearby, where I could see them. 

“The Queen will be arranging for me to have regular visits with the prince to help further our relationship.” I shrugged. “I am going to invite her to come along. She loves the royal gardens!”

Angela smirked, trying to hide the condescension she obviously felt. “Lady Edith will be overjoyed to spend time with you.”

_Spend time with the prince, actually._ But that was what I needed, for now. 

I dismissed Angela to pass on her news, and once I was alone went into action. 

Immediately changing into the servants clothing I had prepared, I snuck out the window and clambered down the nearby tree, cursing as I slipped and almost fell. It was more difficult then I had anticipated, as I had to remember past skills from my last life, but slowly they came back to me. I snuck past the guards protecting my home, and met up with Rig. 

“Are you sure about this?” He was unusually nervous, at least for Rig. He kept glancing over at the estate ahead of us, a desperate longing in his eyes.

“Come on,” I grabbed his arm, “If we waste too much time we’ll miss her.”

Chatting quietly, we walked right past the guards. We kept confident postures, as if we had every right to be there, and only deviated from the path once we were out of sight. Disappearing into the shadows of the evening, we circled around the buildings, making our way into a tree in the massive gardens.

“Where is she?” Rig was looking everywhere, seeming to barely contain himself. I held up a finger, quieting him, and pointed off in the distance where the barest hints of a conversation could be heard. They finished talking and a lone figure headed in our direction. 

She hummed as she walked, stopping to look at different flowers and plants, finally sitting on a bench near the tree with a long sigh. The song continued, a soft lullaby I recognized from my own childhood, as she took a flower in her hands, pulling the leaves and petals from it slowly, tossing them into the wind.

She was nine years old. 

__________________________________

**“Who is she?” I whispered to Rig as we hid in a tree, watching a thirteen year old girl walk among the flowers. We had come here three weeks in a row, always around the same time, to watch the same girl. Each time Rig had sat there silently, staring at the child with an intense expression, and we had left back for the base as soon as she went inside.**

**“…” He stared silently for a few moments longer, and only as she walked further away did he answer. **

**“My father worked in the stables at a noble house. I used to help him, working with horses. I thought it would be my life’s work.”**

**I let him keep talking; even though he fell into long pauses between each sentence.**

**“I met the Lord’s daughter, a beautiful kind girl. We were friends… just friends… at least for a time.”**

**The girl picked a flower, holding it close to her nose and smelling it.**

**“They found me bringing her flowers. Such an innocent gesture, compared to what we had already done before. I was thrown out on the streets. My father never spoke up once in my defense.”**

**The girl tucked her flower into her hair, a bright smile on her face.**

**“She looks exactly like her mother… but her smile… it looks just like me, doesn’t it?”**

**Finally she was out of sight, and we headed back for the group’s base. **

**“She sent me a note as soon as she knew she was pregnant…” His smile was sad. “I asked her to run away with me, but she said no. She married an older man, an earl, and claimed that the child was born early instead.”**

**“Does… your daughter know the truth?” I asked hesitantly, wanting to comfort the older man but unsure of how to do it.**

**“No. She has no idea that her father is a spy on the streets. Or that he loves her with all his heart.” He rubbed his face, laughing bitterly. “Sorry, I just… wish things were different.”**

**“Don’t we all?” I gave him a brief hug. “Why tell me?”**

**He looked at me, for the first time s…ince we had snuck into the estate smiling honestly. “Because although I have a daughter who will never know my name. I’ve still got one I’m proud of right here.” He ruffled my hair, and I blinked.**

**“But we’re not related?”**

**“Doesn’t matter. You’re family now, girl. Get used to it.”**

**I blinked back tears, happiness I hadn’t felt in a long time overwhelming me**

**“So, what’s her name?”**

__________________________________

“Raewynn.” Rig whispered as we stared at the young girl, a grief in his eyes as he watched his daughter from afar. The girl had finished picking flowers and was already heading back to her room. “She loves flowers, you know. They tell me she can name all sorts of types of flowers and their different uses.” He sounded proud as he described her.

“She’s smart, like her father.” I whispered, ignoring his surprised expression.

“I suspected when you said the name, but you really know everything, huh?” He paused considering. “Did her mother, Helda tell you?”

“No.”

“… very well, keep your secrets.”

We climbed down the tree, and walked out of the estate, pretending to be servants at the end of the work day going home. The guards never challenged us. As we walked back towards my home, I spoke up.

“I’ve already told you how I knew.” I looked him in the eye. “And now I’m going to tell you one more thing:”

“What?”

“Don’t tell Raewynn the truth. At least not until she’s grown, and even then you probably shouldn’t.”

His face closed off at my words . “Why not?”

__________________________________

**“You should tell her!” I urged, jumping up and down with excitement.**

**“I’m not sure.” Rig shook his head. “She might not be happy to hear the truth.”**

**“But you’re amazing, much better than any silly earl! She should know who her real father is!” I pulled on his sleeve. “I know I would want to know.”**

**“Really?” He wasn’t entirely convinced, but the small grin on his face told me he would eventually give in. “Well, we’ll see.” **

__________________________________

I stopped walking, making sure he heard every word. “The first thing she’ll do is talk to her mother. And Helda won’t risk her secret getting out. Not after all this time.” 

__________________________________

**“I’m going out to meet someone.” Rig pulled me aside, his face serious.**

**“Do you want me to come?”**

**“Not this time, but… depending on how this meeting goes, I may be leaving the streets behind, to start a new life, with a family.”**

**“Oh.” I felt a heavy weight in my chest, but forced a smile on my face. “That’s… that’s great!”**

**“Well, it might be.” He reached out and grabbed my hands. “If we go, will you come with us?”**

**“Come with you?”**

**“You can be part of the family, have a younger sister…” He smiled, “I can’t run off without both of my daughters, now can I?”**

**Burying my head in his shoulders, the position muffling my tears, I managed to get out a single word**

**“Yes.**

**I was going to have a family again.**

__________________________________

My last memory of Rig alive in that lifetime, I’ll never forget it. Smiling, hopeful, looking to a future he had never once thought to have.

But she wasn’t at the spot she had promised to me him at. Instead, armed men met him there. I don’t know what lie she told her husband, but he and his men came for us all with a vengeance. Anyone who had been associated with him was caught in the crossfire. Some of us were killed, others imprisoned. Only I escaped, terrified and alone.

“She wouldn’t…” Rig started to argue, and then stared in confusion at me as I grabbed his arms, tears already forming as I choked back sobs of grief.

“SHE WOULD. And you will die, alone on the street. It was my fault, Rig. I told you to talk to her, I told you to tell her you were her father. And it got you killed.” I was crying, now my hands sliding off his arms as I crouched on the ground, hiding my face. 

“I’m so sorry. It’s my fault. I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’m…’

“Lenora!” Rig knelt down next to me. “It’s okay! I’m still alive, it’s fine! Nothing’s happened yet!”

I looked back up at him, barely seeing him through my tears. “But it did happen. I saw your dead body with my own eyes. You never would have died like that if you hadn’t met me. I hurt everyone I care about. I never should have found you in this lifetime, either.” 

“…” Rig reached out, drying my face with a handkerchief. “Listen, child. I can’t pretend to understand all this ‘other lifetime’ stuff that you keep talking about, but I do know this. No matter what life it is, I would never want you to blame yourself for the evils that others have done. You did your best, girl. That’s all any of us can do.”

“but…” 

“No buts.” He grinned, pulling me to my feet. “You’re family now kid, whether you like it or not. Which means you have to listen when I tell you to forgive yourself and be happy.”

I sniffed loudly, laughing despite myself. “You work for me, actually. Shouldn’t I be telling YOU what to do?” 

“Eh,” He waved a hand. “You might be the boss, but I can bet that no one’s going to stand for you to be punishing yourself. Now cheer up, or I’ll sick Hallers on you. The man won’t rest until you’re perfectly happy.”

We both laughed at that, and walked some distance in silence.

“I won’t push you to talk about your secrets, but I am curious about one thing.” He looked over, “Why didn’t you just lie instead of talking about this other life business? It seems like it would be much easier for you.”

I shook my head. “There were two people in my life that I could never lie to. With you, I didn’t even bother to try.”

“What about the other?”

I paused at that, thinking of my outburst in the palace not that long ago. “I’ve been trying to lie to her, but I haven’t been too successful lately.”

“Maybe you should tell her the truth too.”

“I can’t.” I thought of my fate in my previous life with a frown. “I can’t trust her. Not again.” 

We finished the rest of the trip in silence.


	15. Chapter 15

The next lesson at the Royal Treasury started with a lecture from Jim.

“Look,” He pulled me aside, his face serious. “I know you have a lot going on, and you can’t really slow down, but try to take better care of yourself, alright?”

I raised an eyebrow. “What happened to ‘not lecturing me about going all out’?” 

“Well, I thought I could do that. But now it’s starting to affect my quality of life.” He grumbled, pouring himself a drink as well as some tea for me.

“How is it…?”

“It’s Tommy!” He blurted out, gesturing and almost spilling from the glass in his hand. “Whenever he gets stressed out, he has to clean something. Your home and his home are spotless, so what does he do?! He comes to my house!”

“He… cleans your house?”

“Deep cleans it. After that little ‘fainting’ episode of yours, I was woken up before dawn due to the sound of him polishing my floors!”

“…” I stared at him in shock and he sighed, throwing back his drink in a single gulp.

“Look, I’m not saying to stop trying to save your duchy, just attempt to limit the strain on yourself a little?” He looked tired. “I need to sleep and my poor tables and floors are being polished into dust.”

I had to smile, even as the thought of my actions have such a strange unknown effect made me nervous. “I’ll try to take care of myself better.”

_It would be easier now that my plans were on track, anyways._ There was still plenty of hard work ahead, but building on the groundwork I’d already laid would help things along.

Nate arrived, and we discussed a few issues on land disputes. Towards the end, after Nate broke up a yelling match between Jim, and me he sat back with a sigh.

“This was fun.”

“Yeah, “ Jim agreed, “I’m going to miss this.”

“Miss this?” I asked, confused.

Shrugging his shoulders, Jim explained. “Well, thanks to your popular talks at your birthday party, I’ve been strong-armed into taking on three new students. I was planning to give you a few weeks off, maybe to relax a little…” He looked pointedly at me, “…and when you come back all five of us can go over scenarios perhaps every other week.”

“All _five?_” I thought about that number, confused, “Three students, you, Nate and Me… that’s six.”

Jim turned his head to Nate. “I thought you told her?”

The young man grimaced. “Not yet.”

“Told me what?” I felt slightly annoyed at being out of the loop.

Nate stood up, stretching with a groan. “I’ll walk you out, and we can talk on the way.” 

_________________________________

“So what’s going on?” I asked as soon as we left the treasury.

“I have to return to Tilendria next week.” He realized I had stopped in my tracks and stopped, turning to face me.

“Already?

Nate laughed at that. “I’ve been here almost a year! Next month is my eighteenth birthday, and my responsibilities at home… well, I can’t stay away any longer.”

“I see.” I hadn’t thought about it, but it made sense that he would have to return. My stomach started hurting, I wondered if I had eaten something off earlier.

“I just…” He paused, taking a deep breath. “I want to thank you.”

“For what?”

“For treating me like my own person… someone who actually has value.” He turned away, running his fingers through his hair in a nervous gesture. “I’ve told you about my brother…”

“George, right?”

“Yeah. He was a wonderful person, but…” His face turned slightly red as he looked back at me, embarrassed. “I was always jealous of him. He always seemed to be a few steps ahead of me, doing things better than I could ever dream of doing them. And whenever I tried… no matter how hard I tried… it was always compared to George. “

“But you said he…?” I trailed off, unsure of how to phrase the question, but Nate understood, a grim light in his eyes as he explained.

“He died. Just three years ago. And there I was… competing with a dead person. Someone who could never make another mistake. All my dreams… my work to find something only I could do… gone in a single afternoon. I was permanently moved to his shadow. “

I felt a pang of sympathy. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I deserved it.” The sadness, the regret in his eyes was so intense I felt myself reaching out to comfort him. I halted my hand before it had moved too far, holding it down by my side. “I was a rotten person, consumed by jealousy, and if I had… He wouldn’t have been…” He sighed. “There’s a lot of things I still have to atone for.”

“…” I watched silently as Nate seemed to wrestle with himself, trying to regain emotional control.

“I say this because I had started to lose hope that anyone would ever see any value in me as a person. But Jim… and especially you…” He smiled, “You listened to my ideas. You took me seriously. You made me feel like I was worth listening to. I hadn’t realized how much I needed that.”

We resumed walking towards the outside, and he continued on. “So even though we’re only ‘pleasant acquaintances’ I want you to know you’ve helped me immensely. And I’ll miss you.”

My stomachache grew worse. I rubbed it idly with one hand, replying. “I’ll miss…” I felt a brief moment of panic and changed the words at the last second. “…having class with Jim together. It was very useful.” 

His smile turned slightly sad, but he didn’t respond other than to nod. As we reached the carriage he helped me up into it, asking:

“Can I see you again before I leave?”

I thought that over. “I’m supposed to have tea with the Prince in three days. Why don’t you join us?”

He gave me a strange look. “I wouldn’t want to get in the way…”

“Oh you won’t. It’s something we have to do now that the Queen has set up. Besides, I’m taking Edith with me anyways, so you won’t be the only person besides us two.”

“Edith?” He looked confused. “I don’t think you’ve ever mentioned her before.”

“She’s my best friend.”

“I thought you didn’t do friends?” His tone wasn’t accusing, just bewildered.

“I don’t.” I laughed at the thought. “And she’s why.”

With that, I waved goodbye and left for home.

_________________________________

Tea was an unbearable affair.

The four of us were sitting down, but only Nate and I were drinking tea. Edith was laughing, leaning towards Ronan, a bright smile on her face. Ronan was talking, but each word he spoke only made me wish he wasn’t.

“She just kept babbling on and on, and so I told her to be quiet and I could teach her everything she needed to know to make sure the baby was healthy!”

“That’s amazing!” Edith clapped her hands excitedly. “I bet she was thrilled to have your expertise! And how kind of you to volunteer your time to teach her!”

Ronan grinned. “I try to help out where I can.”

Nate put down his tea, looking as if he had a headache. “You taught… a midwife… about babies?”

“Of course.” The prince’s expression grew condescending. “It’s the job of royalty to teach the lower classes and less educated.”

Nate and I both met each other’s gazes, wide eyed. He rolled his eyes and suddenly we both held up our tea to cover our faces, trying desperately not to laugh.

“So where’s Hallers?” Nate asked, looking around. “I didn’t think he ever let you out of his sight!”

Edith glared at Nate, as if angry that he had spoken at all. “Why on earth would Lenora’s family butler be out with her during tea with a prince? Honestly, after all this time staying with His Royal Highness, I’d think you’d be better versed in etiquette.”

Prince Ronan looked slightly uncomfortable at her words. “But Edith, Nate is…”

“A slow learner.” He interrupted, spreading his hands helplessly. Even with such an _expert teacher_ available!”

“Hallers is doing a deep clean of the house. “ I answered his earlier question, “Even then I had to talk fast. You’d think I was traveling to another country, rather than the Royal Gardens.”

“What nonsense!” Edith was growing more annoyed that I had contradicted her.

“It’s not nonsense.” Nate frowned. “Hallers cares for Lenora, and ensures that she is comfortable and happy. I think he’s a very admirable person.”

“Well what else are servants to do other than care for their masters?” Ronan chuckled. “I mean, that’s their purpose in life, correct?”

_________________________________

**“I’m looking for a dress!” A well-dressed woman came into the shop. I normally sewed in the back, but the shop girl had stepped out for a break, leaving me to tend to the customers.**

**“Of course, what kind of dress are you looking for?” I kept my voice pleasant, despite a sinking feeling in my stomach that this was not going to go well.**

**She glanced around the shop with a sharp gaze, her eyes lighting on a delicately beaded dress on a mannequin. “I want to try on that one. Help me into it.”**

**I stared at her in confusion, “Ma’am, that dress is made for a child… it wouldn’t fit…”**

**SLAP!**

**My head snapped to the side with the force of her palm. I stumbled a few steps backwards, rubbing my stinging cheek.**

**“I don’t recall asking you for your opinion, servant.” She pointed at the dress once again. “Help. Me. Into. It. NOW!”**

_________________________________

“That’s ridiculous…” Nate was already starting to argue, but I reached out and tapped his hand, shaking my head for him not to push it. Edith and Ronan had already moved on to the next topic, with him continuing to brag about his “expertise” in different subjects and her praising him.

It was exhausting.

_Two years of listening to them go on like this?_ I worried for my sanity. As I watched them continue to talk animatedly, tuning out the exact words, I wondered if they would notice if I brought a book along for future outings.

“I’m hungry!” Edith abruptly looked down at the table, and then glanced over at me. “Lenora, dear, go tell the servants that I would like some pastries.”

Despite the egregious break in etiquette, Ronan simply grinned, supporting her request. I felt very relieved that I hadn’t let Hallers come along today. If he had heard this… I shuddered to think of the consequences.

Nate was wearing an incredulous expression. “Do you really think…?”

“Sure!” I stood up, preventing him from finishing his sentence. “I’ll be back shortly.“

As I turned to walk away, Edith called out again.

“Lenora!”

I looked back at her, wearing the same fake smile I had worn in a previous lifetime for the sake of customers. “Yes?”

“Can you have them brew a fresh pot of tea and bring that back as well?” She waved, dismissing me.

My smile never wavered. “Of course.”

_________________________________

**“Lenora!” Edith and I were at a garden party together. She was a wearing a delicate lace dress, one that I had bought her. I was wearing a multi-layered gown in clashing colors, uncomfortable but trusting Edith was correct that this was the newest fashion. “I saw you talking to Charlotte earlier.”**

**I smiled, wiping sweat from my forehead, feeling uncomfortably hot in the dress. “Yes, she seemed very friendly.”**

**Edith’s eyes were cold. “Don’t talk to her anymore.”**

**“Why?” _She had seemed so nice?_**

**“She says terrible things about you when your back is turned. She may seem nice now, but if you keep being friendly with her, you’ll regret it.”**

**My shoulders sagged. I had been so hopeful when talking to her earlier that I might make a new friend. “Really?**

**“Of course,” She laughed, the sound sickly sweet. “I just don’t want you to get hurt, dear. “**

**“Thank you, Edith. You’re a true friend.”**

**“Yes, just listen to me, I’ll watch out for you.” She paused looking around. “I’m thirsty. Go to the kitchen and have them make me a drink.”**

_________________________________

As I walked towards the palace, I shook my head. Growing up, Edith had frequently ordered me around, and worked hard to isolate me from any potential other friends. I had been so terrified of disappointing her, of losing one of the few people who cared about me, that I had always gone along with it. _What a waste!_

As I moved further away, I heard someone else walking up behind me and turned, surprised to see Nate. He walked quickly to catch up to me, his expression stormy. 

“_Your friend_ told me to get her some sugar for her tea. Apparently the sugar at the table _isn’t the right kind._” He rolled his eyes. “I would have put her in her place, but you seemed to have a reason for going along with it, and I thought it would give us a chance to talk.”

“I’m sorry. She shouldn’t have done that to you.” I felt bad. Being mistreated by Edith was something I considered normal, I had spent years adjusting to it, but seeing it happen to someone else…

Nate waved his hand, dismissing my concern. “Nothing for you to apologize for. Not your fault she’s a terrible person.”

We walked in silence until reaching some of the nearby servants, they promised to bring the desired items, refusing to let us stay to help bring them back. Shrugging, I turned back on the path, towards the gazebo in the center of the garden where we had all been sitting.

“So why are you letting her have her way in all this?” The question seemed to burst from Nate, as if he had been trying to hold it in but couldn’t. “You have never struck me as the type to let someone bully you!” 

_You should have met me in my last life._ “She serves a purpose. Until she ceases to be useful, it’s not a big deal to make her feel as if she has the upper hand.” 

He shook his head, confused. “But still…”

“Rank, etiquette, who sits first and all that… doesn’t really matter in the end. People only have so much respect for the title… it’s money and power that matter most.”

_After all, I had been the daughter of a duke in my previous life, but it hadn’t saved me. _

Nate looked as if he wanted to argue, but I held up a hand, silencing him. We both stopped in our tracks, having just turned the corner that gave us a full view of the gazebo.

I groaned, pulling Nate back around the corner and out of sight. “You would think they would be done already.” _How foolish can they be?!_

Nate’s eyes were wide with shock, his cheeks slightly red. “I… they… we…oh no!” 

He was obviously stunned, and with good reason. When we had turned the corner we had been given a clear view of Ronan and Edith… sharing a passionate kiss. 

Pacing back and forth, Nate began talking to himself. “How could they? Your best friend and your fiancé?! This is terrible, THEY are terrible.” He gestured wildly, “Should I go beat him up? Wait… would that count as an act of war…? Besides do YOU want to beat him up? I can HELP you beat him up… they can’t cause an international incident over me just _helping_ you beat him up! 

“Nate…”

“…Talk to Hallers, I’m sure he knows the proper protocol in beating up the crown prince properly. But first, we’lll need to separate them, maybe some cold water and a bucket…” 

“NATE!” I repeated, louder this time. He startled, looking at me, his muttered plans stuttering to a halt. “It’s fine.”

“How can it be fine?” He looked sad. “You should be able to trust them, but they’re betraying you like this… hurting you… it’s not fine at all!”

I reached out, putting a hand on his arm. He immediately froze, staring at the contact. “No, it’s fine. Ronan despises me, He’ll break off the engagement as soon as he’s eighteen and can do it without the King and Queen’s approval. And Edith… well, this is what she’s always wanted.”

He considered that. “But… what about you? What do YOU want?”

“Me… I want to be richest, most powerful person in the room. The one who gets to decide what happens next. Love?” I laughed at the word. “Love is just a weakness. It’s lies and people pretending to be close to you, until they can sacrifice you for their own gains. I’d rather not have it.”

Nate’s eyes were sad. “No love at all? What about friends or family?”

“None.” My expression remained stony. “All of it is a chance for someone to tear down everything you’ve ever built.”

“Lenora, I may not have a fiancé or ever done…” He swallowed uncomfortably, turning bright red and pointing back towards the gazebo. “that. But friends, family… they’re what kept me going, even in the worst of times. You can’t spend your whole life avoiding love!”

“Watch me.” I shook my head. “You think it’s great now, but when you’ve lost everything, and the people you thought were family are dead and those you trusted as friends have betrayed you… well, then you’ll wish that you had just avoided it altogether.”

“But…”

“NO. No buts. I know what I want, and it isn’t family. It isn’t friends, and it isn’t romance.” I leaned forward, staring into his eyes.

“I would rather have a broken heart and a full stomach, than love deeply but starve to death on the street like a dog.”

“…” He didn’t answer, just stared at me again with a mournful expression. Why was he so sad for me? _I had explained what I wanted, and I was getting it successfully! He should be happy for me instead!_

Irritated I turned the corner again, this time talking loudly so that the two ahead would stop kissing. “Did you hear something?”

The couple sprang apart, wearing guilty expressions, and our awkward tea continued

_________________________________

As the tea time mercifully came to a close, Ronan offered to send Edith back in a royal carriage. It was technically another breach in etiquette, but I was so relieved that the time was over that I didn’t even have to force a smile as I watched them walk away. I prepared to get into my own carriage, only to be stopped by a determined looking Nate. 

“Here.” He put a piece of paper in my hand.

I looked at it with a laugh. “Really? More contacts? Who is it this time? A milliner? We don’t sell hats yet I suppose.”

He smiled, but it was a nervous expression. “It’s me.” He pointed at it, explaining. “I know it won’t be the same as class with Jim, but I was hoping that if I need advice, or to bounce an idea off of someone, I could write to you? And vice versa?”

“Hmmm” I stared down at it for a few moments before putting the paper in my pocket. I had grown used to discussing the issues of the duchy with him after all. It wouldn’t hurt to maintain that advantage.

He looked on, seeming extremely happy that I hadn’t rejected the paper. “and… you said that Ronan will break the engagement when he turns eighteen?” His face was now bright red, even worse than earlier. I wondered if he had a health issue.

“Yes,” I answered, not really considering my words. “At his birthday party.”

“Okay.” He nodded. “Good to know.”

He stuck out his hand again. I shook it without hesitation.

“Thank you, Lenora. For everything.”

And with that, he turned and walked away. I held my stomach, feeling pain there and in my chest.

“I’ve been having all sorts of stomach problems lately. I should be carful about what I’m eating.” I muttered, as the carriage started moving and headed for home.


	16. Chapter 16

The Duchy flourished. 

We trained our new officials and solidified checks and balances to keep things honest and efficient. The school expanded to multiple trades, and soon I was cooperating with other nobles to open up similar establishments across the kingdom. Through it all, Armeny led the way, becoming a center for trade, skilled workers and culture. 

Another year had passed, I was seventeen, and coming up on the last year before the big scandal that had ruined my life the first time around. I knew that I needed to move out of the spotlight, so that my fall from grace would have as little as an effect as possible of the work I had already accomplished. 

Fortunately, I didn’t have to worry about the business “Prosperity.” No one seemed to realize that I was in charge, and simply seemed to think I was one of their most loyal customers. I would be able to continue to run things from behind the scenes.

But the Duchy was a different story. Most of the nobility knew by this point that I was the one actually in charge. At first, some of the older men had protested to my father, decrying it as “unnatural” and “harmful.” Fortunately the Duke’s laziness was not to be underestimated. After getting a chance to live a life free of the responsibilities he hated, my father was not going to be coerced into taking them on again. He simply told them he couldn’t be bothered, and that everything would work out in the end. In the face of his never faltering, if vaguely directed optimism, they were forced to give up. 

I had been left in relative peace since then, but that would change once my reputation and status were ruined. To prepare for that, I needed a figurehead. Someone who could help to run the Duchy instead of me, but wouldn’t try to change too many things whenever I wasn’t looking.

And so, I sent for Henry. 

A distant cousin on my father’s side, Henry was officially the heir of the title. 

Traditionally he should have been at my father’s side, learning to take over from the time he was young, but that seemed that it had been too much effort for the Duke. I had met him only a few times over the years, he was always quiet, intelligent… if a little boring to talk to, and a hard worker. He spent most of his time studying the different uses of plants, and publishing his findings. 

He had never inherited the title in my previous life. After my family fell from grace, the Duchy had been absorbed by its neighbors, and as far as I knew he lived his life either unaware or not caring that his inheritance had disappeared. He seemed to find joy in scientific study rather than money and the company of others.

He was perfect.

__________________________________

“So I am to take over the Duchy?” Henry sat across from me, drinking tea, his gaze more on the floor than on me.

“In part. You’ll be taking on some of the workload, but I’ll still have a hand in making sure things stay on track.”

He thought that over for a few moments, sighing. “What’s in it for me?” 

THAT caught me off guard.

“You’ll have to be the Duke eventually, and this is part of the job. Also, you get to live in a nice house, you won’t have to worry about money…”

“But I really don’t want the title! I have everything I need at my home.” He shook his head. “I may not have money or a big house… but my plants… 

“I’ll build you a greenhouse, and move your plants here so you can continue your studies. I’ll even buy you more plants if you like…”

“I’ll move in next week.” I couldn’t help but laugh at his immediate agreement once plants were involved. 

__________________________________

We built a greenhouse, and Henry moved in without causing much fuss. He took to the administrative work naturally. I found to my delight that not only was he easy to work with, but when we had time he would take me through the greenhouse, teaching me the various uses of different herbs and plants.

“And this is winterblue…” He pointed out a leafy green plant without flowers. On looking closer I noticed that the edges of the leaves were tinged with a light blue. 

“What does it do?” I felt the leaf between my fingers, noting how soft it was.

“Nothing too amazing. If you brew tea with it, it can boost the body’s health. So if someone is showing early signs of illness, this can be a good thing to give them.”

“Anything poisonous in here?” I was mostly joking, but Henry nodded seriously, pointing at the far corner of the greenhouse.

“The more you know about these kinds of things, the better.” He grimaced. “I study a few of these poisons in hopes of understanding how to negate or treat them.”

“Just keep a close eye on them, please.” It made me nervous to have poisonous plants on the grounds, but after a few months of working with Henry I knew better than to try to persuade him to get rid of a plant. “I’d hate to see them fall into the wrong hands.” 

__________________________________

My etiquette lessons completed a year earlier than they had in my previous life, having covered a great amount more of material. 

Mrs. Rendler pronounced me a natural genius and claimed I was the best student she had ever trained. I was slightly uncomfortable with the title, given the extra three years advantage that I had, but it wasn’t as if I could set the record straight. I had hoped as the lessons were over I could be excused from visiting the palace, but found myself spending the designated days with the Queen, instead.

The reason given was that I would follow her around, “to get a feel for the work the Queen has to do.” And for perhaps a single week she stuck to this, but it almost immediately evolved into “all the mother-daughter activities Queen Amerande has wanted to do but couldn’t find an excuse to before.” 

We visited other families together, went shopping, walked through various gardens and public sites. I meant to beg off in the beginning, to make excuses and miss the less than useful meetings, but… She was so excited each time. She smiled when she saw me, asking about my week. We would talk for hours, and although I tried to keep as much back as I could, she somehow would manage to get me to talk about whatever was going on.

It was painful, sometimes. She acted every bit the mother I had always wanted, but I remained aware that it had to be a simple charade. Something that would end once the engagement was broken. And she must have sensed my concern about this to some extent, because although she continued to treat me as she always had, if not closer, the necklace I had refused remained in her jewelry box, likely waiting to be given to Edith once the prince chose her.

It was what I had told her to do, but it still made me uncomfortable to think about. 

__________________________________

Through the next years Nate and I continued to write each other. He seemed to be doing well back in his home country, and was implementing many of the changes we had tried in my duchy back there. His letters were always long, filled with excited rambling that made me smile. It reminded me of how enthusiastic he always was during classes to come up with ideas for the Duchy. 

I missed the time we had all spent together. I still visited the royal treasury once a month but it was more to help Jim teach his newer students than anything else. If I ran into a complex problem I either wrote to Nate for advice or visited Jim on a free day to talk it out. I appreciated still having their support… but it was just not the same as it had been. 

The letters were often awkwardly worded, as Nate struggled desperately to not reveal his identity through them. He slipped frequently, but I refused to think about it, or consider any obvious clues. I didn’t want to care anything about him… the less I knew about him, the better. 

And if I was always happy to receive a letter from him… it was because I valued his expertise in economics… not because I cared at all. 

__________________________________

I slowly paid off the family debt, and between the now three stores I owned with Maline, we were both wealthier than I had ever expected to be. We had even opened a branch store geared towards the average person, with well made clothes sold at affordable cost, and soon had to hire more and more people. I was funding my father and mother, as well as Henry’s expenses, but still had plenty more. I put more into the food charity and schools, not forgetting what it was like to not have a job or regular food. 

The Duchy was thriving. The family was wealthy. I had prepared everything I could.

The future would be different this time. 

__________________________________

“Miss?” Hallers opened the door, finding me sitting in my office despite the fact that it was well before dawn. “Is everything all right? Why aren’t you in bed?”

I sighed, looking at him with a sad smile. “I’m sorry if I woke you, Hallers. I couldn’t sleep. Just trying to mentally prepare for the future.” 

Today was the day before Ronan’s eighteenth birthday. It was the day of my last “lesson” with the Queen, my last tea with the prince.

_The day that had ruined my life was tomorrow._

“I beg your pardon, Miss, but if anyone had prepared for the future, it’s you.You can’t predict everything, but you’ve worked hard and helped those around you.” He smiled, startling me. “ You’ll be a wonderful queen one day, if you don’t mind me saying.”

I laughed at that, not able to explain the irony of his words. He would understand tomorrow. “Try not to put too much faith in me, Hallers, you’ll only be disappointed.” 

He leaned over and squeezed my hand, his eyes kind. “I normally would never disagree with you, it’s not a butler’s place, but I will now: You could _never_disappoint me. I have never been so proud of someone, as I have been with you.”

“…” I stared at him in shock, as he slowly stood back up, resuming his professional stance.

“Now, you can go back to your room and have a short nap. We’ll bring you some breakfast and send you off to the palace once you’re ready.” He raised an eyebrow. “Is that clear?” 

I stood up, chuckling. “What would I do without you, Hallers?” 

“Don’t worry, Miss. You won’t ever have to find out.”

__________________________________

My last tea with the Prince was as boring as ever. I hadn’t been able to bring Edith today, as I was able to most weeks, her mother had wanted her to stay home for a dress fitting. Edith had been annoyed, Ronan was irritated once he realized she wasn’t going to be there, and I wasn’t too happy either. Normally I let them chat together, reading a book as they ignored my existence, him bragging and her complimenting. 

But today… 

“How are your birthday preparations coming along?”

“…” He stared down at the table, refusing to talk. I sipped at my tea, silently glad as I always was that I never let Hallers come along for these outings. I wasn’t sure if the butler had ever killed anyone before, and I wasn’t about to let the Prince be his first victim.

I kept talking, pretending this was a cordial conversation. “I heard your mother hired some of the best musicians around, so the music should be lovely. Of course food will be wonderful…” 

This WAS the one thing I had been looking forward to. The royal chef was amazing, and I had missed out on the food at the party last time as I had left in tears after he broke the engagement. This time around I was determined to get to try some. 

“…” He nodded silently, pretending I didn’t exist. I reached the end of my patience.

“Well, this has been wonderful, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to leave early. I need to say goodbye to your mother before I leave, and then finish preparations for the party.” I stood up, relieved I wouldn’t have to pretend enjoy his presence after tomorrow, as I turned to walk away, however, he called out, stopping me.

“Lenora? 

“Yes?” I looked back at him. He seemed uncomfortable, but forced himself to speak.

“We’ll need to talk tomorrow, come find me as soon as you arrive at the party.”

_Before I even get to eat? _“Sure.”

I walked away, wondering how I could hide from him long enough to eat the food before he broke off the engagement, in case I had to leave the party.

__________________________________

**“We need to talk tomorrow.” The prince’s face was serious.**

**“Of course!” I smiled, hoping he thought I looked pretty. “However long you need!”**

**I walked away, feeling excited. _Perhaps the time we were spending together was finally taking effect! Maybe he wants to tell me he loves me!_ With this and other fanciful imaginings, I thought of little else for the rest of the day**

__________________________________

“The tea ended so early, did it not go well?” Queen Amerande asked me with a frown as I approached to say goodbye.

“He really wasn’t in the mood to talk.” _Especially not to me._

She reached out, hugging me tightly. “Dear, I appreciate you giving as much time as you have to this, I’m sorry he… he’s like this.”

“It’s fine.” 

And it was. 

I cared little for his personality, habits, or lack of etiquette. It was amazing how freeing realizing that he and I were never going to be married was in how I viewed him. I had always worried I wasn’t good enough, wasn’t pretty or clever or graceful enough to catch his eye. But now, it didn’t matter. I didn’t want him to notice me.

“No, it’s not. He shouldn’t treat you so poorly.” She sighed. “He’s my son, I love him… but that doesn’t mean I wish I could shake some sense into him sometimes.”

“You can’t force these things.” I smiled. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

As I spoke the words I realized: it was the last time we would get to see each other in such a casual setting. My stomach started hurting. I would need to ask Henry to see if he could brew me tea for stomachaches.

_Which reminded me_…

“I brought you something.” I reached into my pockets, pulling out a packet of dried winterblue leaves. “I was worried you were sounding ill, so if you brew this into your tea, it should help you feel better. 

In truth, she didn’t sound sick at all, but I knew she would be soon. 

__________________________________

**“Where’s the Queen?” It was my first question on arriving to the party. I was nervous, curious about what the prince wanted to talk to me about. I had wanted to see the Queen first, but looking around the ballroom, I didn’t see her anywhere.**

**“I heard she was too ill this morning to attend.” Edith smiled at me as she spoke. She was dressed much nicer than normal, and seemed… excited, almost. I wondered what was going on, but dismissed the question as soon as I thought of it.**

**“I hope she feels better soon.” I murmured, making plans to visit the next day.**

**Edith’s smile widened. “I’m sure she will.”**

__________________________________

I had never gotten a chance to visit her after the engagement had been broken, but I remembered hearing that it had taken her quite a few days to recover. 

_Of course… it might have all been an excuse to avoid me after her son broke our engagement._

Even as that dark thought crossed my mind, I handed her the tea. If she truly did get sick in the past life, maybe the tea would help, and if not… well, the tea wouldn’t hurt.

Queen Amerande took the tea, looking slightly confused. “You know, I must look more sick than I realized. I feel fine, but this is the second time someone has given me tea today.” 

That caught my attention, “Someone else brought you tea?”

“Yes, your friend Edith brought me some tea leaves earlier today. She said it would help ‘calm my nerves.’” She shrugged. “I wasn’t feeling stressed, but since she was a close friend of yours I was planning on trying it tonight to be polite. But now I’m afraid I won’t.” She clutched the tea I had handed her, looking extremely happy. “My daughter gave me something better so of course I have to use that instead!” 

Dancing around, you would have thought I had given her jewels or gold rather than a simple bag of died leaves. “It will be the best tea I’ve ever had!”

I laughed at that. “You haven’t even tried it yet!”

“You gave it to me! So it’s the best!” She pretended to frown for a moment and then gave me a hug.

I hugged her back, and then made my goodbyes, preparing to leave. The Queen stopped me, handing me a different tea bag. “Here. This is the tea Edith gave me. It’s not the most polite thing I’ve ever done, but I don’t really drink medicinal tea all that often.” She grinned. “Unless of course it’s been given to me by family. You’ve had a lot going on lately, though, so maybe it can help with your stress.”

Shrugging, I took the bag. I would likely throw it away, I wasn’t very eager to try anything from Edith. I was curious that she had made the trip up earlier without me to see the queen, but on closer thought, it made sense. Edith was going to be engaged to the prince soon. She was probably trying to make a good impression on her future mother in law.

It was funny… I had no issues with the thought of her marrying Ronan, my fiancé… but the idea of her being Queen Amerande’s daughter in law made me want to scream in frustration.

_I must just be tired._

__________________________________

I headed home, feeling determined. Tomorrow was the day I had been preparing for ever since I had been reborn. So much was different, but still this day always had loomed ahead, a reminder of the terrible ending I had once faced.

It would be different this time.

_I _was different this time.

I was ready.


	17. Chapter 17

“That went well.” I muttered, walking back into the ballroom. I patted my pocket, now filled with the crowns I had extorted off of the Prince, reassuring myself that at least this time I had not come out empty-handed.

_Now, off to find some food._

Ronan had grabbed me the moment the party had started, pulling me outside towards the gazebo so that he could break the engagement as dramatically as possible. I hadn’t even had a chance to _look_ at the tables holding the food…

I stopped in my tracks, deeply disappointed.

_Most of the food was already gone._

“That’s two lifetimes!” I growled under my breath. “Now that’s just going too far!” 

Before I could mourn too long, however, Hallers stepped up behind me, holding a plate. My eyes widened with surprise. 

“How…?”

He gave the smallest hint of a smile. “I saw that His Royal Highness had pulled you aside, and that you had not had a chance to eat today. I took the liberty of preparing a plate of the dishes I thought you would most enjoy.”

I grabbed the plate, smiling brightly. “Hallers, you are an angel! Definitely the best butler in the entire kingdom!” 

He stepped back towards the wall with a quick wink, “Naturally, Miss.”

As I happily enjoyed the party food, I heard a voice behind me.

“Did the prince talk to you?” Edith was wearing an unnatural smile, her eyes searching me closely, as if expecting to find me in tears. 

Ignoring the question, I looked her up and down, nodding in approval. “I like the dress!” 

She was wearing one of my newest designs from “Prosperity.” Ever since I had “recommended” her, allowing her to shop there, she had been purchasing gowns on a frequent basis. I had no issues with this, despite her stealing my fiancé in both lives, having decided that I was going to be the bigger person.

_And if I happened to have the store charge her twice the usual price?…_ well, no one was perfect. 

In fact, given the fact that her purchasing hadn’t slowed down despite the increased pricing made me wonder if the prince wasn’t funding her shopping as well. Which should have offended me, but I did enjoy the idea of both of them unknowingly supporting my business.

Edith preened at the compliment. “Don’t I look amazing in it? Prosperity is expensive but definitely worth the price!” She looked over at me with a pitying look. “I see you aren’t wearing any of their new line. It’s okay, I know that your family has… financial difficulties.”

“Don’t worry about us, we’re doing just fine.” And we were. Given the revenue from my multiple stores, we were one of the wealthiest families in the kingdom. It was true that I wasn’t wearing any of the dresses released at the store, as I didn’t want them associated with me being dropped by my fiancé, but I was happy with the dress I had designed, a deep blue gown with silver embroidery. 

“Of course you are.” She looked around, obviously frustrated by my casual attitude. “I think the Prince was looking for you.”

I smiled. Edith must have assumed he hadn’t broken the engagement yet, as I didn’t look upset enough. “I’ll keep that in mind, but first, I need to go greet the queen.”

“WHAT?” Her voice was a little too loud. She flinched the whispers around us, and looked around, seeing the queen enter without introduction. “What is she doing here?” She sounded upset.

“It’s her son’s birthday, where else would she be?”   
Not giving her a chance to answer, I walked away, heading towards the queen.

____________________________

“How are you feeling?” I felt a flash of relief, looking her over. She didn’t seem ill at all.

“I feel fine! Really, everyone was fussing over nothing!” The Queen reached out and gave me a hug. 

_Perhaps too much has changed in this lifetime, and she simply didn’t get sick this time. _Shrugging it off mentally, I stepped out of the hug, giving her a serious expression.

She saw my face and her smile fell. “Oh no. Did he break the engagement?”

At my nod she swore under her breath, shocking me. “What a fool!”

Queen Amerande turned, looking over at her son, who was walking towards the center of the room with a determined expression. “And of course he’s planning to make a scene.” Reaching out and grabbing my hand, she quickly leaned towards me and whispered in my ear. 

“Please, play along with what I do next!”

“What do you mean?” Before she could explain, however… 

“Everyone, I have an announcement to make!” 

Prince Ronan spoke loudly, waving his hands until the crowd quieted down. “As many of you know, Lenora and I have been engaged since childhood.” His eyes moved over to me, his mouth forming a vindictive smile. “But today, now that I am legally an adult, I am breaking that arrangement. I will not marry Lenora, and she will not be Queen.”

Everyone seemed to be talking at once, the room filled with shocked murmuring. More than one sympathetic glance was directed towards me. Just as it seemed that the noise would continue indefinitely, however, Ronan held up his hand again, and the room fell silent once more. 

“I have one more announcement to make….” A more genuine smile crossed his face, and I noticed Edith starting to make her way through the crowd of people, looking excited.

I held back a sigh. This was the twisting of the knife that had hurt so much back in my first life. Not only had I lost my love, my future, my reputation… but within minutes of the first blow, Ronan had replaced me with my best friend.

_It’s much nicer this time around, not caring._

“Before you do, Ronan, May I say a word?” The Queen spoke up, her loud voice startling me from my reverie. It was phrased as a question but her tone made it clear that she was going to speak, whether he liked it or not.

Confused, Ronan nodded, motioning to Edith to stay where she was for the moment. Edith’s smile faded, turned in our direction, her hands clenched visibly at her sides. I wondered briefly if I should feel sorry for disrupting her big moment, but was quickly distracted as the Queen turned to me, holding my hands between her own.

“Lenora, dearest. I have loved you as my own daughter since you were young, and always hoped that you and Ronan would marry and make us officially mother and daughter.” 

She reached out tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. “Unfortunately, I know that you and Ronan simply didn’t love one another, and it wasn’t meant to be. This is through no fault of your own, I don’t want you to blame yourself for the strange workings of fate.” 

I felt like laughing, but held it in, nodding seriously instead. She was very adroitly deflecting any shame of the broken engagement from me. By pretending to keep me from “blaming myself,” she was subtly warning everyone else that they couldn’t blame me either.

She wasn’t finished. “I will always think of you as my daughter, and so I want to bestow this necklace, a family heirloom to you. “ She pulled out the necklace, the small sapphire amulet twinkling in the lights of the ballroom, and placed it over my head, taking care not to disturb my hair. The necklace I had refused several years ago. 

I put one hand on the jewel, its weight so very familiar to me, but strange at the same time.

____________________________

**“Please, the bread was only a quarter crown two days ago.” I begged the shop owner, feeling powerless. The small coin in my hand was clenched so tightly it was painful. My stomach was empty, had been for too long, and if I didn’t get food soon…**

**The man stared at me, shrugging. “The price was raised. The ingredients are more expensive so I charge more to sell it.”**

**“But…”**

**“No exceptions.” He paused. “Unless you have something you can trade for it.” Looking me up and down, he laughed. “Not that a beggar like you would have anything of value.”**

**I paused, deeply unsure. I had one thing left. The only thing I had clung to in all this time since losing our home. I had hid it from my parents, knowing they would sell it immediately and spend the money. It was my last connection to my old life, the last connection to the woman I had thought of as my mother.**

**But I was so hungry.**

**Desperate, tired, with tears in my eyes, I pulled the necklace from my tunic. The blue jewel seemed to sparkle in my hand, but I averted my eyes, ashamed.**

**“How much for this?”**

____________________________

Confused, I almost started taking it off, and then caught the queen’s eye. She mouthed silently, _play along_, and so I put on a smile, thanking her.

“You are a wonderful young woman.” She grinned. “I have never seen your match when it comes to intelligence, poise and hard work, a true role model for everyone around you.” A mischevious light came into her eyes. “I must say that I feel very sorry for whoever follows behind you. No one will ever be able to match up to you as a daughter in law.”

With that, she hugged me again, and turned to Ronan. “Alright dear, I’m done. You had another announcement?”

Ronan’s face was bright red with rage as he stared back at his mother. He had clearly been about to announce his engagement to Edith, but how could he do that now? The Queen had just publically declared that whatever girl he chose would be inferior. If he brought her forward now, it would completely color the nobility’s perception of her. 

He took a deep breath, trying unsuccessfully to hide his anger. “It can wait for another time.”

Ronan stalked off to find a drink, and the music and talking resumed. Through the crowd I caught a glimpse of Edith’s face… I had never seen her so angry. She was staring at the queen as if ready to kill her right then and there. But soon she controlled her expression as well, walking away, likely to find the prince.

I turned to Queen Amerande. “Why did you…?”

“He was about to announce an engagement to another woman, wasn’t he?” She made a disgusted expression. “Even if you weren’t my daughter. I would never let him humiliate a young woman by announcing her replacement immediately. But especially you! As if I would stand by and watch you be hurt by such a terrible thing!”

____________________________

**“Please, I just need to speak with the Queen. Could you tell her Lenora wants to speak to her?” I felt so out of place standing in front of the palace, where i had so freely entered in the past. But I had to know if Edith had been telling the truth.**

**The guard looked down at me with an unsympathetic expression. “Lady Lenora is dead. I would advise you to not come back in the future.”**

** _Dead. _ **

**I shook my head. “There must be a mistake…”**

**“The only mistake is that you continue to stand in front of my gate.” The guard pushed me down, and i fell with a grunt of pain. He continued to stare down at me, his eyes disdainful. “Leave, trash.”**

____________________________

I looked down at the necklace and then back up at her. _It didn’t make sense._ I desperately wanted to believe in her. She was here, by my side, even after the engagement was broken. But then why? Why had my first life been so different?! I shook my head. 

_I needed to think this over._

“Let me return this…” I started to remove the necklace, only to be stopped by a gentle hand.

“Please, keep it.” Her eyes were sad as she spoke. “Something happened to you, dear… something that made you lose trust in everyone around you…” She sighed. “And perhaps after your mother… and after what Ronan did to you, I understand somewhat. But I want you to have it.” 

She patted my hand. “Keep it and remember that engagement or no, you will always be my daughter.”

I looked up towards the ceiling, blinking rapidly to keep tears back. I didn’t want anyone to think they were caused by Ronan. I stopped trying to take off the necklace however, and the Queen smiled.

“Now, with that unpleasantness out of the way, perhaps you could try to have some fun. Maybe some dancing?” 

“Dancing?” I laughed. “Not likely to happen, now that I’m ruined.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that.” She cleared her throat, pointing behind me. Confused, I turned, only to be confronted by a familiar face.

“May I have this dance?” The young man formally bowed, reminding me of a party a few years ago.

“Nate?!” I was shocked. We had kept in touch with letters, but it had been over two years since we had last seen each other. He was taller, his face fuller and more mature than I remembered. He straightened up with a grin, and this was familiar enough to reassure me that it was in fact the young man I knew.

“Hello, Lenora, long time no see.”

“What are you doing here?”

Nate looked slightly offended. “I _was_ invited. It’s not like I crashed the party or anything. And it’s been so long since we got to see each other…”

“Hmm…” Queen Amerande stared at him, narrowing her eyes. “You have impeccable timing.” 

“Well, I- uh, you know…” Nate looked nervous under her increasingly intense stare. “I wanted to be around in case she needed help.”

“Needed ’help,’ huh?” She grinned. “Well at least you’re not dumb enough to miss out on what others have overlooked.” She glanced at me, smiling. “But you and I will need to sit down and have a talk later, given your interest in ‘helping.’ Prepare yourself.”

He nodded rapidly, his face slightly pale. “Of course, Your Majesty.” He pulled at his collar. “I- I look forward to it.” 

“Me too.” 

I looked between them, slightly confused. “What are you…?”

“Never mind that, how about you two dance?” The Queen smiled, pushing me slightly forward.

“Uh, sure.” I stepped toward Nate, taking his hand, only to be stopped by a familiar shout.

“Save a dance for us as well!” Richard, Nicholas and the rest of the young noblemen that I helped teach at Jim’s classes grouped around us, smiling.

I stared at them, taken aback by their sudden appearance. “Really?”

“Don’t take up all her time, we wanted to talk to her some! Especially about where she got her new dress!” I recognized Lady Erica, the young lady who had fallen in love with a captain of the Eastern guard. I shook my head, confused. I had worked with Rig to divert a few small schemes to remove her captain from his post, nothing life-threatening, but she shouldn’t have any idea of that… 

“We all owe you.” Erica leaned in, whispering with a smile. “Maline from Prosperity told me how you paid some of our debt to the store.”

I _had_ told Maline she could forgive a few small balances, they weren’t supposed to know I was involved with the business though. I assumed this was Maline’s way of trying to give me credit anyways.

The Queen took in the small crowd that had gathered on our side of the room, laughing quietly.

“It looks as if you have quite a busy night ahead of you!” She quickly organized the two groups into time slots, making sure I would not be alone for any portion of the party. 

____________________________

Stunned, I was led onto the dance floor by Nate, who looked as if he were desperately trying to hold back laughter.

“Did you really not realize how much you’ve impacted the people around you?” Placing one hand on my waist and gripping my hand in his other, we danced together. I finally spoke, still feeling overwhelmed. 

“I didn’t expect…” I had always assumed that everyone would avoid me after the engagement was broken, just as they had in the previous life. 

“You are one of the smartest people I know, Lenora, but sometimes you are really dense.” He chuckled. “Despite your best efforts, you keep helping and caring for other people, and they now they want to help you back. Is that so surprising?”

“…” I stared at him silently, processing this. 

“By the way, someone should probably hold back Hallers. He may actually murder the Prince in his sleep.”

Looking over at his words, I saw Hallers in the corner. He still stood at attention, the perfect example of professionalism, but his gaze was a little too intense as he stared sharply at the prince. I made a mental note to talk to him later. I didn’t want him to get into trouble.

“Thanks for the heads up.”

“No problem. I’ll be in town for a little while, not as long as last time, of course.” He shrugged. “Maybe we could meet up with Jim, for old time’s sake?”

I smiled, “I’d like that.”

We fell into silence after that, dancing along side the other couples. There were a few whispers and stares, but nothing compared to what I had been expecting nothing like the last time. 

“It just seems too simple.” I muttered, feeling a dark unease building. _It couldn’t just work out so neatly, could it?_

“Oh, it won’t be simple.” Nate responded motioning with his head to the right. “Have you seen the King’s expression since the announcement?”

I glanced over, startled. The King was seated off to the side of the room, drinking wine and watching over the party. His dark blue eyes met my own for the briefest moment, and I felt a cold chill run down my spine.

I hadn’t had much interaction with the king, in this lifetime or the last. He was usually too busy to look in on my training, and although we exchanged greetings and such at parties, we had never had in significant time together to talk. I had thought that since he had not factored significantly in my last life, I needn’t bother with him in this one. 

_Now I wondered if I hadn’t been mistaken. _

He was smiling, the expression perfectly polite, but his eyes… they were ice cold. He was studying me as if I were an object in a store, something he was considering how much he would pay for. As our eyes met, his smile widened, and he lifted his glass in a silent toast. 

I had a bad feeling that even if I considered myself free of the royal family… he wasn’t done with me yet.


	18. Chapter 18

“Well, people are definitely still talking.” Rig leaned back in his chair, placing his feet on top of my desk.

I glanced down at them, trying to decide if I cared about the papers beneath his shoes enough to tell him to move. I didn’t. Shrugging it off, I focused on his words instead.

“Let me guess, it’s not very flattering to me, right?” I smiled grimly, remembering the backlash of my previous life. 

_______________________________

**“You can’t go outside!” My mother screeched as soon as she saw me enter the outer hall. “Get back in your room!”**

**“But… I…” I hesitated, unsure. It had been a week since Ronan had broken the engagement and announced that he would marry Edith. I hadn’t heard anything from the queen since. I had thought to go try to see her. Seeing my mother’s expression, however, I second-guessed myself.**

**“Do you know what people are saying outside?” She laughed bitterly, pouring herself another drink. “They’re saying that you were either too incompetent to be queen and he had to break it off… or that you were unfaithful.”**

**I stopped in my tracks. “That’s ridiculous! I had passed the Queen’s training AND I’ve barely even left this house other than to go to the palace, much less spend time with another. When could I have been unfaithful?”**

**“That’s not what they’re saying out there.” Mother tossed back her drink in a single shot, wincing before pouring another one. “Apparently you were going to the Royal Gardens to meet other men fairly regularly.”**

**“But I was with Edith the whole time! She’ll vouch for me!”**

**She smiled at that. “Will she?” **

_______________________________

“Quite the opposite, really.” Rig laughed. “The Queen stepping forward when she did helped quite a bit, and apparently your teacher Mrs. Rendler has been telling anyone who will stand still long enough that you were the best student she had ever had, a genius.”

A broom swung down at his propped-up legs, swiping them off the desk. Rig’s feet slammed to the ground and he looked up, insulted, at his attacker. Hallers, clutching the broom, a self righteous expression on his face, didn’t respond, only cleaning off my desk and sorting the papers quickly before stepping back towards the wall.

Rig frowned, but didn’t put his feet back up on the desk. “You already have a great reputation within the duchy, due to the reforms you’ve done with the government, as well as financing so many to go to school and learn a useful trade. Most of the families here feel that they personally owe you, and word has spread that you would have been a perfect queen.”

I shuddered at the thought. “And marry that idiot? I’d rather shovel manure.”

“And that’s what everyone else seems to be thinking as well.” Rig’s grin widened. “There’s even a song that street performers are playing called ‘Ronan the Ridiculous.’ It’s about an idiot who cheats on a wonderful woman, drinks himself silly and falls into a latrine pit.”

I couldn’t help but laugh out loud at that. “What? It’s only been a week! How did they write a song so fast?”

Rig shrugged. “I don’t know, but it must of come from either a very creative, or very vindictive mind. It’s an extremely catchy tune, and the nickname for the prince is becoming more popular by the day.”

From behind me I heard an evil chuckle. I turned around to look at Hallers, but he only smiled very professionally at me, with no sign that he had been laughing at all. I ignored the small suspicion building in my mind and turned back to Rig. 

“I’m happy of course that I’m not considered a failure, but I worry about what kind of backlash we might see from the palace, given how much ridicule the prince is suffering.”

I thought again of the smile the king had at the party, and how nervous it had made me at the time.

“Well, the Prince left a hunting trip right after his party and has been gone for the last week. He may even be unaware of how poor his reputation is right now, but I doubt that will last long.” Rig smiled viciously. “He’s coming back today, and my sources say that the King has already arranged to speak to him privately later tonight before he retires for bed. “ 

He started to lean back and prop his legs up again, but after a sharp glance from Hallers, he sat back up with a sigh. “I would love to be a fly on the wall for that conversation!”

“… Do you know where they are meeting?” I asked, my mind racing.

Rig looked confused. “Well, apparently in the King and Queen’s visiting room?”

“The one that connects the two suites?”

“Yes…. Why?”

I gave a devious grin. “Rig, how do you feel about a field trip tonight?”

_______________________________

I gave him instructions about where to meet me, and a short while after the spy had left, Hallers knocked, announcing that I had another visitor. 

For a moment I thought it might be Nate, and I strangely, I found myself smiling. I hadn’t seen him since the party a week ago, which I thought was odd. I had a lot I wanted to discuss with him…

“Introducing Lady Erica.” Hallers stepped aside to show the lovely young woman from the party. I felt a pang of disappointment, and shook my head, confused. _Why would I be disappointed? How foolish._

I stood up to greet her with a smile. “Lady Erica, what brings you here?”

“Can we speak privately?” She looked around, clearly nervous. 

Studying her for a few short moments, it was easy to recognize a familiar air about her. I had probably looked very similar in my previous life multiple times. 

She was desperate. 

“Let’s take a walk in the garden.” I led the way, and she silently followed behind me. 

As we entered the flower garden, I heard her take in a deep breath. “Wow, this is very beautiful, you must have a wonderful gardener!”

I looked around at the thriving flowers surrounding us with a smile. “Nope, that’s just Henry.”

“…The Duke’s heir?”

“Yep. That’s him.” I found a few benches, sitting down.

She sat down as well, staring at me. “He likes flowers?”

“All plants, actually. But he took one look at my pathetic attempts of a flower garden and banned me from meddling.” I sighed. “It’s beautiful, of course, but it’s a little insulting to not have any say in my own garden.”

Erica laughed, the first happy sound she had made since arriving at my home. She seemed to catch herself, falling into silence. Letting her think through things at her own pace, I simply enjoyed watching the flowers, knowing she would speak up when she was ready.

It didn’t take long.

“I need your help!” She clasped her hands together in her lap, they were trembling. “I know you don’t know me very well, and have no reason to help me… but I heard that you help others and I didn’t have anyone else to turn to…” Erica was babbling at the end and I held up a hand, stopping her stream of anxious words.

“What do you need?”

Her face turned bright red. “So… I’m in love. But…” She hesitated again, looking at me pleadingly as if hoping I would know without her saying 

“It’s with the Captain of the Eastern Guard, rather than your earl fiancé.”

“H-how did you know?” Her draw dropping in shock, she visibly gathered herself together. “I hope you won’t tell anyone…”

I permitted a small smile to cross my face. “You would be horrified of the secrets that I am privy to, Erica. Yours are comparatively a light burden to bear. Now, you’ve been in love with him for years, what’s the issue now?”

“I- well, I…” She shook her head. “I think the Earl of Beral has known for a while, he seemed to make a few attempts to discredit my Robert, but somehow those charges always ended up going away.”

The earl certainly hadn’t done much this lifetime. In my last, Erica’s love had been ruined and had “disappeared.” She had been forced to marry the Earl of Beral a few weeks before my engagement was broken. This time he seemed much more distracted…

_It’s probably because mother’s spending all her time away from home._

I chuckled quietly at the thought. I had seen or heard very little of her since our confrontation. She came for birthdays and other major events as instructed, but otherwise was staying in one of the earl’s homes. 

It would explain why there was not as much rush from his end to force his young fiancé to marry him. The few rumors he had paid to start about the Captain stealing money from his troop were easily dispatched with by Rig and his group. I had thought we were in the clear now that the time of their wedding in the last lifetime had passed.

But perhaps that wasn’t the case. 

“Lately… things have gotten worse. Robert was attacked by some thugs on his way to his post several days ago. He fought his way out and escaped, but he thinks they were too well armed and prepared to be simple thieves. He thinks they may have been hired to kill him.” Her knuckles whitened in her lap. “I’m so scared for him!”

I studied her carefully. “What do you want of me?”

“Well, I heard that you have a few schools where you teach others to become seamstresses, and then help find them work.”She stared down at her hands as she spoke.

_That _surprised me. “Are you looking to be a seamstress?”

Finally she looked up, a determined light in her eyes. “I am a skilled at sewing, one of the best. I want to run away with Robert and start a new life. But to do that, I need to have a job.”

“Well, points for having some practicality.” I stood up, pacing as I thought. “If Robert leaves… he’ll be charged with desertion.” 

“Yes.” She didn’t flinch away from the word.

“You’ll have to leave the country, otherwise they’ll find you two and you’ll be much worse off than you are right now.” I muttered as I walked back and forth, my thoughts racing. “He’s a skilled guard… and you can sew…” I looked up. “Are either one of you skilled in numbers, would be able to look after the books, run a business?”

Erica looked confused. “I know Robert manages the money his troop receives so that his men get paid… but neither of us have business experience.”

“Not ideal, but you can be taught the rest…” I stopped in my tracks, smiling. “Okay, it’s decided.”

“What is?”

“You and Robert work for me, now. I have been looking to open up a new branch of Prosperity in a nearby country, and you two may be just what I need. You will take orders and sew, Robert can guard the shop and help with the accounts.”

“Wait, what?” Erica’s face fortunately had no trace of resentment on it for me planning their lives, and only showed bewilderment, “You own Prosperity?” 

I paused. “You didn’t know? I thought that’s why you were asking for a job.”

“I thought you might have connections because you always have such beautiful dresses!” She shook her head. “I never suspected…”

“Well, now you know.” I patted her on the shoulder. “I’ll arrange the paperwork for you to cross the border, and for somewhere for you to stay while you set the shop up. But you’ll need to leave soon… will next week work?”

She stood up as well, smiling. “I’ll talk to Robert, but I can’t see us getting a more generous offer.” Throwing her arms around me, she gave me a hug. “Thank you!”

I waved a hand, dismissing her words. “Don’t worry, I needed to open a new branch store anyways, so it’s to my profit.”

“Still…” She looked unconvinced.

“I’ll contact you in a few days once arrangements have been made, but first…” I stopped, feeling the need to change the subject. I looked around as an idea struck me. “Let’s get you a flower to take on your way!” 

I made the offer and bent over a bush with large yellow blooms. But just as I reached out to pick one… 

“HOLD IT!” Henry rushed towards us, his face as angry as I had ever seen. “Why are you touching my beautiful geraniums?!”

I stepped back, holding my hands up to show they were empty of flowers. “I was just…”

“Just tearing out one of my prized blooms as a present?!” He sighed. “Have I taught you nothing, cousin?”

“Fine!” I rolled my eyes. “How do you propose we give her a flower then?”

Erica looked between the two of us, her eyes wide. “I don’t need a… 

“Of course we’re giving you a flower!” Henry snapped. “Everyone should have a flower! It just has to be done right!”

He then proceeded to carefully dig a flower out of the dirt, preserving it’s roots and replanting it in a ceramic pot. He then lectured the poor girl extensively on the proper care of the plant before gently placing the pot in her hands.

Hallers saw the slightly confused Lady Erica out, and I turned to walk back to my office. But Henry patted my arm, stopping me.

“Oh, cousin, before you go… this was mixed in with the letters I received today.” Henry reached into his coat pocket, pulling out a letter. “It’s addressed to you.” 

Curious, I opened the seal, and read the words in the letter:

_______________________________

To the Lady Lenora:

I apologize for communicating through this letter, but I wanted to assure you I wasn’t dead or run back to my country without saying goodbye. 

Your former fiancé dragged me along for his birthday hunting trip. We’re returning today, but I worry that I won’t be back earlier enough to be able to visit.

If you permit it, I would like to stop by your home tomorrow. I greatly miss our talks together. If nothing else, it will be a reprieve after a week spent in Ronan’s company. If I hear one more comment about how wonderful his horsemanship is I may be physically ill.

I look forward to seeing you, and hope to find you in good health and high spirits.

Yours truly,

Nathaniel. 

_______________________________

“Good news?” Henry asked.

I realized I was smiling as I read it, and wiped the expression from my face as I folded the letter once more. “No, nothing important.”

I felt a pain in my stomach again, and rubbed it absentmindedly. 

_______________________________

Later that evening I snuck out of my home again, meeting Rig at the usual spot. 

“So what’s this about, girl?” He grumbled, looking tired and stretching as he spoke. 

I grinned. “We’re going to spy on the king.”

That caught his attention. He paused mid-stretch, his mouth wide open in shock. After a few moments he recovered, and dug a finger into his ear as if trying to clean it out 

“Sorry, I think I misheard you… What are we doing?”

I laughed. “We’re sneaking into the palace, and we’re going to listen in on that conversation between the Prince and the King.” I looked up at the sky. “Before the king retires to bed was when they arranged to meet right? We should be right on time if we leave now.”

Rig stared at me. “You’re crazy.” He sounded impressed. 

“I am, but not about this.” I grabbed his arm, pulling him along. “Come on.”

“But… how…”

“I know how to get in, AND a secret passage behind the visiting room.” I felt a moment of anxiety, trying desperately not to think about the LAST time I had been in those tunnels.

“It’s risky, girl.” He shook his head, even as he followed behind me, making no other sounds with his movement. 

“It’s necessary.” I thought once more to the king’s cold stare. “I need to know what they’re planning.” 

“Well, if you say so.” Rig shrugged. “You only live once, right? Might as well make it interesting.”

Smiling I pulled him along. “Not exactly true for all of us, but still, let’s go.”


	19. Chapter 19

Rig and I made our way silently along the secret passageway. 

The space which had seemed so large when I was a child was now just barely wide enough to allow an adult to walk sideways. I heard a light scuffle in the distance, and wondered if we would see rats within the walls. I shuddered, thinking of the last time I had been here.

______________________________

**“I hope there isn’t rats.” I muttered, trying not to breath too much of the dust that was kicked up by my passage. Rig had taught me to walk silently, leaving barely any trace of my passing, but I was too weak to manage it. **

**It felt like the final betrayal. Not only was I the last survivor of his group, but I couldn’t even carry on his legacy.**

**_Useless._ I chided myself silently.**

**I was tired, hungry, wishing desperately to sleep, but I kept moving forward, hoping desperately no one would notice the sound within the walls.**

**I had to find the Queen. **

______________________________

“Lenora!” Rig whispered in my ear. I started, realizing with a shock that I had stopped moving, too caught in my memory of this passageway. Waving a hand to show I was fine, I moved forward once again, navigating the turns that would lead to the secret room next to the King and Queen’s suites 

Rig didn’t look convinced at my silent reassurance, but followed along without further complaint. Finally we came to a slightly more open space, at least enough for us to sit on the floor side by side. I motioned to the small peep holes, and Rig took a look in one of them. Sitting back with an astonished expression, he leaned over to speak as quietly as possible.

“I can’t believe you got us here! How could you…?”

“An escape tunnel, for the royal family, long forgotten. The Queen only discovered it by reading old journals. She took me back here… a long time ago.”

“I can’t believe she trusted you with this…” He looked at me closely. “I thought you told me the Queen only was keeping up appearances, and didn’t really care about you?” Glancing at the unused passage around us, he murmured. “Doesn’t seem like it to me.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I stared through the peephole, watching the empty room.

“Of course not.” He muttered, settling in down next to me to wait. 

Fortunately we didn’t have long to wait. Only a brief amount of time had passed before the king entered the room. Even alone, in a casual robe, a stranger would have recognized him as a king. He had a presence, a sense of power, control around him.

He scared me. 

Sitting in a chair next to the fireplace, he sipped on a drink, motioning towards the door, likely instructing the servant there. He waited patiently, watching the fire and drinking, while we spied behind the wall, barely daring to breathe so we wouldn’t be discovered.

“Father,” Ronan stepped in the room, looking unsure for the first time I had ever seen in two lifetimes. “What did you call me about?” 

The king smiled, the expression making me nervous at the clear anger concealed within. “I wanted to talk to you about the… interesting… decision you made at your birthday party.”

Ronan chuckled at that, clearly thinking that his father’s smile was genuine. “Oh that. Well, I didn’t think you’d mind. I mean… Lenora’s so _boring!_ There’s no way she would make a good queen anyways. I think you’ll really like the woman I’ve chosen instead, this young lady named Edith…”

_ **CRASH!** _

The glass from the king’s hand went flying across the room, smashing into the wall just a short distance from Ronan’s head. He shrieked, jumping away, his tunic already stained with some of the wine that had splashed as the king had thrown it.

“You idiot.” The king didn’t yell, didn’t stand up or scream despite the fury lacing every word. It was unnerving, his words were so quiet we had to strain to hear him. “Why do you think I allowed the engagement in the first place?”

“Because mother wanted it!” Ronan was pale, but he regained some of his former confidence, rolling his eyes. “She’s always doted on that dull girl, who knows why?” 

The king sighed, closing his eyes briefly. “Your mother requested the engagement, yes, but _why did I say yes?_”

“I- I…” stuttering to a halt, the prince simply shook his head.

“The Duchy of Armeny is the largest in the kingdom. Their leaders have always posed a significant threat to the monarchy. Do you know how many times when the king was questioned in past centuries? And each time they always considered placing the Duke of Armeny as the replacement. They have wealth, they have power, and they have influence. “

“But… they don’t seem…”

“Under incompetent leadership, the balance is held. The current Duke of Armeny was perfect. Lazy, overly trusting. It took only spending a few crowns in the right places to complete corrupt their system.” He rubbed his face. “But even then I wanted insurance, as there was no guarantee his heir would be similarly weak. Thus your engagement. It would have tied our family to the duchy’s for the next few generations, negating most of the risk.”

Ronan sat down, shocked. “But, it doesn’t make sense. If they are so weak now, let’s just crush them!”

“Idiot.” The King, pouring himself another drink, paused as if considering throwing this glass as well. “That girl completely overhauled the entire duchy. She threw out the corrupted officials, reorganized their economic structure, and started schools and charities everywhere, making the people indebted to her. “

“Lenora did? I don’t believe it! The only things she cares about are marrying me and her pretty dresses.” Prince Ronan smirked as he spoke, making me wish I could punch him. “She’s probably just being used as a front.”

“I considered that, but she seems to be the one in control of things as far as I can tell. I can’t corrupt any of her current government, and I can’t discredit her ability as a ruler, the people love her too much.” The King frowned, looking around the room as if searching for answers. I forced myself to hold still, even as my skin crawled when his eyes passed over our hiding spot. “It would have been fine if I could control her as my daughter-in-law, but you… you ruined everything with your foolish little stunt.”

**CRACK.**

The glass cracked in the king’s hand with the force of his grip. Setting the leaking glass down, he cleaned his hand with a handkerchief, staring silently at his son.

“Well, it’s too late now!” Ronan shrugged. “I’ve broken the engagement and I’m marrying Edith. There’s nothing to be done.”

“No.” it was practically a whisper. “You will fix this, now.”

“But…” The prince’s words choked off as the father walked over, reached out and grabbed him by the throat. Lifting him out of the chair, the king smiled at his gasping son, and leaned forward.

“If you want to see the throne, you will get Lenora back as your fiancé. I don’t care how you do it, what methods you have to use. Just get it done.”

THUD. He opened his hand, dropping the prince to the ground. Ronan rubbed his throat, struggling to catch his breath.

“Or I will.”

The prince ran out of the room, leaving the king alone, except for us, his unknown observers. 

“Maybe it would be simpler if Lenora were dead.” He muttered. I blinked at the words, caught off guard. 

______________________________

**“LENORA IS DEAD!”**

**The scream didn’t sound like the queen at all. It sounded as if her throat had been scraped with sand, rough and barely understandable.**

** _CRASH!_ **

**The loud sound startled me in my hiding place behind the wall. Trembling, tired, barely able to think straight due to hunger, I forced myself to look through the peephole. Queen Amerande’s face was twisted in rage as she stared at the silent, unreactive servant. To my shock I recognized Hallers. I chided myself for being surprised. I knew he had gone to work for the palace after my family’s fall from grace.**

**“Your Majesty, if I may… Lady Edith simply wished…”**

**“NOTHING SHE SAYS WILL CHANGE MY MIND! SHE’S DEAD, AND SO I’M STAYING RIGHT HERE!” She sat down unsteadily into a chair, staring moodily into a fire. The Queen then muttered something intelligible under her breath. I leaned into the wall, desperately trying to hear, but I could only hear a few garbled words.**

**“…wish… dead.”**

**I stumbled backwards, my tired and starved brain trying to make sense of what I heard. _Edith was right. She tried to warn me but I didn’t listen, couldn’t believe that I was dead to her._**

** _There was something strange about how she was acting, though… Something wasn’t right. If only I could think more clearly._ **

**I shook my head. _No. Anything else was fantasy. The reality was clear:_**

**Love was a lie.**

**Ronan had betrayed me. My best friend had betrayed me. My parents had never loved me. Anyone who cared for me since had come to ruin.**

**And the woman I thought loved me like a daughter. The woman I had loved as my family, more than anyone else?**

**It was all a lie.**

**I headed silently back down the passageway, wishing I could steal some bread from the kitchens before giving up, heading back to the streets.**

**To die.**

**Alone.**

______________________________

A hand grasped my arm, bringing me out of the terrible memory. I let out a gasp of shock, before clapping my hands over my mouth. Rig and I stared at each other, dismayed. 

_Had the king heard?_

He had definitely sensed something. His head turning to the wall we hid in, he stepped closer, his expression quizzical. The king listened closely near the wall, and Rig and I held our breath, terrified.

Finally he sighed. “Must be rats. They need to set out traps again.”

With that he was gone.

Silently, Rig and I escaped the tunnels, not stopping until we reached our meeting point in the center of town. Now sitting down on the ground to catch our breath, he finally spoke.

“That… wasn’t good.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry I made noise…” I started to apologize, but he waved a hand, silencing me.

“Not that, girl! I’m talking about the king!” He cursed loudly. “And his idiot son! Do they really think we’ll stand by and take it while they threaten you?”

I put a hand on his arm, smiling. “Well, at least we know they’re coming.”

“But…”

“And they have no idea who they’re messing with.”

Rig grinned. “You’re insane.” 

“Learned from the best.” We both laughed at that. 

______________________________

The next day I was working in my office, going over some paperwork with Henry, when Hallers knocked on the door, his professional mask firmly in place.

“Nathaniel…” He paused looking over at Nate who shrugged at the implied question. “… Mr. Nathaniel here to see you miss.” He didn’t seem impressed by Nate’s secrecy.

I stood up with a smile. “Nate! I’m glad you could make it!”

Sitting down next to Henry after shaking his hand, he sighed with relief. “Not nearly as happy as I am to be here! Do you have any idea what it’s like to be stuck on a week long hunting trip with that idiot Ronan?”

“Imagine having to marry him.” I shook my head, pretending to be sad. “Poor Edith.”

“She’ll get exactly what she wants, which is more than she deserves after betraying your trust!” Nate grumbled. I noted that Hallers looked on the young man with a more favorable light as he complained against the girl.

“I’m just happy it’s not me.”

“Of course. Did you hear the song they’re singing in town?” Nate laughed. “Ronan the Ridiculous? Whoever wrote it was a genius!”

A smile flashed across Hallers face, disappearing before I could truly believe it was there. “Would you like some tea, sir?” He offered to the surprised visitor.

“Thank you, Hallers, I’m would be delighted to have some!” He waited until the butler left and then looked over to me, shocked. “I thought he didn’t like me?”

I shrugged. “Must have been something you said?”

Henry turned to Nate, his eyes bright with curiosity. “Did you see any good plants on your trip.”

“Henry…” I groaned. “Leave poor Nate alon…”

“Well, I saw an abundance of rosemary, which was great, as it doesn’t grow nearly as well in Tilendria! What I really need though is some mint. I found a small patch near a pond on our trip, but it wasn’t nearly enough to harvest and bring back…” He paused at my flabbergasted expression. “What?” 

“You like plants?” I asked, confused.

He shook his head. “I like cooking. I keep a herb garden at home, but it’s pretty sparse.”

Henry was visibly shaking with excitement. “You like herbs?!”

“Y-yes?” Nate leaned back slightly in his chair, obviously unsure of why Henry was reacting this way.

“COME WITH ME!” Grabbing the young man’s arm, he pulled him out of the chair and towards the door. “TO THE GREENHOUSE!”

“WHa…” Nate shot me a confused glance to which I spread my hands helplessly.

“When you get back I need help arranging paperwork for two people to move to Tilendria, open up a new store there!” I called after them. I saw Nate wave an arm, indicating he heard me, before he was pulled around the corner and out of sight.

“…I have the tea.” Hallers stepped into the room, and looked around in shock. “Where…?” 

“Henry kidnapped him.” 

“Ah. I’ll take the tea to the greenhouse then. If Master Henry is excited about something plant related, it could take quite some time.” With an understanding smile, he headed out, expertly balancing the tray.

I looked down at my paperwork, rubbing my head as I tried to balance the accounts. Hearing someone enter the room again and assuming it as Hallers, I spoke without looking up.

“Actually, I will take some more tea as well.” 

“I’m not your servant.” The haughty voice caught me off guard and I looked up to see Prince Ronan standing in front of my desk.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, not bothering to greet him properly or curtsey. He frowned at the insult, but brushed it off, making me even more curious as to his purpose here.

Taking a deep breath, he fell on one knee in front of him, an arrogant smile on his face.

“I love you, dear Lenora. Marry me!”


	20. Chapter 20

I stared at the prince in shock. “Pardon?”

Obviously not expecting this response, his expression turned quizzical. “Are you hard of hearing? We’re getting engaged!”

I dug a finger into my ear, as if cleaning it out, muttering to myself. “I swore I heard you say ‘engaged.’”

“I did…?”

“But that would be impossible!” I shook my head, before staring at him intently. 

“Unless you were an idiot.”

He sputtered with rage. “What did you call me?!”

“Idiot. Fool. Moron. Buffoon….” I paused. “Give me a moment, I’m sure I’ll think of more.”

Standing up, his face turned red. “HOW DARE YOU?!!”

I stood up to face him, slamming my hands on the desk.

“NO! How dare YOU? How dare you step into MY HOME and insult me like this? A week after you cut off your engagement for another woman ‘that your heart belongs to,’ you waltz in here and expect me to fall at your feet?” I laughed.

“You’re even stupider than I thought. Self absorbed, idiotic, obsessed with hunting, horseriding and anything that isn’t facing the responsibility of your future leadership responsibilities!”

“I- I…” 

“Even if I were only to give it HALF my effort, I would still be an infinitely better ruler than you are.” I sighed, rubbing my head. “Luckily for me, and unluckily for the kingdom, we are not getting married, and that will never be put to the test.”

“I’ve never been…!” He tried to shout, but I simply cut him off. 

“You’ve never been so insulted?” I chuckled. “Get used to it. You’re a pathetic boy who will be a pathetic king. The only useful thing you’ve ever done is break the engagement, freeing me from the horrifying destiny of marrying you.”

I sat down, catching my breath. I had gotten more emotional than I expected. After so many years had passed, I thought most of my bitterness at how I had been treated in my first life was gone.

_Apparently not as completely as I had hoped._

Prince Ronan glared at me. “I should have known you wouldn’t listen to reason!”

“What reason…?”

“Edith warned me that you were petty and held grudges!” He threw up his hands. “She cried for so long, scared that you would hate her for the crime of falling in love with me, and now I can see she was right to be! You are just as bitter and angry as she said you would be.” 

I smiled. “I don’t hate her, idiot prince. I _pity _her.”

“Liar….”

“After all, what did she say when you told her you were dumping her to resume our engagement?”

“…” His face was sullen, but he remained silent. My smile widened. 

“I thought so.” I let out a long dramatic sigh. “Poor girl, betrayed by the man who claimed to love her and you didn’t even bother to let her know. Turns out your promises were just as worthless as your brain.” 

“I DID NOT BETRAY HER!” He yelled, slamming a fist against my desk, scattering the few papers that were left.

“Really? Then why are you here, proposing to me?” I was genuinely curious as to how he had thought this through.

He sat down, looking tired. “Look, we have to marry for… political reasons. But I will continue to remain faithful to my beautiful and wonderful Edith.”

“So you will plan to keep her as a mistress.”

“As my true love!” He insisted. 

“She’ll never stand by your side, never have your name and all her children will be bastards with no claim to the throne.” I wanted to hit him, but kept my fists clenched in my lap. “You would take from everyone, even those you CLAIM to love, never giving back. Your only care is for what YOU want!”

“Why shouldn’t it be?!” His face was stubborn. “I’ll be king!”

“That’s not a king.” I shook my head. “That’s just a selfish and foolish person. The crown only makes it all the more obvious.”

I stood up, nodding to Hallers who appeared, out of breath at the door. He quickly straightened, forcing himself into a professional stance despite obviously having run clear across the property.

“My answer, in case you didn’t understand, is ‘no.’ I will not now or in any other lifetime marry you.” Tapping my chin, I felt a smile form once again. “In fact, you bursting in unannounced and hassling me so has caused me significant emotional stress and suffering.”

I held out my hand.

Recognizing the gesture, he stood and started to back away, his face pale. “No, not again! I have no reason to…”

I pulled out a piece of blank parchment and began writing. 

“…wh-what are you doing?”

I continued writing without pause. “Writing a letter to the king.”

“What? Why?”

“Just telling him how you bumbled this proposal, insulted me, declared your intentions to have a mistress, nothing much.” I looked up and grinned. “I’m sure he’ll be _very_ understanding.”

“No, YOU CAN’T…”

I held out my hand, palm up, once more. 

Silenced, he sadly began rummaging through his pockets, bringing out his money. 

Once I had cleared him of all his cash I looked over to Hallers once more. “Please escort the Prince to his carriage, his business is finished here.”

“Right this way, _Sir.”_ Hallers’ eyes gleamed with ill-intent as he stared at the prince. 

The prince walked towards the door, turning to glare at me. “You’ll regret this!” He snarled, his hands balled into fists as if he wished to strike me. “I will destroy everything you love, and you will BEG for mercy by the time I’m done with you. BEG!” 

I stepped closer, noting with amusement that he increased the distance between us, as if afraid. 

“Go ahead.” I spread my arms wide. “Do your worst. Whatever you do to hurt me that I’ll return the favor ten-fold. “

I turned away, walking back towards my desk, tired of looking at him. “I’ll be waiting, _Your Highness._” 

“…” After a few moments, the sound of his reluctant footsteps moving away could be heard. I sighed with relief, and sat down in my chair, thinking. 

_______________________________

“… You can come out now.” I called out.

_THUD._ Nate and Henry fell from their hiding spot in the hallway. Nate had the decency to look slightly ashamed, but Henry simply shrugged, brushing himself off. 

“We heard the prince was here and we were curious.” He explained. 

“And your _curiosity_ justifies you both spying on a private conversation?” 

Nate hung his head. “I’m sorry, I thought you might need backup.” He looked up briefly, smiling. “I can see now that I was very mistaken.”

Henry simply shrugged again, but Nate elbowed him until he rolled his eyes. “I’m sorry too.”

“You’re both forgiven.” I motioned for them to sit, and they did. “That was…interesting.”

“Aren’t you worried though?” Nate’s brow furrowed. “I mean, you weren’t very nice… not that I blame you! But what if he tries to get revenge?”

“Let him. Armeny has never been stronger. Besides, the public knows that HE broke off the engagement. The more he tries to push the issue, the more he’ll suffer in return.”

Henry spoke up, “So he’d be a fool to try anything?”

“Which is why he definitely will.” I grinned. “But don’t worry. I’m ready.”

“Well, I’m here if you need any help.” Nate stood up. “And I’ll arrange the paperwork you need for the two people coming to Tilendria. Just send me their information and it will done as soon as possible. “

“Are you leaving already?” I frowned, unsure of why that idea bothered me. “Can’t you stay for dinner?”

“Yes, she’s right! You can’t leave now, we’ve barely even looked in the herb section of the greenhouse!” Henry spoke up, dismayed.

“I’m sorry to both of you.” Nate smiled. “But I’m afraid the Queen has requested my presence at dinner tonight. Apparently she wants to question me.”

I reached out, patting him on the arm. “Good luck.”

His face turned red, as he glanced down at my hand on his arm. Worried that I had offended him, I retracted it, and he shook his head, as if trying to clear his thoughts. “Well- yes, um… thanks! That was nice… I mean!” He slapped a hand to face. “Never mind! I’m going now!”

Awkwardly he walked out, replaced by a satisfied looking Hallers.

“Did the prince leave?”

“Yes, but I’m afraid His Royal Highness did not have an uneventful exit.” An evil chuckle resonated from him. 

I couldn’t hold back my curiosity. “What happened?”

“Somehow, the prince slipped on the step into his carriage. It was unexpectedly slick… almost as if a small amount of oil had been smeared on it.” He spread his hands helplessly. “And even more mysterious was that he was boarding the carriage right next to the stable manure pile!” He shook his head. “How unfortunate for the prince of our kingdom to fall into horse dung on my watch. How shall I bear the shame?” He looked even more pleased than before.

“It will make a lovely new verse to your song, Hallers.” Henry spoke up.

“I have no idea what you mean, Sir.” His face a professional mask once more, he turned around. “I will get you both some more tea.”

Henry and I stared at each other once he left. “Do you really think we’ll be okay if the prince comes after you?” he asked.

“Yes, I’m sure of it. I can handle the Prince.”

He didn’t look convinced. “That’s all well and good, but… what about the King?”

“The king?” I paused at that. “He’s a different story. Hopefully he’ll be content to let his son run things.”

“Hopefully.”

We waited for our tea in silence.

_______________________________

A few days passed and there was not a word from the prince. With each uneventful day, I wondered a few times if he had changed his mind regarding revenge. Finally, having cleared through much of the week’s work with Henry, I headed out to the main branch of Prosperity, hoping to check in with Marile while I was there.

Most of the time she brought the financial reports to me and we would discuss plans together, but every once and a while I liked going to the shop and seeing for myself how things were being run.

“Welcome!” A cheery greeting rang out as I walked through the doors. The whole store was light and friendly, with clear displays and helpful staff. I nodded silently with a approval to myself. _Marile ran a tight ship, even when I wasn’t around._

I headed to the back room, greeted by the sight of Marile sitting in a chair, humming while she sewed. It was so achingly familiar but strange all the same. How many times had I sat with her in a room like this, sewing and humming along? How many days did we chat for hours while working, talking about our hopes and dreams for the future, even if we avoided speaking about our pasts that were too painful to dredge up?

Hearing me walk in, Marile looked up with a smile. 

“Welcome back!”

_______________________________

**“Welcome back.” Marile waved a hand, tired from a long day work. “What took you so long?”**

**I shook my head. “I can’t find him this time.”**

**“Your father’s still missing?” She frowned. “Maybe he’s staying with friends?”**

**“He kept gambling at the clubs, no matter what I told him.” I was shaking, and sat down in the chair opposite her. “He hid it from me, but I think he’s in more debt than he let on.”**

**Marile’s expression was grim. “And not with the right kind of people?”**

**“No.”**

**She reached out, patting my shoulder. “I won’t give you false words of comfort, girl. What I will say is that I’m here for you, even in the case of the worst.”**

**I wiped the forming tears from my eyes, looking around for the dress I had to finish. “Really?”**

**“Yes.” She grinned. “And I’ve been working with Mr. Haggot. He’s going to sell all my designs and with that money you and I can open up our own shop!” Holding out her hand towards me, she asked with a smile. “What about it, want to be business partners?”**

**I reached out, clasping her hand. “Deal. One day, we’ll run a shop together.”**

_______________________________

I shook my head, stepping into the sewing room and sitting near her. “How’s business lately?”

“No change. Should there be?” She must have sensed my nervousness, as she reached out and handed me a project. “Hem the sleeves. Sewing will calm you down.”

I grinned, taking the dress and settling into a familiar rhythm next to her. “Well, I worry that the prince in his desire for revenge might have struck here.”

“It’s still somehow a secret that we’re business partners. No reason for him to strike out at a random dress shop.”

I sighed, already feeling better as I worked with my hands. “I suppose you’re right.”

“No need to be so worried…” Marile faded to silence as we heard to women start to talk to each other near the back room, obviously not realizing they were being overheard.

“Did you hear the rumor going around about Lenora?” A high pitched nasally voice spoke up, sounding excited.

“The Duke of Armeny’s daughter? Yes, her engagement was broken, that’s old news.” A deeper, bored voice answered.

“No, no no! Of course everyone knows about the engagement break up! I’m talking about _why_ it happened!”

“Why it happened?” The bored voice sounded slightly more interested. “I thought the Queen said they parted ways because they didn’t really connect well?”

“Apparently she was just hiding the truth!” the nasally voice giggled. “I heard from a close friend of Lenora’s that the young woman was actually running around with other men!”

“Cheating on the prince?”

I sighed, leaning back in my chair and focusing on my sewing. _Different life, same rumors._ I had wondered if this would repeat itself. Apparently this time it took telling the prince what I thought about him before he and Edith tried to ruin my reputation. I wondered if he bothered to tell her the whole story of proposing to me, and that’s why she was helping. It seemed unlikely that he would be honest with her, though.

“I don’t know…” the lower voice continued, “I’ve met her, and she seems very nice. And she has a sterling reputation in the duchy…”

“Which makes this rumor all the more exciting!” The nasally voice raised, almost a shout. She had apparently forgotten her concern about being overheard.

“SHH… this isn’t right to speak of!” The other girl obviously tried to quiet her, growing nervous. “I feel wrong talking about her behind her back like this. She seems very kind, even paid for a small debt I owed this store once.”

“Who cares if we talk badly about some cast-off of the prince?” The higher voice laughed. “Lenora is washed up, we can talk about her all we like.”

“NOT IN MY STORE YOU WON’T!” Marile, her face enraged, stormed out of the back room to confront the two.

“I- I’m so sorry!” The lower voice spoke up first, “it was terribly rude…”

“HOW DARE YOU QUESTION YOUR BETTERS?!” The nasally voice shouted. “I’ll speak of whomever I please, or you’ll lose my business!”

“I would hope so!” Marile held her ground. “From this moment forward, your account with Prosperity is canceled. You will not be able to purchase any of the newest fashion. Your debt will be sent to your family for immediate payment.”

“YOU- YOU CAN’T…” she sputtered in return.

“I can, and I will. Lady Lenora is our biggest patron, and our most respected customer! No one will slander her name and be welcome in our store.”

The nasal voice rose to a shriek. “You’ll lose your business!”

“Perhaps.” Marile sounded unconcerned. “But more likely the other young women would rather be kind to the woman they owe so much too rather than risk being the least fashionable in the room.”

The loud sound of the girl running away in tears could be heard, followed by a brief silence. Marile spoke up, much more softly this time. “Thank you for defending the Lady Lenora. I’ll handle your gown myself.”

“Really? I don’t deserve that… but if you mean it, I’ll gladly take you up on it.”

“Just please tell your friends what I’ve said here.”

The remaining girl laughed. “Oh believe me, in a few days there won’t be a noblewoman in the kingdom left who would dare slander Lady Lenora lest they be banned from the best dress shop around!”

Marile stepped back in, her face calm. I stared up at her, my sewing forgotten.

“Thank you.” I whispered. She seemed to sway in my vision as tears filled my eyes.

“What a silly girl!” Marile stepped forward, giving me a tight hug. “Of course I won’t let that nasty person tell lies about you! Not while I have breath in this body!” 

_______________________________

**“YOU’RE AN EMBARASSMENT!” My mother screamed, throwing her now empty glass towards me. “YOU DESERVE EVERY TERRIBLE WORD THEY SPEAK ABOUT YOU!” **

_______________________________

“You don’t…”

“Shush!” Marile handed me my sewing once again with a smile. “Finish your work before you go home. We’ll sit together.”

And so we did.


	21. Chapter 21

After I finished sewing, I said goodbye to Marile and walked towards the shop exit. I was preoccupied with my thoughts, and wasn’t focused on where i was stepping. Which led to me almost running into the young woman who was waiting right outside the door.

I stopped just before slamming into her, taking in her appearance with a forced smile. “Hello, Edith.”

_How had she found me?_ After a few moments of thought I quickly realized the answer to my question was easily found in my own home. 

_I’m going to have to deal with Angela sooner rather than later._

Edith stepped forward, interrupting my thoughts. Her face was delicately pale, her smile complicated as if happy to see me but worried at the same time. It was very pitiful, and she looked more like a wronged heroine confronting her betrayer, rather than the villain that she was. “I missed you, Lenora! I wanted to visit sooner but I was afraid you wouldn’t want to see me… after…”

Her voice broke, and she lightly dabbed her eyes with a handkerchief, actual tears forming in her eyes. 

_What a marvelous performance._ I really felt like I should be applauding.

“After you ran around with my fiancé behind my back?” I tried unsuccessfully to hide the amusement in my voice. “Why wouldn’t I want to see you?”

She was now sobbing loudly, catching attention from those walking past. “Can you not forgive me? I never meant to hurt you! I just… fell in love! I cannot help loving him!” Even in tears her face remained pretty, her expressions showing mild sadness while maintaining a noble look. I wondered idly how many times one would have to practice crying to be able to look attractive while convincing at the same time.

I sighed quietly. “I wish the two of you can be always together.” _As long as you stay far away from me!_

“Are we still friends?” She stopped crying her gaze hopeful. A few people had stopped to watch the scene, the mood clearly siding with the girl who was crying. I felt many angry stares in my direction and wanted to laugh out loud. How many of these strangers would realize that the girl who they thought was being bullied was the one who had done the betraying?

Feeling tired, I forced a kind expression on my face. “Of course.” I felt no unease agreeing to this. After all, “friend” was only a meaningless term. There was no reason to hesitate applying it to such a person.

I invited her into my carriage and with a cheerful laugh she agreed. All signs of her previous tears were gone and she once again was pretending to be the gentle supportive friend. I was honestly shocked at how quickly she had switched roles. If I had honestly been in love with the prince still, did she think I would be over it so fast? She was being even more shameless than she had acted in my previous life.

_There must be something else she wants._

Hiding my curiosity, I smiled blandly at her, pretending to listen as she chattered on about the latest dance she had learned. Edith at least had enough tact not to bring up the Prince… or so I thought.

“So, I am holding a party next week.” She started fidgeting in her seat.

“I see.” I nodded, my mind wandering to tomorrow’s schedule.

“There… I will be announcing that the Prince and I intend to be married. “

Calmly, I looked up at her fake-timid smile and couldn’t help but ask. “So it’s official then? You are engaged?” 

Obviously the stupid prince hadn’t told her he had proposed to me again. I felt a brief flash of optimism. Perhaps my rejection had been enough for him to disregard the King’s order completely?

“Well, not officially, yet.” Her lower lip stuck out as she pouted, whether at her words or at my lack of reaction I was unsure. “Ronan has told me to keep quiet about it for a little while to protect your reputation, but by then I’m sure it will be fine!”

_Protect my reputation?_ I barely held in my laughter. _Since when has he cared at all about that? _I forced myself to nod seriously.

Edith reached out, grabbing my hands, not noticing my discomfort at the contact. “I want you to be there, to support me.”

__________________________

**“Please be there.” Edith begged, her hands holding mine.**

**“I don’t know…” I trailed off, hesitant. It had been over a month since the engagement was broken. Mother had grown angrier by the day, Father had become increasingly withdrawn, anxiety etched on his features as debtors came to call day after day. I was still hurt over what Edith and Ronan had done, unsure if I wanted to subject myself to a party where I would show my support for the girl who had replaced me…**

**“Oh, but you must be there! We’re friends!” She cried bitterly, her tears making me feel guilty for causing her distress.**

**I was still afraid to lose her approval, even after everything that had happened. She was the only one who seemed to care about me. I hadn’t seen or heard from the Queen since, all my letters had gone unanswered. She obviously had lost interest in me now that I was no longer going to be her daughter in law. Edith was my only friend left.**

**And it was only a party.**

**“I’ll go.” **

__________________________

“I’ll go.” My simple words seemed to shock Edith, who was obviously prepared to argue longer. Shaking herself, she smiled happily, clapping her hands with excitement.

“That’s wonderful! It wouldn’t have been a proper party without you there!” She reached out and hugged me, “I’m so glad we’re still friends!”

“I’m glad too.” I smiled as I pulled back, glad that the slightly shadowy interior of the carriage prevented her from seeing my face too clearly. If she had, she might have taken back the invitation. She might have canceled the party and fled the city.

_It would have been the smart thing to do. _

But instead she took my expression for genuine, and continued to talk happily about plans for the party as the carriage moved forward.

I kept silent, nodding occasionally, pretending to listen as my brain quickly began drawing up plans.

This party could be useful. 

__________________________

“The Prince’s staff have been trying to spread rumors all throughout the nobility.”

Rig paced back and forth, his expression showing his displeasure. Hallers watched silently from the sidelines, his face unreadable. “How idiotic is this man?!” 

I raised an eyebrow. “The prince? He’s an idiot, but this plan is fairly well thought out… at least for him.”

“But how is the prince lashing out like this supposed to convince you to marry him?” Throwing up his hands, the man slumped in a chair, shaking his head. “I can’t see this accomplishing anything but convincing you to stay far away from him.” 

“That’s because you think like a normal, decent human being.” I smiled, tapping my temple. “In the world of nobility, marriage is more of a business deal. As a Duke’s daughter, my worth is determined by my ability to tie my family to another.” Leaning back, I sighed. “Normally, I would have been completely taken out of consideration for a match after having an engagement broken with royalty.”

Rig thought about that. “But your reputation was actually not too bad after…”

“Exactly. The Queen’s actions, my own reputation, and my wealth might have been enough to convince some of the braver families to try to ally through marriage. But now?” I shrugged. “With rumors that I was unfaithful, any man who tried to marry me would be thought to be the one I was cheating on the Prince with. Even if they avoided that, I would still be considered a loose woman, a stain on their reputation.” 

I laughed, a bitter sound. “No man would want his name tied to mine now. The Prince has ensured through this move that my only option to marry is to crawl back to him.” 

Rig and Hallers stared at each other. “I don’t think it completely dissuaded everyone…” Rig started to talk, a small smile on his face. “After all there’s…”

Hallers interrupted. “He’s not approved… yet.”

“I thought you liked him now?” Rig glanced over at me and then back to the butler.

“Liking him is not the same as approval for this role.” Hallers face hadn’t changed, but all of a sudden I found myself shivering from the coldness in his eyes, even as I struggled to follow their conversation.

Rig’s smile widened. “Of course, anyone trying to step up to the task would have to prove their worth. We can’t just give her up to anyone.”

Hallers chuckled, an evil sound.

I interrupted their plotting, trying to bring the conversation back to one I understood. “Not that any of the Prince’s plans matter.” I shrugged. “I have no plans to marry. So he can destroy my reputation all he likes.”

“Actually it’s not spreading well.” Rig looked at his own notes, confused. “For some reason, especially among the female nobility, the rumor tends to die out quickly, like they’re too afraid to talk.”

I smiled at that, repeating the threat that Marile had made a week past, and the other men smiled too.

“Simple, but effective.” Rig praised. “I like her methods.” 

“Well, it will really be put to the test at Edith’s party tonight.” I stood up at my desk, stretching. “We’ll see if they continue to hold off on then.” 

“Why are you even going to that? You realize she’s trying to use you to legitimize her relationship to the prince, right?” Rig rolled his eyes. “If you are publically seen supporting her, how can anyone else blame HER for her actions?”

I grinned. “Actually I’m going for two very different reasons.” I held up one finger. “First, as the Prince is currently under His Majesty’s orders to marry me, I truly am curious to see if Ronan will allow a public declaration of their relationship to happen. I’m actually hoping that she manages to do it.”

Rig laughed at that. “That would piss the King off, something awful!”

“I certainly hope so.”

“Then what’s the second reason?”

I grinned. “I have a plan to carry out.” Handing him a note with instructions, I watched his eyebrows slowly raise as he read through it. “Can you have it arranged before the end of the party?”

“I- I can, but why…?”

I smiled wickedly. “I was going to cause trouble anyways… might as well blame it on somebody else while I’m at it.” 

__________________________

The party was beautiful. The Countess of Erand was never one to hold back from extravagance, especially on behalf of her daughter. I took in the glittering ballroom with an appreciative glance, smiling as I noticed how many of the noblewoman were wearing gowns from “Prosperity” tonight. Edith’s party had granted my business a small fortune in orders. I wished I could thank her.

As I entered with Henry by my side, I heard a small amount of whispering, caught a few sidelong glances, but that was all. It seemed that even the men were restrained, likely by the hands of their wives who were terrified that Marile would hold a husband’s gossiping tongue against them.

“Terrible.” Henry muttered, looking around. At first I thought he as referencing the few gossiping nobles, but of course he hadn’t even noticed. “How could they treat the poor geraniums like this?!” He stared mournfully at the flower decorations, which admittedly looked slightly bruised and wilted. 

“Shameful.” I whispered, playing along. “Should we steal the decorations?”

“No, it’s too late for these poor dears… but I’m taking their bush with me.” His eyes were fierce.

“Please tell me you’re joking.”

“Nope. I’m saving it.” He spoke, his voice filled with righteousness and clear conviction. “I have no choice.”

I sighed, rubbing my forehead. “Just make sure no one sees you, please?”

He chuckled grimly, rubbing his hands together. “Of course.”

“What’s Henry planning?” Nate walked up, dressed up in a beautiful waistcoat, looking at my cousin’s face with suspicion.

“He’s planning to liberate their geraniums.” I muttered, grabbing the young man’s arm and studying it closely. 

“L-lenora.” He stuttered. “I - ..”

“What is this coat made of? This weave…”I pulled slightly on the sleeve, nodding with approval the softness of the fabric.

He sighed. “Should have realized.” Grumbling under his breath, he added. “Please, Lenora, release my arm before you cause a scandal, I promise to send my coat to you so you can study it.”

I looked around, realizing that this action would likely not have helped my shifting reputation, fortunately around the same time the prince had arrived, and it appeared that no one had been paying attention to me. 

Breathing a sigh of relief, I looked around for the food, my eyes lighting up at the sight of the table. It was filled with different pastries and other delicious treats, reminding me of the prince’s birthday party.

_But I had a job to do._ I felt my the corners of my mouth turn downward as I cursed my scheming ways. _What if all the food was taken by the time I finished my plot? _

Nate, noticing my longing glances and sad sighs, chuckled. “I’ll get you a plate, Lenora. Go do whatever plots that need done.”

Startled, I looked up at him, taking in his complacent smile with confusion. “How did you…?”

“I pay attention.” He bowed politely, his hand on his heart and a smile in his eyes, before he turned towards the table, walking away.

I watched him move further away, my thoughts chaotic.

“Nate would be a good choice.” Henry spoke quietly, again causing me to jump. 

“W-what do you mean?” I felt a moment of panic, my stomach hurting briefly. “A good choice for what?”

Henry stared at me. “I’m going to recruit him to help me steal the geranium. What were you thinking?”

I shook my head, “Nothing. I wasn’t thinking of anything.” And with that, I escaped

__________________________

I walked towards Edith, a smile on my face. She saw me, and threw her hands out, delighted.

“LENORA!” Many heads turned towards us as we crossed the room to meet up.

As I moved closer, I bumped into a young lady, nearly losing my balance. I had to reach out and grab her, to stabilize myself. We smiled briefly at each other, before I moved on, apologizing with a single word and then continuing my course towards Edith. 

She and I embraced, and the whispers from the crowd around us increased slightly.

I realized the source as a single figure stepped out though the crowd towards us 

Ronan.

The three of us stood there, smiling at each other, each of us wearing a false expression. 

_What an interesting party._ All of us plotting behind the scenes, none of us truly knowing the moves of the others.

Edith, who was trying to use my good reputation to legitimize her actions and her relationship with the prince.

Ronan who was trying to destroy my reputation to force me to agree to an engagement with him.

And me. Who came for a reason that didn’t involve either of them.

Smiling brightly at the two, I hugged Edith once more, whispering. “Good Luck.” Before she could ask me what I meant, I stepped away.

“I wish you both every happiness.” My voice was pleasantly neutral.

Ronan’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t think that you can…”

“Thank you.” Edith grinned, interrupting. “Your blessing means the world to us!”

“Does it?” I grinned, seeing Ronan fuming, and walked away.

“Done with your plots?” A plate was held out in front of me by Nate, and I took it, looking it over with appreciation.

“Good choices, thank you. 

He shrugged. “I asked Hallers, and was given very specific and detailed instructions.” Wincing, he added. “I have a feeling I’m in for a very long lecture regarding your preferences in the near future.”

“I’m sorry, I can tell him to hold off.”

“No need.” He held up a hand, smiling. “I told you I like cooking right? Might as well cook something I know you’ll like.”

I took a bite of the first pastry, savoring it. “This is amazing.”

Nate laughed. “Who knew that a pastry was all it took to impress you.” Pausing, he leaned closer, whispering. “So what was it you passed on to the young lady? 

I paused in my eating, trying to hide my shock. “To Edith? I didn’t…”

“No, not her.” He grinned. “The young lady you pretended to bump into on your way over.” 

“Was it too obvious?” I worried for a moment that my skills from my previous life had gotten rusty. 

“Only because I was watching closely. No one else would have caught it.” 

Breathing a short sigh of relief, I grinned. “Good. Otherwise there would be no point to coming to this party.”

“Food’s not bad.” Nate shrugged, picking a pastry off my plate and eating it, “Company could be better.” He pointed in the direction of the other half of the room, and I followed his gaze, sighing.

Edith and Ronan were standing closely together, flirting, smiling, toughing each other frequently. There were a few odd stares in their direction, but the pair didn’t notice, too wrapped up in their own world.

“Does it bother you?” Nate asked quietly

“Not the actions, just the indecisiveness.” I shrugged. “He wants me to marry him to appease his father, but he wants to pretend nothing has changed with Edith. He obviously has forbidden her from announcing the relationship, which was the entire point of this party for her.”

“Selfishness is a powerful motivator.” He watched me for a few moments. “Do you feel sorry for her?”

“Not really. They both value the position, the crown over the person they proclaim to love. It’s hard to claim one is the injured party when each other them is using the other.” I turned to Nate with a smile. “Let’s stay out of it.”

“Sounds good to me.” With that, Nate asked me to dance, and the party moved on.

I danced several times with Henry, ignoring his muttered plant related plots, and with a few other noblemen who had obviously not heard the rumors yet. The party was drawing to a close, when… 

“WHERE IS SHE?!” The Earl of Beral shouted, his face bright red with rage as he searched around the party.

I looked around the room slowly, and sure enough, Lady Erica, who had been dancing and socializing at the party, was nowhere to be found.

The Countess of Erand and Edith stepped forward in the sudden hush, the crowd parting to let them through.

“Perhaps she is taking a rest.” Edith’s mother tried to calm the man. “I’ll ask the servants to check…” 

“I’VE ALREADY CHECKED, SHE’S GONE! I BET YOU SHE RAN OFF WITH THAT TRAITOR FROM THE EASTERN GUARD!” He glared at Edith, his words laced with suspicion. “She spoke with you quite a few times tonight, what did she say to you?” 

Edith looked confused. “Nothing important, just fashion, the weather…”

“She couldn’t have done this alone, you helped my fiancé to run off!” He glared at the two women. 

Edith looked frustrated. “Why would I do that?” 

“Perhaps she paid you! I don’t know!” The older man threw up his hands. “But she just so happens to disappear from your party…. I know you had a hand in this!” 

Edith shot a pleading look over to Prince Ronan, who was watching from the sidelines, but he simply shook his head, refusing to speak. The Earl was extremely wealthy and well connected. He was also one of the Prince’s greatest supporters. Ronan wouldn’t risk alienating him. Not even for a woman he loved. 

“Coward.” Nate whispered under his breath. 

“I swear I had nothing to do with your fiance’s disappearance!” Edith then began to cry, her tears drawing sympathy from the crowd. 

The earl stepped back, his face bleak. “Very well. But I won’t forget what you’ve done tonight.” 

With that, he was gone.

The room collectively let out a sigh of relief with his retreat, but the mood of the party was definitely broken. As people prepared to leave, Nate grinned at me. “Strong work, rescuing a damsel in distress.”

I kept an innocent expression. “I don’t know what you mean, I was just here to enjoy a party.”

“So I assume that’s where the travel papers I had made went to?”

I nodded, and he laughed.

“Starting a new store branch in Tilendria with an escaped noblewoman and a deserting captain… you never do things as expected do you?”

“Maybe not as YOU expect.”

“Well, at least now, you have a reason to come visit me in Tilendria.” His smile was bright, “You should at least check in on your store occasionally, right?” 

I held up my hands helplessly. “Tilendria’s a big country. Even if I go check on the store, I can’t guarantee we would see each other.” 

“That reminds me….” He passed me an envelope with a grin. I took it, feeling some exasperation.

“You and your envelopes. What is it now?”

“Information regarding land for sale in Tilendria.” He smiled. It’s in the Capital, right in the heart of the city, perfect for a business. You said you were opening up a new branch, so I asked around.”

I sighed. “You can’t keep doing me favors.”

“Oh, it not just a favor, this definitely benefits me, in many ways. After all, you’ll pay taxes right?”

“Yes, but what does that…?”

“Oh, there’s the signal!” He grinned, turning away. “It’s time for the flower heist!” 

Groaning, I turned away, and prepared to leave the party. Sensing an angry stare at my back, I turned to the side to catch Ronan’s gaze. He seemed bitter, likely upset that the rumors he had started hadn’t affected me at all. I smiled at him, allowing him to see the mockery in it, and walked away. 

In the carriage ride home, Henry clutched the large flowery bush, ignoring the wrath of Hallers at dirtying the carriage. I stared out the window, thinking things over.

Lady Erica had successfully eloped with her Captain. I was happy to have that out of the way, even more so that suspicion had been cast on someone else besides me. I remembered that man’s ruthlessness in my last life, and had no desire to face off with him again in this one.

I have enough enemies; let someone else deal with him for a change.

With the failure of the rumors to bring me around, I knew that Ronan would switch his strategy soon. My mind flipped through the possibilities, unsure of which route he would take. But i would get some sleep tonight and think about it further in the morning. 

But as I entered my house, and saw the stranger sitting in the visiting room, I realized that he had struck much sooner then I had expected.


	22. Chapter 22

I didn’t recognize the man sitting in my home.

“How…?” Hallers stepped in before me, his professional mask cracking as he realized that in his absence a strange man had been allowed to enter the house. 

The man smiled, the expression showing too much teeth, coming across as more threatening than reassuring. “Now, now, butler… don’t get your uniform tied up in knots, your staff didn’t have a choice.” He turned towards Henry and me, giving a formal bow.

“Sir Matchins, at your service.” His voice was mocking, the bow too shallow to be truly respectful.

I stepped forward, “Sir Matchins, although we haven’t been formally introduced, I do wonder as to the urgency of the matter that caused you to be at our home so late in the evening.” I kept my face calm and neutral, ignoring the discomfort of his gaze, as he looked me up and down. “I would be happy to discuss this further in the morning.”

His smile widened. “I’m afraid this matter has already waited over five years, milady. Another day simply won’t do.” He reached out a hand, holding something out towards me.

The movement was made too quickly, both Henry and Hallers stepped in between us, as if trying to shield me. Recognizing that he was holding a sheath of papers rather than a weapon, I slowly let go of the throwing knife I had grasped inside of my pocket and stepped closer, taking the papers and studying them.

As I looked over the words and numbers written neatly there, I struggled to maintain an expression of composure.

“Why did you wait so long to come forward?” My voice was monotone, as if I truly didn’t care about his answer.

He laughed, a strange, unsettling sound. “I didn’t want to be seen as a harassing a noble family, but with how your circumstances have… changed, Miss, I thought it best to come forward and collect now rather than wait for you to honor it yourself.”

His tone was spiteful, I felt Hallers shift beside me and reached out to touch his shoulder, hoping to calm him. “Well you have delivered your paperwork. I will be visiting your office within the week to settle the matter.”

He laughed again, “Not a week. Three days. I’ve waited long enough.”

“YOU DARE….?!” Hallers’ roar of anger startled me for a moment, but I held up my hand silencing him. 

“Three days, then. Goodbye, Sir Matchins. I hope you’ll forgive me for not seeing you out.”

With a smirk he left, the soft click of the door closing behind him unnaturally loud in the silence he left behind.

My fists slowly tightened, crumpling the papers in one hand, my nails digging unimpeded into the flesh of my palm with the other.

“Lenora… what does he want?” Henry asked quietly, confused by my lack of expression.

“What does he want?” I asked, not recognizing the sound of my own voice, it was so distorted by anger and disgust. “He wants everything.”

“…” Henry stared at me for a moment with dismay.

“Miss, your hand!” Hallers cried out, reaching to grab my free hand. I looked down, startled to realize that my nails had broken the skin of my palm and blood was running down my hand, staining the sleeves of my dress.

I pulled my hand away, “It’s nothing. Call Rig over, now.” I walked towards my office. “We have work to do.”

_______________________________

Rig entered the office quietly, closing the door behind him. I could hear his entrance, but kept my back to him, staring out the window as if entranced by the darkness beyond the glass.

“What happened?” His voice was soft, concerned. I couldn’t help but smile, he was always one to try to help others, protect everyone…

_Of course, none of that protected him in the end._

I gestured behind me to the desk, still staring out the window. “A debt, unpaid.” 

There was the rustling of papers as Rig looked over what the stranger had given me. Reading the amount, he whistled with appreciation.

“Quite a bit. I thought all your family’s debt had been paid though?”

“So did I.” I sighed. “But in the beginning things were chaotic. It would not have been difficult for someone to sneak a single page out of my room or office, hiding it until now.”

“Someone? Why would anyone…?” He paused thinking it over. “Is this the Prince’s doing?” 

“Most likely.” I tapped my fingers idly on the windowsill, “This amount is excessive, even with five years worth of interest… definitely enough to sink the Duchy. I would have had to agree to marry the prince to save my home, my livelihood.”

“If not for your business.” Rig added.

“Correct. He obviously doesn’t know I have an independent source of wealth.” My hands trembled, I clenched my fists, ignoring the pain from the wounds on my hand. Nodding slowly, I remained facing the window, refusing to look back at him.

_I didn’t want him to see my face._

Rig sounded relieved, “Well, easy enough. We’ll pay off this debt, and his plan fails.”

“No.” I whispered. “It’s not enough.”

“What’s wrong, Girl? He insulted you publically and you didn’t bat an eyelash. Betrayed you with your friend and you smiled in return. He spread rumors to destroy your reputation and it didn’t bother you at all… Why does this make you so angry?”

“Am I angry?” My words were barely audible.

“More than I’ve ever seen you before.”

I stood up slowly, closing my eyes and pressing my forehead against the cool glass.

_______________________________

**“We’re losing the house.” Father was broken, his hands clutching one of many bills, expressionless.**

**“WHERE ARE WE TO GO?!” Mother screamed with rage, throwing a glass towards the wall. It shattered into a hundred pieces, the shards sparkling in the moonlight shining through the nearest window. I stared out silently at the stars. My letters to the Queen had never been answered. After the party, Edith had never visited again. Forgotten by the two people I thought cared, I took a deep breath, trying to ignore the pain in my heart.**

**“I’ll get a job, we’ll rent a small place to live.” I forced a smile, stepping away from the window and towards them. “We’ll make it through this.”**

**Both of my parents stared at me silently. Perhaps this difficulty would bring us together, I hoped. Perhaps we could be a family, even if we never acted like one before. **

_______________________________

“What do you think would happen if I lost all of my money?” My question, muffled as it was, caught Rig’s attention.

“What do you mean?”

“If I lost all my money today, do you think my life would go on as it did?” I smiled, the stars through the window blurring in my vision. “Hallers would seek employment elsewhere. He is an excellent butler, the palace would hire him immediately.” 

“What are you…?”

“Henry would return home to his plants, Nate will go home to Tilendria, Marile will go to live with her sister, and you… you’d move on as well.”

“Do… do you think we only stay with you for the money?!” Rig sounded horrified.

“What about the people under you? Can you afford to not pay them? It’s only natural that you all find someone who can protect you, can pay the bills, keep you fed, clothed, housed… “ My voice broke on the last word, I cleared my throat trying to continue.

“But in the end, when you all have gone. And I’ve lost my home, my family… everyone. I’ll starve to death in the streets, and no one will even mourn my death.”

It became all too apparent to me, the second I saw that bill. How fragile this new future of mine was. How easily I could lose.

_But this time… I’d grown too attached… I couldn’t bear to be alone again. _

I turned around, letting him see my face. Rig stepped back, his eyes widening.

“You ask me why this bothers me? It’s because it’s worked before. I lost everything. I lost everyone. I held your body in my arms and then slowly died alone.” I felt hopeless, and I knew the agony I felt was etched on my face. I couldn’t hide the pain I felt.

“We won’t leave you.” Rig whispered, his own eyes filling with tears as he stared at me. 

“You already have.” I smiled, but it was a broken expression. “Here are your instructions.” I handed him a paper.

He read it, his face growing pale. “But this…?” 

“It’s not enough to simply win. I have to make sure they never touch me again. If I have to utterly destroy them to accomplish that… then so be it.”

With that, I walked out, leaving him behind. 

_______________________________

I spent the next few days alone, thinking things over. There wasn’t much for me to do. Henry was managing the day-to-day functions of the Duchy, Rig was carrying out my instructions. I was left to my own devices.

I felt numb, as I sat in the library of our home, listlessly flipping through a book, the words running together, making no sense.

“Miss.” Hallers caught me off guard, standing in front of me with a solemn expression. I sat up in my chair, setting aside my book to give him my full attention.

“Sorry, Hallers, I didn’t hear you walk in.” I shook my head, I’d been too distracted these past few days. “Is there something you need?”

“I think I should clarify something, Miss.” Hallers smiled. “I will not be going to the palace to work, no matter what your financial situation.”

I raised an eyebrow. “You spoke to Rig.”

“’Speak’ is not the exact term for it.” His grin turned vicious. “He was initially reluctant to explain the source of your recent change in mood, but … we exchanged some words and he changed his mind.”

“Poor Rig.” I chuckled sadly. “Hope you left him in one piece. I need him for my plan.”

“He’ll be fine.” Hallers knelt on the ground, now at eye level, surprising me. His face was serious once more. “I won’t leave you. Ever.”

“Hallers…” I hesitated. “You have to have a job, I wouldn’t blame you if something happened…”

“Forgive me for disagreeing, Miss. But you are the only person I’ll serve in this lifetime.” He reached out and squeezed my hands. “Money, no money, it doesn’t change who I am. Who _you_ are. “

“…” I stared at him silently, unsure of what to say.

Hallers stood up. “I hope one day you’ll understand just how much we care for you.” Brushing off his knees, he resumed his professional posture. “Now, let me get you some tea.”

He turned to leave, but I reached out a hand, stopping him. “Wait.”

“Yes?”

“… If I… If I were to do something terrible…” I swallowed uncomfortably. “Ruin a man, destroy everything he knows and loves…. Disregarding the fact that he might have a family, children… Even if I do such a monstrous thing… would you still stay?”

Hallers smiled. “I will support whatever decision you make. In fact, if someone threatens you… I’m happy to do the dirty work, myself.” With that, he left.

I stared at the empty room, shocked at the conversation I just had.

_Have things changed so much?_

I felt a stinging pain in my eyes. Wiping them with the back of my hand, it came back wet with tears, but for some reason, I was smiling. 

_______________________________

It was the last night before the stranger’s deadline. Tomorrow, I would head out with Rig to complete what needed to be done.

But first, I had something to take care of.

“You called for me, Miss?” Angela walked into my room, her professional mask firmly in place.

I smiled gently, motioning for her to sit in the chair in front of me. Confused, she sat down, perched on the edge as if ready to jump up at a moments notice.

“How long have you worked for me, Angela?” My voice was light, pleasant.

Her response was guarded. “Almost seven years, Miss.”

“Seven years.” I shook my head, still smiling. “Seven years of hard work, loyalty… that should be rewarded, yes?”

Angela jumped slightly at the word, “loyalty.” “I don’t require any reward.” She answered cautiously.

“Of course you do… seven years of loyalty… spying, stealing, scheming… how hard you have worked, for your mistress, Lady Edith.” I never changed my expression, even as her face paled and she leapt to her feet.

“I don’t know what you’re…”

“I hope she at least adequately compensated you to betray me?” I studied my nails, pretending to be bored.

Angela shook her head, “I don’t know who has fed you these lies, Miss, but that’s all they are, lies. I am loyal to you and only you.”

I threw back my head and laughed, the sound lonely and bitter, echoing around the room. It took a moment for me to catch my breath, one hand wiping tears of mirth from my eyes.

“Oh, Angela. Those lies might have fooled an innocent child into trusting you, but you are nowhere near the liar your mistress is.” I thought about it for a moment. “Or me, for that matter. I was content to let you play your little game, pass off useless information to Edith and His Royal Highness, play the odd prank or two…but you had to find the line that shouldn’t be crossed.”

“Milady…”

“You never should have stolen that debtor’s note.” I sighed, “Anything else I might have let slide, but you actually tried to financially ruin me.”

“I would never…” Angela looked insulted. “You have no proof…”

I stood up finally, walking closer, “Do I need proof though?” I whispered. “You and I both know the truth, and you know how easy would it be for me to destroy you?”

I turned away, grabbing a handful of coins from the table. “Should I plant money in your bag, claimed you stole from the household? You would never work again.” Shaking my head, I circled around, grabbing a dress from where it was laid out. “Perhaps a needle or powder in my dress… who else would have access to my clothes? You could be imprisoned for life, would Lady Edith care about you then?”

All the blood had left her face, she reached out a hand as if to stop me. “Please, Miss…”

“I know!” I smiled cheerfully, stopping in my tracks and pulling a knife from my pocket. She stepped back, clearly afraid I was going to hurt her, but instead I turned it around, placing it against the flesh of my arm. “How about stabbing your mistress when she asked to speak to you privately? They would hang you for that!” I dug the tip of the knife in, a drop of blood forming on the spot. “How well would the money you accepted to mislead and betray a young girl spend then, as you hang by a rope around your neck?”

She stepped forward, trying to grab to knife, but I motioned her away, digging the tip in deeper. Stopping, she sighed loudly, looking defeated.

“You win, Miss. What do you want from me?”

My smile faded from my face, and I sat down, placing the bloodied knife on the table between us. “What did she offer you to betray me?”

“…” She sighed again. “A position as the future queen’s lady’s maid.”

“And?” My voice was cold.

“My brother, Miss. He’s talented, very smart, but we couldn’t afford to allow him to study. Edith pays for his education at the university, and a position in the government once His Highness takes the throne.” She stared down at her hands. “I wanted to give him the chance to succeed.”

“And did you ever consider that if you ever asked me, I would have gladly provided you the funds for his education, without the need to betray a young girl who trusted you?” I stared her down, and she flushed red, unable to meet my gaze.

I threw a sack of money on the table between us, next to the bloody knife. “There.”

She stared at it, shocked. “What?”

“You are going to do what you do best.” I smiled. “Spy.”

“Miss…”

“I will ask Edith to take you in, do to the recent… financial difficulties of the family. She will be overjoyed that I am too poor to even keep a lady’s maid, and will be even happier to be able to afford something that I cannot. There, you will wait for further instructions.”

Angela stared at me with narrowed eyes, suspicious. “How do you know I won’t betray you to her?”

I smiled. “Let me ask you something instead: Do you really want to risk me being your enemy?” I leaned forward. “Because I will happily destroy you and everything you love.” I paused. “Including young Oliver, it would be such a shame if his bright future were to be destroyed.”

Her mouth gaped open in shock. “You already knew about my brother?”

“Do you think I didn’t already know everything about you, the traitor i left in my own home?” I sighed. “How disappointing. But I haven’t heard your answer.”

“…” She reached out and took the money with a shaking hand. “Very well.” Standing up, she hesitated and then took a few envelopes out of her dress, placing them on the table between us. ”Here.”

I took them silently, recognizing the Queen’s handwriting. “Letters from the Queen?”

“She’s written several times since the engagement has been broken, but I was under strict instructions to stop any and all letters between you two.”

I nodded silently. “Anything else she asked you to do that I should know about?”

“Lady Edith… She asked about your father a lot.” 

That caught my attention. “My father? Did she say why?”

Angela shook her head. “No, Miss. She would always ask about his health and what he was doing, but never used any of that information.”

“Very well.” I sighed. “You may go.”

Angela hesitated. “For what it’s worth… I’m sorry.”

I waved a hand. “The girl you should have apologized to died long ago.” I smiled bitterly. “So don’t bother.”

I stared into the fire long after she left, thinking about the meeting with the debtor in the morning. What I planned to do.

What had to be done.


	23. Chapter 23

I stared into the mirror, shocked by what I saw.

I had wanted to look intimidating for this upcoming meeting, and had used an old design that I had originally thought of in my previous life… Reaching out a hand, I touched the cool glass of the mirror, almost expecting the image before me to change.

The deep red dress flowed down from my shoulders, making me look taller, the golden embroidery sparkling in mesmerizing patterns, catching the eye. I had chosen a more mature hairstyle, with the majority of it pinned above my head except for a few ringlets that hung around my ears. The necklace given to me from the Queen hung proudly around my neck, not looking out of place as it usually did with my simpler gowns.

The overall effect was… more than I had expected.

I studied my appearance, wondering if this is what I would have looked like if I had married Ronan in my previous life…

Lia, my new lady’s maid, sighed dreamily while adjusting the skirts of my gown.

Since I had dismissed Angela the night before, I needed someone to help me into the complicated dress. Rather than have Hallers try to hire someone in the middle of the night, I asked him to promote the young woman who had worked diligently as a maid these past few years. I still remembered gratitude she had showed when I saved her from being struck by my mother years before. It was not enough for me to fully trust her, of course, but perhaps she would be less eager to betray me than Angela had been.

“Miss, you look like a Queen!”

I smiled wryly at her in the mirror, and her face turned pale as she realized the meaning of her words given my recent history. Clapping her hands to her cheeks, she took a step back.

“OH NO, I’m SO SORRY Miss! How could I bring up painful memories of your broken engagement?!” She paused, looking even more chagrined. “And now I’m doing it again! After you were so kind to give me a chance of promotion, and here I am re-opening up your wounds…!” 

“It’s okay.” I smiled, patting her on the shoulder. “I’ll take the compliment of looking like a Queen, even if I’m not meant to be an actual one.”

She instantly looked relieved. I watched her with some fascination. After so many years around Ronan, Edith and Angela, I was unused to someone who showed every single emotion on their face. 

“Well, you are beautiful and kind, Milady. I think Repulsive Ronan the Ridiculous was crazy to have broken your engagement!!!” 

I paused at her words. _Hadn’t it only been “Ronan the Ridiculous” before? _“Did the song change?”

Lia blushed. “I shouldn’t have spoken poor about the future king, but it’s such a catchy song! There’s a new verse that they are all singing, about how he likes to lie in manure and make up lies about the beautiful lady he tossed away.” She grinned. “It gets stuck in your mind and you find yourself singing along without meaning to!”

As if to prove her point she hummed a few bars, and I noted that it sounded suspiciously like a tune I had heard Hallers humming last week while polishing the silver.

_What a strange coincidence._

In a much better mood despite the terrible task ahead of me, I glanced one last time at my appearance before determining that I was ready to go. I took a deep breath, touching the queen’s necklace around my neck for good luck. 

______________________________

**“Pretty!” **

**I was six years old the first time I saw it. The Queen had left me alone briefly in her rooms, called away for a quick issue while we had been visiting. Bored, my eyes had been immediately caught by a shining blue stone in a glass box. Taking it out, I rubbed my fingers over the amulet whispering my admiration.**

**“It’s a family heirloom.” The Queen smiled as she walked in. Startled, I guiltily tried to hide the jewelry behind my back, before holding it back out towards her with an ashamed look.**

**She took on a stern expression. “You should respect other’s privacy, and not go through my things when I’m not watching.”**

**My head hung down. “I’m sorry.” I felt a moment of panic, knowing that such mistakes often led my mother to say terrible things. “I promise I won’t make a mistake again! Please don’t hate me!”**

**“Hate you?” The Queen was shocked, pulling me onto her lap, she held me tightly, her voice muffled in my hair. “I could never hate you! Even if we aren’t blood related, you’re my daughter, forever and ever! Everyone makes mistakes, dear, but I won’t hate you for them. We’ll learn from them together.”**

**I looked up at her with a smile. “I love you!”**

**She blinked at my words, her face lighting up. “I love you too, dearest!” Hugging me with one arm, she continued, “Now let me show you…” The Queen held out the necklace closer for me to study.**

**“This has been handed down in my family for generations. Mother to daughter. One day, when you’re old enough, I’ll give it to you.”**

**My eyes widened as I studied the beautiful necklace. “Really? You’ll give it to me?”**

**“And that’s not all!” Her voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper. “This is a a very special necklace. My mother told me when she gave it to me, that it protects our family, brings good luck! It can even grant wishes!”**

**I gasped. “Really? Wishes?!”**

**She nodded.**

**“So remember to treasure it, once it’s yours.”**

**I hugged her tightly, feeling happy. “I will!”**

______________________________

I clutched the sapphire amulet tightly in my hand, laughing silently at the memory. It was just a silly story. After all, the necklace hadn’t brought me any good luck in my previous life at all. But still, I felt better after holding it, and emboldened. 

I left my rooms, heading towards the main entrance of the home, where the carriage and Hallers waited.

We had decided that I would bring Hallers along. As my butler, he could serve as a witness to the meeting. Rig’s identity was unknown to all but a select few, even fewer knew that he worked exclusively for me now. Because of that, he would not be able to come along. I had brought weapons, in case things turned violent, but I couldn’t help but feel that it would have been nice to have someone who could watch my back…

But when I arrived to the carriage, to my surprise, Hallers wasn’t alone.

“I apologize for the presumption, Miss.” The butler bowed, with the faintest hint of a smile tugging at his lips. “But I thought I might help to have someone… more intimidating looking standing behind you, and so I asked Mr. Nathaniel along.”

I looked over at Nate, who was staring at me silently with a bright red face.

“Are you okay?” I asked, concerned. _He wouldn’t be helpful as backup if he was ill._

“I-I’m fine.” He stuttered, forcing his gaze upwards to the sky. “T-that’s a beautiful dress.” 

I looked down, caught off guard by Nate’s compliment. “Thank you. I thought to present an image of strength and wealth, to intimidate.”

“It works… I’m definitely intimidated.” He was now speaking so softly I could barely hear him. Hallers patted him on the shoulder with a sympathetic expression. 

“Remember to breathe.”

“Thanks, Hallers, I’ll try.” Nate took a deep breath, and then looked back down at me, his face calm but still red.

“Are you sure you feel alright?” I stepped closer, and his eyes widened, his voice raising in pitch.

“Y-yep! I’m here to help!”

“I’m going to do things my way.” I warned him, serious. “You have to know that now.”

“Does your plan involve you getting hurt in any way?” His eyes watched me closely, as if to ensure I wasn’t going to try to deceive him.

“No. I learned my lesson, I shouldn’t be in any danger.” I took one step closer. “But I will be doing something terrible. You may not want to come. If you do, I’m think you might not want to ever see me again.”

He cleared his throat uncomfortably. “That’s not possible. I promise I won’t run away from you. No matter what.”

“Really?” I was suspicious.

“Really.”

Feeling strangely reassured. I reached out and touched his arm, flashing a bright smile. “Thank you, Nate.”

As I walked forward to enter the carriage, I heard him groan loudly. “That’s not fair at all!”

Hallers laughed quietly but didn’t comment.

And with that, we headed towards the home of Sir Matchins. 

______________________________

Rig’s had looked into Sir Matchin’s businesses during the past three days. He owned multiple clothing shops, catering to both the men and women of nobility. My family, as well as many others had patronized their shops frequently. My mother in particular had spent obscene amounts of money at his establishments, which had led to the large debt he had held onto these past five years.

However, as “Prosperity” rose in popularity with the women of the nobility, Sir Matchin’s stores had lost significant business. I had been aware of this, as the stores had been one of my main competitors in the beginning, but I never would have thought that the owner would threaten me. Of course, the more I thought about it, the more sense it made.

_It was the clothing store that catered to the Prince, after all._

Matchin’s home was extravagant, with large well kept grounds. My carriage rolled up to the entrance, and as Hallers helped me out, I couldn’t help but look around with an impressed expression.

“What a beautiful home.” I murmured quietly. 

“Too bad it houses a snake inside.” Nate answered, before stepping to follow behind me like a proper bodyguard.

We were led into a grand study by one of the servants, and after a brief wait, Matchins entered the room. 

“Milady.” He greeted me with a greasy smile. “You look lovely today.” I ignored his greeting and his suggestive stare, merely staring coldly at him. 

He grew visibly uncomfortable the longer the silence lasted. “There’s no use glaring at me like that! I’m just calling in a five year old debt! No one would blame me for that!”

“Of course not.” I answered quietly. “No one would blame you.”

“…” The silence stretched on.

“Well, can we get on with it then?” His voice was growing irritated as I continued to stare at him. 

“I’m curious. Was the prince the one who told you to hold onto the debt in the first place?” I tapped a finger to my chin, thinking it over. “It seems too complex for him to conceive of a plan that far out though…”

“What are you…?” He started to protest, but I cut him off. 

“I think it much more likely that you held onto the debt yourself, hoping to capitalize on it once I married into the royal family. I assume you held off striking right away because the Queen still favored me so heavily even after the engagement was broken, you couldn’t afford to offend royalty, not when they are your last remaining big customer.”

I smiled but my eyes remained cold. “Of course, when the prince asked you to call in the debt… I’m sure you had no reservations, then.”

Matchins was sweating. “This is false! Slander! I am simply calling in a debt…”

“Yes, a simple debt.” I sighed. “You do need the money, don’t you? I’m surprised you held out calling it in as long as you did, not that my small debt would be enough to save you.” 

His eyes widened. “What do you mean?” Forcing a laugh, he continued. “I don’t think anyone would call this debt ‘small,’ milady.” He gestured to the paper on the desk between us, which contained the details of the money I owed.

“Only if you aren’t looking at the bigger picture.” I tossed a paper down on top of my debt. The number on this sheet was several times larger.

He picked it up, his face turning pale. “How…?”

“Your stores haven’t been doing so well lately, have they?” I shook my head, feigning sadness. “You should have closed a few, cut expenses, made changes… but instead you let yourself fall deeper into debt, borrowing what you could to keep up appearances. “

He stood up, angry. “I don’t know why you dug this up, but it doesn’t change ANYTHING! You still owe me money! NOW PAY!”

At his shouts, Nate moved closer behind me, as if ready to step in, but I waved him off, my heart cold, my expression calm. 

“But I already did.”

“…” Matchins stared at me, his breathing uneven as his gaze flickered around the room, as if trying to understand my words.

“I bought up all your debt.” I threw another paper on the desk.

“You what?”

“You put everything up as collateral, just to keep borrowing, didn’t you?” I smiled, and he shrunk back down into his chair.

“Your stores.” Another paper joined the stack.

“Your carriages and properties.” I tossed a third paper.

“Even your home.” I hesitated, holding this piece in my hands, raising an eyebrow. “Amazing, isn’t it? This little paper, representing all this splendor around us… but now, it all belongs to me.” I gently placed the last sheet on top of the pile.

He looked through everything slowly, unable to speak for a while.

“How… how could you afford all this? The prince said your debt to me would bury you… that he would cover the difference you couldn’t afford. But you’ve spent many times that amount.” Trembling, he looked back up at me, his hands clutching the papers that represented everything he owned. “How?”

My smile widened. “I assume you’ve heard of the store ‘Prosperity’? I own them.”

“What… no… you?” His face was blank.

I laughed at his confusion. “Your biggest competitor, who’s outclassed you at every turn. And you try to ruin me by this worthless amount?”

Standing up, I leaned over his desk, and he shrinked back. “You picked a fight with someone you should have left alone. If you had brought me this debt with clear intentions, I would have paid you back with interest. You must have heard I was settling with everyone else five years ago, but back then you held on, hoping to increase the interest, collect a bigger amount. And now your greed has come back to ruin you.”

Matchins stared at the papers silently, defeated. 

I sat back down. “You will leave this house tonight.”

That got his attention. “What?”

“I’m calling in all your debt. You’ve already put everything up as collateral, you have nothing to sell. Even if you gave me every crown you own it would not even cover half of this.” I shrugged. “So I’m taking everything.”

“You can’t… cast us out!” He jumped to his feet, panicking. “I have a wife, a son! We’ll be out on the streets, where will we live?”

My response was cold. “And if I had come to you today with the same pleas, are you saying you would have listened?”

“…”

“Just because you are in the weaker position now, you think mercy should be shown? That I shouldn’t destroy you like you tried to destroy me?”

“But… I…”

“Do you know what it feels like to starve on the streets?” I was whispering, and he paused in his panic, staring at me with wide eyes.

“The emptiness eats you up, as if your body is tearing itself apart. You want to cry for the pain, but there is no fluid left to spare, not even for tears. You curl up in a ball, trying to prevent the cold from getting in, but dirty rags and tightly stretched skin over bones is your only protection from the wind. You beg for mercy each day, until slowly, painfully, you give into despair.” My gaze bored into his, he whimpered in fear. 

“That is the fate that awaits you and your family. As you die, I want you to realize that if you hadn’t tried to hurt me and mine, you would still be full and happy.” 

“PLEASE!” Matchins cried out, all traces of his former arrogance gone, throwing himself on the ground in front of me. Groveling on his knees, he grasped at the edge of my dress, crying. “Please have mercy!” 

______________________________

**“PLEASE HAVE MERCY!” I cried out, despairing. “We have nothing left!”**

______________________________

I pulled my skirt out of his hands, and stood up. “I have no mercy left.”

I turned, preparing to leave, my eyes unconsciously searching out Hallers and Nate. They had seen what I had done, what I was. But there was no anger or disgust when they looked back at me. Just sadness.

They hadn’t run away from me, just like they promised.

But I wouldn’t turn back now. This was the path I had chosen… 

“Father?” 

A young boy, likely no older than five or six, stepped in the room timidly. “I heard you crying out, is something wrong…?”

Matchins staggered to his feet, trying to resume some semblance of dignity. “Everything is fine, go back to your tutor.”

“But why are you sad?” He looked around the room his gaze meeting with mine. 

**And I recognized him.**

I looked up to the ceiling, away from his eyes and laughed. A long, bitter, agonizing sound. The room remained in silence, watching me.

_Fate truly must hate me. To have me cross paths with him like this again._

The young boy I had met on the streets in my previous life. He had given me his only possession, his lucky stone, and I had given him my last loaf of bread. My only hope then was that he would live on and be happy…

_How could he be here?_

My mind raced. Obviously in my last life Matchin’s debts had caught up with him. He had suffered a similar fate as to my family, leaving his boy alone, starving on the streets.

_In this life, I was going to be the one to put him there?_

I laughed again, and now it sounded more like crying.

“Fine.” The word dredged itself up from the depth of my chest.

“What do you mean?” Matchins stared up at me, terrified.

I hesitated, and then lifted one paper off the desk, handing it to him. “One property. A small house, you likely used it to house servants… but it will shelter your family. “ I was still taking the rest. There was no reason to show more kindness to someone who had struck first.

He studied the paper in shock. “But… the debt?”

“Gone.” I took a deep breath; it felt like a knife stabbing into my chest. “You will be left with nothing, but you will be debt free. You can start your life over. If you work hard, you will survive with your family.” My eyes met his and he shrunk away from what he saw there.

“And thank your son every day for saving your miserable hide.” A lucky rock, lost in a previous life. Unknowingly saving himself and his family in another.

I stepped closer, my voice a coarse whisper. “But if you _ever_ touch me and mine… I will not hesitate a second time. I will destroy you.”

Matchins nodded vigorously. “We’ll leave tonight. I’ll never forget your kindness.”

“…” I stared at him, until he fell silent. “If you know anyone else who is holding onto debt of the Duchy of Armeny, warn them as well. “

I turned to leave, my steps pausing at I reached the side of the young boy.

_I had never even learned his name._

He stepped back, putting distance between us, obviously afraid. I watched him, a sad smile crossing my face.

“Live well.”

My wish from my last life. Spoken out loud for the first and last time. 

I left.

______________________________

In the carriage there was silence. I stared ahead of me, unable to think, barely able to breathe.

“It’s okay.” I heard a soft voice, and there was warmth as Nate reached out, gingerly giving me a hug, patting my head as my face buried in his shoulder. “It’s okay.” 

“I’m a monster.” My mother had named me one, and so I was.

“Nope.” His voice was light, despite the heavy atmosphere. “You’re not.”

“How would you know?” My voice was muffled as I spoke into the fabric of his coat.

“Because a monster wouldn’t be crying right now.”

At his words I realized that his shoulder had quickly become soaked with tears. Giving up I reached out, grabbed him, and sobbed.

Tears for the girl I had been, the one who wanted to protect herself and others, and lost everything. 

Tears for myself and the pain and fear I had felt these last few days. 

Tears for what I might have done, if I hadn’t stopped right on the edge. 

It went on for almost the entire ride, but Nate didn’t seem bothered. He just sat there silently, letting me lean on him, letting me cry.

“Let’s go back. I’ll make you something to eat.” When he finally spoke up, it caught me off guard with its practicality.

Hallers harrumphed a bit at that, and I found myself laughing. Realizing how close I was to Nate at that moment, I panicked, sitting up and moving as far away as the carriage would let me.

He didn’t argue, didn’t ask for an explanation, his gaze was steady, comforting. Hallers watched me as well, a small smile on his face.

I tried to pull myself together. “Well, the prince’s plan failed.” My voice was hoarse from crying, but neither of them mentioned it.

“Do you think he’ll give up?” Nate asked.

“He might, but the King won’t.”

“What do you think he’ll do?” 

I stared out the carriage window, thinking. “I wish I knew.”

The carriage continued slowly home.


	24. Chapter 24

“I’m so glad you could come and visit me!” Queen Amerande smiled excitedly at me while she poured tea.

I took my cup, one sip confirming that she had brewed it strong and sweet, exactly how I liked it. She had always taken small details like this into consideration, despite her high status. It was hard not to feel comfortable around her. 

“Well, your letters were… delayed, and I felt I should apologize in person for my rudeness in not responding sooner.”

She shook her head. “Don’t worry about rudeness, I’m just glad that you’re doing well! If I hadn’t heard anything soon I might have broken down the doors to your home to find you!” 

__________________________

**“Has the Queen answered any of my letters?” I hugged myself, sitting in the chair by the fire in my room.**

**Angela stared at me with a pitying expression. “No, Milady.”**

**“Do you think she might stop by?” My voice cracked on the last word, my distress all too obvious.**

**I felt a gentle hand pat my shoulder, offering little comfort. “Why should she? You’re no longer useful to her.”**

**I slumped in my seat._ It made sense._ That was why my own mother hated me after all. **

__________________________

I pushed back the bitter memory, Looking at her enthusiastic expression, I couldn’t help but chuckle.

“I would have liked to see Hallers face on how to deal with the Queen breaking down the door.”

Queen Amerande grinned. “I suppose he would already have tea ready to serve, and would offer to brush the debris from my coat.”

We both laughed at that. Feeling refreshed, I bent forward, taking another sip from my tea. 

“… You’ve changed, dear.” 

Her soft statement caught my attention, and I paused in my action, almost burning myself. She was studying me with a happy look, seeming almost near tears.

“Changed?”

“You’re happier, more relaxed… That’s the first time you’ve given me a true smile in years.” She sighed. “I never wanted to push you, but I’m just so relieved we can spend time like this!”

I felt shocked. _Had I changed?_ I thought about all the time we had spent together over the years, her unrelenting love and support. The contents of the letters she sent me after the engagement was broken, assuring that she still loved me as her own daughter, no matter what. Her relief and tears just at the sight of me smiling. Even now I wanted to reach out, to comfort her, but confusion held me back.

_Why is this life so different?!_

I felt torn, wanting to keep away from her, to protect myself of the agony I had gone through in my last life. But it was harder than I expected.

_I wanted to believe her._

After all, Prince Ronan had dropped me, and here she was, just as loving as before.

_Could I have misunderstood things in my last life?_

A cold shard of pure terror pierced my chest at the thought. I shook my head, forcing my mind away from these thoughts, afraid that if I examined them too closely, all my defenses would fall apart.

And so my only response to the Queen’s declaration of my change was a silent shrug. 

Her smile drooped a small amount, but she still looked happy. “Baby steps.” I heard a soft mutter as she moved to sit on the couch next to me, decreasing our distance. “Now tell me all about how you have been since Ronan’s horrible lapse in judgment.”

I only hesitated for a moment, but then decided to tell her everything. From Ronan’s proposal, to the attempted rumors, to the plot to bury the duchy in debt. The Queen’s face slowly became enraged, and by the end of my talk she had to set her tea down due to the trembling of her hands.

“THAT RAT OF A SON!” Her eyes were blazing with anger. “I’ll hold him down and let you punch him!”

I looked at her, bemused. “Isn’t he supposed to be my future king?”

She waved off my concerns. “Who cares, he needs a beating!”

I told her about the “Ronan the Ridiculous” song, and my suspicions about Hallers taking revenge for me. She cackled as I sang her a few verses.

“I’ll send him some suggestions for additional verses.” Her promise set me off and it was some time before either of us started laughing.

“Unfortunately, I believe His Majesty to be the driving force behind this.” I had tactfully left out my spying on the conversation between them, but even without this the Queen easily agreed.

“Yes, in the beginning, I was the one pushing for the engagement, but once he saw the chance to ally the Royal House to the Duchy of Armeny, he became obsessed with the opportunity to cement our family’s position.” She sighed, the cheerfulness gone. “I will speak to him, but I have rarely been able to change his mind once he has decided on a course of action.”

I noticed that her voice held no affection as she spoke of her husband, her eyes cold. 

“Well, it has been a week since the last attempt, maybe they’ve given up?” I found myself wanting to comfort her. 

“I hope so.” The queen murmured, before reaching out to hug me. “You’ve been through so much these past few weeks and I was completely useless. I’m sorry.”

I patted her shoulder, but she simply hugged me tighter. “It’s fine. I needed to handle it on my own.”

“You’ll ask if you need help?”

“I promise.” 

After a few more moments of a rib crushing embrace, the Queen finally let go.

“Everyone seems to be hugging me lately.” I joked, sighing with relief.

Her eyes narrowed. “Who exactly has been hugging you?”

“Umm… Nate.” I had a brief feeling of regret as i spoke his name, wondering if I might have caused him some trouble.

The Queen chuckled, but her gaze remained intense “Did he now?” She laughed again, causing the hairs on the back of my neck to rise. “Hugging my daughter? It seems he’s already forgotten about our little… chat. I’ll have to have him back for tea.” The last bit was barely audible, but still managed to be terrifying.

Wanting to change the subject to something more comfortable, I asked about her plans for her birthday.

“Oh I’m glad you reminded me!” She clapped her hands, her intense atmosphere disappearing, causing me to question if I had only imagined it. “They’re holding a two day banquet in a few weeks to celebrate, and I wanted to hand you your invitation in person as my letters have had trouble reaching you!” 

Moving to her desk, she rummaged around until she pulled out a large envelope, beaming with pride.

I glanced at the address on the front and immediately understood. In large letters “To my beautiful daughter” was written. 

“Your parents are invited as well…” She sounded much less excited about that. “As the banquet will last until quite late you will all be my guest in the palace for the night, will that be alright?”

I felt a moment of unease of staying in the palace with everything that had been going on. But looking at her expectant expression, I couldn’t’ bring myself to refuse. I sighed quietly. 

“Of course I’ll be there.” 

It took quite a while to calm Queen Amerande’s excitement down after that. 

__________________________

I thought over the invitation as I walked through the gardens on the way back to my carriage. Given my feud with the king and the prince, staying at the palace wasn’t the smartest course of action. I considered turning around and telling the queen I had changed my mind, but… _She had been so happy_. 

I idly rubbed my sternum, hoping the aching deep within my chest would go away. I was so preoccupied with my thoughts, unfortunately, that I didn’t pay enough attention to my surroundings. 

An action that I greatly regretted, as I nearly ran straight into an unexpected and unpleasant surprise.

“Lenora!” 

Edith, clutching Ronan’s arm between her hands, looked at me with a look of shock and embarrassment, her cheeks dyed with a light pink blush. “I didn’t expect to see you here!” 

I paused in my steps, caught off guard by their sudden appearance.

Letting go of the prince’s arm, she clasped her hands in front of her, staring at me with an imploring expression. “ I’m so sorry that you had to see this! It must be so… painful for you to witness our affection personally.” Her eyes glinted with satisfaction as her eyes searched my face, studying my reaction. “I never meant for you to be hurt like this, I wanted to give you time…” She wiped a non-existing tear from the corner of her eye, looking remorseful.

I let out a small sigh of relief. 

_Finally. _

I had felt trapped, surrounded by people who insisted they cared about me, their constant presence and understanding support slowly undermining everything I had come to believe since my rebirth. I had begun to question my convictions, but here in front of me was a beautiful example of love. My former fiancé and my best friend, clutching each other in a way to express affection but both seeming more concerned with making sure I was hurt by their open display.

_This, this is much easier to be around._ I found myself smiling at them, feeling grateful for their petty minded and spiteful ways.

“Don’t feel bad. I have never been happier to see the both of you together!”

_That_ took them both by surprise. Ronan’s eyes glanced around the garden as if suspecting a plot, his face betraying a discomfort at being near me. Edith, however… wasn’t nervous at all.

She continued to smile, but it was obvious from the stiffness of her posture and expression that she was furious. She didn’t look like someone who had gotten the reaction she had been trying to achieve.

Stepping away from Ronan, she patted me on the arm, twisting her lips into a more sympathetic grin. “What brings you here, Lenora? I wouldn’t expect to run into you now…” She broke off her words suddenly as if too embarrassed to continue.

“Now that my engagement to Prince Ronan is completely gone and will never be renewed?” I filled in happily. Ronan was now frowning, likely thinking of his father’s reactions to my words. I continued on, ignoring his displeasure. “I was visiting the Queen.”

“The Queen?” Edith’s smile faltered, her eyes burning with anger. “Why would you see her?”

I spread my hands, “What can I say, we’re very close. She treats me like a daughter.” They _both _looked unhappy with that. “Actually we were discussing the plans for the Queen’s birthday.”

“The Queen’s birthday plans?” Edith glanced at the prince with confusion clearly written on her face. Ronan was glaring at me, obviously wanting me to stop talking but I was having fun now. 

“Oh, you didn’t know yet?” I sighed. “I probably spoiled the surprise, I’m sure the prince was planning on inviting you during your visit here today. The Queen is having a small banquet in honor of her birthday! We’re invited to spend the night in the castle as it’s expected to go quite late.”

Edith turned to Prince Ronan. “Why hadn’t you invited me yet?” Her tone was accusing, all pleasantness gone.

He glared again at me who grinned shamelessly. Obviously he hadn’t planned on inviting her as the King still wanted him to be pursuing my hand in marriage. But would he tell _her _that?

“I was just waiting until a more romantic spot in our walk, dearest!” He explained through clenched teeth. 

“Oh of course! If only the surprise hadn’t been spoiled by outsiders.” She glanced over in my direction, as I struggled not to laugh.

“I look forward to seeing you both there _together._”

Edith now looked confused at my continued positivity at their relationship, while Ronan was staring daggers at me. I tapped my chin thoughtfully, an evil thought forming deep in my head.

“That reminds me, have you seen His Majesty?” I looked around the garden. “I was hoping to speak to him.”

Ronan paled. “About what?”

“Oh nothing,” I shrugged, “The sights around the palace. I also wanted to express how we’ve spoken and how I support you two and hope you’ll be engaged soon.”

Edith now looked absolutely lost, while Ronan recognized my words for the threat they were.

“The King is visiting another city.” His answer was wary. 

_Of course he was. Ronan would never flaunt his new relationship so openly if he thought the king would see him. _Of course, the king was the type to keep tabs on things, even when physically absent. I’m sure Ronan’s activities had already been reported in detail to his father.

_But it might still be a chance to make some money._

“Perhaps I’ll write him a letter instead.” I started sticking out my hand in a now familiar gesture, preparing to demand hush money from my former fiancé now turned cash cow, but as soon as my hand moved, he jumped back, his hands reaching down reflexively to protect his pockets.

“I- we have something…. We have to go!” Grabbing Edith, he turned, almost running in the opposite direction.

“WHAT ARE YOU…?!” Edith started to shout indignantly, but was soon pulled around the corner and out of sight.

I stared after them, shocked, and then started to laugh.

_I think I’ve scared him. _I frowned. I only got to extort money from him twice and he had already wised up. Still, him running away in fear couldn’t be considered a bad outcome either…

Shaking my head, still chuckling, I headed home in the carriage. 

__________________________

On my arrival I informed my father of the invitation, who sat back in his chair, a thoughtful expression on his face.

“Alright. I’ll write your mother to inform her. 

His words surprised me. “You don’t have to.”

“…” 

He stared at me silently for a few moments, his usually foolish expression gone. We had grown apart in the five years since I started this new lifetime. Initially I had only thought to take control of some of the Duchy’s inner workings, trying to weed out corruption and put us in a stable position. I hadn’t thought to completely take his responsibilities on, but he had willingly given up his role, content to focus on his own amusements. We spoke less and less over the years, and now with the exception of larger gatherings, parties, and occasionally having dinner together, for all intents and purposes we were practically strangers.

“She’s your mother.” Was his simple reply.

“Has anyone told _Her _that?” I snapped, irritated at even his paltry defense. She had been gone for years, and he had never once complained about her antics, never once stood up for himself or for me where she was concerned.

“I-… Dear… “ He paused for a long moment, as if gathering his thoughts. “It’s complicated.” He finished lamely, his expression uncomfortable.

“Seems very simple to me.” I smiled coldly. “She hates me, and makes a fool of you. Should I welcome her with open arms then?”

He winced at the word “fool,” shaking his head slowly. “I can’t excuse her behavior… but neither can I afford to judge her.”

_What wonderful parents._ I knew my face had grown even colder than before as he looked away rather than face my gaze. “There’s a lot you could not afford to do.”

I turned, thinking to walk away, but he called my name, stopping me.

“Was there something else?” I asked, feeling bitter. 

“How is your friend?” He looked even more discomfited than before.

His question took me completely by surprise. “What friend?” I was honestly confused.

“The young woman you used to play with every day?” He swallowed, not meeting my gaze.

“Edith?” I stared at him. “Why?” 

“I- I just don’t want you to always be alone! I worry about you!” He said beautiful sounding words, but they rang hollow in my ears.

“She spends her days with the prince now.” I watched his reaction, curious. “They should be announcing their engagement soon.”

“They…?” His voice trailed off, he stared at the wall, processing my words. He didn’t look shocked. “I’m sorry, it’s been hard for you dear.”

“Why are you apologizing?” I wanted to leave, his insincerity hurt more than if he had never spoken at all.

“We all have our sins, Lenora.” He whispered in reply. “Some of us are just still waiting to pay the price for them.”

I walked out, slamming the door behind me, leaving him to his thoughts without another word. 

I felt regretful that I had spoken to him as long as I had. I already had enough to worry about with the upcoming party, and the possible plots and scheme from the monarchy, I shouldn’t have added to my stress. After all, nothing good had ever come of talking to either of my parents. My mother only saw me as a tool to achieve what she wanted, but my father…

He had never seen me at all.


	25. Chapter 25

_This feels like a trap._

I walked into the ballroom of the royal palace, unable to shake a sense of dark unease that hung over me. I glanced around the room, admiring the golden decorations, and the guests enjoying themselves in small groups, each dressed in the latest and finest fashion. Despite the beautiful and jovial atmosphere, there was a tenseness, an anxiety I couldn’t shake. I was on the King’s territory, and I still had no idea as to what his plans could be.

_Things started going wrong right from the beginning._

“I’m sorry miss, only servants from the royal palace may serve in the banquet tonight.” A palace steward blocked Hallers’ path as soon as we entered , explaining his actions with an apologetic smile. 

I frowned. “Is there no way I can bring him in? I depend on him greatly in all matters.”

The steward shook his head. “This regards Their Majesties’ safety, and so I’m afraid I cannot compromise on this.”

Hallers looked distraught for a brief moment, before gathering his composure and stepping back. I stopped in my tracks, staring back at him, feeling unsure. Hallers was always nearby to support me, and especially tonight, with my worries… I didn’t want to be alone.

But I had no reason to be exempt from the rules, and I couldn’t defy the King’s orders. With a smile in Hallers’ direction to reassure him, I turned back towards the ballroom, preparing to head in with my family.

Mother had traveled home, making it back in time for the banquet, and now stood beside father without expression. She and I hadn’t spoke since her arrival, I glanced over at her, studying her composed appearance, beautiful in her gown, which was a blue so dark it was almost black. Mother must have sensed my gaze, our eyes met as she smiled coldly at me.

“Ready to enter? Or would you like to delay us further because you don’t want to be separated from your servant?” Her voice was mocking, the clear dislike in her eyes obvious to everyone around us. 

Father shifted uncomfortably, but didn’t speak up in my defense. I felt a brief flash of disappointment in him, before dismissing his presence from my mind. Instead I smiled prettily at my mother, enjoying her discomfort at my reaction.

“Thank you for your concern, Mother. I was being too selfish. You are a shining example of nobility and faithfulness, and I can only hope to learn from you in the future.” I curtsied, carefully not letting any sarcasm escape my voice.

Mother’s face went pale. “You smart mouthed brat!” She hissed. “How dare you disrespect me…” 

“But Mother,” I interrupted, my smile widening. “I only said you were noble and faithful, why would this upset you?” 

She gaped at me, her face now red with anger, as she realized she had no answer to that. Chuckling, I turned away, preparing to enter the ballroom. 

“Ready?” I asked Henry, who stood at my side with an uncomfortable expression. 

He tugged on his collar. “Can I go back home to the greenhouse?”

“Nope.”

“Then yes, I’m ready.” He offered his arm, and we walked down he steps into the main ballroom together. Multiple stares turned in our direction as the steward announced us, and I fought to keep my expression unchanged. Between the public dissolution of my engagement, the rumors of my supposed affairs, and the even darker whispers that the Duchy of Armeny was financially ruined, I had become a target of scrutiny and speculation. 

The moves Marile had made with Prosperity had quelled the worst of the rumors, but there was still quite a few who seemed to revel in the misfortunes that my family and I had fallen into. I ignored them, however, keeping our pace slow and measures as if no one was staring at me at all.

Apparently I wasn’t the only one uncomfortable with the attention. Henry leaned over, whispering. “I feel like a piece of meat at the market.” 

I glanced around, noting that many of the young noblewomen were eying Henry with interest. As the young, unmarried Duchy’s heir, many had set their sights on him as a good match. The intensity of their stares were a little much, though. 

“I really want to go back to the greenhouse. The plants are a lot less frightening.” He murmured, frowning.

“Head up, eyes forward, just pretend they aren’t there.” I answered quietly. “No one will force the issue with the Queen present. Just make sure not to dance with any one girl too many times or speak with them too long. Otherwise it might be interpreted as you forming a match.”

He blinked. “I think I’m just going to hide behind you if that’s okay.”

“Suit yourself.” We stopped speaking as we reached the king and queen on their thrones. I curtsied and Henry bowed, the motion near perfect, a testament to all the practice I had forced him to undergo.

“Your majesties. Happy Birthday to the Queen.” I kept my gaze down politely, but the Queen obviously had no patience for courtesy, she stepped down off her throne, grabbing me and pulling me into a tight hug.

“Sweetheart! I was afraid you wouldn’t make it!” She sounded so relieved, I felt bad for her.

“I apologize, we were delayed…”

“None of that matters now that you’re here!” She embraced me again. “Let’s go catch up!” She tugged on my hand, leading me away. 

Nonplussed, I looked up at the king, concerned for a moment that he would be upset with the Queen, but his expression was calm, looking unconcerned about his wife’s actions. His gaze met mine, and I shuddered with fear. He was smiling, maintaining a perfectly happy and content countenance. Despite his son’s multiple failures to force me back into an engagement with him, the king looked as though everything was going perfectly according to plan.

The feeling of being trapped increased.

“Dear, I’m so sorry.” The Queen lowered her voice so only I could hear. “Ronan brought along that girl along today.”

My eyes snapped up, seeing Edith standing off to the side. She was sipping from a wine glass, a superior smile on her face. Despite the Prince’s lack of official announcement of their relationship, her presence at this party alone was considered an elevation of status. Even as I considered this through, the Queen’s apologetic tone startled me out of my thoughts. 

“I tried to tell him to not bring her, but he insisted that they are simply close friends and it would be rude to ignore her.” She snorted. “As if I’m that stupid. But the king intervened and said it would be fine, so I had no choice but to agree.”

I patted her on the arm. “Don’t worry about it, I have no resentment seeing them together.” And it was the truth. I felt nothing but a weary relief that I didn’t have to marry the Prince, and although I disliked both of them, I preferred them getting along. It made it less likely that the prince would come around again and bother me. 

But the real question was, why had the king supported her being there?

Had he changed his mind regarding forcing our marriage? My forehead wrinkled as I thought of a worse possibility: Had he simply decided that it didn’t matter whether I was willing or not?

I felt an urge to run away. Perhaps sensing my discomfort, Queen Amerande rested a hand on my arm.

“I’m here for you. Let me know if you need help.”

Silently I nodded and she left me alone. 

___________________________

I chatted with a few of the guests, avoiding the prince, Edith and my parents while carefully maneuvering around the room. A few dances had passed. I danced once with Henry, and then felt a familiar hand tap on my shoulder.

“Nate!” I found myself smiling unconsciously, and quickly hid it. He on the other hand, looked openly thrilled to be talking to me.

“May I have this dance?” With an easy familiarity, we danced together, and I felt myself relax slightly.

“How much longer can you stay before returning to Tilendria?” I asked, watching his smile falter slightly at the question.

“I can’t delay my return much longer.” He continued to lead me around the room, his steps synchronizing with my own. “My Father has already written me several times reminding me of my duties at home.”

I was startled at that. “You shouldn’t ignore that! Why have you stayed so long?”

“…” He stared at me silently, a wry grin tugging at his lips. “I had a goal I was trying to accomplish.”

“Is it not going well?” I cocked my head to the side, watching as his cheeks were stained with red. 

“It’s more like I’m terrified of failing, so I haven’t made a true attempt.” He muttered, avoiding my gaze.

“You don’t seem like the sort to frighten easily.”

“I’m not. I’m just facing a powerful opponent.” He smiled, and I felt my heart skip a beat in my chest as it lit up his whole face. “But I haven’t given up yet.”

“Well, you are one of the smartest and kindest people I know.” I smiled back, curious as his face was now bright red. “I’m sure you’ll succeed.”

“Ah—um, yes, I hope so too, thanks.”

“If there’s anything I can do to help, just ask.” I chuckled. “After all, you’ve already helped me out so much!”

He finally looked up, and I was startled to see a mix of happiness, fear and sadness in his eyes. “I’m happy to have your support. But I’d rather you not feel indebted. Everything I’ve ever done for you was something freely given. Don’t feel as if you need to return the favor.”

“…” I shook my head, confused. “Don’t be too worried about it. I’m not one to be forced to do something I don’t want to do.”

“Good.” He tilted his head towards the side of the room, where the Prince and Edith stood. “Did the little prince finally give up?”

“I hope so.” I sighed quietly. “I have a bad feeling about tonight, though.” I felt silly bringing up concerns like this without evidence, but Nate simply accepted my words immediately.

“I’ll keep an eye out for anything suspicious, and if you need help for anything, I’ll be right there.”

His words brought me a small sense of relief. “Thank you.”

The dance came to an end, and we separated from each other. To my surprise, however, instead of escorting me back to the side he continued to hold onto my hand while performing a deep, respectful bow. 

“Thank you, Lenora, for honoring me with this dance.” Gently, he kissed the back of my hand, before releasing it and offering his arm to escort me.

I stood there, stunned, my cheeks burning and my mind racing as I followed beside them. I almost asked him what he had been thinking, but noticed that despite his calm appearance, the arm I was holding was trembling and his ears were bright red. Thinking better of it, I followed beside him silently, smiling without fully understanding why.

As Nate dropped me off by Henry and walked away, a dazed expression on his face, my cousin leaned over to whisper in my ear.

“The prince looks angry.”

I turned in the direction he was gesturing in, and saw Ronan, standing next to Edith, both of whom were staring at me. Edith was frowning, a strange expression on her face as she glanced continuously between me and Nate. Ronan’s face was red with anger, he glared at Nate’s back before looking at me with disgust. I simply shook my head and turned back towards Henry, ignoring him. 

_Why would he care who I danced with?_

Nervous, I looked over to the King and Queen. The Queen seemed delighted, calling over Nate to talk to him, giving him what appeared to be a lecture. Nate stood calmly, nodding at her words. The King studied Nate with a thoughtful expression, his eyes narrowed. Slowly his gaze moved over, crossing over me.

He smiled, the expression confident, composed.

I shuddered, and looked away. 

___________________________

Soon it was time to present gifts to the Queen. At a larger party this ceremony could take hours, but fortunately the Queen had limited the guest list to a more manageable group. Ronan went first, presenting his mother with a jewel encrusted necklace, spouting words of affection and respect that seemed scripted.

The Queen politely accepted it, her eyes seeming a little sad as she watched her son perform for the crowd. 

Edith was pushed next, brought to the front of the line by the Prince. She also presented jewelry. It as beautiful, and obviously expensive. I briefly wondered how she could afford such a gift, but watching Ronan’s expression, it was clear who had paid for it.

The Queen took the jewelry delicately, as if avoiding touching the girl, setting the gift beside her immediately with a simple word of gratitude. 

Edith frowned at the Queen’s response, but still seemed excited about being the center of attention. She curtsied, wobbling slightly with the gesture, and smiled brightly as she stood at the Prince’s side, her positioning a clear declaration of the Prince’s preferences. There were scattered whispers around the room as the nobility saw this, but eventually the crowd settled down and it was my turn. 

“You Majesty…” I stepped forward and curtsied, only to be halted by the Queen as she held up a hand.

“Please don’t be so formal, dear.” She smiled. “We will never be related by marriage now, but I consider you my daughter. Please, I would be honored if you would call me ‘mother’.”

The room descended into chaos at these words.

Out of my peripheral vision I could see Nate beaming and Henry laughing. My mother’s face was dark with anger, glaring at the Queen with hatred. My father was staring off in the distance, unconcerned. Edith’s face was ugly as she stared at me, her gaze seeming to be trying to burn holes into me with its intensity. Ronan seemed confused. Only the King watched calmly, his expression never changing.

I had to answer.

Forcing myself to smile easily, I stepped forward and embraced the Queen instead of curtsying.

“Mother. Happy Birthday.”

I still held onto my reservations, fear, and painful memories regarding the Queen, but for now it would only do both her and me harm to reject her kindness publically. Queen Amerande smiled broadly, looking for all the world as if her truest wish had come true.

“Ah, Daughter, now I am happier than I ever have been. Any present you try to give me now will pale in comparison to the one you’ve already given.

I grinned. “Despite that, let me present my gift.” I held out a box, which she opened with a gleeful expression. Pulling out a simple gown of a dark red color, she looked at it with a smile. 

“I hope that you can forgive any mistakes, it was handmade by myself.” I started to curtsey again out of habit, but stopped when the Queen raised an eyebrow. With a smile she started to examine the simple appearing gown closer.

“It’s lovely…” She started to compliment her present, but in the audience, a loud derisive snort could be heard.

The Queen turned a cold gaze onto Edith, who had made the noise. “Does Miss Edith have something to say regarding my daughter’s present?”

The titles of “Miss” given to her, and “Daughter” given to me were obviously meant to remind the girl not to overstep, but unfortunately she didn’t seem to understand the Queen’s warning.

“Forgive me your Majesty,” She smiled ingratiatingly and curtsied. “I just felt that this simple dress is not appropriate to give to someone of your eminence.”

The Queen frowned. “This was made through her hard work and time, and is therefore much more valuable than any common jewels or baubles that can be purchased on a whim.”

Edith and the Prince flushed red at her words, obviously referencing their gifts. I smiled at Queen Amerande, stepping forward to speak in defense of my present.

“Actually, Mother, This dress has many layers. This is the simple exterior.” I reached down, releasing a tiny button and folding back the skirt. Reversed, the now revealed inner layer contained intricate silver embroidery of flowers. Looked at from further away, it would appear like a glittering garden around the Queen’s feet. “This is the hidden value.”

As I revealed the true nature of the dress there were gasps of surprise from around the crowd. I kept a calm smile on my face and stepped back without commenting further. I was the owner and designer for “Prosperity” after all, how could I present the Queen with a subpar design? 

She stared at her present, smiling with tears in her eyes. “Thank you! It’s beautiful!” She reached out and hugged me again. “You didn’t have to work so hard just for me.”

“I was happy to.” I murmured, waiting for her to let me go before stepping back to join the crowd. 

There was a brief uproar as people stepped forward to study the dress, but soon things were organized again and the presents continued. The remainder of the gift giving ran smoothly, almost to the end, until Nate stepped forward with a smile and a bow.”

“Your Majesty, I’m afraid I only have this small gift for you, but I hope you will accept it.”

With a small flourish, he held out a small wooden chest. It was delicately engraved, and sapphire graced the top cover, lending elegance to the object. The Queen stepped forward, examining it closely, and opened it to reveal a velvet lined interior with a small recess for a single object, although it currently was empty.

Her mouth opened in shock. “A Chest of Gratitude?”

Confused silence reigned over the party. Even I stared at him, unsure. _What was Nate thinking! _A Chest of Gratitude was a traditional gift a man would give his mother-in-law! It was to thank the woman for raising his true love, and she was meant to keep a lock of her daughter’s hair within that recess. It was a common practice for both the rich and poor, and often presented during a serious courtship to announce the suitor’s true and noble intentions.

But Ronan was Queen Amerande’s only child!

_Perhaps it means something different in his country. _The thought made sense, so I used it to explain the oddity in front of me. I felt intense stares from several different people in the room, but ignored them. 

Queen Amerande threw back her head and laughed loudly. “Thank you, Nate. You have a difficult road ahead of you.”

Nate smiled, bowing again. “Some of us were born to walk difficult roads, Your Majesty. I won’t turn away from hardship.”

With that he stepped back into the crowd, his cheerful grin only confusing me further. I felt the answer was clearly in front of me, but the closer I tried to look at it, the more a sense of pain and terror invaded my chest. Feeling overwhelmed, I decided to put it to the back of my mind and not think of it further.

The King stood up, clapping his hands. “Let’s all go to the adjoining room, where a marvelous birthday dinner is waiting.”

It was the first thing the King had ever said that I had approved of. Resisting the urge to give a cheer, I followed the crowd towards the banquet hall. 


	26. Chapter 26

A long table had been set, groaning under the weight of hundreds of dishes. My mouth watering, I waited impatiently for a groomsman to show me to my seat. Surprisingly, he led me to the opposite end of the table, far away from the King and Queen.

_I would have thought she would want me nearby._ A stray thought crossed my mind and unconsciously I found myself looking towards the Queen. Her face was red with irritation as she argued quietly with her husband, a finger pointing in my direction. 

_Ah. So it wasn’t her idea._ I felt relieved at this, before pushing the emotion away. Meeting the Queen’s gaze, I shook my head slowly, letting her know I was okay with where I was sitting. After all, Ronan and Edith were sitting on that end of the table. At least I could eat in peace here. The Queen looked frustrated, but finally nodded her assent and the banquet started.

The food was delicious. As I happily tried different dishes, Nate who sat to my right leaned over with a smile. “Which ones are your favorite?” 

I indicated the preferred dishes with a quick gesture of my utensils, and he chuckled. “Noted. Next time I’ll make you dishes similar to those.”

I swallowed the bite of food in my mouth. “Really? You can even make dishes like these?” Previously, after the incident with the debt he had kept his word and made me a simple stew at my request, which had been delicious, but this food seemed much more complicated.

Nate’s confident smile didn’t waver. “I can make it even better.”

“Then I would be glad to try.” At my simple answer he looked extremely happy, barely touching any more of the meal on his plate as he excitedly discussed different foods he would like me try. 

As we spoke, a servant stepped between me and Henry who sat on my left, and poured wine into my glass. Feeling thirsty I started to reach out to grab my glass…

Only to stop as Henry pinched my elbow. 

“Don’t drink that wine!” He hissed quietly, not looking up from his plate. 

I reached out and grabbed my wine glass, pretending to take a sip. The wine looked normal, the only difference I could sense was a slightly floral aroma. I set the wine down and continued my meal, every muscle in my body tensed.

“What’s wrong with it?” I asked quietly, pretending to eat.

Henry shook his head, his eyes filled with anger. “There’s dissolved Gentle root in your drink. I smelled it when the servant poured it just now.”

I raised an eyebrow. “A poison?”

“Of sorts.” He stabbed his food with his knife, obviously trying to hide his rage. “It will confuse the senses, simulating drunkenness, and then render you unconscious.”

“…” I thought over the ramifications of that, my face going pale.

_I was staying in the palace tonight._

What was the one way the King had left to force a marriage between the prince and I, a way that would tie me with iron clad chains to his son?

I clenched my hands in my lap, so tightly I could feel the bones creaking under the pressure. I lifted the glass again, using the moment as I pretended to drink to examine the rest of the room. The Queen and Edith were talking, although neither looked happy at the moment. The King sat there silently, paying no attention to me. Ronan however… He glanced over frequently in my direction, a smirk playing across his features as he saw me drinking the wine.

My stomach rolling, I set down the wine glass once more, this time very close to Nate’s glass.

“What’s wrong?” Nate whispered, pretending to eat as usual.

_He had noticed._ Feeling a slight warmth at the thought, I quietly relayed to him Henry’s discovery. 

“Those bastards!” Nate cursed, even as he kept his face calm and even. “What do you want to do?” He tried to smile, but didn’t quite manage it. “Any revenge you want, I’ll help you carry out.”

“I have a plan.” I whispered instructions to him, and he nodded in agreement.

I reached out grabbing the nearby glass of wine and drank it steadily through the meal. I slowly began slurring my words, and swaying slightly in my seat. My words were just a little too loud to be polite, my laugh raucous and unrestrained.

All through it, Nate’s wineglass sat in front of him, untouched.

Finally, towards the end of the banquet, I staggered towards the head of the table, fumbling through a curtsey with the Queen.

“Y-your Majesty.” I spoke slowly, as if trying to force my words to remain clear. “I’m afraid I’m a bit…” I swayed on my feet, my eyes unfocused. “Unwell. Is it okay if I go to room to retire for the night?”

Edith muttered quietly “How shameful, she’s drunk!” But I ignored her, focusing on the Queen.

Her face only expressed concern. “Would you like me to come with you?”

I felt warmth in my heart at her words, but shook my head. “No, I just need to rest.”

As I walked to leave I had to pass by the Prince and Edith, and on my way… my feet moved awkwardly, slipping out from under me, and I crashed into both of their chairs. Nearly knocking both of them to the floor, there was some unbridled chaos as the three of us extricated ourselves.

“HOW DARE YOU?!” Ronan yelled, before glancing at his father and quieting down.

Edith looked enraged. “You crashed into His Royal Highness! You should be punished!”

I looked up at both of them from my spot on the floor where I had sat after falling, blinking owlishly. “Sorry. Must have tripped.”

I got up unsteadily, almost tripping again, forcing the Prince and Edith both to stand and take a step away from me, as they were afraid of being knocked down.

“Cousin, let me escort you, so that you don’t fall again.” With a gentle smile, Henry stepped forward and grabbed my arm, helping me out of the banquet.

“Let me come too!” The Queen jumped to her feet, pale with worry. I turned reaching out and hugging her. 

“Let me go, I’ll explain later.” Hearing my obviously sober voice, she seemed shocked, but quickly regained her balance and nodded, saying loudly. “You’re right, daughter. It would be rude to leave my guests so soon. I will check on you in the morning.”

“Thank you.” I meant it sincerely. As I left with Henry, leaning on him heavily, I heard Nate cry out loudly.

“A TOAST!”

Smiling to myself, we left the banquet hall, and made our way to my room. 

___________________________

As soon as we were there, the palace maids took over, wanting to help me change. Henry and I nodded at each other as he left, and I let the maids help me into my nightclothes, continuing to sway and slur my speech. Falling into bed, I asked them to leave and without another word they left me alone, further cementing my suspicions about what was about to happen in my mind. Despite my obviously intoxicated state, none of the maids volunteered to watch over me.

I sighed silently, waiting to be alone.

Once the door had closed I sprang into action. Changing into a pair of loose black pants and shirt and tying my hair up in a black cloth, I retrieved all of my hidden throwing knives, securing them to my belt.

“You look like a bandit, why do you own an outfit like that?” Henry stepped out from behind a painting, where the secret passages could clearly be seen behind him. 

_I worked on the streets as a spy for months._ I couldn’t say this explanation of course, so I simply shrugged. “I like to be prepared.”

“That’s a good strategy, given the present circumstances.” Henry smiled.

“Did it work?” I asked, feeling nervous.

He gave a nod. “It did. During the chaos Nate and I each switched out a glass. They both received the Gentle Root.”

“Good.”

Silence fell over us as we waited. He shifted uncomfortably. “Are you sure they’re coming?”

I nodded. “Once they’re certain I’m asleep, and every one else has gone to their rooms, they’ll be coming to retrieve me.”

“… I’m sorry this has happened to you.” Henry looked so grieved, I couldn’t help but smile and try to comfort him.

“At least I had you here today! Otherwise…” I shook my head, not wanting to think about it.

We waited for quite some time before footsteps could be heard outside the room. Henry and I nodded at each other, each taking a spot on either side of the door, ready to move. From the other side, we could hear two voices, complaining.

“This is taking forever, do you think it’s time yet?”

“You saw how she looked when she left the hall, the Gentle root should be in full effect by now.” The answering voice chuckled, an ugly sound. “Then it’s just a matter of picking her up and delivering her to the prince’s room.”

Both Henry and my faces were grim. I had suspected the plan ever since discovering the poisoned wine, but to hear it stated so plainly…

“Well let’s go.” The men opened the door, striding into my room quietly, waking towards the bed.

We reached out at the same time knocking the two men face forward to the ground. Before they could react, Henry stepped forward, dumping a powder onto their faces. After sneezing a few times, they were quickly unconscious. 

I whistled in appreciation. “That’s some powder.”

“I made it myself. I was thinking it would be worthwhile as a self defense weapon… it seems to be fairly effective.”

“That’s an understatement.” Nate, stepping through the secret passageway, smiled as he saw the unconscious men. “Good work.”

“Did they drink?” I asked stepping away from my attempted attackers.

“I made them toast at least five or six times.” Nate grinned. “They definitely drank some.”

“Good.” I turned to Henry. “Can you dump these two in an empty room, maybe put some empty bottles near them so it looks like they were drinking?”

Henry nodded. “Done.” 

“Then let’s go.” I waved Nate on, and we stepped into the passageway.

I navigated the passageways with ease, moving silently. Finally we reached our destination. I stepped into the room unhesitatingly, Nate behind me.

Prince Ronan laid on the bed, unconscious. I stared at him furiously for a moment.

Although I figured the extent of their plan had simply been to place me into his room, and have me “discovered” there the next morning, my reputation would have been damaged beyond recovery. My fists clenched, the desire to strike him overwhelming. 

_How dare they?_

With a sigh I turned away, gesturing to Nate. “Grab him.”

A sad expression in his eyes as he watched me, Nate stepped forward without hesitation, hoisting the prince over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. 

We stepped into the passage again, and when we exited we were in another room.

I smiled at the surroundings, and the young woman sleeping deeply on the bed. 

“Dump him on the floor.” I pointed to the floor next to the bed. Nate put him down, stepping back solemnly. 

We watched the sleeping couple for a few silent moments. I felt a burning sensation in my stomach, tired of the entire business.

“Do you think less of me?” I asked quietly.

His eyes were harsh as he studied the couple. “It’s more than they deserve.”

Reaching down, I grasped the prince’s shirt and ripped it open. Leaving the rest of his clothes intact, I stepped back into the passageway, ending up in my room once again.

“Are you alright?” Nate asked, watching me with a worried expression.

“I- I don’t know.” I shuddered with fear, acutely aware of how close I had been to falling into the King’s trap. Nate reached out, hugging me tightly, a comforting warmth surrounding me.

“You have us by your side. No matter what.” He whispered by my ear, before stepping back into the passageway, leaving me alone to my thoughts.

___________________________

The next morning I stepped into the hallway outside Edith’s rooms. A palace maid opened her outer door to my knock, her face confused to see me so early. 

“Miss? Lady Edith is still asleep in her room.”

“I need to speak to Lady Edith urgently. Please wake her now.” Seeing my concerned expression, the maid nodded, opening the inner door to check on her.

She then shrieked in surprise. I looked over her shoulder, giving out a surprised shout.

“Your Highness! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN EDITH’S ROOM?!”

The sound of the maid’s cries and my shouts woke all the guests and soon the hallway was filled with people. Edith and Ronan, still groggy from the drugged wine, were now staring at each other with silent shock.

“WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!” The King’s roar shook the walls around us, and he entered, his royal robes askew, his face red with rage.

The maid, terrified, explained what she had found. The Queen, who had just arrived, shook her head. “We’ll announce their engagement immediately.”

I smiled, watching the scene with satisfaction. I had given Edith and the Prince exactly what they wanted, at the same time ensuring that there was nothing the King could do to force me to marry his son now. 

But as I met the King’s eyes, the smile slowly faded from my face. He stared at me, a small smile tugging at his lips, his eyes filled with a deathly rage. He looked ready to kill.

_This wasn’t over._


	27. Chapter 27

“Are you okay?” 

After the crowds had dispersed, the Queen pulled Henry, Nate and me into a room alone. She dismissed the servants, and as the door closed behind them she embraced me tightly, looking terrified for me.

I hugged her back, feeling tired. “I survived.” 

Sitting in a chair and grabbing a cup of tea that had just been poured, I took my time between sips to explain the events of the night.

**_CRASH_!**

The Queen’s teacup smashed against the table, the shards mixed with golden brown tea falling to the floor at her feet. She stared at the destruction, her face angry. “How dare they?” It was just a whisper, but I shivered at the intensity in her voice. “I just wanted to celebrate my birthday with my friends, my daughter… and they try to hurt her instead?”

I reached out, grabbing her hand tightly with my own. “It’s okay, I’m safe now. Thanks to Henry and Nate I was able to turn around the situation and use it to suit my own purposes.”

The Queen hesitated, and then stood up to grab both Nate and Henry, hugging them tightly. “Thank you for helping her.”

They both smiled, the expressions giving me a warm feeling. “We care for her too.” Henry answered, as Nate nodded in agreement beside him.

“At least there’s no way I can be forced to marry the prince now.”.” I sighed with relief, taking another sip of my tea. “It’s over.”

The Queen sat back down, a complicated look on her face. “I wouldn’t say that.” 

As there were no servants in the room to clear off the mess she had made, she simply grabbed another cup, filling it herself before continuing. “The King… is a proud man.”

She leaned back, staring into her cup. “He’s terrified of the Royal family losing control. Initially he only wanted your Duchy’s wealth and political power as a backer to our reign. Then by the time he realized your true talents, Ronan had already broken off the engagement.” She laughed, but the sound was bitter and angry. 

“He’s intelligent, but blinded by pride. He likely thinks that if he could force you to be married into the family, that your self-interest would align with his and the Crown’s position strengthened. “

I followed her words, nodding solemnly. “But he wasn’t able to force me to marry Ronan, and instead the Prince has been engaged to the daughter of a Count.”

“Exactly.” The Queen watched me carefully, her eyes sad. “What do you think his reaction will be?”

I smiled. “He’s going to try to kill me.”

The Queen nodded silently, standing up and pulling me to my feet to embrace me again.

“Wait!” Nate spoke up, his anger obvious. “Wouldn’t that just cause more trouble than it’s worth?! Lenora isn’t even interested in the crown!”

“He sees her as a threat.” Surprisingly it was Henry who answered, frowning. “She’s talented, wealthy, the people love her, and she can’t be controlled. Plus his only heir is hated by the people, especially these days.”

“More than that, she thwarted his plans.” The Queen held my hand after she stepped back. “I said it before, he’s a proud man. The existence of someone who has successfully stood against him… embarrassed him… he won’t tolerate it for long.”

Nate stepped forward to stand by me. “Let’s see him try to touch her. “ His normally affable appearance faded, his grim visage reminding me of why we had used him to intimidate others in meetings in the past. His eyes were cold, his hands clenched tightly. “He won’t survive the attempt.” 

The Queen raised an eyebrow. “You’d start a war?”

“With a clear conscience.” His lips pressed firmly together, forming a stubborn look. 

Feeling slightly overwhelmed, I patted him on the arm, smiling comfortingly. “It’s okay, it won’t come to that.”

Immediately the grim and threatening appearance Nate was maintaining crumbled to nothing as his face turned red and he stared up at the ceiling to avoid my eyes. 

The Queen smiled at my words. “So you understand.” Her gaze remained sad, and I knew she had thought of the same plan as me.

“What are we going to do?” Henry asked, looking back and forth between us. 

“I need to leave the city.” I shrugged. “Out of sight, out of mind. If I can stay away for a while, let some of this boil over, the King might relent.” 

“At the very least he would hesitate to send assassins over borders to another country.” The Queen added.

“Another country?” Nate had regained his composure, and stared at me intently. “Where…?” 

I grinned at him, “I thought you wanted me to come visit in Tilendria?”

He looked shocked, “Really?!”

“Well, I was planning on being nearby for the new store’s opening, anyways.”

“Y-you’re coming home with me?!” Nate shook his head disbelievingly.

“Well, I was hoping to catch a ride on your carriage, but I can hire my own if you don’t want I can go by myself…”

“NO WAIT! I WANT YOU TO JOIN ME!”

“…” I had only been teasing him, and was startled by his panicked shout. Seeing my grin, he relaxed his stance, hiding his eyes behind a hand as he groaned with embarrassment.

Henry moved closer, patting Nate on the back. “Congratulations, Nate.”

I looked at him. “Why are you congratulating…?”

“Nothing much, cousin.” Henry shrugged. “You’ll figure it out eventually.”

“…” I stared silently.

“…Actually you might not.” He patted Nate again, this time with a sympathetic face. “I take back my ‘congratulations’ and change it to a ‘good luck’.”

Nate laughed. “Thanks, Henry. I’m going to miss you, can’t you come with us?”

“No, with Lenora away, I’ll have to keep watch over the place and make sure it keeps running properly.” He then pulled out a piece of paper, handing it to Nate. “Here’s a list of exotic plants only found in Tilendria. Please find them and pot them properly, I’ll send a team to pick them up.” 

Nate read the paper, his forehead wrinkling. “How did you know to make this?”

Henry nodded solemnly. “When it comes to plants, I’m always prepared.”

The Queen and I laughed at them both, turning to each other. I reached out, and hugged her a final time. “We’ll leave as soon as I’m packed, so I’ll say goodbye for now.”

Her arms tightened around me at my words, and to my surprise I could hear her sniff back tears. “I just finally got you to call me ‘Mother’ for the first time and now I have to send you away!” She shook her head. “And it’s all because of my own wretched husband. I’m so sorry, dear.”

I stepped back, smiling at her. “Don’t worry, I needed to go check on my new store anyways. And I’ve been wanting to take a vacation.”

She rolled her eyes. “Only you would think checking on your business was a vacation.” Hugging me again, she turned to Nate with a stern expression. 

“Treat my daughter well.”

A smile on his face, Nate gave a formal bow to the Queen, startling us both. “I promise.” 

Looking at me again, she whispered. “Can you say it again one more time before you go?”

Knowing what she wanted, I grinned, stepping back and giving a formal curtsey, echoing Nate. “Goodbye, Mother. Be well until I return.”

Those words froze the Queen for a few moments, until she began sniffling, dabbing her eyes with a kerchief. “I love you, Lenora!”

Not knowing what to say, I nodded, turned, and I left her behind, my chest hurting, my eyes burning. 

____________________________________

Nate and Henry and I walked to the carriage. Nate turned his head back and forth, keeping a close eye on our surroundings. Obviously the events from last night were making him nervous. As I prepared to step in, he reached out and touched my arm, whispering.

“I’ll pick you up tonight. Let’s leave before the King has time to react.” 

I nodded. “I’ll go pack my things.”

“Yes, I’m already packed but…” he smiled grimly. “I still have one other thing I have to do.” 

With that he was gone, leaving Henry and I to get into the carriage and ride home.

But upon entering the carriage, we were greeted with the sight of my frowning mother.

She looked at Henry with a disdainful gaze, and waved a hand. “Go home a different way. The Duke has already left with Hallers. I need to speak with my daughter.”

Henry hesitated, glancing over at me to see what I wanted. My stomach sinking, I nodded slowly, giving him permission.

He stepped back out and soon it was just the two of us.

“…” In the uncomfortable silence, the carriage started to move.

The Duchess of Amerande reared her hand back, swinging it down towards my face to slap me.

I caught her wrist, preventing her palm from reaching me. For a few frozen moments we watched at each other, her hand outstretched, her face a snarl of rage. I stared back at her silently, my heartbeat in my ears.

“You stupid brat.” Her voice was a quiet, but the disdain was clear. “Why did you anger the King?”

“What do you mean?” I let go of her hand, sitting back as if unconcerned that she had tried to strike me. “I’ve done nothing.”

She laughed. “Nothing? Then what was that little show with that bastard girl and the prince this morning?”

“They were careless.” I shrugged. “Nothing to do with me.”

“I saw the King’s face, you fool! I don’t know how, but you stepped in between him and his plans. I hope you’re happy, those who end up on the wrong side of him end up broken or dead.” A cruel smile played at her lips. 

“And if I told you that he wanted me drugged and ruined, what would you think of my actions?” My voice was cold.

Her voice was colder. “Then you should have accepted your fate as unlucky.” The Duchess shook her head. “You’re a disappointment. What girl doesn’t have to sacrifice to become Queen? Have you ever given thought to how your actions could affect the family? Affect me as your mother?”

“_Are_ you my mother?” I barely recognized my voice. “I never would have known.”

She looked as if she wanted to hit me again. “Ungrateful child!” She hissed, clenching her fists. “That hideous woman gives you a few moments of attention and then you immediately disown me? I SHOULD HAVE BEEN QUEEN!”

“…” I was stunned into speechlessness; while the Duchess leaned forward, frowning.

“I grew up side by side with that man. Helping him with his schemes, strengthening his position in court. I was supposed to marry him! But when a princess from another country offers a better political advantage, they arrange it in a moment!”

Her voice slowly raised in volume, her eyes filled with a fanatical light. “What was I supposed to do? I was only meant to be Queen! I had my father arrange a marriage to the most powerful Duke and tried to be content with my second choice. But it was never what I wanted, YOU were never what I wanted!”

She was shouting now, her finger pointing in my face. I felt my face burn with shame, remembering how much I had cared for her in my past life..

____________________________________

**“Mother!” I was walking the streets, calling out in a anxious voice.**

** _She should have been home by now!_ **

**She told me she was going to go look for the Earl, but I hadn’t seen her since.**

**I had to find her. She was the only family I had left.**

**“Mother!” **

____________________________________

“Shut up.” I whispered the words, but she stopped all the same. “This isn’t what you wanted? Every word you say is worthless. You think you should have been queen? You say I should have been queen? None of it matters!”

Her mouth gaped open but no sounds emerged. I continued.

“I’ve never claimed to need you. All I told you was to stay away, to not cause trouble. Or I would ruin you.”

She found her voice. “You wouldn’t dare!”

“Wouldn’t I?” I smiled, the expression making her lean away in fear. “I think society would be better without you in it. Father I know would be happier.”

She snapped at my words. “Don’t pity your father! Do you think I’m the only one in the wrong? That man is the guiltiest out of all of us!”

“What are you…?” I started to ask, but she held up a hand, halting my words.

“I have nothing left to say. You want to know more, ask the man himself.”

The carriage was silent as we stared at each other, my breath coming out in frustrated bursts.

“Why couldn’t you just be a loving mother?” I heard the tears in my voice, but I ignored them. “I would have loved you more than anyone in the world.”

The Duchess’s face didn’t change despite my distress. “I never wanted such a disappointing child.”

Even though I expected it, I still felt as if my heart was breaking with her words. “Then we finally have something in common. I never wanted such a terrible mother.” 

The carriage came to a stop. We were home.

I stood up, continuing to stare at the woman I once wanted to love me more than anyone else. “Here is what will happen: You will leave. Go find a life somewhere. Change your name, deceive everyone around you. I don’t care. But you will never return.”

Her face slowly turned red with anger. “And how do you plan on forcing me?”

“In three days, I will take every terrible thing you’ve done, every person you’ve lied to, every shop you cheated, everyone you betrayed … and I will release everything to the general publication. Your name here will be worthless. “ I laughed, a desolate sound. “I’ll give you enough time to leave town before you’re chased out, but that is the extent of my good will. I am not your daughter, and I will never call you mother again.”

She stood up as well, “Do your worst. I’ll leave, as you wish. But when the King destroys you, and your new ‘mother’ does nothing? Remember that I’ll be watching, enjoying the show.”

“That may be so.” I refused to rise to her baiting words. “But at least I’ll still have avoided the worst possible fate: having you as my mother for the rest of my life.”

I stepped down off the carriage, helped by a footman, and looked back up at her. 

“I won’t wish you well. I won’t claim to wish to see you again. Goodbye.”

With that I walked away, pretending that my heart wasn’t torn to pieces. 

____________________________________

The carriage ride to Tilendria was quiet. Nate watched me with a concerned stare, his first few attempts to ask me what I was upset about having been refused. I looked out at the darkness beyond the window, trying to cheer myself up.

“So you are bringing Hallers?” He finally asked, obviously trying to find a safe topic. “I would have thought it would be too short of notice.”

I chuckled. “I wasn’t even given a chance to ask. Hallers was packed and ready to go within a few minutes of hearing I was leaving.”

He laughed as well at that, and my spirits lifted for a moment. I looked out at the dark window again, and sighed. “It’s so strange to be here. We’re like Erica and her Captain when they eloped.”

**Cough!**

Nate his face bright red, seemed to choke at these words, coughing as covering his face with his hands.

“Really?!!!” His voice seemed unnaturally high and tense, but then he pasued, frowning. “Wait, how do you think are we like them?”

“Well we’re leaving for Tilendria late at night.” I studied him, confused. “What were you thinking of?” 

“Nothing! Definitely nothing!” He sighed, and then buried his face in his hands once more. “She’s so dense!”

I barely heard the last few words as he muttered them, but before I could ask, I noticed his hands, which he had previously kept hidden from sight. 

“What happened to you?” I reached out and gently grabbed them, examining them closer. His knuckles were scraped and bloody. 

“Doing something that had to be done.” Despite the fact that the wounds must have hurt, Nate simply smiled as he spoke, looking very pleased with himself. 

“The errand that had you going back to the palace?” 

“Yes, it was very successful.” He laughed and I joined in. I had my suspicions of what he had done, but didn’t comment further. I simply dressed up his wounds at the next stop, feeling that he deserved the special care. 

____________________________________

We traveled for several days, staying at inns during the nights and riding in the carriage all day. It was sore and uncomfortable, and I found myself looking forward to our arrival. Nate however, didn’t look nearly as excited. In fact, the closer we drew to the Tilendrian border the more nervous Nate seemed to get. 

Finally on the last day, he burst out, seeminly unable to hold it in any longer. “Lenora! I need to tell you something!”

“What?” I was curious as to what had made him so agitated lately.

“I know we’ve sort of avoided talking about it, and I really always meant to bring it up sooner… but it’s not like I can avoid it, where we’re going.” His eyes moved all around the carriage, avoiding mine. “I hope you understand…”

He trailed off, fidgeting, and I lost my patience. “Just spit it out, Nate! What is it?!”

Nat flinched. “Well, you see… I’m actually…”

“We’ve arrived at the Capital!” The driver called out. I cheered, excited that our days of carriage riding were over. Nate turned pale, and was about to call out to the driver, when the guard at the gate made an announcement.

“His Royal Highness, Prince Nathaniel has returned!!”


	28. Chapter 28

We stared at each other silently for a few moments as the guard’s words hung in the air between us. Nate’s expression grew increasingly nervous, his head hanging down with shame before he finally spoke up.

“I hope you’ll forgive me! I truly wasn’t intending to hide it from you. But… when we spent time together, I came to look forward to how you treated me. I wasn’t sure what you already knew or didn’t know, but I knew I wanted things to stay informal, close.” He paused with a quiet sigh. “But now I’ve waited too long.”

“What makes you think I’ll treat you any differently?” I finally found my voice to answer. 

His head snapped up, his face incredulous at my calm words. “Lenora? Did you already know?”

“… I’m not sure.”

In the heat of the moment, I answered completely honestly. _Had I known?_ I wasn’t an idiot. No one of normal identity could stay at the palace for prolonged periods, and I had already memorized all the royal genealogies of the surrounding countries. I had known that the current crown prince of Tilendria’s name was the same as Nate’s, as well as his age… It was obvious.

_But I had always refused to think about it._

And as I studied him from across the carriage, as he fidgeted uncomfortably in his seat, I realized why.

_I didn’t want him to be a prince. _

____________________________

**“Listen to me, Lenora.” My mother’s hand gripped my chin tightly, her fingers digging into my skin. “Your only purpose in life is to make the prince love you. You will be lovely. You will be agreeable. Whatever he says is true, his every wish is a command for you.”**

**Her hand tightened. “Do you understand?”**

**I ignored the pain, my childish eyes looking up at her with pain and fear. “Yes, Mother.”**

**“Then say it.”**

**“Nothing matters except making the prince happy.” My voice was broken with a sob, but she ignored my distress, throwing me away from her. Unbalanced, I fell to the ground, trying to hold back tears.**

**“As long as you understand.” Her face inscrutable, she left the room, and alone, I curled up in a ball on the floor, crying into my hands. **

____________________________

Seeing Nate’s confused face, I couldn’t help but laugh. “How about this: I’ll continue to treat you like Nate, and you continue to treat me like Lenora. No considerations for rank or station. Would that be better?”

Nate relaxed in his seat, his smile stretching across his face. “That sounds wonderful!”

As the carriage entered the palace gates, however, his smile faded slightly. “I don’t know if my family will be there to greet us.”

I raised an eyebrow. “So I might be meeting the Royal Family on my arrival?”

“Yes.”

“Great.” I rolled my eyes at him. “Way to warn a girl.”

He grinned, looking guilty. “How about I owe you?”

“Are you sure you want to be in my debt?” I gave a mischievous grin. “I’ll collect! You could end up being my servant.”

For some reason he blushed at these words, and looked away. “As long as you’re happy, Lenora.”

Before I could tease him further, however, the carriage came to a stop. We were here. 

Nate stepped out first, giving me a hand to assist me out of the carriage. Hallers stood behind him, watching us with a slight smile. 

For a moment I wondered if he could overhear us talking in the carriage, and felt slightly embarrassed, even if I wasn’t sure exactly why I would be. Avoiding his gaze, I looked around, impressed. The Tilendrian Royal palace was even bigger than the one back home in Reterand. Off in the distance I could see sprawling gardens, with cobblestone paths and a few fountains. It was beautiful to look at. I couldn’t help but want to explore them further. 

_If Henry saw that garden he would go crazy._ I chuckled at the thought.

Nate strode further, walking past rows and rows of servants standing smartly at attention, finally reaching a small group of finely dressed people.

“Father, Mother, I’ve returned!” He announced with a smile and a formal bow.

Curious, I stepped closer, studying them. It was easy to tell the King and Queen were Nate’s parents. He had hints of his mother’s features in his face, but his height and bearing were nearly identical to the King’s. They were looking at me closely, speculation clear on their faces.

Before I could wonder about it too much, Nate stepped back, waving at me to come closer.

“May I introduce: Lady Lenora, the daughter of the Duke of Armeny.” 

I moved in front of them, giving a deep curtsey, almost touching the ground. “Your Majesties.”

The Queen stepped forward with a smile, grabbing my hand and urging me to my feet. “That was lovely dear, but no need to be so formal!”

“Yes, you’re our honored guest.” The King spoke up in a deep voice. “So please, treat this place as your home.”

The Queen started to step back, but paused as I grasped her hand with both of my own.

“Your Majesty…” My voice filled with a suppressed excitement rang out, my fingers rubbing the fold in her sleeve.

“Oh no, not again.” I heard Nate groan, but I was already too far-gone. 

“Can I study your clothes?!!”

My excited question was followed by an awkward silence. Nate stepped forward, his face frantic. “It’s not what you think…!”

The Queen held back her head and laughed, the sound a clear happy sound. “What a wonderful child!”

“What?” Nate’s jaw dropped.

“You recognize good quality, Lenora, This is a specialty fabric from Northern Tilendria, it’s very rare!”

My eyes widened. “I thought so! The weave is so complex, but the texture is soft and comfortable. It’s amazing!”

“I’ll see if I can arrange for you to have some to study closer. It’s the least I can do for a fellow student!” At my confused expression, she laughed. “I also learned etiquette, from Mrs. Rendler when I was young.”

“Really?” I was surprised for a few moments, but it made sense given Mrs. Rendler’s experience and reputation.

The Queen grinned. “Really! But I was not nearly the student of etiquette that you are. Mrs. Rendler sings your praises constantly. Calling you a genius, a natural born queen.”

I shook my head. “She’s too kind. I only accomplished what I have thanks to her good teaching.”

“Don’t be overly modest. She doesn’t give out praise easily. You’ve done well.” She sighed. “I wish you could have met George. You two would have been perfect together.”

The happy feeling I had nourished from my conversation with the Queen withered, my stomach dropping at the last sentence.

“George…?” At my unfinished question, Nate stepped forward, frowning.

“My older brother, who passed away six years ago.”

“Ah.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say. The Queen’s words struck me as strange, as was her motherly tone and gaze were completely different when speaking of her late son then when she looked on the remaining one. In fact, she had barely said more than a few words to Nate since he had arrived, either friendly or unfriendly. Nate didn’t seem to be surprised, treating it as normal.

My stomach started hurting, the thought that he might be unhappy at home disturbing me.

“In a few days we will be holding a banquet to welcome you, as well as celebrate the Prince’s return.” The Queen was smiling, the awkward atmosphere made by her previous words dissipating. “I truly hope you’ll attend.”

“Of course.” I accepted politely, “But for now, I must find an inn, to spend the night, is there one nearby?”

“Silly girl, you’re the guest of the Royal family. We’ve already arranged a room for you!” Her words were affectionate, making it difficult to argue.

“Then I will be taking advantage of your hospitality further, your majesty.” I curtsied again, feeling the Queen’s approving gaze on me.

“What a wonderful girl you’ve brought us, Nathaniel!”

He grinned as he responded. “There are many people who would agree with you.” 

____________________________

I was shown to a suite of rooms that were given to me to use, and again, I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed. I had known that Tilendria was a wealthier and more powerful nation than my home, but the casual luxury around me was rather startling. Feeling rather small and unimportant, I wandered around, taking in the layout of the area.

Hallers appeared after a polite knock, and I felt a stab of relief at the familiar face. “Miss, the maids are settling in your belongings. Everything should be arranged shortly. I’ve spoken to the staff to arrange a hot bath to refresh yourself after your long trip.” 

I smiled at him warmly. “Thank you Hallers. I cannot say how grateful I am to have you with me.”

“There was no question, Miss.” Hallers tone was firm. “I am your servant. Where you are is where I should be.”

“I will miss Lia though” I thought of the young maid who had taken over for Agatha. She was always cheerful, sweet and dedicated, I who had always been so on edge in my own rooms due to the presence of a traitor, found myself relaxing and smiling more when at home. Unfortunately with the rapid nature of my departure, I didn’t feel comfortable asking her to follow me.

“She will be arriving in a few days.” Hallers showed a slight smile. “Initially she insisted on traveling with us so that you would not be inconvenienced, but she needed to arrange things at home to prepare to leave, and I convinced her to sort that out first.” His tone and expression showed his approval at her loyalty to me. I felt touched as well.

“She didn’t have to…”

“She feels the same as me, Miss.” 

“Well… thank you.” I sighed, looking around the grand rooms. “I have to admit I’ll feel better with some familiar faces around. I feel out of place here.”

Hallers’ face was stubborn.“It is their honor to have you here. You are more noble than any of them. Anyone who doesn’t see that is an idiot.”

“Like Ronan the Ridiculous?” I teased him, watching a mirthful light enter his eyes, although his face remained a professional mask.

“That would be a good example, Miss.”

Feeling impulsive, I stepped closer and gave him a quick hug. “Thank you Hallers. I was feeling a little down after having to run away, having everything change so quickly.” I stepped away, smiling. “But I feel better now.”

Hallers stared at me in shock for a few moments, a broad grin showing on his face for just a second before disappearing. “I’ll make sure everything is arranged.” He bowed, and turned and left me alone. 

____________________________

After bathing and changing, I quickly realized I had underestimated how tired I was after the long trip. Sitting on a chair in front of a fireplace, I felt myself slipping in and out of sleep.

Hallers stepped in the evening, offering to bring dinner to the room, but I refused, feeling more tired than hungry. He hadn’t been gone long, however, before another knock sounded on my door and Hallers stepped in again, a small smile on his face.

“Prince Nathaniel, Miss.”

“Let him in.” I stood up, blinking rapidly to try to rid myself of the last clinging vestiges of sleep.

“Lenora!” Nate stepped in, looking worried. “I heard you hadn’t eaten, are you alright?”

I glanced over at Hallers, who was no longer trying to hide a pleased expression. Had he gone running straight to the prince, just because I refused dinner? Sighing internally, I shook my head. “I just wanted to nap, and wasn’t hungry. I’m fine.”

Nate stepped closer. Despite the extravagance around him, he still wore the same simple clothes he had worn around the palace in Reterand. I suddenly felt more relaxed, at ease with dealing with the same Nate I had spent hours arguing economic theory with.

“I haven’t eaten either, would you come to the kitchens with me?” He smiled brightly, and I felt briefly flustered at the sight. “I’ll cook us something to eat.”

Unsure of why my heart was beating faster, I hesitated. “Well…”

Nate’s smile faltered, his eyes taking on a pitiful expression. “You don’t want to eat my cooking?”

Seeing that, I couldn’t help it, I started laughing. “How can I say no to that?” In the corner of my eye, I saw Hallers give Nate a thumbs up, and gave him an irritated glance. “Scheming behind my back, now?” I asked him, lifting an eyebrow.

Hallers was unfazed. “You shouldn’t skip meals.” 

Feeling defeated, I followed Nate out into the hallways. We took several twists and turns, the hallways a dizzying maze. I became worried that if I got separated from Nate, I would never be able to find my way back to my rooms. 

Just as I was thinking this, I felt a warm hand grab my own. Surprised, I looked over at Nate, who despite blushing bright red, kept a serious expression.

“So you don’t get lost.” He explained quietly. I felt it was a little much and considered pulling out my hand from his grasp, but realized that I felt calmer now, more secure with his broader palm covering my own smaller one, our fingers interlaced tightly together. In the end I nodded silently, and followed behind him as we walked towards the kitchen. 

“Just as we were turning the corner, however, we overheard two girls talking. 

____________________________

“Did you see the young noblewoman Prince Nathaniel brought home?” One asked, her tone derogatory.

Nate started to step out, his face showing annoyance, but I held him back, shaking my head. I felt curious as to what the general attitude was towards my arrival. These two were obviously servants working in the palace. _Information gathering is so much easier with Rig._ I sighed.

“That poor hick?” The other girl answered, chuckling. “I would hesitate to call her a noblewoman. Is that how Reterand nobles dress? I was more presentable than her!”

As they both laughed at that, I held tightly onto Nate’s hand, holding him place as his face started turning red and angry the more he heard. He looked over at me, only to realize I was barely holding back laughter.

_I had been traveling for days when they saw me. Who on earth would wear a fine dress for that?_

I felt amused at their words, but my levity was quickly doused by their next words. 

“So she’s a perfect match for Prince Nathaniel then.” The first girl’s voice was vicious. “Two disappointments together.” 

“If only it had been Prince Nate who died instead of Prince George that day.” The second girl sighed. “Now HE was truly noble. Handsome, kind, charming…”

“He would have never have brought back such a woman. Did you hear? Her butler personally vetted any servant that would be working near her! How arrogant is she?”

“As if anyone would want to serve her!”

“I agree.” My voice startled them, as I stepped around the corner, a gentle smile on my face masking the anger churning in my stomach. Their words against me were just noise, but as soon as I heard them talk about Nate like that… I spared the slightest glance to the wall I had shoved Nate behind with a quick whispered order to stay put.

Now, seeing my face, the girls’ arrogance drained from their faces. “Miss…”

“How fortunate I am, to be overlooked by the servants of the Tilendrian Royal Palace. Being cared for my those who would wish their prince dead, I would have to sleep with one eye open.”

Despite my light tone, the two weren’t fooled. “We didn’t…” One girl stepped forward, her face pale as she protested.

I didn’t let her speak, interrupting coldly. “I wonder what the penalty is for speaking threats against the royal family in this palace?”

“…” Terrified, the girls stared at each other, and then at me. I had no proof, but as an esteemed guest and noblewoman, they both realized that my word would be taken seriously. If I accused them of these crimes….

Letting the silence last for a few more moments, I reached out and tapped their bowed heads. “Do you know where you went wrong?”

Surprised, they looked up at me, a hopeful light in their eyes. “Miss?” 

“Don’t speak such terrible things anymore. Prince Nathaniel is a wonderful, caring person, and doesn’t deserve anything but your loyalty.” I grinned. “As for a country hick like me, you can gossip about me all you like!” 

They stared at me incredulously, taking in my now beautiful clothing and jewelry. “I don’t think we can dare call you that, Miss.”

“Well, let’s pretend this never happened then, and just promise me to serve the prince well from now on.” 

One girl, her eyes filled with tears of gratitude, grabbed my hands. “Thank you!” 

With that they left, leaving an awkward silence behind them.

“Can I come out now?” Nate’s voice was amused, to my relief. 

“Yep!” At my answer he stood up, walking next to me with a slight grin on his face.

“You didn’t have to say all that.” His soft words were filled with gratitude, but I was still feeling annoyed. 

“Yes I did!” I put my hands on my hips, “What is going on here?! Why is everyone like this?”

A sad smile on his face, he reached out and grabbed my hand again, pulling me along. “Let’s get some food first.”

____________________________

We arrived at the kitchens and Nate busied himself with fixing us a stew. I watched with wide eyes as he easily handled a knife, chopping vegetables with an efficient, practiced motion.

“You weren’t joking when you said you could cook!”

He grinned at that, his hands never pausing in his work as he spoke. “It’s something I enjoy.”

A comfortable silence fell between us, but I didn’t let it go on too long.

“So what’s going on here? The Queen, even the servants…?” I didn’t know how to phrase my question, but he understood, nodding slightly as he started trimming fat from the cut of meat he had selected. 

“I told you about my older brother before?” 

“Yes, you said I reminded you of him.”

He sighed. “Only in that you both are passionate and driven people. But you.. you weigh things carefully, plan ahead, protect those around you. George….” He trailed off, combining all the ingredients in a pot and cooking it. “Thought and action worked simultaneously together for him. He would find a cause and immediately rush out and try to fix things, with no thoughts to the implications, the dangers… the consequences.” 

“…” I quietly watched him cook, his eyes sad, and felt a sharp pain in my chest.

“We were brothers, though, so I made sure to help him out. Smooth things over, clean up the messes, keep him from messing up too badly. I thought we were a team.”

He was silent for a while, watching the pot over the flame.

“But no matter how hard I worked, no matter how hard I tried… it was always George who was praised in the end. A perfect son, a perfect ruler, while I…” He grinned, but the expression was unbearably sad. “I was the disappointment.”

He met my eyes for a few moments, before turning to stare at the pot once more. “I was always chasing after him, trying to be recognized, to be the one they were proud of.” 

“But he died.” I whispered, the words making him flinch.

“Yes.” Nate’s voice was flat, emotionless. “He died. And all of a sudden I was competing with a perfect memory. One that would never grow, never change, never tarnish. I’m stuck.”

I reached out to comfort him, but my hand froze in the air. _What was i doing? _I pulled my hand back quickly, feeling relieved when he didn’t seem to notice. 

Nate served the meal, waiting anxiously to see my reaction as I took a bite. My eyes widened with shock as I eagerly took a few more bites, my appetite awoken by the taste.

“This is amazing!”

He laughed, a pleasant sound. “You like it?”

“I do!” I reluctantly set down my spoon, looking at him seriously. “This may not mean much, coming from me, but you’re not a disappointment. You’ve worked so hard, helped me set up charities, had my back during dangerous moments… you even negotiated fights between Jim and I on taxation policies.” I chuckled. “I’m pretty sure that last one qualifies you for sainthood.”

He joined in my laughter, seeming to truly relax for the first time since we arrived. “It does mean a lot.” He grinned. “Especially coming from you.”

Seeing his smile, I felt happy, but at the same time anxious and afraid. Shaking my head, dispelling the mood that had settled between us.

“What’s the plan for tomorrow?”

If Nate noticed my forced changing of the subject, he didn’t comment further. “Well, I figured you would want to check out your new storefront as soon as possible.”

I nodded. “That’s correct. There’s not much time before the grand opening.”

“But afterwards…” He hesitated. “Would you like to see some of the changes I’ve made since I came back here a few years ago?” Nate seemed embarrassed. “I used a lot of our discussions as well as principles from our lessons, and I would love for you to see it and give your opinion.”

“Sure! I’d be happy to!” My enthusiastic answer seemed to cheer him up, and once again I found myself looking away from his happy face, feeling awkward.

We finished the meal in silence, both of us smiling for no reason at all.


	29. Chapter 29

Setting out first thing in the morning, Nate and I headed into town to look at my new shop. It was situated in the center of town, the clean and impressive building fairly eye-catching compared to its surroundings. I stood outside the front of it for a few moments, impressed. 

“This is a good spot.”

Nate grinned, stepping closer and spoke quietly into my ear. “Told you. Did you doubt me?” 

My heartbeat sped up suddenly and confused, I moved further away, “Of course not. Your information has always been trustworthy.” I felt as if my cheeks were warm, and wondered if I had been out in the sun too long. 

Nate didn’t speak further, simply grinning at me, the expression slightly mischievous. It made me feel off kilter. He was normally fairly quiet and serious, only smiling occasionally when joking with me during classes with Jim or running around with Henry. But since we had arrived in Tilendria, I had felt a shift in him, as if something he had been holding back was set loose. 

Looking away from him, I knocked on the closed door of the shop. 

“Sorry, we don’t open for another week…” A familiar voice called out as a young woman opened the shop door. She trailed off at the sight of me, her mouth hanging open.

I smiled. “Should I come back later?”

“LENORA!” Lady Erica squealed delightedly, throwing her arms around me and hugging me tightly. Confused at her excitement, I patted her on the head. 

“Hello again.” 

At my calm words she stepped back, smiling from ear to ear. “I’m so happy to see you! Come in, Come in!” She waved both of us to the door. “Who is your friend?”

Nate gave an informal bow. “I’m Nate…”

“Prince Nathaniel.” I interrupted calmly, ignoring his glare. “What? No use hiding it in your own country! Or are you planning to never visit my store in the future?”

His face turned slightly red. “I guess that’s true…” 

“Nice to meet you, Your Highness!” Erica spoke candidly, obviously not thrown despite royalty showing up. “A friend of Lenora’s is a friend of mine! But Lenora…” She turned to me, with a surprisingly stern expression. “It’s not good to tease a young man like that. He’s not married yet, so shopping here for gifts would be a little…”

I realized the implications of my words, and smiled awkwardly. “Sorry.”

His face turned redder. “Don’t worry. One day I promise to buy all my wife’s gifts here.”

The words were nice, but all of a sudden I felt a flash of annoyance. _Why am I angry?_ If he shopped here, it would be more profit for me… but something about the thought of him buying gifts for his loved one here unsettled me. 

Trying to control these unexpected feelings, I looked over to Erica. “Can I come and see the store?” 

“Of course, we’re just putting the finishing touches here and there, should be ready for a grand opening next week.” She paused, her face lighting up with excitement. “BUT FIRST YOU HAVE TO MEET MY DARLING!!!” 

Her volume was so loud, that many of the people walking nearby stopped to stare. Rolling my eyes, I grabbed her and entered the shop, Nate following close behind us.

The shop was lovely, despite some of the decorations being stren about, waiting to be hung up on the wlalls, the sample merchandice was being displayed throughout the store, tempting one to buy them. There was plenty of space to sit and discuss designs with the staff, with tables for tea and other treats. I looked at this all with satisfaction, it was even lovelier than my branch stores back home.

“Wonderful.” I murmured as I studied the layout. 

“Do we have guests?” A quiet voice spoke out. Coming down from the upstairs, a tall gentleman smiled at us as he stepped closer to Erica, embracing her quickly.

“ROBERT!” Erica was beaming as she hugged him back. I felt a little taken aback at their open display of affection, and looking over I saw Nate was staring at the floor, obviously embarrassed.

The couple paid no mind to our discomfort, only separating the tiniest of distances before continuing the conversation. “This is our benefactor, Lady Lenora!”

The young man’s eyes widened, and he performed a formal bow. “We owe you our lives.”

I waved a hand. “You would have figured a way out without me. I only lended a small assistance.”

His face was serious. “Nevertheless, we owe our current happiness to you, Miss. If there’s anything we can ever do to repay you…”

“Just run the store well.” I smiled. “Then I’ll sleep easier at night.” 

“That we can do.” He started to bow again, but was grabbed by Erica who shoved him in the direction of the stairs.

“Go hang out with Prince Nate upstairs, I want to talk to Lenora!”

“Prince…” His eyes wide with shock and his face pale, he turned to Nate who shrugged.

“You’ll get used to it.” He grabbed the young man’s arm and pulled him upstairs. “Now let’s go before we get into trouble.”

Erica watched them leave, nodding approvingly. “What a well behaved young man. He barely deserves to be your match.” 

“What do you…?” I wrinkled my brow, but she interrupted, panicked. 

“Not that I’m saying ill against him!” She waved her hands. “Prince Nathaniel has a wonderful reputation around here. He oversees charities, walks and talks with common folk. He is known to be caring and honest.”

I smiled at her words, but was inwardly confused “Really? Because at the palace…?”

“Oh who cares what a few stuck up nobles think!” Erica scoffed. “Not a day goes by that I don’t hear about something good that he’s done.” 

I felt a warmth in my heart. “Good. I’m glad to hear it.”

“So don’t worry.” She patted my arm, grinning conspiratorially. “You helped me reach my happiness, and so now, I’ll help you!”

“I don’t understand.” 

She blinked at me. “What? Really?”

“Really.” I spoke through gritted teeth, frustrated._ Why did her conversations jump around so much?_

Erica stared at me for a few moments, before breaking out into a bright smile. “Oh. I get it, now! You’re dense!”

“…” What was I supposed to say to that?

“No worries, I’m sure it will make sense with time.” She shook her head. “I’ll help out poor Nate as much as possible in the meantime.” Pulling my arm, she brought me deeper into the shop. “First, I wanted to show you this masterpiece!”

In the back of a store, hanging on a dress form, was a gorgeous gown. 

I paused in my steps, taken aback. In both of my lifetimes, I had never seen a more beautiful dress. Delicately crafted from a dark blue silk, its skirt glittered with golden stars, that on closer examination were embroidered flowers. The silhouette was grand, not inferior to the formal gowns that Queen Amerande wore. It was eye catching, and the longer I looked at it, the more I saw little details that made me love it more.

“This is not one of my designs.” It was an unspoken question, that Erica quickly answered. 

“Mrs. Marile sent this design to me right before I left. She said it was made to be worn by you!” Erica grinned proudly. “I had to beg Miss Katherine, the weaver, for the special fabric but as soon as I mentioned that the dress was you she handed it right over at a fraction of the cost. “ Her face turned sly. “I had been surprised, but now that I have new information…” She glanced up the stairs with a short laugh. “It makes a lot more sense now.”

Pushing me closer, she continued. “Well, no use staring at it, right? Try it on!”

I reached out a hand, stroking the soft fabric. The touch was cool against my skin.

“There is a welcoming party in a few days…” I spoke without thinking, wincing as Erica let out an excited yell.

“PERFECT! You should wear this, you’ll be the most beautiful girl at the party!”

________________________

**“You’ll be the most beautiful girl at the party!” Angela held up the bright orange and green gown with a smile.**

**I reached out, touching the rough lace, a complicated feeling in my heart. “Really? This would look good on me?”**

**Edith, lounging on my bed and drinking tea with a casual smile, nodded. She always liked to spend time in my room, sometimes she would spend the night and fall asleep on my bed, asking me to sleep somewhere else. This always made me uncomfortable, but afraid to upset her, I always gave in. Her eyes brightened as she looked at the dress.**

**“It’s perfect for you.”**

________________________

I pulled my hand away from the wonderful dress. I knew much more about style and fashions then I did back when I was young, but the memory of being laughed at lingered.

“It’s better not to stand out.” With a disappointed sigh, I turned away from the dress, forcing a smile. “Thank you anyways, but you can just sell it.”

“That’s a shame.” Erica frowned, but seeing my expression, didn’t press me further. “I’ll hold onto it if you change your mind.”

Not giving me any room for objection, she put away the dress carefully, separating it clearly from the merchandise. I spent a little while longer going over the new staff she had hired as well as the account books with Robert, before Nate and I wished them goodbye and prepared to leave. 

________________________

** KNOCK KNOCK.**

A loud banging against the door caught out attention before we could step out. Erica’s naturally cheerful face faded and she rolled her eyes, clearly annoyed.

“Not again!”

**KNOCK KNOCK.**

She opened the door, revealing a beautiful young woman, flanked by two servants, one whose hand was still raised, preparing to knock on the door again.

“Can I help you?” Erica’s voice was displeased, but it did not faze the girl who gave an arrogant glare.

“How dare you make me wait! Do you know who I am?”

Erica sighed. “How can I forget, Lady Rose, when you come by every day whining about how important you are?” 

I studied the newcomer with some interest. She had delicate features, and her hair curled fashionable around her head, but the overall effect was ruined by her sharp gaze which seemed to look down on everything she saw. Her dress was high quality, and I nodded appreciably when I realized how much money she must spend on her wardrobe. _Good future customer, although poor attitude._

Her face was currently red with anger as she stared at Erica. “How dare you be so insolent to your betters? My father is a Duke and I… I will be your future Queen!”

_Future queen?_ At these words I felt my stomach drop. Uncomfortable, I looked over at Nate, who was shaking his head angrily.

“I think Miss Rose is mistaken.” Nate stepped forward with a smile, but the expression wasn’t friendly. “It was my older brother you were engaged to. Not me.”

Seeing Nate, the girl’s eyes opened wide with surprise. Faster than I could follow, the arrogant expression was quickly replaced with a sickly sweet smile. Leaning forward slightly, she blinked rapidly, likely attempting to look coquettish but only managing to appear dimwitted.

“Your Highness!” She dragged out his title in a higher pitched voice, making me wince. “I’m so happy to see you here! I’ve just arrived to do some shopping for your welcoming party!” She completely ignored his earlier words, and was attempting to act as if she had not been talking earlier.

Erica snorted indelicately. “I’m not sure if Lady Rose is deaf, but as I’ve said before, this shop is not open for business until next week.”

“NONSENSE!” Lady Rose’s voice became louder. “Why is there a commoner here then?” She pointed at me, her tone becoming more vicious. “Or is she one of the new shop girls?”

I raised an eyebrow at her taunt. I was dressed in my normal attire, which was simple, but elegant, not inferior to her own gown in any way. She seemed determined to embarrass me, a fact that made me smile widely.

“A commoner?!” Erica burst out, angry. “ That’s Lady Lenora! The daughter of the Duke of Armeny!”

Lady Rose looked me up and down with an unimpressed glance. “Ah. One of the ‘nobles’ from that backwoods country? I heard they hand titles out like cakes to children there.” She sneered. “I wouldn’t recommend coming to this shop, Lenora. You wouldn’t be able to afford it.”

Nate and Erica’s faces became angry but before either could speak. I walked forward to step in front of her.

“Rosey, Rosey, I appreciate the worry, but I’m simply here to tour the shop with Prince Nathaniel.” I smiled. “I was fortunate enough to see this lovely shop as his guest. I appreciate your concern for my financial difficulties, though.”

Her face was pale. “What did you call me?!!!”

“Little Rosey?” I cocked my head to the side. “I thought your name was cute? Do you have a better nickname for me to call you by?”

One of her servants stepped up, his face enraged. “HOW DARE YOU call Lady Rose by such a casual name!”

“Oh?” My voice was soft. “I apologize. Since Lady Rose called my name without a title earlier, I assumed that was the practice in Tilendria and followed suit.” I sighed. “Now I just see that Lady Rose was simply lacking training in etiquette, my apologies.”

I curtsied, apologizing with a sincere face, but she stepped back as if slapped. “How…? YOU…” She sputtered with rage, her sentences unintelligible.

“Are you well, Lady Rose? If you are having a fit, should I call for a doctor?” I kept speaking calmly, enjoying her dramatic expressions.

“You TRASH!” She finally blurted out. 

Nate frowned, and stepped forward, clearly about to defend me. I grabbed his arm, warning him with a glance to let me handle it. Lady Rose’s gaze sharpened, focusing on the point of contact between us with a look of disgust.

“You are an unmarried woman, Lenora! You shouldn’t touch men so casually, or one would think you have loose morals!”

I left my hand in place, smiling. “I will learn from your example then, and simply declare my future marriage to unsuspecting young men in public instead.”

“YOU!” Unable to respond given her own earlier mistake, she stepped back. Glaring one last time, she turned and stormed away. “You’ll regret this!!!”

“I look forward to seeing you at the party!” I called out after her, laughing.

Erica shook her head as the girl departed. “You’re awesome! If I ever hate anyone, I’m sending you to argue with them!” 

Nate grinned. “Same!” 

Realizing my hand was still on his arm, I jerked it away, feeling embarrassed. “Sorry.”

“No, feel free to make your points like that anytime.” He laughed softly. “I’m at your service.” 

“… Thank you. I appreciate the favor.” I studied him for a moment with a blank expression, shrugging, and silence fell between us.

The silence was broken as Erica covered her face, screeching in rage.

“DENSE!”

Robert stepped forward and led her away. “Come on, dear. Let them handle it.”

“SO DENSE! IT’S PAINFUL!”

“Shhh. It’s okay.”

Watching them leave into the shop and closing the door behind them, I looked at Nate, stunned. “What was that about?” 

Nate sighed loudly then muttered a single word: “Dense.”

With that, he walked away, leaving me to catch up. 

________________________

“What did you think?” Nate asked me as we retuned to the palace after a long day.

We had toured a few of the charities that Nate had started over the past few years. One was a public kitchen, made to serve those starving on the street, similar to what I had arranged back in the Duchy of Armeny. I nodded approvingly at the clean structures and organizations, watching as the staff praised Nate highly, causing him to be embarrassed. 

Orphanages, schools, it was obvious that he cared about his people greatly, and had been working hard over the past few years. 

“You’ve done well!” I complimented him, watching with interest as he smiled and stared at the ground. “You should be proud.”

Glancing back up at me, he shrugged. “It needed to be done. But I appreciate the compliment, especially from such an accomplished person.”

I rolled my eyes, laughing. “So what should I expect from the welcoming party? More like little Rosey?” 

His face turned solemn. “She shouldn’t have spoken so disrespectfully to you. My parents have always given her special consideration since she was engaged to my brother in the past, but still… I can say something.”

“Just leave it.” I waved a hand dismissively. “If she comes looking for trouble, I’ll make sure she finds it.”

At my confident tone, a small smile tugged at his lips. “Alright, but let me know if you need help.”

“Will do.” I started to head towards my rooms, but was stopped by a gentle touch on my arm. Curious, I turned back.

“At the party, there is a custom that the guests of honor can be toasted by those at the party, and it’s considered very rude to refuse.” 

I looked at him cautiously. “With alcohol?”

“Watered down wine, so it shouldn’t get you drunk, but…” He paused, looking concerned. “I wanted to warn you just in case.”

I smiled at him. “Thank you for the warning.”

I turned around and walked back towards my rooms. Idly, I wondered what difficulties I would face in the near future. Was Lady Rose the only one who had grudges with me?

I was interested to find out. 

________________________

“Well this isn’t good.” I stared into my trunk, sighing. I had brought several nice gowns when I traveled to Tilendria, and had planned to wear plain grey silk dress… but who knew that the gown in question, along with all my other dresses, would be cut to ribbons.

I sighed loudly. “What childish tricks.” Glancing down at the clothes I was wearing, it was a simple day gown, one I had used to look through the gardens with Nate, searching for some of the plants on Henry’s list. It was dusty and wrinkled, not appropriate for formal party.

“That’s a funny new design, girl.” As I was puzzling over what to do next, a familiar voice spoke out behind me, giving me a shock. 

“Rig?” I turned around, and he gave me a crooked smile.

“Long time no see!”

I gave him a hug, surprising him. “What are you doing here?”

He looked around casually. “Was in the neighborhood.”

“…” I stared at him incredulously. _Who would believe that?_

Seeing my face he burst out into laughter. “No, I didn’t want you to be alone without eyes and ears, so I’ll be temporarily setting up shop in Tilendria. 

“But what about…?” _Your daughter._ I omitted the last two words, but he understood my meaning.

“That child will be fine, taken care of by a noble house.” He grinned. “You, on the other hand, need all the help you can get.”

I chuckled. “Well, I’m glad to have you here.”

“MISS!” A horrified shriek filled the air and Lia rushed towards the trunk, lifting up the ruined dresses. “What happened?” 

“A wild animal entered our territory.” Hallers stepped behind them, staring at the gown with a furious expression.

“Just a jealous woman.” I corrected.

“I see no difference.” Hallers cleared his throat. “Shall we go look for her?”

Rig grinned. “Teach her to mess with my kid.” Cracking his knuckles, he and Hallers turned towards the door, smiling evilly. 

“Stop! No hunting down the nobility because they picked on me!”

Hallers frowned, and Rig stuck out his tongue. “Spoilsport.”

“But what to do, Miss?” Lia cried out, looking at me. “I can’t repair this dress, especially not before tonight. And there’s nothing else left intact in the trunk.”

I stared at the dress in her hands, thinking hard, before smiling with confidence. “Don’t worry. I have a plan.”

________________________

“Lady Lenora, of the Duchy of Armeny!” As the footman announced me, multiple gazes turned my way.

The room was large and grand, with brightly lit chandeliers casting a warm glow over the sparkling tables and decorations. Many lords and ladies had shown up to the party, all dressed in their glittering best. Now I was standing before a sea of unfamiliar faces, making me feel nervous.

If it had been me in my previous life before the engagement was broken, I might have lost my composure, but the me from this life was different. I quickly hid my emotions, stepping down from the entrance into the ballroom with slow measured gait. 

As I walked, the stares and whispering grew more intense, but nothing changed in my face or bearing. I had lived two lifetimes, been betrayed, had died, and lived again. I had worked as a shop girl, dealing with difficult customers, as a spy on the street, running information. I had once depended on how well I could hide my true feelings and lie

_How could I not appear calm? _

“Lenora!” Nate called my name familiarly, causing the whispering to increase.

I smiled at him calmly, curtseying. “Your Highness.”

He frowned. “You promised not to treat me differently.”

“Sorry, Nate.” I grinned and he quickly smiled back.

“Better.” He looked at me closer, his face turning slightly red. “You look beautiful!”

I felt my heartbeat quicker, and ignoring it, I turned around, proud. “Marile designed it.” 

It was the dress from the shop, with the golden embroidery. I had not wanted to wear it initially because I worried it was too showy, but after my other gowns were destroyed, it seemed the best option. Wearing it, I couldn’t help but feel a small boost of confidence, and felt happy that i had gotten the chance to try it on.

Nate nodded in understanding. “Well, Marile is definitely very talented. But I also think that she had a lovely person to make it for.”

I shook my head. “You flatter me.”

He was about to reply, but the moment was broken as a high pitched voice shouted out.

“HOW?” Lady Rose was staring at me in shock, her forehead wrinkled as she took in my dress. “How did you…?”

I raised an eyebrow. “So surprised that I have a gown to wear? Why is that?”

Her mouth shut quickly, and she glared at me. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“My mistake.” I was smiling, but my eyes were sharp. _If she is vicious enough to ruin all my perfectly good clothing, she should at least be smart enough to not blurt it out in public._ Lady Rose was not a very good opponent. Edith would have destroyed her within a day. 

I moved on, feeling her gaze still on me. Parting with Nate, I mingled in the crowd, speaking with different nobles here and there. Fortunately many of them were friendly and welcoming. One Earl in particular, a larger smiling man with a curled mustache, got into a heated discussion with me on taxation policies. At the end of my argument he laughed loudly, patting me on the back, almost knocking me down.

“This girl knows government policy and economics.” His booming voice traveled across the room, and many turned to stare. “Good! Glad to see the next generation is still working hard.” 

There was a short silence in the room, and shaking my head, I curtsied politely, andc changed the subject.

________________________

As dinner was called, I noticed I was sat on the opposite side of the long table from Nate. The Queen noticed my glance in his direction, and chuckled. “We split up the guests of honor so that more people get to chat. Don’t worry, you can see him after the dinner.”

“I didn’t say…” I stuttered, thrown off balance that she had noticed my thoughts. 

“HMPH!” Lady Rose sat nearby, glaring at me. “Shameless.”

I ignored her, staring at the glass in front of me. It was larger than normal, holding about two or three times the amount of a normal wineglass. Remembering what Nate said about toasts, I ignored it during the first half of the meal, only drinking during toasts. 

As the main course arrived, Lady Rose stood up, giving her third toast of the night. “To our newest guest!” She held up glass, smiling. “May you enjoy this generous hospitality.”

I drank from the glass, ignoring the watery taste. _Nate was telling the truth. This wine is so watered down it barely has any alcohol in it._ Not that it seemed to stop Lady Rose or several other young ladies from giving toast after toast, causing me to drain almost the entire cup before the end of the meal. _Good thing it was watered down._ I smiled ruefully. _Otherwise this could have been a disaster._

“Lady Lenora.” A respectful voice took me from my thoughts. Turning, I saw that the young man sitting next to me was the one who called. He seemed a few years younger than me, with handsome features, long auburn hair pulled back behind his head. His smile was confident, and he seemed eager to speak. 

I looked at him cautiously. “You are?”

“My name is Luke.” He grinned. “My father is the Earl of Brigit.”

Startled I looked over at the heavyset mustached man I had been speaking to earlier. _How did that man give birth to someone like him?_

“I wanted to thank you for speaking with my father earlier. He’s been in a good mood ever since.”

I smiled. “He was a good conversationalist.”

“Will you being staying long in Tilendria?”

I spread my hands silently, showing I wasn’t sure.

“Well, hopefully we can convince such a lovely and talented young lady to stay longer.” He reached out and grabbed my hand, kissing the back of it. The warm touch of his lips on my skin made me cringe, and I quickly retrieved my hand, feeling disgusted.

“Thank you for your concern.” His smile faded at my cold tone.

“A TOAST!” A call rang out, and I grabbed my glass, irritated. _So many toasts._ To my shock however, it was Nate who was toasting, swaying to his feet. His eyes seemed unfocused, but he was staring in my direction, his expression unreadable.

“To the lovely and talented Lady Lenora.” He drained his cup, sitting it down on the table with an irritated gesture, almost falling back into his chair.

_What’s wrong with Nate?_ _Is he drunk?_ Watching him closely, I was convinced that he was intoxicated, surprising me. _How did he get drunk on this watered down wine?_

Before I could look further, however, the Queen stood up, thanking everyone for attending and wishing them a good night. It was an obvious dismissal, and slowly the crowd started to disperse. Lady Rose was staring daggers at me, as if looking for something in my appearance that she couldn’t see, before turning and walking away. I felt better as she left, feeling uncomfortable with the hostile glances she sent my way as well as the overly affectionate ones she gave to Nate.

I stood up as well, moving closer to Nate. He was swaying from side to side slowly, staring up at me with a frown.

“How are you drunk?” I asked quietly, not wanting the departing guests to hear us.

He blinked. “I’m not drunk.” He shook his head back and forth, but resumed staring at me quietly.

“Really?” I laughed. “You seem pretty drunk to me.” Reaching out, I took his empty glass and sniffed it. It smelled much more strongly of alcohol than my glass had.

“Did you not use the watered down wine? I asked, concerned. 

He grinned at me, the smile slightly childish. “Dunno. I had them switch our cups before the meal, just in case.”

I stared at him for a few moments, my chest hurting. _No wonder Lady Rose and her friends kept proposing toasts. They were hoping I would get drunk and made a fool of myself._

I helped him to his feet, feeling guilty. “I’ll ask someone to take you back to your room.”

“WAIT!” He leaned on me heavily. “Can we go to the kitchen first?” 

“The kitchen?” I frowned. “Why?”

He stared at me innocently. “Please?”

He was so childish like this, pouting at not getting his way. It was such a stark contrast to his normal overly serious self, that I couldn’t help but give in.

“Okay. A quick trip to the kitchens! But then straight to your room.” 

“Thank you!” He smiled brightly, startling me. “Let’s go!” He grabbed my hand, walking towards the kitchens. I could only follow behind, smiling despite myself. 

________________________

As he entered the kitchen, he quickly got some water in a basin and some soap, sitting it on the table in front of us. “Here.” He gently grasped my hand, putting it in the water.

“What are you doing?” I asked, curious.

“Cleaning.” He stared down, blinking owlishly as he used the soap and water to wash my hands thoroughly.

“Were my hands so dirty?” 

He nodded seriously. “Needed to wash them.” He then smiled again, happy as he dried my hands with a towel. 

Nate sat on a stool, swaying slightly, and gestured for me to sit too. “Can I tell you my secret?” He whispered.

I studied him closely, before shaking my head. “No.”

“No?” He pouted. “Why, don’t you care?”

“I don’t want you to give me secrets drunk.” I patted him on the shoulder. “Tell me in the morning.”

“Please?” He grabbed my hand, his eyes wide. “I don’t think I’d have enough courage to say it tomorrow. Just listen, please?”

_How does a man who can look intimidating manage to look adorable?_ I sighed, nodding my head. “Go ahead.”

He hesitated, and then leaned forward. “It’s my fault.”

“What is?”

“Everything.” He smiled, but it was terribly sad. “I thought my parents didn’t love me. That they favored George all the time. That I was the disappointment. But the truth?” He shook his head. “It was my jealousy. If I had waited long enough, grown enough, I might have been able to stand on equal footing.” He held my hand tightly between both of his own.

“I told you I fixed all his problems? Everytime he came up with an idea, but a terrible plan, I would make sure it worked out all right. But I never seemed to get any of the credit. So my heart slowly got overtaken with jealousy.”

He stared up at me, his eyes full of tears. “George heard there were bandits, and was worried about them harming people. He wanted to go out and fight them. I told them to get more information first, to take more people, to make precautions.” He shook his head. “He didn’t listen, just like always, and just charged out. This would normally be where I would have done all the extra preparations, and bailed him out, making his plan work.”

He paused; taking a deep breath, seeming like the action itself was painful. “But once. Just that once. I decided not to. _Why should I always be the one saving him, when he gets the credit. I thought._ _If he’s such a perfect prince, then he can make his plan work on his own_!”

His hands on mine tightened. “Just once, I didn’t want to be the one doing all the work. I thought he might fail a little bit, learn to be more cautious, learn to appreciate me.”

His eyes met mine, and he was crying. “But instead he died. And if I hadn’t been such a selfish and hateful person he would still be alive. “ 

I reached out with my other hand, wiping away a tear. He blinked, giving me a crooked smile. “It’s my fault that my brother died. Do you hate me?”

I shook my head. “No.”

“What should I do?”

“You?” My thumb wiped away another tear. “You should live well.”

“What?” He seemed surprised, and I pulled my hand back from his face.

“I won’t tell you it’s not your fault, because you won’t believe me. I won’t tell you that you’re to blame, because deep down you know that it’s not so simple. So I’ll tell you to live well. Remember your brother, learn from your regrets, and keeping looking forward.”

“What a very Lenora answer. But I’ll listen to your words.” Nate blinked, staring at his hands and mine. “Did I wash your hands, yet?” 

“Yes.” I laughed slightly. “You washed them thoroughly.”

“Good.” He looked supremely pleased with himself, as if his tears earlier were just an illusion, before frowning, looking irritated “That brat… doing something like that to your hand. Makes me feel uncomfortable.”

I was amused at how frequently his facial expressions changed, but just as I was about to ask him further, he lifted my hand up.

I felt a brief warmth against the back of my hand and then a lingering touch on my palm. The sensation was like lightning running up my arm. I stared at Nate as he slowly lowered my palm from his lips, his smile lighting up his entire face.

“There! Now I feel better.” His hand gently stroked the back of mine for a moment, and then he tilted, almost falling from his chair. “I should probably go to sleep now.”

I called Hallers who arranged for Nate’s servants to help him to his feet, preparing to take him to his room. I stood up and sighed quietly, idly rubbing my hand, my heartbeat in my ears and my face burning up as I watched the nearly unconscious prince be carried off.

“Goodnight, Nate.”


	30. Chapter 30

“The King made his move.” Rig frowned as he spoke, staring around the shop with a grim expression.

Hallers, Lia, and Marile, who had just arrived to be present for the store’s grand opening, looked at each other with dismay. I leaned back in my chair, setting down the financial reports Henry had asked me to glance over and studied Rig closely.

“What happened?” My voice was cold. I clenched my fists in my lap, remembering the King’s expression the day of the Queen’s birthday.

“Bandits broke into the Duchy’s main residence. They ransacked a few rooms, stealing a few paintings and such, but the worst of the damage was in your room.” Rig’s gaze was filled with anger. “The objects they stole weren’t even worth much, they obviously weren’t thieves.”

“He sent men to kill me.” It wasn’t a question. I felt a moment of relief. We hadn’t announced that I had left for Tilendria yet, instead reporting that I was ill and stuck in bed. It seemed that our deception had worked in my favor.

Rig nodded. “I just received word, but it happened the night I left, likely before word from the Tilendrian court reached him.”

“I’m sure he knows where you are now.” Marile looked worried, grabbing my hand and holding it tightly. “He’s not going to be happy with your presence here.”

“He never would have been happy, unless I was under his control.” I muttered. Seeing all of their concerned faces, I couldn’t help but smile. “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it. At least I have the whole team here now.” I laughed lightly. “Moving all my staff, people would think I’m moving to Tilendria permanently. How silly is that?”

“…” Everyone in the room stared at me with an odd expression. From upstairs I could hear Erica shouting angrily, as her husband tried to calm her down. 

Ignoring that, I went over the intelligence reports with Rig, the issues with our other store branches with Marile and the upcoming schedule and social plans with Hallers and Lia. The meeting was proceeding well, but as we moved the discussion to the Tilendrian nobility, Rig interrupted, looking uncomfortable.

“There’s one more thing… A rumor is going around in the Tilenderian court.”

I raised an eyebrow. “A rumor? How shocking.”

Rig sighed. “They’re saying that you’re a thief, girl.”

“A THIEF?!” Hallers burst out, enraged. “Preposterous!” 

I held up a hand, and he stopped speaking. “What are they claiming I stole?” My voice was quiet. 

“The dress you wore at the welcoming party.” Rig shook his head. “They claimed that you could never afford it, and so you must have stolen it.”

“I designed that dress for this girl myself!” Marile looked indignant. “Do they want to start a fight?! Because I’ll give it to them!”

Hallers nodded in agreement with a grim smile. To my surprise even the shy and quiet Lia was cracking her knuckles as if waiting to punch someone. Seeing their protective appearance, I couldn’t help it, I burst out laughing.

“Leave it for now.” I answered once I caught my breath. 

Marile looked unhappy. “But…?”

“The truth will be clear in just a few days.” Smiling I dismissed everyone except Rig. 

“Do you have something else to say?” I asked, having recognized his expression at the end of the meeting.

He sighed. “How do you catch little things like this and remain so dense in others?” Sitting down again, closer, he spoke quietly. “I worry about the origin of the rumors.”

“Isn’t it just Lady Rose?” I was surprised.

“She was involved, but there’s someone else behind the scenes. The rumors had just a bit too much truth in them. About the financial state of the Duchy. About your past actions as a young woman.” Rig looked embarrassed. 

“You mean when I was a starry eyed idiot who chased the prince.”

He flinched at my annoyed words. “Whoever is helping Lady Rose seems to know you well, but doesn’t have very current information. They obviously don’t know about some of the financial reforms in the duchy, or your thriving business.”

“Hmm…” A few suspicions flashed through my mind, but I put them aside. “Thank you for letting me know.” 

Rig started to move, but I waved him back to his seat. “We need to have a plan for the future. Otherwise we’ll die at the King’s hand.”

He stared at me, obviously shocked by my cold tone. “What’s the plan?”

I silently started writing a list for him, and as he read it his face turned pale. “Lenora… this…?”

“I know what I’m asking for, Rig. Can you get it?”

He shook his head slowly, but it wasn’t a denial. “If we do this… we can’t go back.”

“Only use people who are willing. Compensate them well and ensure their safety. This isn’t my first choice, either. But if he pushes me too hard… “ I sneered. “Then he’ll regret it.”

Rig smiled. “Remind me never to get on your bad side.” He paused. “Speaking of… are you still mad at the young prince?”

I flinched, feeling embarrassed. “I’m not mad at Nate.” 

“Really? It sounds like you’ve been trying to avoid him since the party?” His voice was skeptical and I looked around, not wanting to meet his gaze.

“It’s nothing.” My voice had no strength behind it.

The truth was, since the party, I had felt very confused. The sight of Nate, a bright smile on his face that was still stained with tears as he kissed my hand was burned into my brain. My chest hurt every time I thought of it, a familiar yet foreign emotion plaguing me day and night. 

_I need to stay away from him._ I felt terrified, down to my very core. Something deep inside me screamed that if I spent too much more time around him, I would untangle the confusion surrounding my heart at these thoughts, and know clearly what was going on. 

_I didn’t want to know the truth._

It had taken much more effort than I expected to avoid him. The morning after the party he had tried to visit me, but I left before he could arrive. Instead, Hallers caught him. I heard rumors that the butler had lectured the prince for several hours before letting him go. I would have thought that would diminish his determination to see me, but if anything he looked for me more, causing me to spend more and more time out of the palace these past few days.

Even though my plans had been so far successful, though, I didn’t feel any sense of victory or accomplishment. I felt worse than ever, the pain in my chest worse. I didn’t think about him less even when I was away. Instead, he was in my thoughts more than ever before.

_I didn’t know what to do._

Some of my desperation must have shown on my face, because Rig’s face relaxed, and he patted me on the shoulder.

“Figure these things out at your own pace, girl. But try not to be too hard on the boy, he’s a good kid who’s trying his best.”

I nodded silently, unsure of what to say. 

________________________

The days before the store’s grand opening passed quickly. The rumors intensified around the nobility, growing more and more outrageous. Some said that I stole money from the royal family and that was why my previous engagement was canceled. Or That I had bullied my servants, casting out my personal maid because I couldn’t afford her. OrThat I had embezzled funds from the Duchy to fund my private affairs.

Even some of the palace maids were giving me uncomfortable looks as I walked down the hallway, with the exception of the two I scolded after having caught them talking about Nate my first night here. For some reason they staunchly supported me, claiming all the rumors were definitely nonsense.

Confused, I asked them why they were so confident, one of them simply replied with a smile and a curtsey “Milady is much too terrifying to perform a simple crime as stealing!

The other maid nodded, “Exactly! All the mistress would have to do is smile, and many would simply had out money out of fear! As for sending away servants, why would that happen? Obviously they were too faint hearted to stand at your side!”

Both of them smiled with guile, obviously happy to explain. 

“…” I felt as though they were trying to compliment me, but it was simply too bizarre. I smiled uncomfortably and thanked them for their efforts. 

________________________

A few days before the grand opening of Prosperity, I received a message from Erica that I was urgently needed at the store. 

I took Hallers along, my mind racing as I thought about what could have possibly gone wrong. There was no answer when I knocked at the door, so I simply opened it. However, just as I was about to enter the shop, Erica rushed out and pushed me in alone, locking the door behind me. 

Shocked, I looked through the small window pane in the door. 

“What is going on?!” I tried to open the door, but it was blocked.

Erica grinned. “You’re not coming out until you two talk!”

_Two? _Looking around, I saw Nate sitting in the shop.

I pounded on the door. “Hallers! Let me out!”

Hallers stepped closer, but Erica jumped him, tackling the butler to the gorund. “DON’T YOU DARE WASTE ALL OUR CAREFUL PLANNING!”

Looking up from where she had placed poor Hallers in a headlock, she laughed. “You have no choice, Lenora! You have to talk about emotions!” Her laugh sounded slightly deranged.

Sighing, I stepped away from the door, sitting down at the table across from Nate.

“Did you arrange this?” My voice was neutral, but inside my heart was pounding with anxiety.

Nate shook his head slowly. “I’ve been stopping by every day, trying to make sure you were doing alright with all these rumors going about, but Hallers and Rig won’t let me see you without you agreeing.” He sighed. “Even Lia is fiercely protective of you! But today they kidnapped me, and brought me here without explanation.”

I felt a sting of guilt. “I’m sorry, they were rude.”

“Don’t be.” He smiled at me, and my heart skipped a beat at the sight. “I’m glad you’re well protected, even if it’s from me.”

“…” I didn’t know what to say. I still hadn’t untangled my feelings from the party, and the longer I was near him, the more uncomfortable I felt.

“I’m sorry, Lenora.” His quiet apology broke me from my thoughts.

I looked up at him, surprised that he seemed so downcast. “What do you have to apologize for?”

“I offended you the night of the party right?” He groaned, covering his face with his hands. “I don’t remember all the details, but I must have been rude or inappropriate or…”

“No!” I reached out and touched his arm reassuringly, only to draw it back as touching him made me feel even more awkward. “It was nothing you did! You were a perfect gentleman, even drunk!”

I laughed, trying to reassure him, but if anything he looked even more depressed. “But then why are you avoiding me?” He thought for a few moments, and then looked up to meet my eyes. I flinched at the pain I saw there, my chest hurting. “I remember you said you didn’t hate me… even after…” Nate paused, running a hand through his hair. “Did you change your mind?”

“You think I’m avoiding you because of what happened to your brother?” Panicked I shook my head back and forth. “NO! I promise that’s not it!” 

“Then why?” I expected him to raise his voice, but instead, the question was a broken whisper. The sound made me want to cry.

“I… I don’t know.” I reached out and grabbed his hand, ignoring the furious beating of my heart. “I’m sorry. It was not your fault. I’m just confused.”

He tilted his head. “Confused?”

“I…” I hesitated, but continued, feeling I owed him the truth. “I’ve not been myself around you, I felt strange and I’m not sure why. It made me uncomfortable, so I avoided you.”

I hung my head, thinking that my words would upset him.

“Really?” To my shock, his voice sounded really upbeat. I looked up, only to see his beaming expression. 

“Yes?” My answer came out as a question, but he simply looked up at the ceiling, laughing for a few moments. I watched him, concerned. “Nate?”

He waved his free hand, the other still tightly clutching my own. “I’m fine. I’m just so very relieved.”

He reached out, tucking a free strand of hair behind my ear. “You’ve been feeling anxious about this, right? Well, for now, don’t worry about it too much, Lenora. Figure things out at your own pace. I’ll be waiting.”

With that, he stood up, knocking on the door. “We’re finished talking, Erica.”

“NO YOU’RE NOT!” Her shout came through the door, frustrated.

He laughed, the happy and relaxed expression on his face catching my attention, causing me to be dazed for a few moments. “Nothing good happens quickly or easily.”

“FINE!” Erica unlocked the door, her glaring expression causing me to laugh. “Keep laughing, oh mighty dense master! We’ll see who’s laughing in the end!” 

I looked at her, shaking my head slightly. “Aren’t I your boss?”

She rolled her eyes. “Trust me, you need all the help you can get.”

________________________

The day of the grand opening arrived.

I stood off to the side, admiring the large crowd that gathered outside the store. The street was packed with people, all chatting excitedly. Some children ran up and were peeking in the windows. Women of all ages dominated the crowd, each with a eager expression as they stared up at the closed door. Streamers waved in the wind, making the sight particular festive.

_This should be a success._ I smiled as I watched, feeling satisfied.

“Good crowd.” Someone spoke in my ear, startling me. Looking over my shoulder, I saw it was Nate, a happy grin on his face as he stood just behind me.

I felt myself blush, and frustrated, I turned back towards the store. “Could always be better.”

He laughed at my disgruntled tone. “You still have a little while before the opening, don’t worry. More people will arrive.”

I just nodded in response and we stood together in silence. Ever since our forced talk, we had been spending time together again. I still felt uneasy at my own complicated reactions to him, but if anything he seemed even more enthused. He held my hand constantly, bringing me around the town. He was always standing near me, saying silly things to make me smile. Every night he would bring me to the kitchens and cook a new meal, asking for my opinion. When I told him I could simply order my food from the kitchen staff, and he didn’t’ need to bother, he frowned, pouting.

“Don’t you like my food better?”

I did, and felt I couldn’t argue further. Even as I worked through my own confusion, though, I felt more relaxed being near him than I ever did avoiding him. I smiled to myself and continued watching the crowd, my eyes slipping up to the nearby platform where the king and queen sat.

“Nice of your parents to show up to an event like this.”

“They wanted to support you.” He chuckled. “They like you.”

“That’s nice, royalty typically don’t.” I joked back, but he simply sighed loudly.

“What are you talking about? Queen Amerande loves you like a daughter.”

“Yeah but…”

“And I…” He paused, his face turning bright red.”I…”

“Prince Nathaniel! You shouldn’t stand so close to a thief! She might pick your pockets!” A mocking voice interrupted him, and we both turned to see Lady Rose, who stood nearby with an arrogant expression.

From nearby I heard Erica’s strangled scream of outrage from nearby. “HOW DARE SHE RUIN THE MOMENT?!” 

I glanced over to see her hiding behind a pillar we had been standing near with a furious expression, Robert pulling her back as she cursed loudly, glaring at the noblewoman.

Nate frowned at Rose, “You shouldn’t accuse people randomly.”

She stepped back, her eyes filling with fake tears. “Your Highness, don’t be fooled by that lying girl! She is really an embarrassment to the nobility!”

Her voice was loud and theatrical, and I smiled as I watched, curious as to the extent of her acting skills.

“Don’t be foolish!” Nate snapped, his anger surprising me. “She’s not an embarrassment to anyone! If anything she’s an example of what you should strive to be!”

“You’ve been deceived!” Rose shook her head, “I’ve learned all about her! Her family squandered all their money, gathering huge debts!”

I smiled. “They’ve long since been paid off.” 

“She chased relentlessly after a man, trying to gain his affection!” Rose pointed at me dramatically, as if expecting a large reaction. I couldn’t help it, I laughed.

“Are you accusing me of spending time with someone who was my fiancé? 

“Well, you…” She hesitated, then continued with a confident expression after a moment of thought. “You were so terrible that even he broke the engagement.”

“He was of loose moral character, the Queen declared her completely innocent in this matter.” Nate interrupted, looking frustrated. “Now, if you don’t mind…”

“Well what about her dresses?!” She pointed at my gown, frantically. “With all her debt there’s no way she could afford it! She must have stolen something, or done something immoral!” 

I stared at her, my amusement slowly turning to boredom. _Rig was right, she’s only someone else’s pawn._ Lady Rose might be a vicious girl, who wanted to be queen, but she was the type to attack head on, with very little thought behind it. She couldn’t even be compared to Edith, who attacked from behind while wearing a perfect smile.

Thinking of Edith, I shuddered slightly, glad I had left her far behind. Hopefully now that she had gotten what she wanted, her and my path could never intersect again.

Lady Rose saw the movement, and her eyes lit up. “Look, Your Highness… She looks so guilty!”

Nate rubbed his head. “I’ve tried to be polite, but I’ve reached the end of my rope.” He sighed. “You’re an idiot, Lady Rose. “

Her eyes widened in shock. “What…?”

“Please refrain from speaking to me in the future.” He looked away from her, as if ignoring her presence.

Stunned, Rose turned towards me, her face enraged. “THIS IS YOUR FAULT! YOU THIEF!” She launched herself at me, but I stepped to the right, avoiding her, and she fell onto the ground between us. The crowd that had gathered around our argument laughed, and her face turned bright red.

In a way, I felt slightly sorry for her. She was a terrible person, but someone else had obviously fed her lies and sent her off to do their dirty work. Not that I was inclined to help her too much. She opened her mouth again, but before she could say anything else, someone else spoke up. 

“EVERYONE, it’s time for the grand opening of Prosperity!” Erica stood up on the temporary stage outside the building with a smile. “We thank you for coming out to see our shop!!”

There was an excited buzz from the crowd, and Erica clapped her hands. “But before we officially open, I would like to invite the owner of the Prosperity business to come and say a few words.”

The noise from the crowd grew even louder. It was common knowledge that there was a noble owner of Prosperity that had never appeared publically. Their identity was a source of great speculation among the nobility. Part of the reason the crowd was so large for the event today was in fact because I had asked Rig to spread rumors that the owner would appear for the first time at this event. 

Smiling at their excitement, I stepped forward towards the stage. I stopped, however, as someone grabbed my arm, her fingers digging into my skin.

“WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING, LENORA?!” Lady Rose shrieked. “I’M NOT DONE WITH YOU YET!”

I laughed. “Sorry, Rosey! They called for me.”

Shaking off her hand, I stepped onto the stage next to Erica, and the crowd slowly silenced, shocked.

I gave a formal curtsey. “As the owner, I thank you all for coming today, and hope you enjoy our wonderful gowns and jewelry.” 

“…” The crowd stared, soft whispers breaking out throughout.

Suddenly the silence was broken by the Queen’s laugh. “Very good, girl! How funny those rumors are! They called you a thief for wearing a nice gown?” She chuckled. “You could buy every dress in this kingdom and still have money leftover!”

I curtsied again, my silence all the affirmation needed.

“IT CAN’T BE!” Rose’s belligerent scream was ignored, and I had Erica open the doors and start to serve the customers.

The rest of the event was performed without issue, Lady Rose, shocked into silence, had been brought home by her servants, and the rest of the nobility were apologetic for any distress I might have suffered. 

________________________

As things were winding down, Nate and I were approached by the King and Queen who smiled brightly at me.

“Good work!” Nate’s Father shook my hand enthusiastically. “You have some wonderful business sense!”

I smiled back. “Thank you, Your Majesty.”

“I must arrange to have you talk with our advisory team, your understanding of the current economic situation would be greatly appreciated!”

His words struck me as slightly odd, and I glanced over at Nate who was wearing a polite smile. “Well, if you want someone to advise on that, you have an expert standing right next to me.”

Nate’s eyes widened for a moment, and he looked at me, his smile turning genuine. “Don’t flatter me, I couldn’t match up to you.”

“Who helped me in the beginning stages of the business?” I shook my head. “I’m not saying I’m not talented.” I grinned. “Because I am. But Nate is a fantastic resource.”

The King frowned, obviously not expecting the conversation to turn in this direction. 

The Queen spoke up. “Well I thought you did a wonderful job. Especially the way you handled Lady Rose.” She sighed. “I once thought she was a nice girl, who knew she could be so underhanded. I can’t believe we actually were going to let George marry her!”

At the word “George” Nate flinched slightly, his smile disappearing. I felt my chest start to hurt, anger building at his obvious discomfort.

“Honestly, I wish you two could have met… you would be perfect…”

I couldn’t take it anymore, I grabbed both of the monarchs hands and pulled them away.

“WE NEED TO TALK!”

The guards stepped forward at my actions, but fortunately the Queen waved them away, allowing me to drag them to a more isolated spot away from Nate. 

________________________

“What’s going on?”The Queen asked

“You need to stop hurting Nate.” My tone was stern as I stared them both down.

The King’s frown deepened. “How dare you insinuate that we would hurt our son?”

“Really?” I laughed, a cold sound. “Have you looked at him lately? If you had maybe you would see his heart breaking at being ignored by his parents, treated as if you wished that he was the one who died instead of his brother!”

“What…?” He tried to speak up again, but I ignored him, too furious to let him speak.

“Do you know that he blames himself for George’s death? That even though he has done everything you’ve ever asked of him and more that he thinks he’s not worthy of your affection?” I stomped my feet, shoving a finger in the king’s face. “Your son is a genius when it comes to political theory and economics, but refuses to show off because he doesn’t think he’s good enough! He’s kind, generous, gives everything he has for his people, and refuses to blame you too no matter how OBTUSE and HURTFUL your words are!”

I paused, trying to catch my breath, surprised to feel tears gathering in my eyes. “He’s a little too serious sometimes, and has a tendency to blame himself, but he’s a good man. One of the best. And you two are so wrapped up in the son that you lost, that you don’t even realizing that you’re slowly killing the one you have left!!!!”

“…” The couple was silent as I finished. The only sound was my own ragged breaths as I tried to get my emotions under control.

“We didn’t… I don’t… we couldn’t…” The king sputtered out a few times, and then fell silent, his expression thoughtful.

The Queen let out a long sigh. “We’ve hurt him.”

“Yes.” I nodded, wiping my eyes. 

She sighed again. “We’ve been grieving for what we lost so long. “ Looking over at the King she added. “We’ve lost sight of what we still have.”

Nate’s father stared silently, before reluctantly nodding his head. “Perhaps you’re right.”

She turned to me. “I was wrong. You and George wouldn’t have been perfect together.” She smiled. “Nate is fortunate to have such a wonderful person who loves him so much.”

**Loves.**

I stepped back, feeling the blood drain from my face. “No. I- I don’t…”

The Queen’s expression was confused. “You don’t? You seem to care about him very much, though. Why would you go so far out of your way for his happiness?”

I shook my head, taking a few more steps back. “Ex-excuse me.” Turning, I walked away, my mind racing.

_No. No NO. NO_. The word repeated in my head over and over. I didn’t, I couldn’t love him! Love was hopeless. Love would betray you.

________________________

**“I love him so much!” I smiled, looking over at Edith who was watching me with a serious expression. “I’m going to marry him and be the best bride ever! I’ve worked so hard to learn how to be a good Queen, I’ll make him happy every day!”**

**Edith’s face didn’t change throughout my speech. “You really love him?”**

**“REALLY REALLY LOVE HIM!” I laughed, spinning around. I was a young girl, filled with hope, seeing only a bright future ahead of me. **

**Edith smiled slowly. “Good. That’s good.”**

________________________

Had I suffered through the previous life for nothing? I had thought I loved Ronan more than anyone, tried my best to make him happy, and was abandoned by him immediately for someone else. My life spun out of control, my family abandoned me, and I died, starving on the streets. 

_Had I gone though all that just to fall in love with a different prince?! _

I had thought i was safe. Even though Nate and I were close, i had even refused to call him my friend. It wasn’t the first time someone had suggested that i had feelings for him, but I had always denied even the possibility. But given everything that had happened in the past few weeks, could I still say that confidently?

I thought of all the time we had spent together. _When had this started? How could I have been so careless?_

_Maybe this is different._ I felt desperate, grasping at straws. He is so kind, he treats me so well. It was different from Ronan’s indifference, right? I was a different person, and so was he…

_You thought the Queen cared for you too. _The insidious thought wormed it’s way in. _Thought she would always love you. But she abandoned you._

I shook my head. _This life was different. She still cared_. She hadn’t abandoned me! 

_But this time…. I’m rich, I’m more powerful. Maybe I’m just useful?_

What if one day Nate turned against me? I thought of his smiling face, imagining the look of disgust Ronan had shown me that day on his face.

________________________

**“BUT I LOVE YOU!”**

**Ronan laughed at my tears. “Does that mean I have to love you back?”**

**He turned away, leaving me to cry alone. “I have to return to the party and find my true fiancé. I suggest you leave quietly.”**

________________________

I was crying now, feeling despair. It was even worse than my pain in the last life. Back then I was shocked, I had naively thought love was a simple thing. That if I tried my best, and loved him enough, he would love me back. 

But now I knew. I was never meant to be loved. A different life, a different future, but still I had idiotically followed the same path, as if nothing had changed.

**I was a fool.**

_Should I run away?_

Before I could examine that too closely, I had returned to the main street in front of the store. Nate was standing there, his eyes concerned as he looked around the surrounding area, but his posture seemed… frustrated. 

His eyes fell on me, and he smiled, although the expression was strained. “LENORA! I’m glad you’re safe! I was looking for you!”

He stepped closer, and I backed away unconsciously, unsure of how to face him.

“Are you okay…?” He started to ask, his hand reaching out towards me, but his arm was stopped by a slender, feminine grasp. 

“Lenora.” The soft voice made me shudder, as I looked up as saw the last person I wanted to see right now. I felt my chest tighten, my heart freezing in my chest as I coldly studied the girl who was grabbing Nate. Her smile was kind, but it only made me feel more trapped. “I’m so glad to see you again!”

I stared at her, wishing I was somewhere else. Anywhere else but here. 

“Hello, Edith.”


	31. Chapter 31

“What are you doing here?” I tried to remain calm, but even the sight of Edith standing next to Nate was making me feel uncomfortable.

“I’m here just to visit as a representative of Reterand’s royalty.” She smiled warmly, the expression making my stomach churn. “This kingdom is lovely, Nate. You’ll have to show me around tomorrow.”

She stared at Nate, fluttering her eyelashes. My chest hurt as i watched her, my heart sinking as I felt an overwhelming sense of defeat.

_________________________

**“Make way for the Prince!” A loud voice called out, waking me from my stupor. I clutched the empty begging bowl in my hand, feeling humiliated, but I didn’t have the energy to run and hide. I could only lower my head, and hope he didn’t look too closely at a beggar on the street.**

**The entourage made its way closer, and glancing upwards I noted Ronan and Edith, riding on horses, talking side by side. I felt a stab of pain in my heart, my eyes filling with tears. _Of course they’re together, they’re engaged._Despite the rationality of it, watching my best friend and the man I loved smiling at each other while I crouched on the street in rags was almost too painful to bear. I prayed they would just move on, but to my horror, they stopped right in front of me, chatting.**

**“I’m so lucky to be able to marry a wonderful man like you!” Edith’s flattery caused the prince to smile. “But, some days, I just feel so guilty that I stole Lenora’s place…” She dabbed her eyes, looking sad and pitiful.**

**“Lenora?” Ronan sneered, the word tearing at my heart. “I’m glad to be rid of her. Who would want her when they could have you?”**

**I felt Edith’s gaze focus on me, and stiffened, wondering if she had recognized me. She didn’t call out however, just sat there smiling.**

**“Yes, who would want her?” Her voice was low, but loud enough to be heard by me, shredding the pitiful remains in my chest.**

**I kept my head down, too tired and hungry to cry.**

_________________________

Nate shook her off, his face stony as he looked at her. “I’ll find you a guide. I’m afraid I have too much on my schedule.” His tone was borderline rude, surprising me. He was normally a very polite person, almost to a fault.

“What…?” Edith started to protest but Nate ignored her, walking up to me and taking my hand, a smile on his face.

“Do you want to go on a walk tomorrow?

I couldn’t help but smile, even as I felt nervous at the contact between our hands. Realizing my feelings, it was difficult to be as calm around him as I used to be. “Won’t you be too busy?”

His grin was shameless. “I cleared my schedule for you.”

“…” Everyone stared silently in shock at the obvious difference in treatment. I laughed, squeezing his hand gently.

“Sure. Let’s do that then.” I wasn’t sure what to do with the chaotic feelings in my heart, but I was clear on one thing: I wasn’t about to step back for Edith.

“Good! Then the three of us can go together!” 

As Edith invited herself along, Nate and I turned to stare at her coldly. She seemed unaffected, giving another sweet smile. “Your Highness, I just wouldn’t want your reputation to be affected, after all, back home… Lenora’s history…” She trailed off, blushing as if too embarrassed to continue, “I wouldn’t want people to talk, they might say you two have an… inappropriate relationship.”

“Wouldn’t that be great if that were true.” I heard him mutter quietly, and poked his side. He just winked at me in reply. Ignoring him, I turned to Edith, a cold smile on my face. 

“We appreciate your concern, Edith. You know better than anyone the devastating effects of having a… promiscuous reputation.” 

Her face paled, her expression twisting with rage for a moment, before immediately conforming into a hurt, betrayed expression. Tears fell from her eyes, and she twisted her hands, looking pitiful. I truly was impressed with her acting skills, slightly less annoyed by her now that she wasn’t touching Nate.

“How could you, Lenora?!” She cried. “We’ve been so close all these years…. Only having each other…”

I interrupted, feeling tired. “Really? I would say you are much closer to Prince Ronan than you are to me.”

“You’re twisting things! It wasn’t my fault!” She glanced at Nate, obviously hoping for sympathy, but he only stared in a different direction, as if pretending she didn’t exist. “I was forced into it… he doesn’t really care about me…”

“Are you criticizing your prince?” I raised an eyebrow. “Do you know the consequences of that?”

“Don’t you do that all the time?” Nate whispered, his chest shaking with surpressed laughter. I poked him again.

The King and Queen had since arrived, watching the proceedings with disapproving frowns. Edith glanced at them, and then turned, staring at me with confusion. I had always given way to her, in this life and the last. She was unused to arguing with me, and obviously wasn’t sure how to proceed. 

“Lenora, the initial sales are fantastic!” Erica ran up, nodding approvingly when she saw me and Nate standing together.

“YOU?!!” Edith faced her with a glare! “So THIS is where you’ve been hiding you slut!”

Nate and I both bristled, ready to intervene, but before we could speak Erica turned and smiled. “Who’s the dancing monkey?”

“HOW DARE YOU?!” Edith shouted. “Do you know how much trouble the Earl of Beral gave us after you ran away? Half of my family’s fortune is gone thanks to you!” She then looked to the King and Queen, “Your Majesties, she is a criminal, who broke a promise of engagement and ran away with a deserter from the Eastern guard!”

I stepped forward. “Oh, Edith, you’re mistaken. You’re thinking of Lady Erica, the young single noblewoman who mysteriously disappeared before her forced marriage to a terrible older man.” I pointed in the direction of the girl in question. “THIS is Erica, a married commoner of Tilendria who works in my shop. With all the proper paperwork to prove it.”

Edith glared at me. “Do you think I’m an idiot?”

“Yes of course.” I shrugged. “But I fail to see the relevance to the issue at hand.”

The Queen burst out laughing, as if unable to hold it in any longer. Turning red, Edith took a deep breath. “I will not stay here and be mistreated like this. I will return to the palace.”

“Have a safe trip, that’s a long road back to Reterand.” I called after her. 

She stopped. “The TILENDRIAN palace!”

“Oh.” I turned to the king and Queen. “You may want to find her a room with a lock. Just to keep the number occupants in her room consistent overnight.”

“LENORA!” Edith shouted, but I ignored her. 

“Well, I’ll go oversee the rest of the grand opening, farewell!” I grabbed Erica’s hand and walked back towards the store. Nate started to follow but was held back by his parents.

“Actually, son…” The king shuffled awkwardly. “Can we talk?”

Nate paused, “Sure?”

I entered the shop, smiling.

_________________________

We kept busy until the shop closed, the group sitting down with a long sigh. 

“Thanks, by the way, for defending me!” Erica smiled. “You’re a true friend.”

I shook my head slightly, too tired to argue.

“Are you returning to the palace?” 

“Hmm… maybe I’ll just stay here a little longer.” I coughed uncomfortably. It had been easier to face Nate earlier because I was preoccupied with Edith, but what if he wanted to spend time alone. My face turned red, and I felt an aching pain in my chest at the thought.

“Wait… why…?” Erica’s eyes widened. “You’re blushing! There’s been a breakthrough in the impenetrable wall of denseness!” She squealed with delight, clapping her hands 

I frowned. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Why, isn’t this a good thing?” Erica walked nearer, ignoring the warning glances from Rig and Marile. “You should be happy… 

“I’m not.” My voice was cold. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Marile asked, looking concerned.

“No, I would like to be alone.” Everyone exchanged glances at my curt tone.

“Okay, we’ll go get Hallers then.” They walked upstairs, leaving me staring up after them, speechless. 

Hallers walked down from where he had been cleaning upstairs, his face solemn. “Miss, would you like to take a walk?”

“…”I looked up at him, my heart in tangles. “Sure.”

_________________________

We walked side by side silently. I slowly relaxed, feeling more comfortable as we moved along.

“Hallers, what if someone once made a terrible mistake, and then got the chance to do things better… only to make the almost the exact same mistake again?” I started talking, my voice quiet. “Wouldn’t you call that person an idiot? They knew exactly what happened the last time they made that mistake… but they still… did it again.” 

My eyes filled with tears, and I blinked rapidly, trying to keep them at bay. “How foolish would that be?”

Hallers was quiet for a few long moments, and I tensed up again, feeling miserable. Suddenly he stopped and I almost crashed into him, looking up with confusion. 

He was smiling. “Miss, it is never a mistake to love someone.”

“What?” I started. “How did you…?”

He patted my head. “I’ve known you for a very long time. You’ve faced every adversity head on, and never let go of the people you care about. You’re aren’t a fool, or a coward.” 

“But I am.” I whispered, my head hanging down. “I can’t face this. Not again.”

He reached out, pulling me into a tight hug. “You can face anything, Miss. And no matter what happens, good or bad. I’ll be by your side.”

I held onto him, feeling warmth in my heart. “Thank you Hallers. How do you always know exactly what to say?” 

He stepped back, smiling. “Never underestimate a competent butler.” 

We kept walking. “So what is your plan?” He asked finally.

“No plan yet. “ I looked around thinking. “Even just facing my feelings is too much right now. And even if I care… that doesn’t mean it would be reciprocated.”

“…” Hallers started coughing, as if covering up a laugh. “I wouldn’t worry too much, Miss. Everything will happen in good time.”

I sighed. “I suppose so.” I reached out and hugged him briefly. “Thank you Hallers.”

“Anything for you.” 

_________________________

Having Edith around was extremely uncomfortable.

She spent nearly every waking moment around Nate, smiling, flirting, and complimenting him. The only time she let him out of her sight was when she was trying to get on the King and Queen’s good side.

“It’s horrible.” Nate sat next to me in Prosperity’s back room, his face pale and haggard. “She’s everywhere, always smiling. I’m starting to have nightmares.” He looked over at me. “How you survived growing up near her is a miracle.”

“I’m sorry.” I felt genuinely bad. “It’s my fault…”

“Oh no!” He interrupted. “There’s no way this is your fault. What is she thinking? She’s about to marry that idiot Ronan and now she’s behaving like this?!”

I smiled, suppressing a brief desire to reach out and hold his hand, “Maybe she’s wised up and realized who the better prince is.”

“Really? Do you mean that?” Nate’s grin was mischievous as he stared at me. “Do you think I’m a better potential husband than Ronan?”

I felt embarrassed, but tried to force my expression to remain calm. “That’s not really a compliment… I’d probably marry a dog before I’d marry him.”

“Still…” He shrugged. “Glad to know at least I’m on the list of candidates.”

I couldn’t help but laugh, shaking my head. 

“How are you getting along with your parents?” I asked.

“I won’t lie… it’s been rough.” His smile was sad. “Too many years of mistakes, too many words spoke that hurt. But they’re trying, they really are. “ He reached out and took my hand. “I can never thank you enough for what you’ve done.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I said, staring up at the ceiling.

He chuckled, and didn’t say anything further.

_________________________

Later that evening, Edith was even more blatant than normal. The King and Queen had arranged a quiet dinner, and Edith immediately headed towards the spot next to Nate, preparing to sit next to him with a smile.

**I was done.**

“Edith.” I called out, my voice stern. “I realize that you haven’t begun your etiquette training yet and probably don’t know, but seating is in order of rank and position.”

She paused her eyes narrowed as she tried to hide her hostility towards me with a fake smile. “Lenora, surely you’re joking. I am a future Queen!” 

I didn’t return the smile. “That is yet to be determined. Future rank does not determine your position now. You are below me, Edith, as the daughter of the Count of Erand. You will refer to me as Lady Lenora, and kindly take your proper place at the table or be escorted out for offending your superiors.”

I forced myself to remain calm, walking over to the chair next to Nate as if the conversation hadn’t occurred. Inside I felt acutely uncomfortable. I had never in my life used my rank to push someone down. But I was done watching Edith play around.

If she wanted to continue pretending then I would tear her façade down.

Edith’s face turned red, then white, astonishingly bright shades. She began sobbing, looking up at the King and Queen for pity, while reaching out to grab Nate’s coat. “How could you be so cruel?!! I know you’re jealous, Lenora, because Ronan never loved you but still, you shouldn’t take it out on me…”

Nate pulled back, avoiding her hand. “Was anything she said untrue?” The King and Queen nodded, their faces unsympathetic.

She stared at him in shock. “Y- you can’t talk to me that way! Ronan will have your head!”

I tried to hold back my anger and frustration of the past few days, her last words threatening to snap my tenuous control. “Where do you think you are? ” The question was soft, but Edith, seeing my face, backed away. “This is Tilendria. Whatever pitiful influence you have back home means nothing here. Your actions and words bring shame to our kingdom, and bring in to doubt Prince Ronan’s judgement and character.”

I sat down finally, noting the Queen’s approving smile.

“Miss Edith is tired.” Nate spoke up, his voice angry. “Please escort her back to her room.”

Edith protested, but quickly followed the servants out of the room, leaving the room in silence.

Nate sat next to me, grinning. “You’ve never fought with her so openly before. Do you feel better?”

I frowned. “A little. Don’t really like the methods I used.”

“Don’t worry.” His hand reached out, gently touching my hair for a moment. “I’m just happy to have you on my side.”

The rest of the dinner passed peacefully. 

_________________________

Later that evening, I received a letter from Nate to meet him in the kitchen. I read it, wondering if he had a servant write it. The handwriting seemed different. _Strange, he usually comes and picks me up personally._

Not wanting to miss a chance to speak to him, I headed out, moving towards the kitchens, a slight smile on my face. But as I drew closer to the entryway to the kitchen, my steps slowed, my enthusiasm fizzling out.

There were two people talking in the kitchen.

I peeked around the corner, my heart skipping as I realized it was Nate and Edith.

_How did she know Nate was here? _I wondered briefly. _Was this all set up by her?_ It would explain the strange letter.

“Where is Lenora?” Nate’s voice was colder than I had ever heard before.

Edith clasped her hands, stepping closer to the prince. “I’m sorry, Your Highness, I deceived you. I just desperately wanted to speak with you and knew you wouldn’t come if I put the right name on it… after all, I know what lies Lenora has spoken about me!” 

She wiped a few tears from her eyes, smiling prettily. “We grew up together, but she was always jealous of me. Always making up terrible rumors to ruin my reputation. Even now, I’m forced into an engagement with the prince due to her schemes when the one I truly love…” Edith hesitated, her cheeks blushing, “… is you.”

My breath froze painfully in my chest, as I stood silently in shock, staring at the two. _What was happening? Why is this…? _I shook my head,unsure of whether or not to step out. I had no claim to Nate, regardless of my feelings. He should have the chance to respond…

“Is there something wrong with your brain?”

“…”

“…”

Edith and I both stared at Nate silently, confused.

“I’m not even going to touch your blatant lies about Ronan, when I’ve personally seen you scheme behind Lenora’s back to betray her with her fiancé. I’ll ignore the lies about whatever feelings you claim to have for me, when you treated me as a servant not too long ago before you knew my identity. “ 

He stepped forward, his face grim. “But I will not look aside as you lie about the woman I love.”

_What?_

“What?” Edith voiced out my thoughts unintentionally.

“Is it really so surprising?” He laughed, spreading his hands helplessly. “Lenora is a truly amazing person. I have never met someone who cares for others so much. She once intentionally put her life in danger, just to prevent the people in her Duchy from being taken advantage of by corrupt men. She cries at the thought of someone going hungry. And no matter how hard she works, how much effort she puts in for others, she never seeks the spotlight, never asks to be compensated or rewarded.” 

“But…” Edith sputtered. “You’ve just been fed lies by her people… They’ll say anything for her!”

He shook his head. “Why do you think the people around her are so loyal? She furiously protects those close to her, never putting herself before them. She’s earned their trust, and doesn’t betray it.”

His voice grew softer. “I love her. Her confidence at facing a hostile world, her absolutely crazy plans. Her smiles. Her tears. Everything.” He chuckled. “Even her denseness.”

“I-“ Edith stared at him, open mouthed, obviously thrown. I felt the same.

“So whatever your plan is, to make her sad, to make her jealous, I don’t know. But I’ll never look away from her, so it’s useless to waste your time here.” He turned away. “I was going to tell you this in the morning, but your shamelessness has overcome whatever thoughts of politeness I had. I’ve arranged for you to leave Tilendria and return home. Never bother Lenora again.” 

“YOU CAN’T DO THIS!” She shouted.

“I can, and I have. In fact… I think you should leave tonight. I’ll make your goodbyes to Lenora.” He rang a small bell on the wall, and after a few moments a servant stepped in through a back door. “Escort her to the stables. Miss Edith is leaving now.”

It took three servants to drag her out, as she struggled and cursed, screaming at Nate that she would never give up. Her shouts faded into silence as they closed the door behind them, leaving Nate alone in the kitchen, with me spying on him from the doorway.

He sighed with relief, sitting down and holding his face in his hands. “As long as she’s safe, it’s okay.” He whispered.

I felt torn. Should I step in and talk to him? What would I say? How could I say it? I felt happy, embarrassed… terrified.

After a few moments of indecision, I quietly went back to my room, ashamed but unable to turn around to speak to him. I wasn’t ready to face this. 

Not yet. 

_________________________

Over the next few days I became more and more restless, an uneasy feeling building in my chest. I couldn’t help but think that something terrible was about to happen, even if I couldn’t figure out what. My anxiety seemed to infect Hallers and the rest, who were more on guard.

Then, after about a week, Nate called me over, looking upset.

I kept my expression carefully neutral as I approached him. We had still spent time together in the last few days since I overheard him and Edith, but I had cut most of our time together short, feeling uncomfortable. I didn’t know how to face him, knowing how I felt. How he felt. 

_I had trusted love so much in my last life. Could I really do it again?_

“I have to go on a trip.” Nate told me as soon as I arrived.

The unexpected news gave me pause. “Is something wrong?”

“Bandits.” He said quietly. “Right at the border. There’s already been multiple attacks. Something isn’t right, either… they seem too well trained…” He paused shaking his head. “I have to go and see this for myself. There’s something we’re missing. I have to leave today.”

I thought of how George died, my chest tight with fear. “Do you really have to? I mean… it won’t be safe.”

“It’s okay.” He smiled, seeming to understand my concerns. “I’ll take every precaution. “ He reached out, taking my hand in his. “I’m just sad to be away from you. Please be careful while I’m gone.”

I nodded, not taking my hand back, letting him hold it. “I’ll be careful if you will be too.” 

He laughed at that. “Deal. And when I get back…” His face grew more serious. “Let’s have a talk.”

“Okay.” I agreed, my heart beating fast. “We will.”

“…” He still seemed reluctant, but eventually bowed, kissing the hand he still held. “Goodbye Lenora.”

Nate turned and walked away, his cheeks bright red. 

“Goodbye, Nate.” I whispered, wishing I could pull him back.

_________________________

I felt slightly lost with Nate gone, even as I stayed busy, overseeing the shop, wandering the city, having dinner with the King and Queen. It was strange to know he wasn’t nearby. Even with me avoiding him, the knowledge that I could see him every day had been comforting, and losing that made me feel off balance.

I returned to my room that night, sitting down with a sigh.

The peace and quiet didn’t last long.

“LENORA!” Rig burst in, Hallers trailing behind. “Something’s wrong!” 

“Is it Nate?!” _He had just left!_

To my relief, he shook his head. “We received two messages, one from my people, and one from your spy within Edith’s people.

_Angela?_

I took the messages reading them carefully. Rig’s spy was concerned as the Reterand Royal palace had been making movements, organizing a secret force, but the location of their deployment remained unknown.

The second from Angela was simple:

“Please come back. The Queen needs you.”

I shook my head. “Something is wrong.” The uneasiness I had felt grew worse. “The King is planning something. We have to go.”

Rig shook his head. “Don’t be foolish. You returning home right now could put you in danger! Let me send some people over, to investigate.”

“No.” I stood up. “We have a plan, remember? And for that… I’ll have to see the King face to face.” I looked at the note from Angela, my mind racing. _Had she betrayed me again to Edith? Or was the Queen truly in danger?_

Either way… it was time to go home.


	32. Chapter 32

“Miss, do you really think the Queen is in danger?” Lia, sitting across from me in the carriage, looked pale and stressed.

It was the second day of the trip, which had already been very uncomfortable, as I had only allowed minimal breaks, trying to make it back as quickly as possible. I shifted in my seat, feeling sore, and stared out of the window at the passing terrain.

“Hopefully this is just a wasted trip.” I answered softly. “But something is wrong… I just don’t know what it is yet.” 

“What about Prince Nathaniel?” She twisted a handkerchief in her hands. “Do you think he’ll be safe?”

_I didn’t know what to say._

I was worried about Nate, my thoughts shifting constantly to what dangers he might be facing. Multiple times I considered turning the carriage around and heading towards the border, but each time resisted the urge. I knew Nate could take care of himself, he would take precautions. But if the Queen was in danger? _She would need me. _

Not that this made me feel any better.

“…” I didn’t respond this time, my expression glum. Hallers, sitting at the front of the carriage, cleared his throat meaningfully, causing Lia to flush with embarrassment and apologize.

“I’m sorry, Miss, I shouldn’t be asking such foolish questions and trying to worry you further…” 

“It’s okay.” I rubbed my forehead. “None of this is your fault.”

There was a short silence, which was suddenly broken by the sound of rapid hoofbeats. 

“What’s going on…?” Lia started to ask, but I had already stood up, leaning out through the window and looking ahead.

Rig had been scouting ahead of us on horseback, but he was now riding back towards us at full speed, his face pale. 

“GET THE CARRIAGE OFF THE ROAD!” He snapped at the driver on arriving. He turned, seeing my anxious expression and forcing a smile. “We’ll be okay. We need to hide.”

“What’s coming?” I asked, feeling uncertain.

“Men. A lot of them.”

The driver took us off the road, into the nearest forest, until we were far out of sight of anyone traveling. Rig, quickly and quietly instructing us to stay hidden, took off on foot. Ignoring Hallers and Lia’s calls to come back, I exited the coach and followed him.

Fortunately I had chosen a simpler dress for travel. It was nowhere near as comfortable as the spying clothing I had worn previously, but this at least wasn’t too restrictive. I followed behind Rig silently, hiding behind a thick area of bushes as we watched the road.

“Why didn’t you stay in the carriage?!” Rig snapped. 

“I’m watching your back.”

“Who says I need you…?”

“Shush! They’re coming!” We glared at each other for a few moments before turning our attention to the rode. The sounds of horses came closer, interspersed with men talking and laughing. We dug in deeper, looking on silently as they passed by.

_Bandits?_

About 30 or so men, all dressed in ragged dirty clothing. At first glance they seemed like a large but otherwise typical gang, but the longer I watched, the more things seemed to not make sense.

They were riding in an organized group, the horses all high quality mounts. Their swords and bows seemed well maintained, cleaned and ready for war. They seemed to know and treat each other well. Even as they joked with one another, it was fairly tame, their words fading into silence when the leader turned an eye in their direction.

These were ruleless, directionless bandits? They seemed more like… like… 

**Military.**

I felt the blood drain from my face, icy cold panic gripping my heart as I recognized the direction they were heading. I wanted to speak out, to yell, to fight. But I could only regulate my breathing, trying to blend into the background as one “bandit” slowed down, pausing near our hiding place. 

“What’s wrong, Sarg?” Another man paused and asked.

He shook his head, pointing at the path. “There are carriage tracks going off the road here.” Looking up, he stared into the forest. I wanted to hide deeper into the bushes, but knew that any movement would simply draw his attention. I held my breath.

“Who cares? It’s not like we’re actually here to rob travelers!” The second man clapped the first on the back, laughing. 

“But we don’t want witnesses…” The man he had called “Sarg” muttered, still staring.

I gripped my knife from my pocket, ready to fight. Beside me I could feel Rig tensing as well. We wouldn’t let them attack the carriage. Hallers, Lia and the driver were still there. There were too many of them for us two to succeed… but maybe we could hold them off long enough for them to escape.

I tightened my grip, preparing to spring into action.

“GET BACK IN LINE!” The leader shouted. “WE DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!”

“Okay, Captain!” The smiling man answered, pulling along his friend. “Come on, Sarg! We can’t keep him waiting!”

“…” The man stared out silently into the woods for a few more moments before retrieving his gaze and moving on.

I waited until they were out of sight before letting out a sigh of relief. Rig and I exchanged looks of concern and then headed back towards the carriage. On our arrival, Lia greeted me with a cheer, hugging me tightly.

“Why did you run off?! I was so worried! Hallers said that you were talented at sneaking around and wouldn’t be caught but how could that be?”

I snuck a guilty glance at Hallers, who was studying me with a solemn expression. _I guess I hadn’t fooled everybody when I snuck out of the Duchy those few times._

Turning to Rig, I stared at him seriously. “This is bad.”

He nodded. “Yes.”

“You need to warn Nate.”

“No.” Rig crossed his arms stubbornly. “I need to protect you.”

“That’s not as important as this.” I pointed in the direction they had left in. “I know he already suspects that something’s wrong, but those are clearly military men, and thirty more could make a huge difference to a fight. If he doesn’t know what he’s getting into…” I swallowed, my eyes burning. “He could die.”

“What if you need me?” Rig asked, his face uncertain.

“I do. I need you to warn him. Please.” I was begging, but I couldn’t feel ashamed. Even if I was still sorting out my feelings about Nate, about my past and the uncertainty of the future, I couldn’t stand by if there was a possibility of him getting hurt. 

I clenched my fists, my nails digging into my palms. 

_I want to see him. I want to make sure he’s okay… _I thought of his smiling face as he promised to be careful, and could barely hold myself back from jumping on a horse and riding back. But I couldn’t abandon the Queen.

Biting my lip, so hard I tasted blood. I looked back up at Rig.

“Please.”

He sighed, reaching out to ruffle my hair with an almost helpless expression. “Don’t look like that, girl. I’ll help him. I promise.” 

My breath came out in a long sigh. I slowly relaxed, smiling up at him. “Thank you.” It wasn’t perfect, but at least Nate wouldn’t be going into a fight blind. 

“Don’t worry so much. He’s family too…” Rig paused, looking at me with a slight grin, “Or least he might be soon.”

He left right after his words, jumping on his horse and riding away, leaving me to stare after him. _Does he know how I feel about Nate? Do all of them? _Looking at Hallers’ and Lia’s knowing smiles, I found myself blushing and turning away. “Let’s go.”

They followed after me, still smiling.

_________________________

We arrived home, and I immediately contact Rig’s second hand man, asking him for information on the Queen. The dark clothed man stared at me, confused. “Miss, as far as I know, Her Majesty hasn’t left the palace. But…” He shook his head. “I’ll have our people check on her.”

“Please do. The danger to her might be from within the palace itself.” At my cautioning words the man went pale, before slowly nodding.

“And send a message to Angela, the Lady’s maid within the Count of Erand’s home. She’s the one who sent the warning.” I hesitated. “She may be a traitor, be careful.” 

“Yes, Miss.” He walked away.

I stared after him, hoping that he would find everything was all right. Sighing, I went to find Henry. 

_________________________

“WHAT IS THAT IDIOT DOING? DOES HE WANT A WAR? Because that’s how you start one!” Henry angrily watered the plants in the office as he spoke, his motions jerky as he moved from pot to pot. 

Having just explained my suspicions regarding the “bandits” on the border, I just sat back, thinking his words over. “There’s no real evidence that these men are from Reterand. Even if they kill …” I paused, unable to say the words out loud. “…Even if that plan succeeds, it would be difficult to trace back to him. The question is why…”

If the king only wanted Nate dead, he would have sent assassins which would be more efficient. It meant he had some other purpose in this plan. I just didn’t know what.

“Well, if that bastard hurts my plant heist friend…” Henry paused, his face grim. “I’ll get revenge in the most evil way I know how.”

I was genuinely curious. “How is that?”

Henry chuckled viciously, rubbing his hands together. “Steal the royal lily breed their gardener has been cultivating.”

“Yes… I’m sure that will crush him.” 

Looking around the room, which had previously been my office, I couldn’t help but laugh. “You really made yourself at home, cousin.” There were plants crammed into every spare space of the office, even a few pots hanging from the ceiling. My only consolation was that the desk itself was organized, with the paperwork piled neatly. It seemed he was taking his work at the duchy seriously.

Henry followed my gaze, confused. “I just added a few things, though?” Turning away, I heard him add under his breath. “This is only phase 1 of the ultimate plant transformation.”

“…” I ignored his words, feeling I would be better off not knowing.

“Well, if Nate’s in trouble in Tilendria, something really terrible must have happened to bring you here instead of by his side. What’s going on?”

I paused at his words. “What do you mean by that?”

“Well, you look at Nate like I look at my geraniums… like he’s the best thing around.” Henry grinned confidently. “If you marry him, can I make him my official plant heist planner? He’s very talented” 

“…” I shook my head, unwilling to comment. “I received word that the Queen is in danger.”

I quickly explained about the message I received. He shook his head. “I haven’t heard of anything out of the ordinary. She contacts me every few days or so, checking up to see if you’re okay.” He thought it over. “I haven’t heard from her since two days ago though.”

I was surprised. “She checks up on me?”

“All the time.” He reached out, patting my hand. “She obviously cares about you a lot.” Humming, he went back to watering his plants, leaving me to stare and think things over.

_This life was so different._

_________________________

**I laid in my room, crying, as I had been since I had gotten home from the party yesterday afternoon. Angela had left after a few attempts to comfort me, leaving me alone.**

**“What did I do wrong?” I whispered, the sound warped by sobs. “I just wanted to be loved.”**

**I missed the Queen, she always knew what to do. She was so kind, so loving. Even if my engagement had just been broken, she would come to see me, right?**

**Hopefully she would be here soon. **

_________________________

She had stayed away from me in the days following the broken engagement, not writing, not visiting, ignoring all my letters. Even once I was out on the streets, she simply disowned me and pretended I had died.

My heart hurt at the memory, even as it didn’t make sense with how she had responded in this life. 

Feeling stressed, I decided to make myself some tea. As the water heated, I went to select some tea leaves… and paused. In the corner of the tea cabinet there was a small bag that was unopened.

The tea the Queen had given me the day before Ronan’s birthday party.

_Hadn’t she said it would help relieve stress?_ Shrugging mentally, I added those tea leaves to the pot, steeping it and bringing it back with me to the office.

  
I’ll take all the help I can get.

I sat back down and watched Henry fuss over his plants, pouring us both a cup of the tea I had made. My thoughts on the Queen, and the difference between her past and present actions, I idly lifted the cup to my lips, preparing to drink.

**CRASH!**

I stared down at the cup on the floor, looking at Henry who had swiped it out of my grip, his face calm.

“What’s going on, Henry?” I asked, feeling confused.

“Why are you always drinking poison?” He demanded, rolling his eyes. “It’s starting to make me worry that you have a habit.”

I stiffened in my chair. “Poison?”

He sniffed the tea in his untouched cup, nodding again. “I was about to drink it too, and I noticed the smell. It’s Glat leaf.”

“…” I wasn’t sure what that was.

“It would cause headaches, fatigues, nausea, vomiting and diarrhea.” He spread his hands. “Most people would feel they had simply fallen ill. It can be quite serious, you’d be sick for days at least. More likely a week.” 

I stared at the broken cup on the ground, my heart racing. “Sick for days?”

I thought back to what the conversation had been before the Queen gave me the tea. It wasn’t hers… it was a gift from Edith. 

I stood up.

The Queen had been sick in my previous life. Just before the party where Ronan was to break the engagement, unable to assist me. Allowing me to fall on my own, with only my uncaring parents for support.

**Edith had planned everything.**

But if she had been that meticulous… then… I groaned, putting my head in my hands. 

The letters were stolen, both mine to her… and hers to me. She could have easily been prevented from seeing me, even if she had come by after she recovered… a few quick lies from my traitorous lady maid.

Edith had been the one to tell me that the Queen had disowned me… considered me dead… I sat back down for a moment, my legs losing strength. I had believed it, believing in what I had seen at the palace that day.

Frowning, I thought back over that day, that I had snuck into the palace. 

_________________________

**“NOTHING SHE SAYS WILL CHANGE MY MIND! SHE’S DEAD, AND SO I’M STAYING HERE!”**

_________________________

I rubbed my temples. She had said something else… something I could barely hear. 

_________________________

**“…wish… dead.”**

What had she said?

**“I wish… I were dead with her.”**

She truly had thought i was dead. She didn’t hate me, disown me or despise me. 

She loved me. 

In this life and the last. So much that she had locked herself in her room to mourn, refusing to leave. She had never changed. I had only been deceived.

I needed to see her. She had adopted me as her daughter, but I had never treated her like my true mother. I had never had the chance to really tell her how I feel.

“Mother.” I whispered, standing up in a daze.

“Where are you going, Lenora?” Henry asked. “What about this poison?”

I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter. I need to go see the Queen, now.” 

“Are you sure?”

I nodded. “I’m sure, I’ve already waited a lifetime too long.”

_________________________

I ran out, only taking Hallers and a coachman, too impatient to wait to gather more staff. 

_I need to see her. I had to tell her the truth. _

I was so focused as we traveled, that it took me a moment to realize that the carriage had stopped.

“What’s going on…” I paused as we heard the coachman screaming.

Hallers turned to me, his face pale but determined. “Run, Miss, I’ll hold them off!”

He stood up, preparing to fight, but was pulled out of the carriage immediately. I grabbed my knife, but through the window hands reached into the carriage, clamping a cloth around my face. An overly sweet fragrance filled my nostrils, overtaking my mind.

“Mother.” The word was muffled by the cloth. I reached out, my hand reaching out futilely towards the palace. 

_I didn’t get to tell you that I loved you, Mother._

_I’m sorry._

The world faded into black.

_________________________

I woke up slowly, every muscle in my body aching.

_Where am I? _Looking around, I could only see a dark room, lit by a single candle. I tried to move my arms and legs, realizing that I was tightly tied to a chair. The ropes dug into my skin, the pressure making my fingers feel numb. I flexed my hands, trying to wiggle loose, but couldn’t make the ropes budge. I tried a few more times before giving up, feeling tired and dizzy. 

The soft sound of laughter filled the air.

I stiffened in my chair, searching the darkness for the source of the familiar voice. I heard a light tapping, the sounds of shoes against the stone floor, the light rustle of fabric dragging along the ground.

Step by step, my kidnapper came into the light, bending over to study me closer with a gentle smile, but eyes so cruel that my blood ran cold.

Edith finally spoke, her voice filled with triumph.

“Welcome back, sister.” 


	33. Chapter 33

_Sister?_

I stared up at Edith, a little dazed, my mind racing as I tried to put the pieces together. My silence didn’t frustrate her, however. It seemed to amuse her as she watched me, her smile growing wider.

“Let me tell you a story.” She called out, and an expressionless man dressed as a bandit brought over a chair for her to sit on. She was so close that our knees were almost touching. It made me want to kick out, to hurt her, but my legs were too tightly bound to do more than shift the chair. 

“There once was a handsome young man, the only son of a Duke. He was smart and hard-working, caring deeply about those around him. His father, the Duke viewed him with great pride, thinking how his legacy would continue to grow under such a capable son.” She continued to smile, but her gaze was cold as she studied me slowly. “The young man fell in love, with a girl who grew up by his side. Her status was a little low, but she was beautiful and kind, and he loved her deeply. Even his parents could not object to their engagement. Everything was perfect.”

She stood up suddenly, the sound of the chair scraping against the floor grating on my ears. “But one day, startling news arrived. The crown prince had broken his engagement with the daughter of one of the larger duchies, to marry a foreign princess. The woman was reportedly heartbroken.” Edith sneered at the last sentence, her eyes on me growing more hostile. “She didn’t mourn for long, however. She insisted she be married to the highest ranked noble in the kingdom. And who could that be other than the young handsome man?”

My hands clenched into fists, the nails digging into my palms. I discretely tried to continue pulling at the ropes, but all I managed to do was tear the skin at my wrists, the warm blood soaking the bonds.

“He protested of course. As did his precious little sweetheart.” She laughed bitterly. “But none of that meant anything to that cold hearted woman. Her family forced the marriage, and the lovers were separated… at least officially.”

Edith had wandered towards the back of the room, beyond the candlelight. Slowly she returned, but this time something was clutched in her hand, causing me to freeze with fear.

A knife. 

“They still saw each other… for a time. Until the childhood sweetheart learned she was pregnant.” She gently touched the tip of the knife, as if testing it. “Perhaps he could have divorced the scheming woman who forced him into marriage, but not too long after, it was revealed that she was pregnant as well.”

I stared at Edith and the knife in her hand, almost hypnotized as she turned it over and over in her hands. I didn’t speak, I didn’t know what to say.

“A pregnant wife with a legal child, and a pregnant mistress with a bastard. Who do you think won?” She laughed again, but the sound was painful. “The sweetheart married a count, and passed the daughter born as his own, only revealing the truth to the daughter when she grew older.”

I stared down at the floor, thinking of the beautiful smiling woman I had known as the Countess of Erand and tried to reconcile that image with the bitter betrayed woman Edith described, unable to. I thought of my mother’s accusations and coldness, my father’s guilt. What was it that he had said to me during our last conversation?

_“We all have our sins, Lenora. Some of us are just still waiting to pay the price for them.”_

“You’re my father’s daughter.” I studied her curiously, her delicate features greatly resembled her mother, we looked nothing alike.

Edith stood up straight. “I am the Duke’s eldest child.” Her eyes were disdainful as she looked back at me. “You are nothing. A thief. A fraud. Just like your mother, who stole father from us.” 

“I hate you.” She whispered crouching down, the knife in her hand pointing towards my face. “I’ve always hated you! Everything you have should have been mine!! Your home! Your title! Your dresses and jewelry! They all were meant to be in my hands!”

The knife crept closer, and her face distorted as she continued. “The Queen should have loved me! The engagement should always have been mine! I WAS MEANT TO BE THE FUTURE QUEEN!”

“But you have the engagement.” I answered softly. “You will be queen.”

She hesitated at that. “I thought so too.. I thought everything was going well! But then Ronan started talking about making me the MISTRESS!!!!” She was screaming now, the knife only a short distance away from my neck shaking back and forth. “I would be the mistress and YOU would be Queen! WHY? Just because you were born to the right woman?! HOW DARE THEY?!”

Edith shook her head slowly. “But then, just as I was giving up hope… you gave him to me. Arranged for us to be engaged.” She smiled. “I always thought I would be happy on the day I took him from you completely, but I found out that the opposite was true.”

The tip of the knife dug slightly into the skin of my throat, only the slightest increase in pressure needed to break the skin. “I didn’t want him. I wanted what you had. I wanted to TAKE it from you!”

Her hand reached out, finding the necklace I almost always wore under my clothes, the present from the Queen. The golden chain and blue amulet shined in the candlelight as she pulled it out. With a sharp tug the chain broke and the necklace fell to the floor.

“To watch you scream and cry and beg for mercy as I stole back everything that was mine! I wanted you on the streets begging, starving for scraps, staring up at me who had gained everything you lost!”

_She had done that, though… at least in a previous life._ I looked at the necklace on the ground, my heart cold.

“So you followed me to Tilendria. But it didn’t work out.”

Edith paused. “That was… a miscalculation. But when I heard that you were happy there… I just couldn’t stay away.”

“Who told you I was happy?”

She ignored me, continuing to talk. “When I failed, I knew I needed to work harder. To completely crush every one of your dreams and kill you with my own hands.” She laughed, her eyes wild. “I hired bandits to attack the Tilendrian border to lure out that useless prince, and then tried to find a way to get you here. But then the easiest way unexpectedly fell into my lap…”

She pulled the knife away, letting me breathe a sigh of relief, and motioned to something beyond the room. Two men dressed as bandits walked in, carrying an unconscious woman. She was bruised, her clothes dirty, one eye swelled shut, but the face was still recognizable.

Angela.

“What did you…?” I started to ask, but Edith interrupted, laughing.

“Not me, but you! I caught the little traitor trying to send you a warning about my plans.” She shook her head sadly. “Good help is very hard to find. I don’t know how you convinced her to switch sides, obviously it didn’t work out well for her. But it worked in my favor in the end. A simple change to the message, and here you ran. Straight into my trap.”

I ignored Edith for a moment, watching Angela closely. Finally, I let out a relieved sigh, having saw that she was still breathing. She was injured but alive. I needed to get her to help, but i wasn’t even certain of my own fate right now. As i thought this over, Edith spoke up again, recapturing my attention.

“I’ve got your little spy, my bandits will take out your foolish prince. And now?” She bent down again, one hand grasping my chin and pulling it up. Her fingernails dug into the skin of my face, a small piercing pain. “I’m going to cut your throat, and watch you die.”

The knife was at my neck again, the pressure slowly increasing. She whispered again, directly into my ear.

“I can’t wait to see the life fade from your eyes. Do you think father recognize me as his true daughter then?”

I looked up at the ceiling thinking over her words. And slowly I laughed.

“WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?!” The sound of her shouting nearly deafened me. The knife pricked the skin at my throat, a thin trail of blood running down and soaking my collar. 

“Do you really think you hired bandits?” I asked, “Are you really that stupid?”

She paused, pulling back enough to look into my eyes. “I did hire bandits! They’re here! And a whole group at the border to attack your prince!” 

I smiled, ignoring the pain from her grip, from her knife. “They’re Reterland’s secret force, directly from the king. He’s using you.”

“What? You’re lying!” She looked around the room, and then glared at me.

“They really are.” I laughed again, until tears ran down my face. “You thought you were so clever, but he’s played you like a child! If you kill the prince, he blames you. If you kill me, he blames you. He would love to see both of us dead, and to use someone else to do it. But in the end, even if you fail he’ll still have accomplished one of his goals:”

I leaned forward just a tiny bit, ignoring the increasing pain at the knifepoint. “He’ll have branded you as a criminal and will break the engagement with Ronan.”

“NO! That’s not true! No one knows what I’ve done! Except…” She stared uncertainly off to the side, where the men who had brought Angela had disappeared.

“Except for the men you thought were bandits, but actually work for the king.” I sighed. “A great chance for him, kill two of his enemies and get rid of a burden all with one shot.”

“NO! SHUT UP!” She tightened her grip on the knife, her face drawing back into a snarl. “I’ve WON! You’re the one at my mercy! Nothing you say will change that.” Her gaze sharpened. “Now it’s time for you to die.”

“STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER!” 

A figure rushed out, tackling Edith, knocking the knife from her hands. Behind her a group of armed men both personal armed guards of the Queen and guardsmen from the duchy of Armeny followed inside, securing the screaming girl and tying her up.

“NO! I WON! I WON! YOU CAN’T DO THIS!” Edith screamed, struggling. “I’M THE DAUGHTER OF A DUKE! YOU CAN’T TOUCH ME.”

“Gag her.” A woman’s voice coldly ordered, and the men quickly carried it out. Before I could truly register what was happening, the figure bent down and embraced me tightly.

“Lenora! You’re okay!”

I was shocked. It was the Queen. “Your Ma-“ I paused, correcting. “Mother?”

She leaned back, her face tired and drawn but happy. “I found you!”

__________________________

“Your Majesty.” One of the guards called out, his face stern. “You promised that if we brought you along you would only come in at the end, after it was safe!” 

The Queen snorted. “That means nothing, my daughter was in danger. Now help me cut her bonds.”

They cut me loose, another taking Angela’s unconscious form and bringing her out to be treated. I reached out, hugging the Queen tightly. “How…?”

“Hallers.” She answered my unfinished question. “They had left him for dead, but he survived their attack and came straight to the palace. Your… spy network…” She grinned at me. “Had found a secret home bought by that wretched girl, and so we came here first.”

“Thank you for the rescue!” I smiled back, but her expression was already serious. Her hand reached out, gently touching the wound on my neck.

“Sorry we were late.”

I spread my arms. “I’m still in one piece! All thanks to you and Hallers.” I looked around. “Where is he?”

“He was injured.” The Queen shook her head. “We told him to stay behind.”

“MMMMIIIIISSSS!”

A long shout echoed in the dark room as a man jumped out to tightly hug me. To my shock it was a bloody and disheveled Hallers, who was sobbing uncontrollably.

“How dare you get into danger! You’re never going out without ten… no a hundred guards! How could they do this?!!!!” 

I reached out, patting him gently on the back. “Thank you, Hallers.”

At my soft words he started, staring at me in shock, before clearing his throat and standing up, the perfect picture of a butler despite his torn, bloody clothes and tear-stained face. “As long you are safe now.”

I reached out and hugged him again, and slowly, his façade crumbled again, and he just silently held on, a trembling hand patting my head.

After a while, I turned to the Queen, who was smiling at the two of us, tears in her eyes as well. “Mother… I think we need to talk.”

She nodded slowly. “But let’s leave here first and get you checked by a doctor. As for Edith…” She paused, “Throw her in the dungeon.”

I reached down, picking up the broken necklace on the floor. She saw my expression, and reached out, touching my hand with a smile. “It can be fixed.” 

I studied it closely, tucking it away in my pockets. I had lost it in my first life, sold it for bread. As a precious gift from my mother, I wanted to hold onto it in this life.

We left the dark room, and headed for one of the Queen’s rooms. 

__________________________

After bullying Hallers into going into a room from treatment, and getting my own small wound bandaged, the Queen and I sat down for tea.

“What do you need to tell me?” She asked calmly, although her hands trembled slightly as she lifted the cup to her lips. 

I looked at her, at the woman I had claimed as my mother, silently for a few moments. She had always loved me, in this life and the last… and I loved her too.

I needed to tell her the truth.

“It’s a long story, and a strange one.” Seeing her encouraging smile, I took a deep breath and I began to talk.

And I told her everything. Edith and her true origins. The King’s schemes.

My past life.

Tears silently spilled down as I described how I lost hope in my last lifetime. How, believing she had hated me, I had died alone and friendless. I explained how I had worked to change the future in this lifetime, unintentionally still almost bringing about my death at the hands of my half-sister.

By the end, my voice was hoarse, and I was so tired I could barely lift the cup in my hand. But still I felt nervous, staring at the now silent Queen.

“Do you believe me?” I whispered, unable to look at her for fear of what I would see on her face.

“My dear girl.” A hand reached out, touching my head. “My darling daughter. You’ve suffered.”

She pulled me into a hug, tears soaking my hair as her head rested on mine. “I’m so sorry.”

“You didn’t do…”

“No, but you’ve lived all these years thinking I didn’t care for you.” Her arms tightened. “How much pain you’ve endured… I can’t imagine it.”

“…” I didn’t reply. I didn’t want to make her feel worse. 

“I love you.” When she spoke again, the words were simple, but they caught at my heart.

“I love you too, Mother.” 

__________________________

After a while our conversation turned to what would happen next.

“The King won’t just let you go.” Her face was worried as she thought. “We need to settle this, so that you can be free.” 

“Don’t worry.” 

I sighed, calling in Rig’s second in command. “I need the ‘Final Measure.’” 

His eyes widened briefly, before his face resumed its former calm. “Yes, Miss.”

The Queen stared after his retreating back, obviously confused. “What is that?” 

I smiled. “I made a plan, in case he went too far and left me no choice.” Shaking my head, I continued. “With the last attempt on my life, and this using Edith… I have to do this, but…” I looked up at her. “I’ll have to leave Reterand. I won’t be able to come back if I do this.”

She nodded gravely. “I understand. As long as you’re safe.” Standing up, she pulled a letter out of a drawer, handing it to me. “I would recommend Tilendria, if you’re thinking of somewhere to live long-term. I received this earlier today. I think you should see it.”

I looked down, reading the letter with a silly grin.

__________________________

To Queen Amerande.

I have been called to the border to fight bandits, leaving our precious person behind. I have taken every precaution and hope to return safely. But no one can no the future, and so I wish to say this:

I love your daughter very much. If I return I will gather my courage and ask her to marry me. 

She may refuse me. She has been hurt, and closed her heart to love. I am not so arrogant as to think that my feelings can heal that.

Either way, my heart will not change. If she says yes, I will happily become your son-in-law and invite you to live with us. If she says no, then I will continue to help her with all my strength, and ask that you help her to live a happy life as I love her from afar. 

I’m more terrified of this than of fighting bandits. What does this say about me?

Best regards, 

Nathaniel 

__________________________

“How can he always confess his feelings about me so clearly only to other people?” I grumbled, looking up at the Queen while she laughed. 

I paused, studying the letter again. “I hope he’s safe.” I thought of Edith’s words, of the group of armed men at the border, and felt a pain in my chest. _What if he was hurt?_ _Or…_

_She_ reached out and held my hand. “Trust him. He’s capable. He’ll do his best to get back safely to you. But when he does…” She hesitated.

“Do you love him?” Her question was simple, so much so that I couldn’t help but answer honestly. 

“Yes.” 

“That’s good then.” She grinned. “Don’t think you’ll be rid of me after you get married.” 

“Didn’t you read it?” I shook the paper slightly. “You’re living with us!” 

“If only it were that easy…” Her sad words were interrupted by an annoying shout.

“MOTHER!” 

Both of us sighed, as the footsteps grew closer. “WHY did you imprison Ed…” Ronan paused, staring in horror at me. “YOU! THIS IS YOUR FAULT!”

I laughed. “Yes, how dare I survive a kidnapping and murder attempt? All my fault.” 

“If you weren’t so terrible how else would my lovely Edith…” He shook his head. “You set her up!”

I looked over at the Queen who was staring at her son with a disappointed expression Standing up, I walked closer, startling Ronan who took a few steps back, but not quickly enough.

**BAM!**

I punched him in the face, watching in satisfaction as he fell to the floor.

He held his cheek, his eyes filled with shock.

“You are a worthless coward. That’s for trying to drug me at the Queen’s party as well as all your other insults over the years. You and Edith deserve each other. But… just so you know…” I leaned forward, whispering with a smile. “She never loved you. You were only ever a tool to hurt me.”

“No! You’re lying.”

I smiled. “If you don’t believe me, ask someone from the Tilendria court how she acted there. You’ll get your answer there.”

I waved, walking on before pausing and looking at the Queen. “I will take care of everything, Mother. Just pack your bags and wait for me.”

I left smiling.

After so long of working stealthily against each other in the shadows, it was time to directly confront the King head on. He thought he knew the enemy he had made. I was about to show him the reality of his mistakes.

**It was time to move forward.**


	34. Chapter 34

“Will that be all your Majesty?” 

A servant bowed before the King of Reterand, his face solemn and respectful. The King, sitting in his chair by the fireplace, glanced around the empty, well lit room before gesturing for the servant to leave.

“I do not wish to be disturbed.” At his cold tone the servant flinched, before backing quickly out of the room.

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

**Click.**

The door closed behind him, and the King was alone. He stared into the fire, his hands clenched on the armrests of his chair.

“Why couldn’t she just die?” He muttered, his face bitter. “Everything would have been settled if she were gone. I’ll have to figure out something new…”

His voice trailed off as he blinked, a strange blue smoke was coming out of the fire, surrounding him. His eyes widened with shock and he opened his mouth to call out, but before any sound escaped he slumped into his chair, unconscious.

Watching through the peepholes in the secret passageway, I grinned at the sight.

______________________________

It took around ten minutes for the king to fully wake up. In that time the room had greatly changed. The lamps had dimmed, the majority of light in the space coming from the weakened fire behind the King’s chair. A table was set before him, and across from him was an equally luxurious chair, in which I sat.

His gaze focused on me, and his face turned pale with fear. He opened his mouth once more to call out for help.

**Thud.**

A knife thrown from my hand passed right by his face, embedding itself into the wooden mantel of the fireplace behind him. A short distance over and it would have landed in his eye instead. 

“My apologies, Your Majesty. I’m a nervous person, my hand tends to slip when I think loud noises will happen.”

I watched him with satisfaction as he understood the meaning of my words:

_Call out if you want to die._

“You’re crazy.” He whispered, his eyes locked onto the throwing knife in my hand. 

“Really? How strange.” I smiled gently “I’m not the one seeking my own destruction. But there doesn’t have to be any unpleasantness, Your Majesty. I’m only here to talk.”

“Talk?” He snorted. “You broke into the palace and drugged your king to have a talk? You bit…” 

**Thud. ** **Drip. Drip. Drip.**

The sound of the blood running down his cheek and dripping onto the floor broke the only silence of the room. The King’s eyes held equal parts pain and terror as his hand slowly rose up to his face, and he turned to look at the bloody knife embedded in the mantel next to the first.

“Again, I have to apologize.” I held up a third knife, “I’m a very nervous person. It’s hard for me to hear such unpleasantness.”

“…” He grabbed a handkerchief and pressed it to the bleeding wound, studying me for a long moment.

“What do you want?”

I smiled at the sound of fear in his voice. “One simple question:” I leaned forward, staring into his eyes. “Why?”

The silence stretched on between us.

_Why?_ _Why had he schemed to bring me under his control? Why had he planned to hurt me, to kill me? Why had he hurt the ones I loved?_

“I never wanted your throne.” My voice was quiet. “I never wanted the kingdom, to take your place. I sought only to leave you, your son and your kingdom behind.”

So why?

The king looked up at the ceiling and softly began to laugh.

“Don’t pretend to be innocent! You think I’m blind? A fool?” His laughter ended, his expression solemn. “The power shifted in this kingdom, how could I not be aware? The people all know, as do the other nobles. If you want wealth, then go to the Duchy of Armeny. If you seek knowledge, then the schools within their borders contain them. If you are poor and suffering, then the Duchy will take you in.”

He shook his head. “They all know, they all speak of it. How Lenora of Armeny loves the people. How she cares for them, works for them tirelessly. So different from the crown, from the other nobles. They view you as their leader. Did you really think I wouldn’t see what you were doing?” 

“I never wanted power.”

“Liar.” He laughed again. “Maybe I would have believed it, thought you really cared for others, if you weren’t _her _daughter.” His voice expressed disgust at the word. “The woman who clung to me, clung to my throne. She never forgave me for casting her aside, marrying someone else.”

_He’s talking about Seline._ The woman I had once called mother. My smiled widened at his increasingly frantic tone.

“I thought giving you the engagement would satisfy her need for revenge. At least her daughter would be queen! But then… I saw your eyes at Ronan’s birthday party. And I realized… She didn’t want her daughter to simply succeed my position, she had brought her up to destroy me.”

I thought of the moment our eyes met in the ballroom that day, the coldness I had found there.

“You thought I was that woman’s pawn?”

“Of course! She had raised you to hate me, to destroy me! She was obsessed with me and I betrayed her! And you were her revenge!” His voice was slowly raising in volume. I held up my knife, warning him, and he quieted his tone, although he remained belligerent. “I knew I had to either bind you to the crown or destroy you.”

_This was how he viewed me?_ His fear, his paranoia, his determination to defeat me, all stemmed from this? I couldn’t help it, I began to chuckle.

“Wha…” He stared at me in shock as the chuckle grew into a laugh, continuing until tears were rolling from my eyes. 

“Fool.” A single word, but he flinched at it.

“You made the same mistake that everyone around that woman does. You thought that because you betrayed her, she would be obsessed with you? Want revenge?” I shook my head. “Seline has only ever cared about one person, and one person only: herself.” 

_She hated the king who betrayed her, but never sought his attention once she turned her back. She had tried to push me to be Queen, but not for revenge. She had only wanted the benefits for herself._

“She is a very simple person. She wants to be rich, she wants to be pampered, she wants to be happy.” I listed these off while counting on my fingers. “When you left her she hated you, yes… but she immediately sought out the next available rich and powerful young man to marry, thinking he would dote on her. And when that didn’t work out…”

I thought of the bitter woman I had grown up around, who hated my father for not adoring her after being forced into marriage with her. Who after realizing that having a child that would be Queen didn’t give her the attention and pampering she felt she deserved immediately abandoned us both in search of a new lover. She had never looked back, except to protect her image.

“Do you really think I was working with her?” I leaned forward, and the King flinched. “I was the one who destroyed her.”

I had quietly released the truth about her among the merchants and nobility. The truth of her actions and despicable nature was slowly spreading, with no indication of their source. The king must have heard of them, but hadn’t realized that the person he had considered her pawn had turned against the woman who gave birth to her.

“No, that’s not true. You are her revenge…” He started to mutter but I interrupted him, my bright smile causing him to shudder.

“She’s already abandoned you long ago.”

“…” He stared at me in silent shock.

“You have been wrong about so many things, Your Majesty. Wrong about Seline. Wrong about me and my motives. But most of all, your biggest mistake was this:” I twirled the throwing knife in my hand. “You thought that the reason I didn’t fight back was because I couldn’t… because I was scared.”

“You…”

A pile of documents landed on the table where I threw them, the sound silencing the King’s retort. 

“The only reason I haven’t moved was because you were never worth being my opponent in the first place.”

I had ignored his attempts to force me to marry. I had turned a blind eye to his schemes to take my life. But now…

He had touched my people.

I thought of Hallers, still recovering from his injuries at the Queen’s private suite. Of Rig and Nate, whose safety in Tilendria was still unknown.

I pointed at the stack.

“What is that?” His voice betrayed his confusion and fear.

“I’m not a ruler like you, Your Majesty. I’m not a warrior, a spy or a revolutionary.” I grinned, “I’m a businesswoman.”

He looked at the papers once more.

“And I’m here to do business.”

Slowly, a shaking hand reached out towards the stack of papers, turning them and reading them one by one. The rest of the color completely drained from his face, until he looked like someone half-dead.

“An accurate representation of my wealth. You must have been surprised when I recently revealed myself as the owner of Prosperity, right?” I watched his face, and the look in his eyes made me feel happy. “You have probably been scrambling, realizing that your enemy was stronger than you thought. But you were still _wrong_.”

He flinched at the last word.

“I’m much more powerful than even that.” I pointed at the papers, and he continued to read. “Not only do I control Prosperity, but I’ve slowly been investing in different businesses within Reterland over the past five years. There’s very few places that are not connected to me financially, one way or the other.” 

“…” He flipped to the last page, shaking his head as if to deny the information before him.

“What do you think would happen if I pulled out all of my money from Reterland?” 

At those words the King’s head snapped up, his eyes wide. “You wouldn’t! You could lose everything!”

“Lose everything?” The thought made me laugh. “No. I would only lose a lot of money. Most of it, in fact.” I leaned back in my chair, my eyes on his. “But I would have my life. My loved ones. I can start over and build everything again.” 

I had already done it once. _For them? I would do it over again a thousand times. _

“But Reterland’s economy? It would be crippled. It would never recover.”

“Why…?”

“But that is only the beginning.”

Another stack of papers landed. This time he viewed them with clear terror. 

“Go ahead. Read it You not looking at it won’t change anything. I’ll simply tell you the contents.” The turning blade in my hand reflected the firelight around the room, he stared at the sight, seemingly dazzled. “It’s every dirty secret within the nobility. Everything they’ve strived to keep hidden, all written neatly upon every page. Every noble.” I smiled sadly. “Even my father.”

I had initially excluded him from Rig’s investigations, but now his secrets were on the second page. 

“Even you.”

The King’s secrets were on the first.

He picked up the top page, his hands shaking as he read it slowly.

“So many dirty secrets, evil deeds done in the shadows. Hiring corrupt men to infiltrate the Duchy, weaken it from within? Spreading rumors and lies? Drugging a daughter of the nobility to attach her to your son? How hideous.”

Of course there were many, many more on that page. The Duchy of Armeny wasn’t the only power he had sought to cripple.

“The people of this nation are so important. How will they react when so many of the nobility are revealed to be corrupt? How much faith will they have in them? In you?”

“…” He couldn’t reply, he just stared at the page in front of him. I needed to push harder. 

“The nobility isn’t the only part of this kingdom I’ve been watching.”

A third and final stack. This time he picked it up immediately, before dropping it again as if it were burning his hand. It may have felt like that to him.

“Exact locations and numbers of your troops, your weapons… everything.” 

“This is a declaration of war.” He mumbled, not looking away from the paper in front of him. “Tilendria…”

“Could destroy you in an instant.” I tapped a finger on the paper, catching his attention once more. “With a crippled economy, disgraced leadership and exact knowledge of the enemy’s military? I could place a five year old at the head of an army and he could take you down.”

The King’s lips drew back in a snarl at my words, even as he seemed to be desperately searching for a way to deny them. I stood up, vaulting over the table, arriving at the King’s side in an instant. He shrunk back in his chair but was unable to avoid the blade at his throat, or block the whisper in his ears.

“If none of that matters to you then consider this: How did I get here without raising a single alarm?”

His eyes were wide with fear as he stared up at me.

“How many of your people are already mine for me to walk calmly in and drug your fire?”

I had actually arrived through the secret passages but there was no need to tell him that. I reached out and took the wine glass from his table with my free hand, tipping it back and drinking from it. All the while the point of my dagger dug into the monarch’s throat. “How easy would it be to poison your wine? Your fire? A needle in your bed?” I laughed coldly, setting the empty glass down.

“Do you believe me now when I say that I never wanted your throne?”

The King’s gaze was steady on me as he gave the slightest nod of his head, wary of the knife in my hand. He was convinced. How could he not be?

**If I had wanted the throne, I could have taken it any time I wanted.**

“You were never my opponent.” I stepped away, still holding the knife, walking towards the door. “A scared old man who desperately clung to his throne, chasing shadows… when you were never prepared to sacrifice what you needed to in order to win against me.”

He was different then me. He saw everyone around him as threats or tools, moving according to his whim. He was willing to sacrifice everyone else to protect everything he had….

While I was willing to sacrifice everything I had to protect everyone else.

“What do you want?” The same question as earlier, but this time it carried the sound of defeat.

I smiled. “I want you to do nothing.”

“…” His face was incredulous, it made me laugh.

“Rule your kingdom, for as long as that lasts. Do not look at me. Do not turn towards those under my protection. If you touch a single hair on their heads…”

I paused, trying to compose the expression on my face. I couldn’t completely succeed, however, by the look of terror in his eyes.

“I will destroy everything.”

My final threat. I meant every word. A moment of hesitation, any crack in the confidence I displayed, could spell the difference between victory and continued danger for them 

The King weakly nodded, looking much smaller than he had before. “I will do as you say.”

“Good.” 

**THUD**

The third dagger flew into the fireplace, splitting open a small bag of powder, which combined with the fire, letting out blue smoke once more.

“Remember this promise.”

The King’s eyes remained on me even as he started to sway, the effect of the drug taking hold.

“Oh, and one more thing:” I turned away “I’m taking your wife with me.”

The King slipped into unconsciousness under my gold gaze. 

______________________________

I arrived back at the Duchy to pick everyone up. 

“Is it over?” Henry greeted me with a smile. 

I nodded. “it’s over.”

“Are you leaving? For good?” He looked sad. Reaching out and hugging him, I nodded quietly. 

“I’ll miss you.” He reached over and picked something up, tucking it behind my ear. A flower. Of course. I left it in place, smiling back.

“Well, you better come and visit then. And of course I’ll always be willing to help out with the duchy.” 

“Nate still owes me some plants, so I’ll take you up on that.” We hugged again, and I blinked back tears. 

“See you soon.”

______________________________

As we packed up and prepared to leave, I heard someone call out my name quietly. Pausing as I was about to enter the carriage, I looked over to see the pale face of my father as he stood in the doorway, watching me. 

“Your daughter is in prison. For trying to kill me.” My words were short, cold. He shuddered and stepped back. 

“Lenora… I’m…” His voice faded, unable to say the last word. 

He wasn’t sorry. He was so focused on the future he had lost that he had never once thought of making a new one with me. 

“The paperwork for you to hand over the Duchy to Henry completely has been prepared. Sign it before tomorrow.” It was a threat. I knew his secrets. He may not care about himself, but for the woman he still loved… 

“I’ll sign it.” He had no hesitation. It had been a long time since my father had cared about the Duchy at all. “Are you leaving already?”

I smiled. “I have to go home.”

Where Nate was. Where my family was. It was time to go home. 

I left him behind, never looking back.

______________________________

“Why are you so nervous?” Queen Amerande smiled at me as she held my hand in the carriage. I clutched at the reassuring warmth, feeling sick to my stomach as I thought of what waited for me ahead. I would rather confront the king a hundred more times than face what was before me now.

“They said he was injured.” I whispered, staring down at my lap, trying to take slow deep breathes.

“Yes, but he and Rig both made it back alive.” She patted my head. “Isn’t that a reason to be relieved?”

They were alive. I couldn’t help but smile, despite my nervousness. We had received a letter while we traveled. Rig had arrived in time to warn Nate of the bandit’s true nature. Nate had already gathered a strong force, and with knowledge of where their reinforcements were coming from, had managed to cut the secret army in half, defeating them soundly. They were recovering now in a small border town of Tilendria, where our carriage was heading right now.

“He’s waiting for you.” Was all that Rig’s note had said to tell me.

I frowned. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

Hallers, Lia and the Queen all stared at me kindly, none of them needing to ask what I was worried about.

It was one thing to recognize my feelings. It was another to face them openly. To trust him with my heart.

_I was terrified._

I felt a warm hand on my head. Hallers, still bandaged in multiple places, smiled at me. “You have us behind you, Miss. Live freely. Don’t be afraid.”

_We won’t let you fall alone._

The words unsaid brought tears to my eyes. I nodded, feeling stronger as the carriage slowly came to a stop. 

“There’s two men waiting on the road ahead.” The driver called out. I felt my heart beat faster as I looked out through the window. Rig remained on a horse, looking tired, but happy. And there, standing on the road, waiting was Prince Nathaniel of Tilendria.

The man I loved.

The man who loved me.

I stepped out of the carriage, walking towards him. 

______________________________

**“Love is useless.” The words escaped through chapped, broken lips. I was curled up in a ball in an alley. Pain. Hunger. Exhaustion. I could feel death’s presence hanging over me, and I was tired of fighting it.**

**I had loved my mother, but she had only loved herself. **

**I had loved my father, but he never even looked once in my direction.**

**I had loved Edith, and she had betrayed me, taking my engagement with a smile.**

**I had loved Ronan, but he had never wanted to even know my name. **

**I had loved Queen Amerande… but she had forgotten about me.**

**Love was a useless thing. A weakness. If there was any life after death, I would never love again. I would find wealth. I would find power. I would eat until I was full every day.**

** _But I would never ever love again._ **

**I closed my eyes for the last time. **

______________________________

Ikept my eyes wide open as I looked at the man I loved. His left arm was bandaged heavily, he had large bruise on one cheek, but he was smiling. The warm, loving smile that I knew so well. 

“Lenora.”

I sighed at the sound of my name. I kept walking. The fear, the hesitation were still present but smaller than the force within me driving me forward. Arriving in front of him, we both stood there for a few moments, staring at each other.

“This is for you.” His hand reached out, and in it was an envelope, so similar to the others he had given me over the years.

_How many times had he supported me?_

I had lost count.

At my expression he laughed, a pleasant, lighthearted sound. “I promise this is the last one.”

I took it, the paper smooth against my fingertips, shaking with the trembling of my hand. _The last one. _Because after this, he would have nothing left to give me. A smile crossed my face as I slowly opened the paper, reading the words written inside.

“This may seem sudden. I know that you don’t believe that love is a good thing. Especially after that idio… after everything you’ve been through, I understand if you’re not ready to trust me. But I had to tell you what I hope for. What my dream is.”

The paper in my hand drifted slowly to the ground. It settled there, halfway between us. Nate frowned at the sight, anxiety creeping into his gaze as he looked up at me.

I smiled at him. “I love you.”

“…” He seemed frozen. I waited for a few moments, wondering if I needed to say something else, but then his entire face turned red and he crouched down on the ground covering his head. 

“So unfair!” He muttered. “I wasn’t expecting it.” 

I laughed. “You weren’t expecting me to tell you ‘I love you’ after you proposed?” I looked back down at the paper, the words facing upwards towards me. Clearly written on there was a simple request, but one that changed everything.

**Please marry me. Spend forever by my side.**

I wanted all of that and more.

Finally he stood up, and although his face was still red, Nate’s gaze was clear as he took a deep breath and spoke once more.

“I love you too. Will you marry me?”

**Love is useless.**

I left those words behind me. I reached out and touched his face, and then stepped closer. 

“Yes.” 

My lips touched his for only a short moment, but we each sighed with relief at the contact. I parted only the smallest distance from him. We were both smiling.

“We have a lot to talk about.”

_He would know my past. Everything._ It would be easier to say this time around. I looked behind me, smiling gratefully at the Queen and Hallers, who both had exited the carriage and were cheering loudly. Rig grinned as he got off of his horse and patted Nate on the back. 

“Congrats, both of you.” Rig and I looked at each other, and I knew what he was excited to get a new member of the family.

“I’ll write to Erica and Marile.” Lia had stepped out as well. “We’ll hear the screams from here.”

“I’ll tell them in person when we arrive home. After that, we’ll never hear the end of it.” I pretended to complain, but knew that they would both be happy for me. They were part of it too after all. Our family.

“Good.” Nate reached out and took my hand. “Let’s go home.”

_Home. _

Nate and I walked hand in hand towards the carriage, ready to head back to the capital. As we walked I couldn’t help but think of everything that had led up to this. My former life. The struggles I had gone through. The hatred, the bitterness, the vengeance I had been caught up in without even knowing why.

_I still didn’t know why I had been given a second chance at life._

But now, as I stood with the family that cared for me, the one that I had protected, I couldn’t help but look forward to the future.

One I would create with those I loved


	35. Side Part 1 - Nate

**In a previous life…**

No one ever truly looked at me, despite being a prince, despite trying my best. Their gazes always slipped past me, to focus on someone else. I felt sometimes that i was shouting, screaming for someone to see me, see who i was… but it always came to nothing in the end.

_I noticed it early on._

______________________________

“Nate!” My older brother George called out as he crashed into my room without notice. “People are in trouble! We have to go help them!” 

I sighed loudly. George always said the exact same thing. Last time was because his favorite shop was out of sweets. “What is it this time?”

“I saw some people didn’t have homes on the streets, I’m going to help them.”

“You want to start a charity?” I stood, up, already thinking through the steps that would need to be accomplished.

George stopped in his tracks, his enthusiasm waning. “Eh, a charity? Can’t we just… get them off the streets?”

A headache started forming behind my eyes. I rubbed my temples, closing my eyes. “I’ll take care of the paperwork. We’ll get a charity started and help the people you are worried about.”

“Perfect!” Excited once more, George clapped me on the back before charging back out, the open swinging door the only trace of his outburst. I sighed again.

_I would be busy for a while. _

______________________________

“George! We are so proud of the charitable work you’ve been doing lately!” Father spoke up at dinner, his eyes warm as he studied my brother.

_Wait, what? _I looked up from my meal, shocked. Neither of my parents paid any attention to me, however, both focused on my older brother.

“Thanks!” George happily accepted the compliment, never glancing in my direction. An angry flame built up in my chest.

_Why wasn’t he telling them that I did most of the work? Why doesn’t anyone care that I was the one who made this project a success?_

“But…” I tried to speak up, feeling embarrassed but determined to be seen.

“You need to be more like your brother, Nate.” My Mother smiled calmly at me, not noticing the pain she was causing. “You could learn a lot from him.”

My determination shriveled to nothing in my chest, and i stared back down at my plate, blinking back tears.

I didn’t finish dinner that night.

“Why didn’t you tell them?” I asked him later, upset. His only response was to stare innocently back at me.

“We both worked hard. I’m sure they realize that.”

But they didn’t.

**They never did.**

______________________________

“Let go of her!” George yelled out, charging into the middle of a group of men harassing a young woman. They outnumbered him twelve to one, and he had below average fighting ability, he was quickly restrained, a punch landing on his stomach by a smirking gang member.

Seeing all this as I arrived, I ordered the royal guards I had brought with me to split the group in half, quickly joining the side that held my brother captive. 

“DO YOUR WORST YOU COWARDS!” George screamed fearlessly at them even as he was helpless to break free. 

I saw the knife pointing in his direction, and jumped forward to protect him without thinking, wincing as the blade cut through my skin.

At least I had saved him, despite his rashness. I felt my heart lift, ignoring the painful bleeding wound on my arm. They would have to see me now.

______________________________

“WHY DIDN’T YOU GO WITH YOUR BROTHER?” My father was angry, glancing between a bruised and battered George and me. “He wouldn’t have been hurt nearly as badly if you had been there from the start!”

I gritted my teeth, still holding pressure to the bandage across my slashed arm. “I don’t know what George told you, but we needed reinforcements…”

“He said you didn’t care when he told you about the young woman in trouble.” My father’s eyes were cold, freezing my heart.

“I just said we needed more people to do it safely… I was always planning to help but…”

He raised a hand, dismissing my words. “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” 

Looking at George’s pitiful smile, and my father’s uncomfortable stare, I slowly closed my mouth, refusing to speak further.

______________________________

Incident after incident, it was always me bailing him out of trouble, yet somehow he took all the credit for the achievements, and I was responsible for all the failures. A darkness grew in my heart, a deep and angry bitterness that I couldn’t suppress.

_Why was I helping him?_

The thought came more and more frequently. 

And then came the day.The terrible day i regretted more than any other.

“People are in trouble! There are bandits! We have to go help them!”

I smiled coldly at my brother’s frantic words, but never looked up.

“Then go help them.”

“…” George stared at me in shock. I understood. In the past I had always leapt to my feet, eager to help any way I could. 

“You should probably get more information, such as locations and numbers. Make sure to bring reinforcements, too.” I spoke carelessly as I continued to read the book in front of me, ignoring him. 

“Aren’t you going to take care of things?”

“No.” I smiled, looking at his disappointed expression without flinching.

“Don’t you care about our people?”

“I’m just taking our parents advice to heart.” I laughed, but it was a bitter, unpleasant sound. “I’m going to be more like you. I’m going to sit here, and let someone else do all the work.”

I felt a brief moment of elation as he left empty handed. This time, I wouldn’t be used. This time, our parents would see that it was always my hard work that George had depended on. They would look at me, truly look at me, for the first time. 

I smiled, turning my attention back to my book, not sparing another thought as George slammed the door behind him.

But that was the last time I saw my brother alive.

At first, it seemed like a bad joke. How could he die the one time I didn’t help him? Why did he just rush in like always without reinforcements, had he thought I would come despite what I said?

All my anger, my frustration, my jealousy… it was left without a target.

It was just me left.

But still… no one truly looked at me.

The nobles, the castle servants… my parents. They continued to mourn, and now instead of fighting to be compared to an imperfect older brother, I was constantly haunted by the perfection of their memories.

I was trapped. 

______________________________

I traveled a lot, hoping to escape their sad gazes. Escape my own guilt. In Reterand, I met some interesting people. Jim was an official in the Royal Treasury, who spent some time explaining economic theory to me. The Queen in particular was kind, even if she spent most of her time telling me how wonderful her “daughter” was and how much we would get along.

I found this confusing. As far as I knew, The Royal family only had one child, a son.

I didn’t stay long in that kingdom. The crown prince Ronan was particularly annoying. He spent the majority of his time boasting about his many talents, and the small remainder complaining about his fiancé, who he called “a boring girl.”

I felt sorry for her, whoever she was. It wouldn’t be easy to marry a man like that. 

I returned to Tilendria, and never thought much of it again. A few years later, however, a report crossed my desk.

“Ronan broke his engagement?” I raised an eyebrow as I read the report, a slight pain in my chest as it described the way the poor girl had been callously tossed aside at a public party.

“And is now engaged to her close friend, the daughter of a count.” A servant confirmed.

“Poor girl.” The words left my mouth in a whisper. I searched my memory, trying to think if I had ever met her, but came up blank. I hoped she was able to find a better life. Ronan would not have made a good husband. I set the report down, shaking my head as I caught sight of the name at the top of the page. “Poor Lenora.”

______________________________

It wasn’t until almost two years later that I visited Reterand again. Any time spent in the presence of Prince Ronan and his wife Edith was insufferable. Ronan was no better than the first time I met him, arrogant and loud. Edith was even worse, with no sense of propriety. She would attempt to order me around as a servant, claiming that Tilendria was a “small, insignificant country” and I should be glad for the opportunity to serve her.

What a fool. I ignored her, curious instead as to why I could no longer meet the Queen. She had been kind and helpful last time I had visited, if a little obsessed with her daughter. But when I asked around, everyone had similar uncomfortable expressions.

“She’s in mourning, Your Highness.” One of the more competent butlers, a man named Hallers, informed me finally. I was curious, and couldn’t help asking.

“Who is she mourning?”

“…” Despite the man’s professional mask, I caught sight of a brief flash of grief behind his eyes. Hallers hid it well, but he seemed to be deeply affected by the loss of whoever had died. 

Seeing his reluctance to speak, I simply patted him on the shoulder, allowing him to leave. Such a cold, professional man, what kind of person could have gotten close to him to leave him so heartbroken? 

Still thinking of this, I headed out of the castle, wanting to escape spending time away from the prince and his group. I decided to go igcognito, using a scarf and cloak to hide my features and forgoing my guards. It was a little foolish, but I felt that as long as I wasn’t recognized, I’d be fine. 

I was definitely mistaken. 

______________________________

“Give us your money!” A pair of burly men cornered me in an alley. He held out a knife towards my face, giving me a gap toothed grin.

“I can honestly say I don’t have much on me.” Other than a couple of crowns, which I readily held out, I hadn’t brought anything with me. My free hand gripped the pommel of my sword under my cape. I wasn’t a brilliant fighter, but I should be able to hold my own against these two. 

But still I hesitated. If I was found to be involved in a bloody incident, this could have some diplomatic ramifications. While I was thinking this over, the man stepped closer, his eyes vicious. “Then I’ll just have to cut you open and see what else is worth selling.”

My hand tightened on my sword as he drew near, but before I could draw it…

**THUD. **

A throwing knife grazed the man’s face, hitting the wall behind him. The sound of happy laughter filled the air. 

“What the…?” Surprised, all three of us looked up at the roof of the nearby building, the source of the attack. To my utter shock, a beautiful young woman sat on the edge, spinning a blade on her palm. She was dressed in black, loosely fitting clothes, her light hair tied up behind her head. The woman was smiling, but it was not a kind smile. And her eyes…

Intelligent, sad… they were deeper than any other I had ever seen. I was lost in them.

“Hate to spoil your fun, but you know that Rig doesn’t like you two doing business in his terf.” She laughed again, a pleasant sound. I felt my cheeks flush with warmth. I had seen beautiful women before, there were plenty in the royal court, but none with the simple confidence and steadiness she displayed with the smallest of actions. It was breathtaking to watch.

“WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE…?” One of the robbers started to shout, only to be stopped by his friend, who was still clutching his bleeding face.

“Shut up, fool! That’s Rig’s daughter.”

“The brat he picked off the streets?” The other man’s eyes widened.

“He threatened to absolutely destroy anyone who hurts her.” 

**THUD**.

Another knife flew past, a long slash appearing on the previously uninjured robber’s chest. He screamed in pain, holding the wound. I stared up at the woman, but all she revealed was a cold grin.

“That’s assuming you are talented enough to hurt me.”

“Don’t be so cocky!” One robber raised his fist. “I’ve heard that’s there’s a noble with a grudge out on Rig. If he get’s taken out, don’t think you’ll last long!”

She picked up a third knife, shrugging. “I’ve given you so many chances, and you’re still not leaving? I guess you’re ready to die then.”

“…” Without another word, the two men turned and ran away. She watched them leave, her face expressionless, her eyes filled with sadness.

“Hey mister, you should be more careful in the streets.” At her words I clutched the scarf that hid my face closer, and made sure my hood was still up. “You stick out while you’re hiding you’re face like that.”

I gave a formal bow. “Thank you for saving me. I wasn’t paying proper attention.”

“Of course.” Grinning, she jumped to the ground in front of me, and gave a formal curtsey. It was flawless, and I stared at her in shock. “Nobility running around without guards though… you could really get into trouble.”

“I could say the same to you.” I returned her words, unsure of what secrets this girl was hiding. She had been formally trained in etiquette, though, it was easily visible in every movement she made, every gesture.

“I’m not nobility… not anymore.” She had a bitter smile, but even more so she seemed… lonely. I found myself wanting to reach out, to comfort her, but my hand froze mid-gesture, unsure if she would be insulted. 

“What’s your name anyways?” She studied me curiously, her eyes looking straight at me. “If you don’t mind me asking?”

_She was my savior, how could I refuse? _I started to pull down the scarf covering my face.

“I’m…”

“LENORA!” A voice cried out, and a distraught young man looked around the corner into the alley, his face pale. “IT’S RIG… he’s…” He trailed, off, shaking his head.

I heard her breath rush in. “Let’s go.”

She ran after him, pausing in the alleyway entrance to look back at me once. “Be careful in the future. I may not be there to save you next time.”

I grinned. “How about next time, I save you?”

“Deal.” She laughed, although anxiety now had crept into her voice. She was obviously worried about her this man Rig. I hoped he was okay. Without another word, she turned around and left, and I was alone once again.

I stared at the spot where she had been for a long time, my heartbeat in my ears, before turning back and returning to the palace. 

______________________________

On my arrival I received a message, calling me back to Tilendria. I hesitated, my mind turning to the young woman I had met today, unable to completely forget her. _Was she okay? Did she need help?_

She was the first person to reach out and help me, not expecting me to do anything in return. So many people were willing to use me, wanting me to help them… even my own brother… but this woman… Lenora, they had called her….

_I wanted to see her again._

I returned home, heeding the urgency in my summons, but I didn’t forget. I sent some of my servants back to Reterand and asked them to search for the young woman, and to offer help immediately if she was found. They had discovered that Rig, who had apparently run an information and spying ring, had been murdered, and the remainder of his gang had been imprisoned or killed. 

My heart in my throat, I had them examine the bodies, and look at those captured, but none of them matched the description of Lenora.

_Had she escaped?_

Weeks, months went by without a word. I visited Reterand again, ignoring everyone else, just wandering around the Capital city, hoping to catch a glimpse of her, but my efforts were fruitless.

Until a terrible day came, and they found her.

______________________________

My men’s faces were solemn as they reported to me, the sense of failure hanging heavy around them. i fell to my knees, my breath freezing in my lungs. It was too late.

She was dead.

I had them take me to her, a stabbing pain in my chest. I took in her overly thin form, her gaunt face which was still, so different from the lively woman who I had met on the streets that day. 

I reached out, touching her cold, stiff hand, blinking back tears. 

“What happened?” My voice was cold, I saw some of the servants shiver before one stepped forward to answer.

“We examined her… it appears to be starvation that took her life. Only…” He hesitated again, but at my glare swallowed and continued on. “Someone must have had a grudge against her. Her body was taken away to the palace, for a short while, and then tossed out into the wilderness beyond the city for the animals to dispose of. In fact, the only reason we were able to find her was due to those strange movements.”

I felt my heart break, my hand tightening on hers. _Starvation._ What a terrible death.

“I promised to save you.” My words were whispered, but each one hurt like a blow. 

“Your Highness…”

“We’ll bury her in Tilendria. In the Royal plot.”

Silence filled the room for a few tense moments.

“A-are you sure? That’s only for…” He trailed off, unsure, but I smiled, knowing what he was trying to say.

It was a place made for the burial of royalty. Typically the only ones who could be honored there would be my parents, myself… and my wife.

“She saved my life.” My words were simple, but the servant flinched away from me, bowing.

“It shall be done, Your Highness.” He left to make arrangements, and I stared at the young woman once more.

We had only met once, but she had left such a deep impression on me. _What would it have been like if we had lived side by side?_

I closed my eyes, grieving. “If there is another life, Lenora. Let me help you in that one. If I’m fortunate enough to meet you again… let me fall in love with you. Let’s get married, and live a happy life. I won’t lose you next time, alright?”

I opened my eyes but the scene before me hadn’t changed, I stood up, staring at her face for the last time.

“Goodbye.”

______________________________

**In another life…**

“Nate!” A small hand waved in front of my face and I caught it in my own, laughing. Looking up, Lenora was smiling at me, all traces of the troubles she had recently been through long since faded away. 

“Yes?” I continued holding her hand, watching with interest as her normally confident expression faltered, her cheeks flushing a bright red. She shook her head slowly, as if trying to clear it.

“Do you believe me?” Her voice was quieter than I was used to, a tone of uncertainty in it that tore at my heart. I reached out, pulling her in with a tight hug. 

“Of course.” It was a fantastical tale. She had lived and died, being reborn five years earlier and given a second chance to change her fate. If it were anyone else I would laugh, call them crazy.

_But this was Lenora._

The strange, beautiful girl who saw things too clearly. Who sacrificed herself at a moment’s notice to prevent anyone from starving within her duchy. Who had stared at her fiancé and best friend betraying her with tired eyes, as if it were only to be expected. If anything, her actions, her pain, made a horrifying amount of sense.

“Do you regret how this life turned out?” I kept hugging her, my heart beating rapidly in my chest.

I loved her. 

Even at our ridiculous first introduction when she grabbed my arm, frightening me by demanding my clothes, she had unknowingly become an irreplaceable presence in my heart. Each moment I spent with her from then on, from arguing with her day after day in lessons with Jim, to helping her gather resources to build a fortune, I fell further and further, unable to escape how I felt and without desire to. Whether we were fighting, or agreeing, or working together she had always truly seen me.

I still thought this might be a dream. That her telling me she loved me too, agreeing to marry me might be a fantasy my desperate mind cooked up. But here she was, by my side, smiling.

I hoped she was happy.

“No. I like this ending much better.” She grinned, leaning up and kissing my cheek. I felt myself turn red, looking up at the ceiling with a sigh.

“Still, it seems really unfair.” I frowned at her. “You knew everyone else in your previous life. Even Rig and Marile were close to you. But you didn’t know me?”

Lenora shrugged, a smile tugging at her lips as I pouted. “I’m pretty sure I would have remembered you.”

“Well, if I had known you in the previous life, I would like to think I would have tried to help you.” The thought made me curious. A life that only Lenora could remember. A life where we never met.

_What kind of person would I be, if I hadn’t met her when I did? She had changed my life so much already…_

“Well, I guess you’ll have to work even harder in this life, since you didn’t get a chance to know me last time.” She teased me, but her eyes widened with shock as I let go of her, kneeling on the floor in front of her with a solemn expression.

“I promise to try my hardest as your future husband to make you happy in this lifetime, so you won’t regret it.” I reached out, taking her hand and kissing the back of it, enjoying the sight of her being flustered. I was usually the one who got embarrassed first.

“THIS IS SO CUTE!” 

A shout caught both of our attention. To my shock there was a whole group of people hanging behind the cracked door of the room. Hallers and Rig, with serious expressions, had their hands clapped over Lady Erica’s mouth, who had obviously been the one shouting. Marile and the Queen stood nearby, pretending that they hadn’t been spying.

As they let go of her, Lady Erica rushed forward, hugging us both, before grabbing the Queen and Marile to immediately discuss wedding plans. I watched them with a smile, sitting back down next to Lenora, ignoring Rig and Hallers’ cold stares at the closeness between us. I broke out in a cold sweat at the intensity of their gazes, but held on to Lenora’s hand, refusing to move.

She chuckled at their expressions, waving them to sit down. “Stop trying to scare him.”

“He’s a very lucky man, Miss.” Hallers spoke quietly. I fought the urge to hide behind my fiancé at his tone. “We’ll have to have a… talk… with His Royal Highness before the wedding of course.”

Rig cracked his knuckles, grinning. “Yes. A talk. Just so he understands how our girl needs to be treated.”

“I look forward to it.” I lied, hiding my terror.

Lenora burst out laughing, and unknowingly the whole room smiled at her. I squeezed her hand.

“Thank you.”

For looking at me when no one else did. For loving me. For using a second chance at life to spend it with me.

She smiled in response. “Let’s make a new future.”

I nodded, agreeing. “Okay.”

And we would build a new future. Side by side. 

Together.


	36. Side Part 2 - Rig

**In a previous life…**

I was always a simple man, with a simple wish. I had secrets, more than most, but this fundamental thing about me never changed. Even in the underground world of spies and intrigue, my heart always yearned for one simple thing to be happy:

_A family._

When I first met Helda, I didn’t know she was the daughter of the Lord of the estate I lived on. I came across her one day, standing in the gardens, a beautiful girl with a bright, kind smile. I felt nervous, having never seen such a pretty girl before.

“Do you like flowers?” I asked her, my heart in my throat. Around her I felt foolish, tongue tied.

“I love them!” She laughed at my question, and I couldn’t help but smile.

We met frequently after that, despite the differences in our statuses. We spoke of many things, gradually learning about each other, our lives, of our hopes and dreams.

___________________________

“What do you want most in life?” She asked me one day, stroking the blue flower I had given her earlier.

“I want to be happy.” I grinned at her. “Family, friends… if I had people who truly cared for me, I wouldn’t want for anything else.”

“A family… what about your father?”

Her question dampened my mood, and I frowned as I thought of the overly serious man working in the stables.

“He doesn’t care about me much.” I tried to keep my tone light. Truthfully, my father hated me. He often complained about being stuck with me after my mother had died, and about how useless I was. I didn’t say that, however. I didn’t want her to think less of me. I just wanted her to smile at me like she always did.

“…” Despite my efforts, an awkward silence stretched between us. I looked down at my lap, only to be shocked when a small delicate hand reached over and grabbed my own.

“I care about you.” Her soft words stuck a chord in my heart, shaking me to my core. I looked up at her, unable to hide the emotions in my eyes.

_I loved her._

Even without a mother or father, perhaps I could build a new family. One that I loved and loved me in return. I smiled at Helda, blinking back tears.

My dream was coming true. 

___________________________

**SLAP!**

“You brat! You were sniffing around the Lord’s daughter!” My father’s hand struck my face with force, knocking me to the ground. I spat out blood, having bit my tongue in the impact, and shakily climbed to my feet. The flowers in my hands were trampled on the ground, and I stared at the ruined blossoms in dismay. 

“I love her.”

“She’s beyond your reach, fool. Stop dreaming!” His sneering words made me angry, but before I could retort he through a small bag at me.

“The lord has already given his order. You are to leave today, and never return.”

I clutched the pack, stunned. My father was turning me out without hesitation, just because the Lord had seen me bringing flowers to his daughter?

_What would they do if they knew how close we truly are?_ Suppressing this thought, I took the bag and left, writing to Helda what had happened.

___________________________

A few weeks went by, but she didn’t respond, causing me to panic. I sent letter after letter until finally her maid sent me a message, describing her condition.

“You’re pregnant?”

I went to see her, sneaking into the estate and finding her alone.

“Run away with me, we’ll make a life together.” I was nervous, excited, my hands shaking as I tried to reach out to hold hers. “I may not have much, but I will love you and our child with all of my heart. 

My hands grasped nothing but air. She stepped away, out of my reach, shaking her head. I felt pain in my chest, my blood freezing in my veins at her distant expression.

“You can’t give me what I want.” Her voice was cold, unfamiliar._ Was this the same girl who held my hand and told me she loved me? What had happened?_

“What do you want?” I begged her. “I’ll do anything to make you happy.” I was fired up, ready to go to the edge of the world and back for her. I would make this work. I would make a life for us. I could already see a wonderful future, with her and our children…

“A title. Can you give me that?” Those two words crushed my spirit, extinguishing my naïve dreams. No matter how hard I worked, I couldn’t make my blood more noble. It was not a true request. It was a rejection. 

“But… our child…” My words cracked.

“Will be raised as the child of a noble. It has nothing to do with you.” She stepped even further away. “So please stop approaching me. Stop writing me. Pretend you don’t know me. Don’t ruin my chance at happiness.”

She walked away, leaving me broken hearted behind her. I couldn’t speak, could barely leave. The feelings we shared, the dream of a family… were worthless to her in the end. 

I snuck back out of the estate, never to return home again.

___________________________

Starting a new life wasn’t easy. 

I found that there was money in secrets, and although it required some dark deeds in the shadows, obtaining and selling those secrets soon made me a force to be reckoned with in the underworld of the Capital. I gathered a team, infiltrating all areas of society. The little white lies, the darkest secrets, I knew them all and would sell them for a price.

_But no matter how hard I worked, how much money or power I gained, it didn’t change the fact that I was alone. _

Helda married right away, and was given a title and a position in society just like she always wanted. She gave birth to a daughter… our daughter. I gathered all the information I could on her, watching the young girl who seemed to love flowers, just like her mother. 

Raewynn. _My daughter._

I passed the years by, watching my child from the shadows, despairing of the remnants of a dream that still haunted my heart. But it was too late, I had lost my chance at family.

Or so I thought. Until I met _her._

___________________________

The first time I saw that girl, I couldn’t help but reach out a hand towards her. I was walking to a meeting, and happened to pass by a young beggar on the streets. I had seen countless before, I knew I couldn’t save them all, so I tried to look away, hardening my heart. But after once glimpse, I already found that she was impossible to ignore. 

Despite the dirt that covered her, the fatigue that clearly showed on her face, and the too-thin frame, her eyes stared right at me, studying me curiously. They were bright, intelligent, but buried within her gaze was a sense of anger and grief incomparable with her age. I paused, despite myself, and looked down.

“Poor thing, you starving?” I spoke up softly, and her eyes narrowed, watching me more closely. She seemed to be in good health besides being malnourished, and seemed smart enough to be able to be useful. I made up my mind instantly, holding out a hand to help her to her feet. “You can work for me, get back on your feet.”

She studied my hand, distrust clearly written on her face. Something flickered behind her eyes, and I couldn’t help but wondered what had happened too a young woman to cause such a sad look. 

“Why would you help me?”

I shrugged. I wasn’t completely sure myself. “Who know? Maybe in another life you can pay me back.”

A silly joke, one that meant nothing._ How could a young girl ever help me out, even if we met again in a different life?_

___________________________

“Again.”

The girl glared at me, the expression vicious. “I’ve already done it a thousand times.” 

“Can you even count to a thousand?” I handed her back the throwing knife with a grin.

“Easily.”

I laughed. Her words were forced through gritted teeth, I had a feeling that if I kept pushing her, the next target for the throwing knife might be me. Every day she was louder, more self-assured. Watching her actions and expressions slowly match the brightness I had initially seen in her eyes made me feel happy. The girl was quicker than I had expected, picking up skills and knowledge at a speed that left me amazed.

**THUD**

The knife flew from her hand with practiced ease, striking the center of the target with a solid sound. The girl let out a cheer, jumping up and down .

“Good job!” I complimented her without thinking, and she froze in place, her eyes wide with shock. I laughed at her expression.

“Why are you acting so surprised at a simple compliment? You worked hard. You deserve it.”

She shook her head. “I’ve always worked hard. That doesn’t mean people will care.” The pain I sometimes saw hidden in her eyes was clearly visible. At the sight, I felt a slight tug in my heart. Forcing a smile, I reached out and ruffled her hair, ignoring her annoyed reaction.

“I care.” I paused, and stepped back. “Which is why it should be perfect. Do it again.” 

“…” She stared at me silently for a few moments, and I wondered if she would revolt. Instead a bright smile lit up her face, startling me.

For a moment I thought of my daughter Raewynn_. Did she smile like that sometimes too?_ As I struggled with my thoughts, she had already gathered the throwing knifes and positioned herself farther away from the target.

“I’ll do it perfectly then.”

___________________________

Each day the girl grew more confident. I found myself struck by her intelligence and hard work. After only a few months, she was one of my most talented runners. The air around her changed, becoming less suppressed and angry to one more bright and cheerful. I watched her change day by day, amused at how such a thin, quiet girl had become so different.

One day I overheard two of my men talking:

“That girl keeps taking all the best jobs. Should I teach her a lesson?” 

“Idiot! She’s Rig’s daughter! If you mess with her, he’ll kill you!” 

“Ugh, I’m glad you said something, I’ll steer clear.”

I watched the man run off, a smile tugging at my lips.

_My daughter?_

I had investigated Lenora when I first picked her up, of course. Her story wasn’t pretty. To start so high up, a valued and treasured daughter of the duke, only to be thrown away and lose everything. She must still be hurting, even if she never brought up her family or her old home. The more time I spent with her, the more I felt a kindred spirit from her, a special kind of loneliness that searched for a family.

_A daughter like her… wouldn’t be bad._

I treated her with special interest from then on, teaching her everything I knew. She learned things quickly, especially when it came to business negotiations and threats… even I was scared of how talented in that regard. She stayed by my side more and more, and I couldn’t help but feel proud of her as my adopted daughter.

Finally, one day, I took her to see Raewynn.

We sat in a tree, watching the smiling girl in a flower garden. In a quiet voice, I explained my history with her mother, and the girl’s identity. Lenora seemed to stare at her with great interest, almost falling out of the tree in her haste. I reached out to hold her in place, but was barely spared a glance by her before her attention was focused on Raewynn once more.

When we came back home that evening, she was still smiling. “You should tell her!” She jumped up and down with excitement.

I frowned, shaking my head. “I’m not sure, she might not be happy to hear the truth.” In my heart I still remembered how her mother looked at me the day I asked her to come with me… like I was disgusting, worthless. I felt a brief moment of fear, at the thought of Raewynn looking at me like that as well.

“But you’re amazing, much better than any silly earl! She should know who her real father is!” Lenora smiled warmly, pulling on my sleeve. “I know I would want to know.”

_Really?_ The dream I thought I had abandoned so long ago stirred to life in my chest at her few words. Would it really all work out so neatly? What if it did?

I made up my mind, sending a letter to my young daughter. In it I explained the truth of who I was. The moment it left my hands, I felt panicked. What if she was too young to understand, she was only thirteen… I agonized over it for days, until finally a reply was sent my way.

_Both she and her mother wanted to see me._

I was overwhelmed. The letter seemed to imply that if the meeting went well, they would consider running away, starting a new life together. 

_Had Helda regretted her decision that day? She wanted to be a family again?_ Part of me was hurt and angry after her betrayal, but I couldn’t contain the yearning that sprouted deep within me.

A family.

Was it really within my reach?

I left Lenora behind, telling her that if we left, I wanted her to come with us. She may be grown, but I had come to regard her as my daughter. I didn’t want to leave her behind. 

“You can be part of the family, have a younger sister…” I smiled as I told her, “I can’t run off without both of my daughters, now can I?”

She cried into my shoulder, promising to wait for me to return. My spirits raised, I headed towards the meeting point, happy.

My family.

My dream was coming true. 

___________________________

Once I arrived at the promised spot, however, there was no one else there.

_Was I too early? _I felt uneasy. I had honed my instincts on the streets these past years, my gut told me something was wrong. I knew, I should get out of here, quickly.

_But if I turn and run away, what if I miss them?_ I hesitated, unwilling to lose this chance…

But I hesitated just a moment too long.

A blade pierced my chest, the sound reaching my ears before the pain hit. I grunted, shocked, slumping to the ground, a weak hand lightly clutching at the handle protruding from me, my fingers slipping on the surface slick with blood.

“Is it done?” A voice I knew better than any other, even after all these years spoke up. I closed my eyes briefly, not wanting to open them, not wanting to see the person in front of me.

“Yes.” A stranger, a man, answered her.

“Finally.” She let out a sigh of relief, and unwittingly I opened my eyes and saw her.

_Helda._

She knelt down, looking at me with a cold expression. “You should have just let the past go, Rig. You’re lucky I found the letter first. I can’t risk what you know getting back to my husband. Did you tell anyone else?”

_Lenora._ I shook my head resolutely, denying her question.

“Hmph.” She stood up, studying me closely. “To be safe, track down his people, and kill them.”

The man who had stabbed me shook his head. “That wasn’t part of the deal…”

“I’ll triple the amount.” She shook her head slowly. “Just get rid of them.”

Helda walked away, never once looking back at me.

The masked man stared at me with a frown. “Sorry friend, at least your friends will join you in the afterlife.” He reached down, pulling out the knife. I felt my entire chest become soaked with blood, my vision going dark as he left me behind too.

_I just wanted to be happy. I wanted a family._

I thought of their words, tears filling my vision as I realized that Lenora might be harmed. The bright girl, who had just learned to laugh again. Who just started to smile after so much pain. Who was so lonely that she cried at the thought of being a part of my family… What would happen to her?

“Lenora.” I whispered the name, feeling pain, feeling regret. 

_My daughter. I’m sorry. I have to leave first._

Please be happy, find a new family.

Please…

“RIG!” 

___________________________

**In another life…**

“RIG!” 

I opened my eyes, having fallen asleep by the window, startled awake at the sound of my name. Blinking, my thoughts scattered, I looked around, only to stop my gaze on the young woman standing before me, my breath catching within my chest.

“You look beautiful.” 

Lenora stood there, her hands on hips, a smile tugging at her lips as she rolled her eyes at the compliment.

“I would hope so, given all the work Marile and Erica have put into this!” 

She turned around, showing off the flowing white gown, the golden trim shining in the sunlight pouring through the window. She was always lovely, her appearance bright and confident, but today she was stunning. Her clothes and hair were carefully styled, an excited blush coloring her cheeks.

_A beautiful bride._

I stood up, giving her a tight hug. “Nate is a lucky man.”

She grinned. “You two gave him a hard enough time when we first got engaged.” 

“How else is he going to know how precious you are to us?” I shrugged. “If I didn’t like him, he wouldn’t still be standing, prince or no.” 

“I know.” She reached out, touching my face gently. “You and Hallers both defended him against his parents. It meant a lot to him.”

I looked away. “They should know they have a good son.” I muttered. It’s true that Hallers and I both had many long “talks” with Nate after the engagement, which he took in good spirit. But the moment we saw his father make a disparaging remark against him… Hallers was the first to crack.

“Prince Nathaniel is the finest young man of his generation, you are foolish if you don’t recognize how lucky you are to have him as your son!” The words the normally stoic butler shouted out that day still shocked everyone. I had stepped up as well, agreeing loudly. 

Nate, his eyes teary, had simply hugged us both, thanking us quietly. A good man, a little quiet, but he was kind and intelligent. More importantly, he made Lenora happy. He was accepted into our odd group without issue after that day. 

“Thank you, Rig. For everything.” Lenora’s words brought me back from my thoughts. I looked at her for a few moments, feeling I had to ask one last time.

“Are you sure you don’t want your father to give you away?” 

At my question her face grew cold, her normally cheerful gaze growing harsh. “The old duke? He is not my father. Not in any way that matters.” She shook her head. “Rig, in both lifetimes I’ve lived… you’ve always been there for me. You won’t leave me now, deny me having my father with me on my wedding day, would you?”

I smiled. She often spoke about a past lifetime, one that I never remembered. It was strange to hear about. I knew from what she had told me that I had cared for her like a daughter then as well. It seemed almost too much to believe, but no matter my thoughts, I couldn’t help but be grateful that it caused her to seek me out in this lifetime. 

“Of course not, girl. We’ll take care of you.” 

“Good!” Lenora clapped, “Before the ceremony, I have a surprise for you!” She leaned out the window, looking outside while chuckling. “And it looks like it’s just arriving!” 

“A surprise?” I was a spymaster… I didn’t get surprised. Curious, I turned as she walked past me, opening the door to her rooms with a flourish. 

I paused, completely shocked.

“Hello… father.” A young girl, thirteen or fourteen years old, stood in the doorway, watching me with a shy expression. I knew her… how could I not? I had spent years watching her grow up, hidden in the shadows of the garden.

“Raewynn?” I choked out the name, barely able to speak, then turned to Lenora. “How…?”

She answered my unfinished question with a smile. “You hadn’t had a chance to see her since coming to Tilendria with me. I know that you said you would be fine, just hearing reports on her wellbeing, but how could I ignore the sacrifice you made to help me?”

She stepped forward, taking Raewynn’s hand with a smile. “Due to some… arranged circumstances, I have been able to correspond with Rae regularly, and as we got to know each other, I invited her here to come to my wedding… And see our father.”

_Father. _The word repeated in my head over and over, I could barely breathe.

“Arranged circumstance?” I didn’t recognize my own voice, my mind was racing.

“You know how much Raewynn loves flowers, and learning about their uses?” Lenora waited for me to nod, before continuing with a satisfied grin. “Well, I arranged for her to learn under a master gardener.”

“Hello cousin.” the new Duke of Armeny, stepped into the room behind the girl, smiling. “I brought my apprentice, as you asked.”

“Henry!” Lenora hugged him tightly, then stepped back to show him her gown. “What do you think?” 

“Hmm… we’re missing something.” He looked her up and down with a serious expression.

“Roses?” Raewynn tugged on Henry’s sleeve with a grin.

“Too traditional. How about lilies?” 

“Not enough color.” Both of them were excited, getting into a lively debate before deciding on peonies. Henry ran out to grab a potted plant from the carriage while Raewynn inched closer to me, a curious expression on her face.

“You both are ridiculous.” Lenora smiled while watching her.

Raewynn shrugged, still staring at me. “Flowers are amazing, you just don’t appreciate them enough.”

“I don’t think it’s possible to appreciate them as much as you and Henry.” She patted Raewynn on the head. “Now talk with our father for a bit, he’s still in shock.” Looking around, she sighed. “I have to go get Hallers. He’s been crying ever since he saw me in my wedding dress.”

“Hallers?” I couldn’t help but be skeptical. _That stone faced man could cry?”_

She grinned. “Take your time, you two.” I realized just how much effort she must have made to arrange to bring Raewynn here without raising suspicion, and felt a warmth in my chest. I stepped closer, hugging Lenora tightly.

“Thank you.”

“Of course.” She whispered back. “We’re family.”

Family.

I sat down to talk to my daughter, waiting for the wedding to begin. A smile stretched across my face and for the first time in a long time, a weight seemed gone from my shoulders.

___________________________

The time for the wedding to begin arrived. Hallers finally calmed down, taking his place to the other side of Lenora as we brought her to the wedding hall. The Queen, a beautiful smile on her face, wiped tears from her eyes as she hugged Lenora tightly.

“Mother.” Lenora’s voice sounded muffled, as if she were holding back tears.

“I’m so happy for you, dear. My daughter’s wedding day.” 

I agreed with the Queen, looking down the hall where a nervous but clearly happy Nate stood, shifting in place as he tried to catch a glimpse of his bride. Henry patted him on the shoulder, pointing at some of the wedding decorations, obviously complaining about the flowers. We walked Lenora towards them, Raewynn scattering petals ahead of us, Erica and Marile supporting the bride’s train behind her, both grinning from ear to ear. 

Hallers, the Queen and I all took turns kissing our daughter for good fortune, before placing her hand in Nate’s. I stood off to the side, watching the couple speak their vows of love, my heart full.

The bride and groom kissed, and I cheered with the rest. 

This strange group that gathered around Lenora, we were more than simple friends, people brought about by chance. We looked out for one another, cared for one another.

A family. 

What more could a man ask for?


	37. Side Part 3 - Hallers

**In a previous life…**

I was a professional. One of the best.

I’ve always seen this as a good thing. I came from a family that had served the Duchy of Armeny for generations, I was born to run a household. It required knowledge, determination, and above all… professionalism.

“You’re too cold.” The young woman I courted told me, before leaving me for another man. “No one wants to be with a man who is just an empty shell.”

I wished her well, confused, and continued on in my life.

“Tommy!” Jim, my brother, patted me on the back one day. “You have to loosen up! You can’t just live for your work.”

“Some of us care about our work.” I frowned at his frivolous words. “Why should I change if I’m doing it well?”

He ran a hand through his disheveled hair, groaning. “Just… find something… someone… anything to care about. I promise, it will make you more human.”

I ignored him, returning back to the duchy from my weekly home visit. Jim worked for the Royal Treasury, but his manners and demeanor left much to be desired. I saw little reason to take advice from him.

_Someone to care about? It_ would just interfere with doing my job perfectly. 

I thought this over as I entered the estate, when something ran into my legs, nearly knocking me over.

“What the…” I halted my words, looking at the wide-eyed child standing before me.

A young girl, with light hair and delicate features. She wore a dress incompatible with her age, decorated in frills, which was already covered in grass stains and dirt. In one hand was clutched a single red flower. Her eyes drew my attention; they were bright, intelligent, studying me closely.

I made a formal bow. “Young Miss, is there something I could help you with?”

This was of course the daughter of the Duke, Lady Lenora. She listened to my words, seeming to consider them carefully, before holding up the flower in her hand, offering it to me.

“For me?” At her nod, I took a slight step back. “I’m sorry miss, but I can’t accept, it wouldn’t be appropriate.”

Her eyes dimmed, the flower in her hand shaking. Feeling an inexplicable panic, I offered a solution. “Why don’t you give it the Duke or Duchess?”

“…” She stared at me silently for a few moments. “I tried.”

The words were whispered, but the pain behind them struck me like a blow.

“You…” I couldn’t say anything. I knew. The Duke treated her coldly, ignoring her existence except to buy her clothes and jewelry. The Duchess, on the other hand…

The flower in Lenora’s hand was crushed slightly, missing multiple petals… _had it been stepped on?_

My heart aching, I reached out to take the flower from her, giving her a professional smile. “I will happily accept this gift, Miss.”

Lenora didn’t say a word, but a bright smile spread slowly, brightening up her face. I couldn’t help but widen my own smile in response. As I felt my professional mask crack, I stepped away, confused. 

_What am I doing?_

I gathered my self-composure, shaking my head slowly. I needed to be more careful. 

____________________________

The Duchy was not doing well. The Duke spent all his time on his own interests, leaving all of the work to his subordinates. Rumors of theft and corruption abounded, many people lacked work and starved to death on the streets. The Duchess was frequently gone, spending extravagant amounts of money wherever she went. When she returned it was even more intolerable. She would abuse the maids, scream at the Duke, and the things she would say to her daughter… It was enough to make even my heart break.

Lenora grew up a sweet girl despite this. She was quiet, often overshadowed by her friend Lady Edith who spent her days by the girl’s side. It was concerning. I saw the girl treating Lenora poorly on more than one occasion. She would mock the things the young Miss enjoyed, until she was afraid to even speak up. She pushed her to wear off-putting poorly fitted gowns, convincing her they were the height of fashion. Once I saw Lenora crying, holding the torn remains of a small doll she treasured. I recognized it as a gift from the Queen, neither of her parents would have thought to give her such a simple toy. Edith stood nearby, berating her.

“If you had just given me the stupid doll I wouldn’t have had to do that! Now it’s ruined and it’s all your fault!” Her rude and vicious tone made me angry, but I kept a disinterested smile in place.

After all, I was a professional. 

I made a formal complaint to the Duke, but at the mention of my concerns, he simply stared at me with a haunted expression.

“Lenora will be fine. She has a title, and anything she could ask for.” 

“But Lady Edith…” My words were cut off by his raised hands.

“Let her do as she wishes.” His tone was sad. “I have no right to step in.”

Honestly, it felt wrong. _Isn’t Lenora your daughter?_ I wanted to shake some sense into him, but kept my hands at my sides. I bowed coldly, and walked away. I knew better than to ask the Duchess. If anything, she was worse than Lady Edith.

_At least she has the Queen._ I comforted myself with this thought. One day, the young miss would marry the Prince Ronan and would leave this place. Not that she took her position as the prince’s fiancé for granted. I knew better than anyone how hard she trained for her future work as Queen. More nights than not she was up late at night, practicing dances, learning ceremonies, memorizing history. How many times had I helped a maid pick up Lenora from her desk or the floor where she had fallen asleep in the middle of working, tucking her into bed?

She worked so hard to please others, but no one ever noticed.

I was hopeful her life would be better once she left this place, even if I felt sad at the thought. Any man should be grateful to marry such a gentle, beautiful girl. One day, for certain, her life would be better.

I was proven wrong. 

____________________________

The prince broke his engagement, declaring his intention to marry Lady Edith instead. Overnight the Duchy seemed drowned in shadows. The Duke drank steadily, the Duchess broke every fragile thing she could lay her hands on, and Lenora… she stayed locked in her room. I felt a desire to comfort her, but halted each time I walked in that direction. _What would I say_? It would be overstepping bounds.

I watched as the household slowly tore itself apart.

The debts were called in, without the engagement to protect the Duchy. Everything was sold, the land split up between the neighboring families. The place I had called home for so long was gone.

Jim arranged for me a job in the palace, working for the Queen. It was an enormous honor, one I never thought to have. But for some reason I hesitated.

“The young miss…” She was grown now, but I could still see the small child holding out a flower towards me. “What about her?”

Jim shrugged. “What about her? She and her parents will have to learn to survive like the rest of us do. I mean, it may sound heartless but they brought this on themselves.” 

“Don’t blame her… she’s not…” The idea of Lenora undergoing hardship made my heart ache, but what could I do? I was simply her family’s head butler. I wasn’t her family. I could only hope she would be happy.

_She deserves to be happy. She will be… right?_

____________________________

“Lenora’s dead?” 

The Queen’s face was so pale, I thought she might pass out. I instructed some maids to support her, all the while my professional mask hiding my true thoughts.

_It can’t be true!_

The young woman who was always smiling and polite, no matter how harshly her family and friends treated her. Who brought me lemon tea the day I had a cold and couldn’t get out of bed.

_It has to be a lie._

She worked diligently into the night but was never recognized for it. She cried each time her mother came home, but refused to speak poorly of the woman. She loved her parents dearly, even when they refused to love her back.

_How could she be gone?_

I thought again of the flower she held out to me that day. The smile she gave me that was so bright just because someone cared enough to accept a gift from her. She should have been happy. She should have been cherished and loved.

_But she was dead._

I heard the Queen, she was screaming in pain, her sobs loud enough to echo in the hallway. Unsure of what to do, I stumbled back to my room, abandoning my post for the first time in my life.

_Lenora._

I fell to my knees at my bedside, tears soaking the blanket as I buried my head in my arms.

_Why didn’t I stay with her? I knew she had no one. I knew she’d be alone._

_Lenora._

_I’m sorry._

_If we meet again in the next life, please let me serve you once more. I’ll do my best. So please… please be happy, please smile once more. _

____________________________

**In another life…**

I was a professional. One of the best. 

I’ve always seen this as a good thing. I came from a family that had served the Duchy of Armeny for generations, I was born to run a household. It required knowledge, determination, and above all… professionalism.

Or so I had thought…

The young miss of our household was a special child. She had been quiet, often bullied by her friend Edith and her parents, to a point where I was often worried for her. But one day, she changed completely.

I saw her pacing outside her father’s study one morning, and stepped forward behind her. 

“Shall I announce you, Miss?”

She had obviously not heard me approach and let out a surprised yell before turning to look at me. At the sight I felt shocked. Her outer appearance was unchanged, her facial features the same as they had been yesterday… but her eyes…

_Her eyes were completely different._

They had always been bright, hopeful, if a little sad. They were always looking at others for approval. But now…

Her gaze was cold. As if a wall had been erected around her heart, keeping everyone else out.

She looked me up and down, her expression thoughtful. I had a strange feeling that she was evaluating my worth, and that I had been judged “useful.”

After a moment’s pause she nodded to my question. “Please do. Also I would appreciate if you would stick around, it may be useful to have your input.” 

With that Lenora entered her father’s office and with a smile took all financial documents in the room. Just a short conversation, and the reins of the duchy had completely switched hands, without the Duke realizing it. I was impressed, but deep down I felt uneasy. _How had she changed so much so quickly?_

____________________________

Things were busy after that. Lenora swiftly took control of the duchy, punishing the corrupt officials, promoting the few honest ones. She gathered talented people, started a business, and slowly turned the duchy into a power to be reckoned with.

But still, she worked late into the night, never resting, never asking for approval. I still had to help carry her sleeping form back to bed, tucking her in. Even if she seemed colder, harsher, deep down the young miss hadn’t changed. She cared deeply for the suffering people of the duchy, crying alone when she thought no one was looking. I was proud of her, so proud I could burst, but I worried deeply that she was pushing too hard, working too much. She took on all the weight, not sharing her burdens with anyone.

_I wanted to support this girl. _

I did my best to help her life run smoothly, working to the best of my abilities. But even then, there were events outside of my expectations.

The prince canceled his engagement to our lady. 

On one hand, I was relieved. Such an idiot obviously didn’t deserve her. But how dare he not appreciate the honor he had as her fiancé? I kept my professional mask on at work, but went to Jim’s house and cleaned it from top to bottom in my frustration. 

____________________________

“Please, Tommy! You’re polishing my floors into dust!” My brother sighed, patting me on the back. “Just get revenge on the man himself, and stop taking it out on my poor house.”

“Revenge? But he’s a prince…” It would be difficult to get close enough to beat him up, unfortunately. 

Jim grinned. “There’s more than one way to get revenge. You just need to be… creative.”

Creative? I thought it over that night, before coming to an answer. Our mother had been a talented musician, passing on her knowledge to me so that I would know some of selecting appropriate performers for balls and other parties. I used all that I knew, with the frustration in my heart and wrote a pleasant song.

“Ronan the Ridiculous?” Jim laughed when he heard it. “You’re even meaner than I am when you put your mind to it!”

I nodded silently, putting the finishing touches on the last few copies so that I could have Rig distribute them throughout the Capital. I felt a hand on my shoulder, and looked up to see my brother’s serious expression.

“It’s nice to see you’re human too.”

I turned away, embarrassed. “I’m just doing my duty to the young lady. She’s the duchy’s only hope, after all.”

“Sure, just keep telling yourself that.”

I felt uneasy, as if I had stepped over some invisible line, unable to return to my former state. But when I saw Lenora smile the day she first heard someone singing the song… I felt it was worth it.

She was worth it. 

____________________________

Lenora escaped the terrible Lady Edith’s schemes, faced down the King, forcing him to give up and returned to Tilendria.. The young Prince Nate started courting her in earnest, and I felt a sense of relief. She no longer worked late into the night alone, unnoticed. There was someone by her side, helping her. Nate and I often worked together to convince her to take breaks, and watching her trust others, slowly share her burdens, made it difficult to hold back a smile. 

The wall I saw in her gaze, that kept everyone else at arms length, was slowly breaking apart. In those moments I caught glimpses of the little girl she once had been. The one who trusted others. Whose smile lit up the room. 

She was happy. And so was I.

____________________________

“Grandpa Hallers!” A quiet voice called out, startling me from my thoughts. I looked up to see a young girl running towards me, a wide grin on her face. Despite myself I smiled back, reaching down to pick her up.

“Aimee, what brings you here?” I studied the smiling girl. Her hair was dark like her father’s curling around her delicate face, but her eyes… her smile… they were just like her mother’s.

“That boy was bothering me.” Aimee pointed down the hall where a grim faced boy had stopped, glaring at her. He was dressed well, obviously the son of a noble, which was confirmed by the servants trailing behind him.

“How dare you run away?!” The boy yelled, stepping closer. “Don’t you know who I am? I’m the future Duke of Verallan!”

Aimee ignored him, looking up at me with tears in her eyes. “He pulled my hair.”

“Hahaha.” A cold laugh escaped me. I couldn’t help but feel that my professional mask had disappeared, but what expression I had instead, I was unsure. It must not have been very pleasant, as the boy and his servants all turned pale, taking a few steps back. “You wish to bother the little princess, do you?”

My smile widened. “Let me tell you the story of a young man very similar to you, who had a very embarrassing end. There’s even a song about it.”

____________________________

Once I had finished lecturing them and they had run away, Aimee hugged my neck tightly. “Thank you, Grandpa Hallers!”

“Of course, dear.” I patted her head, noticing she was holding something in her hands. “What do you have there?” 

“A present!” Smiling brightly, she held out the object, a small red flower.

**The young girl stood before me, her eyes hopeful, the red flower trembling in the air as her hand shook from nervousness.**

I took the flower from her, blinking back tears. “Let’s go find your mother.”

We walked down towards the royal suites, and before we could enter, a lively discussion should be heard.

“They must be joking with these trade agreements! Do they think we’re pushovers?! I’m rewriting them!”

Aimee and I peeked around the corner to see the Queen, Lenora, waving a stack of papers in the air with a severe expression. King Nathaniel stood next to her, a helpless smile on his face.

“Let me help you with that, you promised you were going to take a break…”

Lenora shook her head. “No, you’re too nice. We agreed that I would handle all trade agreements. I’m fine, I’m just pregnant, it’s not like I’m an invalid.” Her hand draped across her bulging stomach as she rolled her eyes. 

“Okay, okay, you can rewrite the agreement, but after this you rest, alright?” Nate knelt down, his larger hands overlapping her smaller ones. “I just want both of you to be safe and healthy.”

“Thanks!” Lenora leaned over, kissing the king’s cheek, who smiled in response. 

“…” I considered stepping in to the room now, but Nate’s next question froze Aimme and I in our tracks.

“Do you regret it?” His tone was gentle, but there was a slightly worried look in his eyes.

“Regret what?”

“Marrying me?” He leaned closer, putting his forehead against hers. “Becoming Queen? I worry that you could have been happier, avoided all this stress if you hadn’t…”

Lenora put a hand around his neck, kissing him deeply. After a few long moments, during which I shielded Aimee’s eyes, she leaned back, a smile on her face. “I chose this ending for myself, Nate. I love you. I love the work I’m doing, that I get to use my skills to help others. I have a family here. Rig, Hallers… Mother… with everyone here, how could I regret anything?”

Nate’s eyes filled with tears. He reached over, placing a gentle hand against her cheek. “I love you too.”

“MOMMY!” Aimee broke from my grasp, running towards the couple with a smiling expression. “I love you too!”

Lenora laughed, a pure, happy sound. Looking up, she saw me, and I stopped in my tracks, my breath frozen in my chest. 

Her eyes, the ones that had always held sadness, nervousness, loneliness, even when she was a small girl… they were clear. She smiled at me, the bright smile that always made me break my mask of professionalism, smiling back at her.

“Hallers, she hasn’t been giving you any trouble, has she?”

I laughed, quickly using my hand to wipe tears of happiness and relief from my eyes. “How could she, Miss? She’s family.”

____________________________

I was a professional. One of the best. But there was an exception:

The young girl who first reached out to me, who grew up into an amazing woman. One who I loved as my own family. Whose happiness I would protect for the rest of my life. When it came to her, everything else meant little, even my precious professionalism.

My beloved daughter, Lenora.


	38. Chapter 38

**In a previous life…**

Everyone has a place in life. A shining spot belonging just to you. And if you are able to sit in that spot, your life will be happy and blessed. This is what I’ve always believed.

_There is a girl who stole that place from me. _

I learned about this while I was still young.

“Mother, why doesn’t Father like me?” I was crying, a feeling of frustration and helplessness overcoming me. Even a simple conversation with my father led to criticism, he looked at me as if… as if I were something worthless. Something dirty.

My mother, the Countess of Erand, was a beautiful woman. She had large eyes, a pitiful expression which inspired sympathy and love. She shook her head at my question, smiling strangely.

“That’s because he isn’t your father, silly.” What a shocking thing to tell a young child, but she didn’t seem to sense any inappropriateness to her words. Mother quickly explained my true parentage, that my father was the Duke of Armeny, one of the most powerful noblemen in the kingdom. 

“Why don’t we live with him?” I felt upset, looking at the poorly furnished room we sat in. In our home the outer sitting rooms were luxuriously furnished, but it was only a front. The Count of Erand was not a wealthy man, and so our actual living quarters were quite humble. 

“He married another woman.” Mother smiled despite the terrible words. “He didn’t have a choice, his heart will always remain with me.”

I stared at her in shock. “Can’t you win him back?”

“I wouldn’t want him to be unhappy, or mire his name in scandal.” She shook her head slowly. “He has a wife, and a daughter now. She’s actually close to your age.” A small sigh escaped her. “She’s your half sister, but she looks a lot more like your father than you do.” 

“Is she… better than me?” I whispered, my heart breaking at the sight of my mother praising another girl. 

“She’s raised by your father, so naturally she will be more noble and refined.” Mother shrugged, not noticing the despair she caused with these few words. “I want you to become friends with her, but make sure to always treat her well! Don’t embarrass your mother by acting poorly in front of her! She’s HIS precious daughter after all.”

“O- of course, mother.” I smiled, the expression at odds with the coldness I felt in my heart. I was young, but even I could sense the unhealthy light in my mother’s eyes as she spoke about that man and his daughter. She loved him, to the point of madness, until she could ignore everything and everyone else.

I thought love was a fairly pointless thing, then, if it made you like this. 

I wanted to ignore her words, but a seed had been planted in my mind. _No wonder I was unhappy._ I wasn’t where I was meant to be. The place in life I was meant to have had been taken, which was the source of all my misery. If I just could take it back…

Thus began my obsession with my half-sister, the girl who stole my place. 

_________________________

“Hi, I’m Lenora.” A smiling young girl, with light colored hair and bright eyes, curtseyed prettily in front of me. She seemed happy, secure, and comfortable in the luxurious environment around us.

I felt immediate dislike for her, a thick wave of jealousy choking in my throat_. _

_How dare she look so content? How dare she enjoy the shining spot that was meant to be mine? She had wealth, a position of power, and her father at her side._

_I wanted… I needed to take it all from her. _

_________________________

I pretended to be Lenora’s friend. It was surprising easy. Despite her position she was desperately lonely, pathetically latching on to any attention I would give her. All it would take was the threat of ignoring her to get her to do what I wanted. Sometimes she would resist, however

“Give me the doll.” I held out my hand, demanding the item she held to her chest with an imperious expression.

Lenora shook her head, clutching the ratty toy tighter. “No, Edith, this was a present from the Queen. I really love it.”

“Why do you care if the Queen gave you a toy?” I smirked. “It’s so poor looking, it’s better if you don’t have it.”

“No! The Queen says one day I’m going to be her daughter! I’m going to marry the prince and live in the castle with both of them!”

She held onto the doll tighter, tears forming in her eyes.

_She was going to marry a prince?_ My gaze narrowed, and without further thought I reached out, ripping the toy from her and tearing it to pieces. 

“If you had just given me the stupid doll I wouldn’t have had to do that! Now it’s ruined and it’s all your fault!”

She burst into tears, the frightened sobs racking her small body. I felt a bright smile form across my face, a relaxed feeling taking over. I knew then, it wasn’t enough to simply take my spot back.

_I had to make her regret ever having it in the first place. _

_________________________

As I grew older, my methods became more complex. I bought over her personal maid with the money I had saved and the promises of future favors for her brother. With Angela’s help, it was all too easy to dress her in ridiculous clothes, convincing her it was the height of fashion. I took her out to the royal gardens almost every day, urging her to try to catch a glimpse of the prince. I wanted her to love him. I wanted all of her hopes to be set on him.

“Your highness! ” I met Prince Ronan “by accident” one day in the gardens when Lenora was ill. “I’ve heard rumors that you were handsome and intelligent looking, but I think you are even better than what people say!”

Shameless flattery, but from what I heard, Ronan was a simple man.

“I am pretty great!” He smiled brightly at me. “What’s your name?” 

I curtsied, keeping a shy expression on my face. “Edith, Your Highness. I’m a… acquaintance of your fiancé.”

“My fiancé? That foolish girl my mother wants me to marry?” He sneered. “How dare they try to tell me what to do?!”

“I agree… Lenora says that the Queen will force you to marry her no matter what! It makes me so sad to think of a wonderful man like you being trapped by a woman like that!”

I dabbed my eyes with a handkerchief, forcing a few tears from my eyes. From the corner of my vision I stole glimpses of the prince’s face, satisfied by what I saw.

Ronan looked furious.

_________________________

It was simple to pull him over to my side. Constant flattery, with mixed in hints of how Lenora was an arrogant girl who thought she was better than him. As his opinion of me improved, I added on sob stories of being bullied by Lenora, enjoying his righteous anger on my behalf. 

Lenora, foolishly, had no idea. I had made him promise to be polite to her, to pretend nothing was wrong. Of course, if he wanted to pull pranks on her publically, like tripping her at her birthday party… I couldn’t object to that. That was just free entertainment.

Everything was moving along as planned. 

_________________________

As we grew older however, I noticed a worrying change in my half-sister. She disagreed with me more often, trying to spend time with other girls and make friends. She frequently quoted the queen when she was disagreeing with me, not immediately capitulating to my opinion as she had in the past. One day I visited her room, only to find her in a beautiful gown.

“What is that?!” I forced a disgusted expression. It was difficult to hide my shock. The dress was beautiful, a delicate violet ballgown with light blue embroidery, highlighting her petite frame.

Lenora hesitated, looking shy. “I designed it myself! Do you like it?”

“Where did you get the idea for something like this?”_ Every gown I helped her buy was hideous! How could she design something like this?!_

“I wanted to wear something more like the Queen.” She smiled brightly, touching the small sapphire amulet hanging around her neck. I hated that necklace. It was a gift from the Queen, a family heirloom that was to be passed down to her daughter.

_That should be mine! How dare she wear it!_

“You look nothing like the Queen.” My voice was cold. “You look ridiculous in that.”

Her face paled. “I do?”

“Yes. Hurry and get rid of it, before someone sees you in it and laughs.”

I watched her eyes fill with tears, satisfied for a moment. But soon it was replaced with a feeling of panic.

_I’m losing control of the situation. I need to hurry things along._

_________________________

“Your Highness!” I sobbed loudly, burying my face in his shoulder. “Please break off your engagement with that girl! I can’t live without you!”

“Don’t worry.” A warm hand patted my hair gently. I frowned as it mussed up the careful styling, the expression hidden by his coat. “At my birthday, dearest! I’ll be a legal adult, I can break the engagement without my parents’ approval and I’ll announce you as my future bride the same day!”

“Really? What about your mother?” I sniffed, pretending to be consoled by his clumsy gestures. “Won’t she try to interfere?”

“Who cares if she does?”

“The nobility care…” I whispered these words, however, knowing he wouldn’t understand. If the Queen was there she would stick up for Lenora. She doted on her too much already. I knew I would have to take matters into my own hands if i wanted a perfect defeat of my half-sister.

_Even though the one she should dote on is me! _

A simple poisoned tea made the Queen too sick to attend, and the party went off without flaw. The prince renounced Lenora publically, holding me to his side. His eyes were filled with affection as he looked down at me, but I immediately looked away, all of my attention on the crying young woman being helped out of the room by our father.

_WHY ISN’T HE LOOKING AT ME?! _

I was taking my proper place as the future queen. The place Lenora stole from me! She was broken, defeated… but still he only glanced in my direction once at the beginning, with the same haunted guilty eyes he always had when he saw me, before turning back to Lenora.

The glass in my hand cracked under the tightness of my grip. I brushed it off with a gentle laugh, saying I was nervous. Everyone smiled at me, including the prince. I was the center of attention.

But still I could only stare at the empty doorway where they had left without a single glance behind.

I almost quit my plans then. I had taken her engagement, taken her place… I should have been happy. But it wasn’t enough. I had to keep going.

_She wasn’t miserable enough. _

_________________________

I worked with Angela to intercept all letters between the Queen and Lenora. I started rumors, making sure to repeat them frequently to Lenora, that the Queen had no interest in her anymore. Each time I saw the agony on her face at the abandonment, I felt happy. But the feeling was fleeting. It wasn’t enough.

Even without my help, the Duchy of Armeny came to ruin. Their debts were called in, their home was taken, and Lenora moved out with her parents. 

I hired people to keep an eye on her, trying to find enjoyment in the day to day life as a future Queen. It was difficult. Mrs. Rendler, the etiquette instructor, disliked me. She only agreed to teach me after a direct order from the prince, and yet she frowned whenever she was looking at me.

“Lenora was a hardworking girl. Intelligent too. She mastered this much more quickly.” Her words were barbs underneath my skin. I tried to ignore them, but they struck at each weak point I had, making me lash out. I fired her, hiring a new teacher, one without a connection to my half-sister.

Ronan doted on me as usual. The King ignored me, for which I was grateful. His eyes were cold, and I couldn’t help but feel the schemes he hid in his smile. I knew that he would easily destroy me if it worked for his plans. 

As for the Queen…

I tried my best to form a relationship with her. I brought her gifts, invited her to parties, visited daily… but each time she would politely thank me for the attention, and then turn back to the window, where she always looked out, as if searching for someone. It made me furious.

_How was she any better than me as a future daughter in law! Why, even when that wretched girl is gone, does she still only think of her?!_

I needed to act soon. I had convinced the Queen through messages sent by Angela before the fall of the duchy that Lenora despised her, and never wanted to see her again, but I knew it wouldn’t be long before she looked to see her again. I just needed an opportunity…

And one day it came. A young girl around our age was murdered on the streets. As soon as I got the news, I had one of my people make the face unrecognizable. I then approached the Queen with a sad, teary-eyed face to give her the good news.

“Lenora is dead. They found her body this morning.”

I left her in agonized tears, feeling elated that soon the Queen would see me instead of Lenora. She would forget all about her. And that girl’s stolen place in her heart would belong to me.

But it didn’t work. 

No matter how many months passed, the Queen refused to stop mourning. She stayed in her rooms, with only the butler to take care of her, refusing all invitations. I was furious, but everything I tried was useless. 

_________________________

I came across a notice from my men one morning. Our father was dead. He had been murdered by a loan shark who he had borrowed money from, his body recovered in a gutter. I paused as I read the report, unsure of how to feel.

_I’m glad that Lenora is in pain. And what did that man ever do to me? He only stared occasionally at me and felt guilty. What use was he?_ An uneasy feeling remained in my heart, but I irritably brushed it aside.

I lost track of her for a while, after her mother died and she last came to find me. I panicked when my men lost her, unsure of how she escaped my view. I felt empty… confused… lost. As more and more time passed, I worried that she had found a new place, become happy, had taken more things from me.

_But finally I found Lenora once again._

_________________________

She was begging streets, slowly starving to death. Wherever she had been, whoever had been helping her was gone, and now she was alone. I was content once more, reading my daily reports on her activities. I arranged to ride by her street with Ronan, flaunting my wealth and happiness. 

I grabbed his arm once we passed by her, smiling brightly. “I’m so lucky to be able to marry a wonderful man like you! But, some days, I just feel so guilty that I stole Lenora’s place…” 

“Lenora? “I’m glad to be rid of her. Who would want her when they could have you?” Ronan reacted exactly as I hoped.

I looked down, hoping she would cry. “Yes, who would want her?”

_________________________

Close to the end, Lenora finally sold the necklace I hated so much. A priceless treasure, all for a loaf of bread. I bought it immediately, and kept it by my side, frequently taking it out to look at it. I considered breaking it to pieces, but still I held on, waiting.

The day Lenora died, I tossed the necklace to the Queen, and told her the truth of what I had done. I smiled at the despair in her eyes, enjoying her pain. I had already poisoned her, so there was no fear of her telling anyone else. It was a painful,l pathetic end.

_Exactly what she deserved. Who told her to love Lenora and not me._

I had won.

A strange emptiness came across me at the thought. I went back to my lavish rooms, sitting down and looking around.

I had done it. I had taken my place back. Lenora was broken, and gone, her body thrown to the forest for the animals to tear apart.

She was dead.

My eyes began to burn, and to my utter horror, I felt tears… genuine tears… fill my vision, overflowing and tracing down my cheeks. My throat burned, my breath came in gasps, and above all I was undeniably… 

EMPTY.

I shook my head. _What was I thinking? _I won! I had taken Ronan from Lenora. 

_I lived in a loveless marriage with a fool I despised._

I was going to be Queen. 

_In a country that was financially bankrupt, with a scheming king who saw me as a pawn._

Lenora had lost her parents.

_My father died too, never caring once about me except to feel guilty. My mother had died only a day after hearing the news. The horrific end to her obsessive love._

She had lost everything. I had everything!

_My entire life had revolved around Lenora. What did I have now that she was gone?_ What special place? What bright and happy life? I was more miserable now than I ever was when she had everything I wanted.

I had nothing.

I was…. **Empty.**

Hysterical laughter gave way to screams of pain, the sounds tearing themselves from my throat as I sank weakly to the ground.

_________________________

**In another life…**

“Edith.” A familiar voice woke me from my sleep. I turned in place on my hard cot, looking through the bars. My cell was small, but furnished, having been built for nobility who had committed crimes against the crown. At my status as a count’s daughter I normally wouldn’t have been kept there, but Ronan had requested I be moved there to be more comfortable. The only concession his father would make. I sighed loudly, sitting up and facing my visitor.

“Ronan, what brings you here?” My voice was cold, emotionless. I had no reason to pretend to care for him anymore. I had tried in the beginning, hoping he could pressure the king for my release… but it had come to nothing, and I gave up the farce after a while.

The prince smiled at me, but his eyes were angry. “I wanted to see the girl who ruined my life.” 

“Ruined your life?” I couldn’t hold back a laugh. “How many years have I been locked up again?”

“You deserve it, for your crimes.”

I smiled at him calmly, despite the rage in his voice. “You haven’t visited me in years, and now you come back to berate me about this old matter? I didn’t even manage to kill her.”

“You lied to me!” His hands shook, and he clenched them at his sides. “You told me Lenora was a fool! You convinced me to break ties with her!” 

He began pacing back and forth as he spoke. “But day after day that’s all I hear about. Lenora is a genius. She’s a prodigy at diplomacy and etiquette, a matter of business and economy. Tilendria has flourished under her and Nate, becoming much stronger than us!” He paused in his steps, glaring at me. “They laugh at me! Mocking me through songs! I’m the foolish prince who dumped the girl who became a marvelous Queen.”

I felt a pain in my chest at the mention of her, but it was a dull ache, the years spent away from my half sister causing a slow detachment in my heart. I hated her. I despised her still. But it seemed to matter less now, within the confines of this cell. “Why bring this up now?”

“I saw them.” Ronan whispered, his eyes haunted. “I saw them both at a diplomatic function. They were happy, smiling. They spoke about their lives… children.”

**BAM!**

His fist struck the bars, causing me to jump back a little at the loud sound. “THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME! I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPY!”

**BAM!**

“YOU LIED TO ME, RUINED MY LIFE!”

**BAM! **The bars shook, but stayed firmly in place, the skin of his hand tore at the repeated blows, blood dripping onto the stone floor at his feet, but he continued to stare at me, ignoring the wound.

“Because of you that bastard took my place! Nate took my wife, my family, my happiness! Even my mother! His kingdom flourishes, while ours goes under.” He sat on the floor, his legs seemingly giving out from under him.

“The Duchy of Armeny seceded. They officially joined Tilendria. They were the cornerstone of our economy, our foundation… “ He chuckled bitterly. “I will become a king of nothing. And it’s your fault.”

“Is it really?” I stared at him, a flicker of recognition within me

He nodded. “Yes! You and Nate! He took everything from me! He took my place! My happiness!”

“…” A silence fell between us.

I began to laugh. A quiet, almost silent expression, which soon grew louder and louder, echoing off the bare walls of my cell. It took a long time to regain my composure, but I slowly did, looking up at my former fiancé whose face was pale with rage.

“It was never your place. None of it belonged to you. Even if I hadn’t lied to you, even if you had married her, you would have never been as happy as they are now.”

“How could you say that?” 

“Because we’re the same.”

I had a feeling deep down, that even if my plan had succeeded, I wouldn’t have been happy. How could I have been content when everything in my life had always been focused on her happiness?

I stared at the prince sadly for a moment. I knew if he was saying these things to me, he had likely said them elsewhere too. I had heard rumors that Lenora kept spies in Reterand, and had a feeling she would show little mercy if he tried to plot against her family. He would not have a happy end if he continued down this path.

“Go home, Ronan. Try to forget them. Find your own place. Find your own happiness.”

I leaned back on my cot, staring up at the ceiling, refusing to look his way again.

“Before it’s too late.”

I closed my eyes. 

“Before you end up like me.”


	39. Side Part 5 - Queen Amerande

**In a previous life…**

If I could have one wish in this life… No matter the cost, I would only use it for her happiness 

“This is for you, dear. This necklace protects our family, brings good luck!” My mother smiled as she placed the golden chains around my neck. “My own mother told me that it can even grant wishes! So keep it with you in Reterand.”

I played with the small sapphire amulet, my mood which had been down becoming slightly better. “But mother, I don’t know the crown prince very well, what if he isn’t a good man?”

I hadn’t been happy since my engagement had been announced. Reterand was a good kingdom, the western neighbor to my country Giral. Even though I was a princess, and I had always known that my marriage would be political in nature … I couldn’t pretend I was excited to marry the man I had only met once before. I had even heard he had been previously engaged, and had broken off the relationship for this alliance. _What kind of marriage could this be?_

My mother shrugged sadly. “It’s hard to say, dear. I hope your marriage will be happy.” She seemed to be looking past me, “Find joy in other things, so that your happiness is not dependent on him. “

“…” I hugged my mother silently, wondering not for the first time if she and my father were happy.

__________________________________

I was married into the Reterand royalty, and less than a year later his father had stepped down. I was the Queen of a foreign nation.

And I was very lonely. 

My husband was a cold, calculating man. He was polite, never raising his voice to me, but there was a distance between us that couldn’t be crossed. It was painful, it was regretful, but I had always known this was a possibility. I tried to find happiness within other things as my mother had suggested and kept up a cordial façade. Despite the coldness in our marriage, we attended to our duties as monarchs. I quickly gave birth to an heir, a boy we named Ronan after the previous king. I had a husband, a child, a family… it should have been one of the happiest times in my life.

But it was at that time that the King broke all that remained of the good sentiment I had held towards him, by forbidding me from raising our son.

“You’re too weak.” His voice was chilling, forcing me to step back despite my panic. “You’ll drag him down. He will learn from me, and the rest can be taught by the tutors.” 

“HE’S MY CHILD!” I was screaming, all thought of etiquette and calm long forgotten. “HOW CAN YOU KEEP ME FROM HIM?!”

His face didn’t change despite the rage I showed. “He’s a future king before that. You may see him once a week for tea, but that is all.”

I wish that I had left him then, sometimes. Broken ties and returned home to Giral. But I stayed, refusing to leave my child behind. Hoping the restrictions would be relaxed with time. 

I could only stand off to the side and watch my son be raised by others. Fortunately he grew up healthy and happy, although he seemed a little reckless and arrogant sometimes, even for such a small child. I felt guilty. I was too weak to defend my position as a mother. And so life went on. I thought I had buried my heart, given up on those maternal feelings to protect myself.

_But then I met that girl. _

__________________________________

“This is my daughter, Lenora.” Seline, a beautiful but cold woman, pushed a young girl about four or five years old out in front of her. I was wary at their approach. I had long since learned that she had been my husband’s former fiancé, and had married the Duke of Armeny instead. I was worried she might be seeking revenge, but as I studied her closely I was surprised. There was intense dislike in her gaze, but no hatred. She even seemed willing to curry favor with me, curtsying deeper than required by her rank.

“She is the same age as your son, Ronan.” These sly words broke me from my reverie. I looked up to see her glancing over at her husband with a haughty expression, as if expecting praise and adoration for her words. I realized quickly why Seline hadn’t been focused on me… she was too obsessed with herself. She was obviously hoping to gain favor and pampering by making her daughter the future Queen.

_What a selfish woman._ I opened my mouth to reject the hidden offer in her words. 

“Hello!” A quiet voice caught me off guard, and I turned to face the small girl standing before me. 

She had pretty features, framed by light curls. Her face was brightened by her intelligent, expressive eyes and her wide grin. She reached into a pocket in her dress pulling out something and holding it up to me with a shy look. 

“Is this for me?” I asked softly, unsure of how to react. She nodded and opened her fingers to reveal a small stone. 

_A rock?_

Lenora looked up at me, scuffing one foot against the floor nervously. “The prettiest stone I could find in our garden. I was going to keep it by my bed but…” She paused and then smiled brightly. “I want you to have it, since you’re pretty too!”

I took the rock from her, taken aback at how relieved she seemed just by me accepting her gift. _How did her parents normally treat her?_ “Thank you, Lenora, I will treasure it.”

“YAY! I’m so happy you like it!” The small form flung herself into my arms. As the girl hugged me tightly, I felt a huge shift in my heart, the kind that left a person completely changed, never to be the same again.

_I loved this girl. _

“We should discuss an engagement.” I smiled down at Lenora, not caring about how Seline responded. This girl would be my daughter-in-law in the future, my family. I would stay by her, love her, and help raise her.

__________________________________

“You did well!” I patted Lenora on the back, watching her sympathetically. It had been a particularly brutal etiquette lesson. Her mother had attended, a fortunately rare occurrence but one that never failed to cause problems. Seline had watched the lesson with an impatient expression, speaking critically to Lenora over and over until Mrs. Rendler was forced to end the lesson early. I had been late, only catching the last few minutes but even that was enough to break my heart. 

“It’s okay, mother is right…” Lenora stared down at her feet. “I’m useless.”

I pulled her into my arms, hugging her, “YOU ARE NOT USELESS! You are a wonderful girl, and I am so proud to have such a smart and kind daughter.” I had long since dropped the “in-law” and simply called her my own child now. It wasn’t like her real mother was around enough to care. “Keep working hard, but don’t hurt yourself. You’re doing very well.”

“Really?” The quiet hope in her face was hard to see. She should be confident, she was skilled, intelligent, and beautiful… but she couldn’t see any of it. Her family ignored her or used her, and my son hadn’t paid enough attention to notice how wonderful the girl he was supposed to marry was. Between all of them, they had buried her in self-doubt, keeping my compliments from being truly meaningful to her.

“I love you, dear. One day I will convince you how amazing you are.”

Lenora smiled, although the expression was slightly sad. “I love you too, Your Majesty.”

I felt a slight pain in my chest at the address. I wanted her to call me mother. But Seline had told the girl to never ignore etiquette and she was afraid of her disapproval. One day, however, when she married Ronan, she would be able to call me that without censure.

I looked forward to it.

__________________________________

“I’m so worthless!”

The girl was sobbing uncontrollably on the floor in her room. It was her 16thbirthday, what should be a happy occasion, but she was alone and sad once more. I felt another burst of irritation at that foolish son of mine. He was obviously the one who had tripped during the dance, but had blamed the fall on her! I decided to lecture him again, but I felt a stab of fear in my heart that he was too arrogant to listen.

I was no longer sure if I had chosen the right path forward. I wanted Lenora to be happy and yet… I couldn’t break the engagement now. Her reputation would be ruined. Her parents were doing their best to throw away their own wealth and dignity, and all the girl had to depend on was her status as future Queen. What would happen if that were taken away?

_Ronan grow up soon, he’s still young. He can still be a reliable man, a good husband to Lenora._

Sighing, I sat down next to her on the ground and held her, one hand patting her back.

“I love you, and I always will. No matter what.” I didn’t know what else to say. After a long while she finally calmed down, and I smiled, helping her wipe away her tears. Thinking for a moment I retrieved the present I had planned on giving to her today, handing it over quietly.

The sapphire necklace, my family heirloom.

I took in her shocked face with glee. Lenora had seen this necklace as a young girl and had loved it, often asking to take it out and look at it. I had once thought to give it to her after she married Ronan, after she became my daughter-in-law, but had recently changed my mind. I no longer knew for certain what the future might hold, but I did know this: Lenora would always be my daughter, and therefore should have this necklace whether she married Ronan or not.

_I hope it brings you happiness dear. If it does grant wishes, that is my only one._ I didn’t say it out loud though, but kept in my heart a bright hope for what the future might bring.

__________________________________

“What did you say?” I grabbed the servant’s arm weakly, looking up at him with a horrified expression.

“I-I’m sorry, Your Majesty.” He stammered, looking terrified. “But Prince Ronan has already broken the engagement with Lady Lenora at his birthday party, and announced his engagement to another.”

“How could this…?” I groaned, a stabbing pain in my stomach making it difficult to think. I had become sick the night before my son’s birthday party, and had been bedridden for the past four or five days. I had only now been well enough to ask after Lenora, and was now shocked at what I had heard.

I had tried to bring them together. Trading my weekly tea time with Ronan to the King , I only asked in return that the prince would spend that with Lenora instead. I hoped that if he saw her and spoke with her more, he might learn how wonderful she was. It was a simple thought, perhaps a naïve one, but it was all I could do.

_And now it was too late _

The engagement had been broken five days ago. What had Lenora suffered in that time? I knew all too well how cruel the nobility could be. Having lost her status, with no one to protect her…

I needed to see her, now.

I was still weak, every muscle in my body screaming in pain as I pushed myself out of bed. The servants tried to stop me, protesting that I was too ill to travel, but I ignored them. Pushing my way out, I struggled to stay awake on the carriage ride over.

“Your Majesty.” A grim faced young woman, who I recognized as Lenora’s personal maid, met me at the gate.

“How is Lenora?” I pushed the words out, feeling nauseous from the carriage ride.

“She is… very upset.”

“I need to see her.” I shook my head to clear it, and started to walk forwards, only to be stopped by the maid. 

“I’m sorry, Your Majesty.” She looked regretful. “Miss gave very specific orders that she didn’t want to see you.” 

“You must be mistaken.”

The lady’s maid didn’t seem too bothered by my irritated tone. She leaned forward, whispering conspiratorially “She’s very angry, I’m afraid. I overheard the Miss say that you reminded her of Prince Ronan, and seeing you would only cause her pain.” 

_She doesn’t want to see me?_ It didn’t seem right. I wished I were more clear-headed, but the illness still had a strong grip on me. Barely able to move, I returned to my carriage and my rooms, feeling heartbroken.

__________________________________

It took weeks for me to fully recover. During that time I sent countless letters to Lenora. But they were never answered. I tried a few more times to visit, but was rejected at the gate by her maid each time. I missed her dearly, worried for her constantly, but still she avoided me.

The Duchy of Armeny was buried in debt. I was forbidden from interfering, but in return I was guaranteed that Lenora and her parents would be allowed a small place to live. At least she wouldn’t be out on the streets. I tried again to contact her before she left, but my letter was ignored as always.

I was alone, so lonely that the feeling seemed to carve itself deeper into my heart, taking over my soul. Trying to comfort myself, I tried to feel reassured that Lenora would be okay, even if she didn’t have me by her side.

_Your daughter is smart and resourceful. Even if she hates you, even if she doesn’t want your help, she will find her own way._

Even if it took some time for her to heal, I would be patient. I would see her again. We could be together again. I just needed to wait a little longer.

_She just needed a little more time. _

__________________________________

“Lenora’s dead.”

Edith, my son’s new fiancé, gave me the news with a casual smile. I stared back at her, the words rang in my head, repeating over and over until they became nonsensical sounds.

_Dead?_ It didn’t make any sense. _Lenora couldn’t be dead. She was a perfectly healthy girl, with a long life ahead of her._

“They found her body this morning.” She continued talking, but I couldn’t hear her. My ears were ringing, darkness closing in around me. I felt two servants grab my arms, trying to support me, but I could only hang helplessly against them.

“Lenora’s dead?” The words sounded wrong as soon as I spoke them. _She couldn’t be dead. My daughter, my beloved girl… gone forever?_ I shook my head, but the dizziness grew worse. I heard horrifying screams of agony, barely recognizing that they were coming from my own throat. 

“Lenora.” I tried to call out her name, but even that sound was taken from me as everything faded into darkness.

__________________________________

My world closed around me that day.

I kept to my rooms, sitting at my window. I barred all from my presence other than the butler Hallers. At first I meant to drive him out as well, but seeing the pain and grief in his eyes, and realizing that he had known Lenora as well, I let him stay and serve me. He forced me to eat and drink, keeping me alive when I might have otherwise faded into shadows.

I couldn’t move on. I was crippled with guilt. If only I hadn’t engaged Lenora to my son, setting her up for this fall. If only I had raised my son into a man who wouldn’t toss her away so cruelly, leaving her vulnerable. If only I hadn’t been sick that day, and could have protected her. If only I had insisted on seeing her, no matter how much she hated me and tried to keep me away. If only I had forced my way in, broken down her front door even, and protected her.

_If only, if only, if only… _

Time passed, but I remained unaware. I ignored all requests from my husband to come out of mourning. That girl Edith came by multiple times, trying to curry favor, but I refused to see her. I couldn’t forget how she smiled the day she told me Lenora was dead. Even if I were to leave my rooms, I planned to avoid her.

Then I fell ill. I had been sick multiple times since I had secluded myself away, always small illnesses that could be resolved with a few medicines and rest, but this time… 

_I was dying._

I stayed in my bed, a blood stained handkerchief clutched in a weakened hand. At first I had only noticed small drops of blood in what I had coughed up, but it grew worse with each passing hour. There should have been a doctor called, but no one came even as I weakened.

“Hello Mother.” 

Edith walked in with an odd smile. I tried to sit up but fell back, too weak to complete the motion, and so glared at her instead.

“I’m not your mother.”

“Really?” she didn’t seem put off by my cold tone, in fact, she smiled and brought up a chair to sit by my bed. “Didn’t you once want Lenora to call you that? Now that I’m your daughter-in-law, shouldn’t I be the one to call you that instead?” 

I felt an odd sense of panic. “Don’t speak her name.” 

“I’m afraid I can’t do that, Your Majesty, as she is the reason I came here today.” She tossed an object onto my lap, and with a shock I recognized it. The sapphire necklace. The family heirloom I had given to Lenora. When I had Hallers investigate to confirm her death, he had reported that it was thought to be stolen at that time. _So how was it here? _

“Lenora sold it for a loaf of bread just recently.” Edith laughed, the sound odd and distorted. “She had held onto right until the end, you know? I thought she would have broken long before that.”

“Lenora…” I stared at the jewelry in my hand, a brief hope flaring within me. “She’s alive…?”

“Not anymore.” Edith laughed as my expression fell, my heart breaking once again within my chest. “She died this morning, of starvation. I saw her body myself before having them throw it into the forest to be food for the animals.”

“This morning…?” My head was spinning, it was difficult to think straight. “But she died a long time ago…”

“Oh, that was a lie. I tricked you with another girl’s corpse. She’s been lost and alone without friends and family for over a year now.”

Her voice was calm, as if discussing the weather, but the unnatural light of excitement in her gaze gave her true feelings away.

“I convinced her that you abandoned her, despised her. Lenora had always held onto the hope that you still cared about her, but even that was eventually broken into pieces.” She laughed again, and I flinched, filled with horror at her words.

_Lenora had been living all this time. Starving. Thinking that I despised her._

It was too painful to bear. I gripped the necklace tightly, my thinned skin tearing against the hard edge of the amulet, bright red blood staining my palm and the jewelry alike. 

“Why?” I could barely force out a whisper. I felt even weaker, as if my spirit was breaking along side my body, any will I had to move forward drained from me.

“Because she was a thief who took my place.” Her smile was terrifying, filled with madness. “I was meant to be the Duke’s beloved daughter. I should have been pampered and loved! I was supposed to be engaged to your son and you were supposed to love ME!” 

She was shouting at the end, the chair she had been sitting on kicked to the floor as she leaned over me. “But you refused to even look at me after your precious Lenora was gone! I gave you so many chances, but you threw them all away!”

She drew closer, whispering in my ear. “That’s why it’s too late now. I’ve already poisoned you. So you can go join your useless daughter, just like you wanted. But just remember: if you had been smart enough to recognize that she was a fraud, that she had only stolen what belonged to me… you would have lived a long and happy life.”

Edith stepped back, a look of vicious satisfaction on her face. I stared up at her, finding it hard to breathe through the pain, but still forcing a smile, surprising her.

“My only regret in this life is that I didn’t love my daughter more, that I didn’t protect her better. As for you… you mean nothing to me.”

“…” A long silence fell between us.

“Fine.” She spat out the word like a curse. “Die like a fool.” With that she was gone.

I turned on my side, the movement agonizing. Tears filled my eyes, tracking down my cheeks, soaking my disheveled hair and the pillow beneath my head. In my hands I clutched the bloody necklace, holding it tightly to my chest.

“Lenora.” The name came out of my lips as a hoarse whisper.

_I had hoped this necklace would bring her happiness, but instead she died alone and miserable._

“I’m… sorry. 

_I wanted to see her grow up happy and healthy, surrounded by friends and family._

“I wish….”

_If I could have one wish in this lifetime, no matter the cost…_

“You had another chance.”

_I would only use it for her happiness._

“Lenora… please be happy next time.”

As the world faded into darkness around me, the last thing I saw was the blue jewel in my hand glowing with a brilliant red light. 

__________________________________

**In another life…**

“GRANDMA!” I woke up, startled by the loud shout and a small form jumping on me.

It was a young boy, with bright mischievous eyes and dark curls, looking up at me with a grin.

“What is it, sweetie?” I reached out and hugged my grandson, feeling a sense of warmth in my heart.

He looked around at my question, as if looking to see if anyone else was listening in, turning back to whisper. “There’s going to be a party today!” 

“A party?” I raised an eyebrow. “Is this a surprise party for my birthday?” He nodded enthusiastically and laughing, I hugged him tighter.

“Are you excited, Grandma?”

“Very. But we should probably pretend I don’t know anything about it.” He looked confused, but before I could explain the concept of “surprise party” another voice called out.

“Thomas, I told you not to bother grandmother before…” Aimee, her graceful movements showing the results of her etiquette training, halted in surprise, stopping mid-sentence. She looked between us, obviously not wanting to ruin the surprise party, unaware that her little brother already had.

“It’s alright, Aimee, I already know.” I reached out to hug her as well, enjoying having both children in my arms.

“Can you pretend to be surprised for mother?” She asked carefully, her eyes concerned. “She’s been planning this for weeks and I don’t want her to be sad.” 

_What a thoughtful child._

Feeling proud, I patted her head. “Don’t worry. I’ll be surprised.”

“Thank you.” Standing up and straightening her gown, she held out a hand to help me up. “Then let’s head in, Mother sent me to bring you to the party.”

Holding the two children’s hands, I walked towards the small ballroom where Aimee had said the party was to take place. Aimee opened the door for me, and as I stepped in a group of people stepped forward, shouting:

“SURPRISE!”

I pretended to be shocked, winking at Aimee. “Oh goodness!”

Lenora, looking more of a Queen than I ever had in a dark purple gown with gold trim, reached out to hug me. “Happy birthday, Mother.” 

I felt a sting in my eyes as I blinked back tears. “Thank you, dear.”

The rest of the group crowded around with a cheer. Hallers smiled kindly at me before turning away to organize the servants to serve food and drinks. Rig clapped me on the back, almost knocking me over, and then grabbed Thomas to throw him up in the air to his delighted shrieks. Erica and Marile both came forward to greet me, happily showing off the gown they had designed for me to wear later that night at the formal gathering. Henry and Raewynn dragged in an enormous potted plant, all the while arguing on the best care for the species before promising to send me a set of written instructions.

Finally Nate stepped closer, dressed in his formal court robes, the awe-inspiring effect ruined by the small infant he held against his shoulder which had already spit up on him. Grinning foolishly, he grabbed a cloth to clean up the baby girl, holding her out to me after he was finished.

“Elise wanted to say happy birthday to her grandmother too.” He kissed my cheek as he handed me my grandchild, standing beside Lenora and naturally placing an arm around her.

The wide-eyed baby, now in my arms, laughed happily and blew spit bubbles, making me grin.

“Were you really surprised, Mother? “ Lenora looked suspicious as she glanced at her two older children, who suddenly appeared guilty.

I couldn’t abandon my grandchildren, so I lied immediately. “O-of course!” 

“…” Lenora stared silently for a few moments, before letting out a long sigh. “Sure.” 

Nate drew her closer, and kissed her. “As long she’s happy, then your party was a success.”

Seeing her cheered up by such a simple statement, I once again felt grateful that Lenora was married to a man like Nate, who cared for her so much. They smiled at each other, the love they felt evident in their eyes, briefly seeming to forget about everyone else in the room. Playing with Elise, I waited patiently for them to finish. It took some time, but finally she turned back to me, and the room’s light reflected against the blue gem hanging around her neck.

Noticing the familiar blue necklace, I looked closer, slightly confused. “Lenora, you didn’t change the gem did you?” 

She shook her head. “No, it’s the same as when you gave it to me.”

I reached out with my free hand, still holding my granddaughter in the other, and lifted the jewel to look closer. “It looks slightly different.” 

Perhaps it was the lighting, but the normally pure blue gem seemed to have a faint red glow within it. As I watched it seemed to flare outwards slightly before fading away, leaving a pure blue color once more. I stared at it for a few more moments, but it didn’t change again. Finally I let it down and stepped away from her, wondering if I had imagined it. “Do you remember what I told you when I gave it to you?”

“That it would bring me happiness?” Lenora grinned.

“Are you happy?”

She glanced around the room at my question, and I did too. Everyone here was a part of the family Lenora had gathered. People she cared about, who loved her dearly in return. She reached out, taking Elise and handing it to her husband, before pulling me into a tight hug.

“I’m very happy, Mother.”

I grinned, tears spilling over and soaking into the shoulder of her gown as I held her close. “Good. I love you, Lenora.”

She smiled at that, a pure expression no longer plagued by doubt or fear of caring for others, and answered without hesitation.

“I love you too, Mother.” 

I thought of the life Lenora had once told me about. The one she had lived before this. Where she had died alone, betrayed, despairing. I couldn’t help but wonder about the me that had lived in that lifetime. _Had I loved her then as much as I did now?_

I thought I might have. After all: 

_If I could have one wish in this life… No matter the cost, I would only use it for her happiness._

I couldn’t help but wonder if in that life I had done just that. Stepping back, I looked at the necklace once more, and sighed. Lenora had grown up well, surrounded by friends and family who loved her. She was happy, and was creating her own future hand in hand with those she loved. It was everything I had ever hoped for and more 

My wish, both in this lifetime and the last, had come true.


End file.
